Elevate Mental Health Awareness Scholarship

I flipped through the pages of my altered book, which I had transformed into a creative outlet for my emotions. A page blacked out except for a huddled child, pasted cut-out letters spelling the word “fat,” a wilted flower with torn petals. Suddenly, I was transported back to a time of insecurity and shame. A time of blindly stumbling after the voice inside my head in hopes of shedding a few pounds... When I was first diagnosed with major depressive disorder and anorexia nervosa, I immediately felt angry at the world, at everyone, at myself. Every time I sat down with yet another psychiatrist or therapist or nutritionist, hot fury gushed through my veins. The urge to push them away bubbled beneath my skin. I screamed, I yelled, I cried. It wasn’t fair. Why me? But before long, I had decided I was done. Never again would that voice inside my head control me. I took my frustration and channeled it into something new: motivation. With the help of my loved ones, I fought every whisper inside my head to diet, to hurt myself, to give up on life. Even when the voice screamed not to, I persisted and persevered. It was not a smooth path to recovery. I fell and stumbled and tripped along the way, but picked myself up every time. I was bruised and rattled, yet determined to overcome the next obstacle. Throughout my battle with mental health, I built strong relationships with those around me as I realized I was not alone in my struggle. My parents drove an hour each day to visit me at the hospital and remind me that they were there for me. My friends called me on a regular basis to cheer me up and update me on our middle school gossip. My teachers sacrificed time out of their busy schedules to ensure I was caught up on my work. As my relationships grew stronger, so did my appreciation and gratefulness for my support system. It has been six years since my diagnosis, and I am no longer the scared, insecure little girl I once was. I have fought hard to become who I am now. Someone who eats cake at parties. Who wears bikinis to the pool. Who takes photos with her friends. I have grown to be somebody who loves herself and puts herself out there. I realize that I can never get back the years I lost to my struggle against mental illness, but I can support those facing the same challenges as I once did. As my feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness began to subside, my determination to help those struggling with mental health issues only grew stronger. I shared my story on social media in hopes of ending stigma and raising awareness. I counseled anyone who reached out to show others that it can and will get better. If I could recover, then so could they. My battle has fueled my determination to further show support in my undergraduate experience. At Carnegie Mellon University, I want to continue to spread awareness and push for additional support. My passion for mental health has led me to become the Director of Risk Management and Wellness in my sorority. In my position, I plan to share different mental health resources and services on campus with my sisters, as well as offer assistance to those in need. This desire to help others has grown to influence my goals outside of my extracurriculars. After repeatedly being exposed to adversities and hardships, I started to despise the idea that throughout the world, people were dying from horrible, excruciating conditions. I dreamed of improving the lives of those grappling with diseases and disabilities, whether they be mental or physical. This has ultimately developed my aspiration to enter the biomedical engineering field, where I would be given the opportunity to advance medicine through life-changing innovations, such as a material that reduces the likelihood of aneurysm recurrence or prosthetic arms controlled by the mind. I want to be part of the reason that someone gets to live or is able to pursue their dreams. As time went on, I began to understand that the barriers I faced, although terrifying and unbearable at times, have forced me to grow and mature. Life cannot always be fair. It cannot always be easy. But the challenges that we overcome allow us to gain life skills, attain wisdom and insight, and develop our goals. Without them, life may go smoothly, but it would not be as meaningful as it is now. Today, I can proudly say that I am a survivor of anorexia and depression, and while my struggle with mental health does not define me, it has shaped me into who I am.