Some of us go through unfortunate circumstances in life that leave scars that haunt us every waking minute. Waking up in the morning is a chore, life is bland and at some point, you may find yourself losing the never-ending battle of survival. Substance abuse is an unfortunate coping mechanism that subsides the pain only to create an even larger gaping hole once you’re welcomed back to reality. Recovery to me is finding the courage to fight these demons through sobriety. Recovery is pushing through the pain, prioritizing your mental health, and finding healthy ways to fight the never-ending battles. Recovery is finally feeling everything for what it is, living through the pain without poisoning yourself from the inside out. Recovery is battling the demons within you and finally taking control of your own life. Recovery is looking back at all the trauma you endured and being grateful you lived through it so you could spread awareness to others. It's being grateful for the pain you experienced, and the values and perspective you gained, because without it you wouldn't be the person you are today. Recovery is coming out the other side of addiction with the ability to live a happy and healthy life, one you would have never thought possible without the help of substances. The strength and courage it takes for someone to get sober is a daunting and difficult journey with endless rewards as you finally get to live the life you’ve always dreamed of.

Deciding to prioritize your mental health can be a stepping stone to giving yourself the life you never thought you could have. If I never took that step I would not be here today, as my PTSD, depression, and anxiety were taking an irreversible toll on my mental and physical health. Being in the military I pushed aside my mental health concerns because I feared affecting my career, which had even deeper catastrophic effects. Taking the step to make your mental health a priority truly is the beginning of a new journey in life. Some of us go through unfortunate circumstances in life that leave scars that haunt us every waking minute. My PTSD, depression, and anxiety worked together to negatively impact all aspects of my life to the point where at 25 years old I was tired of life and was very prepared to end it all. I had been in and out of therapy since I was 14 and the only thing I could find to ease the pain temporarily was alcohol. I became infatuated with the first drink of the day, scheduling my days aside from work around alcohol. Six years or so had passed and I found myself with the same habits, the same problems, and the same feelings that had been left unresolved as I drank myself to sleep every night to ignore my pain. I hit rock bottom when I found myself so depressed that I could barely function, and that's when I put the bottle down and decided to prioritize my mental health rather than ignoring it. I made my first appointment with a new therapist and poured myself out to a stranger, and I remember after that appointment I sat in my car crying with relief. For the first time in my adult life, I was hopeful for the future as we had created a plan to pull myself out of the slump I put myself in. It was time for me to face my demons rather than drown them out, and it was time for me to take control of my life. This month I will be one year sober, which Is something I never thought I would ever be able to say. Once I stopped drinking, I started going back to school and completed nearly 60 credit hours toward my degree. I've learned to communicate more efficiently with others and improve personal and professional relationships. Therapy and sobriety were both essential steps to prioritizing my mental health, but taking the step to medicate my diagnosis was a crucial part of putting myself and my health first. Therapy itself has a negative stigma around it, and mental health medication has an even greater negative perception. In the military especially I’ve found that alcoholism has been normalized as people are afraid that seeking mental health treatment will affect their careers. However, medicating my diagnosis saved me and gave me a life I never thought I could have. Sometimes I cry thinking that I lived the way I did for so long, and I'm forever grateful that there are people that spread mental health awareness, which ultimately gave me that push to seek help myself. Now I'm two months pregnant with my first child, continuing to strive towards my degree, have earned an amazing career for myself, and continue pushing to be the best version of myself. Prioritizing your mental health is the best gift anyone can give to themselves, and I applaud anyone who has the courage to take that step.

The last time I saw my biological father he was holding a sign begging for money on an off-ramp in my hometown. After not seeing him for many years I found it ironic that he was still on the same path for my entire childhood, yet at age twenty-six I consider myself very successful in my career field and the cycle I broke, regardless of the unfortunate circumstances I was born into. My father is a drug addict and has been in and out of the jail system more times than I can count. It seemed like every other year he was in jail, and when he was out of jail he was busy destroying the peace of his family. Growing up I saw my paternal great-grandparents and first grandparents try the best they could to help steer my father in the right direction, but time and time again he would go back to his same old ways. I remember being a child and loved going to my great-grandparents because he lived in the upstairs portion of the house. I’d go up to visit him in his living space and it would be filthy, with things laying around that I was ignorant of at the time. Children naturally love their parents regardless, so I would leave him notes in his room hoping to gain some sort of positive interaction with him. One day I went up to visit him to find him utterly consumed by the drugs as he had overdosed. He survived only to continue the same deathly habits, and although I realized then that I’d never have a father, he taught me the most valuable lessons just from his self-destructive lifestyle. I resented him because my mother was very abusive physically and emotionally, and I thought if he hadn’t been so worried about drugs, he could have saved me from the childhood I endured. I finally came to the realization that I was abandoned by my drug-addict father, and I would survive my abusive mother in determination to break the on-going cycle, and so I did. At age nineteen I joined the Air National Guard and became a C-130 aircraft mechanic. With hard work and determination, I became the first female and youngest mechanic my unit hired on full-time. I later became one of the 3% of women to have earned their FAA rated A&P license, opening endless career opportunities for myself in the aviation industry. I now build engines for GE Aerospace as I continue to strive for personal growth and development. I watched my biological father destroy his life with drugs while crushing those around him. I looked at his self-destruction and was determined to survive my childhood so I could become successful in life to spite him and the life I was born into. However, that life came with a lot of traumas including severe PTSD, anxiety, major depression disorder and abandonment issues, which I used alcohol to cope with for most of my adult life. I didn’t realize that I had become an alcoholic until nearly two years ago and have now been sober for one year. The experiences I witnessed and have gone through myself have taught me compassion and have greatly shaped my views and values. No matter where you come from, what misfortunes cross your path, the demons you face, it’s never too late to start over and accomplish your goals. My biggest success has not been the career I built, but the life I outgrew and the cycle I broke as I continue to live a sober life.

My earliest memories of abuse occurred at age six, as I remember my mother throwing me on her bed and smothering my face with a pillow, sitting on it to stop my crying. In first grade, I was doing my homework and could not correctly pronounce the title of a Berstein Bears book as I was stuck on the word "their”. With every mispronunciation I was beat with the wooden spoon my mother was cooking with. She only stopped after realizing she had given me a black eye. At age 9 my mother took my younger sister and I to Disney World with our stepdad. I remember playing with my sister in the backseat on the drive home, and as soon as we got home my mother sent me to my room and had me take my clothes off and lay face-down on my bed. She beat me with a belt to the point where I told myself that Jesus was whipped, and if he could do it so could I. By the time she was finished I had blood running down my back as she sent me to go clean myself up. At age 13 I dreaded summer vacations, or any off days from school because I knew I would be stuck at home. There was a lock on the fridge so food was not always accessible, and I had to eat scraps from the trash can to ease my hunger when my mother left the house. At age 15 I was a very defiant teenager running away from home trying to get myself thrown into jail to escape the unfortunate hell I was born into. Social services eventually got involved and I was court-ordered to go live with my grandparents. I was kicked out once I turned 18. I lived out of my car until an old high school boyfriend offered to let me stay with him. I never left, we got married a year later, and he began to beat me consistently for the next two years we were married. I stayed with him because I couldn’t financially support myself and a part of me felt like that was the only love I deserved. At a very young age I was abused physically, emotionally, and later abused sexually. I suffered extreme PTSD to the point where I became mute as a child, and have continued to suffer from PTSD, depression, and anxiety well into my adulthood. I self-medicated and became a well-functioning alcoholic for many years. Today I'm 26 years old, one year sober, and am striving for goals that would have never been reachable without putting my mental health first. At age 19 I joined the Air National Guard as a C-130 aircraft mechanic. I eventually earned a full-time job with my guard unit and divorced my abusive husband, gaining financial independence. Since then, I’ve earned numerous awards through the military, became the first female aircraft mechanic within my unit, and became part of the 3% of female A&P-rated aircraft mechanics across the country. I now build engines for GE Aerospace and have been attending school full-time to complete my bachelor's degree. Although my experiences were horrific, I wouldn’t replace them for the world because I learned so much about life and values through my trauma. I am the strongest version of myself because of my past with gained perspective and empathy for others. I came to recognize how important it is to manage your mental health as opposed to pushing away your feelings and relying on alcohol as I did for so many years. Putting my mental health first has brought me closer to God, has allowed me to forgive those who caused my trauma, and allowed me to start pushing to be the very best version of myself. Although I spent years as a functioning alcoholic, I didn't start managing my mental health until I earned my job with GE Aerospace and completely moved states, essentially starting completely over. I stopped drinking completely, started going to therapy, and realized that I had a whole life ahead of me that wasn't filled with sadness and grasping onto the events that happened to me. I no longer relive my horrific childhood, I no longer drink myself to sleep at night, and instead I’m living. Managing my mental health was the greatest gift I could have given myself, and I’m forever grateful that I was strong enough to endure my trauma so I could continue working towards a better future. Today I'm continuing to work hard to progress my hard-earned career in aviation while pushing to support mental health efforts. I try putting my traumatic experiences to good use by using my experiences to help other women at a local addiction recovery center. I also raise annual funds for the Angel Tree, donating over $1,500 worth of toys to sponsor children in need during the holidays. My experiences have given me a strong sense of responsibility and the urge to put good into the world and spread kindness as you never know what someone else is going through. At 14 years old I remember waking up every single morning wishing I was dead and wondering why I was still alive, and today I know why. Today I am grateful for the experiences I lived, my sobriety, and my feat in managing my mental health so I could not only better myself but put more good into the world.