Brian J Boley Memorial Scholarship

I have suffered from mental illness for years now. I've been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I also have a family history of mental illness and addiction. My mother suffered from both PTSD and alcohol addiction, and my father also battled an addiction with alcohol, especially after my mother passed away. I've been the target of bullying, from both peers and family members. Despite all the pain I've been forced to suffer through, I plan on studying psychology to become a psychiatrist. I believe it is that suffering that causes me to be interested in becoming a psychiatrist. My mother passed away in September of 2019, and that sent me into a deep depressive episode. I hated myself, and I isolated myself from loved ones. I couldn't focus on anything in school. I'd have frequent breakdowns and panic attacks. I would constantly blame myself for her death. I often felt like I wouldn't be able to function normally ever again. My father started to abuse alcohol as a coping mechanism after my mother passed away. It caused a lot of conflict and turmoil in our family. I got into several arguments and fights with my father over his alcohol abuse. I eventually developed PTSD, in large part due to my father's alcohol addiction. I would have frequent panic attacks whenever I would see him with any alcoholic beverage. I still feel uncomfortable around alcohol to this day. I have thought so many things. I've thought that I was worthless. I've thought that I was a burden to those I loved. I've hated myself. I've thought that the world and those in it would be better off without me. I have been angry. I have been sad. I have been scared. I have been hurt. With all of that being said, I'm still here. I'm happy to still be here. I'm in a much better state of mind than I was years ago. That doesn't mean I don't still have bad days. I sometimes have bad weeks or even months. However, I've learned so much in these past few years. The most important thing I think I've learned is that my life is my own. I decide what to do with my life. I decide what and who I want to be. My mistakes do not define me. My trauma does not define me. I am not perfect, I will never be perfect, and I've made my peace with that. I have learned that I am not responsible for others' misdeeds and that mine do not fully represent me. The thing that I have found the most help in is therapy. I learned to talk to people again. I learned how to love myself. Even if I'm not the best at it sometimes, I can care about myself again. Therapy literally saved my life more than once. If I can be a beacon of hope for even just one person who's in a similar place in life that I was, that would be enough for me. That's why I want to become a psychiatrist. I want to show people that they aren't defined by their negatives alone. I want to show them that they are worthy of life. I want to help them like my therapist helped me.