Over the years, I’ve found that I’ve become incredibly open about my struggles in life. I spent far too long fighting alone and it nearly killed me. I want people to know that there are others who struggle as well and that they are not alone in the world. While I am very open about what I have suffered through, I’ve made the decision to leave out any vivid, gruesome, or specific details that could trigger anyone who reads this. I have battled a number of mental illnesses and deadly addictions. I’ve nearly lost my life because of it. A large part of my high school experience was taken away due to prolonged hospitalizations. I’ve stayed in psychiatric hospitals on several occasions. I’ve met people in there that became incredibly close to me. It was almost like a trauma bond. I’ve also had many dear friends and family suffer mental illnesses as well. Several of these people lost the battle against their mind. Oftentimes, I find myself looking back into my relationships with friends and family. I ask myself impossible questions. What could I have done different? Did I do enough? Could I have saved them? Were they too far gone? How did I miss the signs? We can ask ourselves these questions on repeat. We can spend our entire lives trying to figure out the answer, trying to find someone or something to blame. But in reality, no one is to blame for suicide. It took me until my most recent suicide attempt to finally realize that maybe it doesn’t always have to be this way, and that maybe I had another purpose in life. Suicide is an epidemic. Resources for mental illness are often costly, scarce, and even sometimes discouraged. Although society has begun to talk more openly about mental illness, far too many people are still suffering alone. Many people feel hopeless, as if there are no other options; but that is never the case. Psychological research has found so many physiological treatments that have been effective at treating depression. I want to be able to give more people access to these treatments and help prove that suicide is not the answer. This is why I aspire to become a psychiatrist. I want more people to have access to the help and resources that they deserve. I want to help people see that there is hope. Today, I no longer hide who I am; I no longer cover up my scars; I no longer shut people out. My scars tell my story, and it is one I’m no longer ashamed of. No one deserves to suffer, and no one should be ashamed of their suffering. I let my voice represent anyone who has ever struggled against their own mind. Mental illness is an ongoing battle. While I have not yet overcome my battle against mental illness, I get closer every day. It is exhausting, but worth it. I know how I’m going to help others see that too.

After being admitted into an inpatient treatment facility for months on end, I was traumatized beyond recognition. It was the lowest point of my life, I somehow came out worse than going in. With this experience, I want to make a change. I want to help people. I plan on opening my own mental health treatment facility, and eventually change the systematic treatment of mental illness as a whole. I work everyday to prevent as many people as I can from experiencing what I did. My long term plans for helping people are extensive. I want to get accepted into an MD-PHD program and ultimately become a psychiatrist and psychologist. With these qualifications, I’ll be able to diagnose, treat, and provide quality psychotherapy. I want to give others what I never got myself. I would be able to conduct life changing research, and work individually with sufferers of mental illness and disorders. This journey is going to be a long and incredibly difficult one. It will take years of intense schooling, experience, and dedication. But I’m certain that this is my path in life. It will be physically and emotionally exhausting, but if anyone can do it, it’s me. I know it’ll be worth it.

I grew up in an abusive household. I constantly feared the consequences of speaking up. I was terrified to advocate for myself, and to share my side of the story. When I finally got the courage, my life changed. My abused was so shocked that I was fighting back, he gave up. Quickly, this new part of myself began to spread to other things in my life, and I found myself advocating for others and not just myself. This was scary at first, but I realized that whatever fear I had was insignificant compared to the fear others experience as a result of discrimination and prejudice. I’ve lived in Utah my whole life, I live in a small town. There’s very little diversity here, so you can imagine what it’s like for the minorities. A lot of kids here are cruel. I have multiple friends who are BIPOC, and I’ve stood by them as they’ve been called racial slurs, had property destroyed, and been both physically and emotionally attacked. It’s completely unacceptable. I couldn’t change peoples actions, but I could spread awareness and fight for change. I could challenge peoples beliefs, and call them out on their inexcusable prejudices. So that’s what I’ve had to learn to do. This was also the case for some of my friends in the LGBTQ+ community. They lived in constant fear of being attacked in some way. That fear was valid, it happened on several occasions. I may be privileged, but I fight every day to protect people in minorities. I will never stop standing up for things that I know aren’t right, I will never stop fighting for social issues that truly matter.

I think the biggest thing that gives me hope is how far things have come from where they used to be. Throughout history, mental illness has been treated as a curse, and those suffering from it have been demonized. From the isolation in mental hospitals to lobotomizing people, electrocution, ice baths, and even being shown off like zoo animals (Bedlam Royal hospital, 1750), treatment has been inhumane. But as a society we are finally starting to stray away from those treatments, and support people suffering from mental illness with compassion and empathy. It’s incredible to see the schools in my state making such an effort to combat mental illness. We’ve set up support groups, clubs, spread resources, and have created a more empathetic, open, and living student body. Growing up, this was never a thing. I struggled silently and it almost took my life. I can’t help but wonder how many lives have been saved by there things being implemented. Of course there’s always going to be bullies, cliques, and discrimination. But we are slowly beginning to change that, and urging the majority of- not just the student population- but society as a whole to become more accepting. My current generation has its flaws, but we are the future. And we’re making the world know it. My peers and I fight every day to make a better future for ourselves and everyone around us. My friends surrounding me are in the minority groups. I’ve stood beside them as they’ve been called racial slurs, been bullied, had their hair pulled, and even gotten water thrown in their faces for holding the hand of their same sex partner. These things were always horrific, and I could never imagine the fear that they experienced with these circumstances. But that’s why my community and I continue fighting. We fight for them, for their well being. It isn’t the majority of the people in this world that give me hope, it’s the individuals who are fighting for change, fighting for the future, and fighting to make a difference in the world. I have hope because whenever I find myself doubting humanity, someone incredible does something life changing. As we spread more awareness about social issues, people are becoming more receptive to the struggles that different groups face. Slowly, we are becoming more supportive and we are finding ways to make things better. We certainly have a long way to go. But we’ve come so far from where we were regarding social issues. I don’t just have hope, I have confidence, that people will continue growing.

There was a point where I was working myself to the bone; with 30 hours of school a week, four hours of studying a night, 23 hours of work each week, and compulsively exercising 15 hours a week to the point of heart failure. I knew something had to change, because this wasn’t sustainable and was literally killing me. There was no self care in my life, I was exhausted physically and emotionally. After being forced into an inpatient facility for the first half of freshman year, I was given no choice but to slow down in life and not work myself so hard. Coming home was hard, because I constantly found myself slipping back into old habits. I’m still a hard worker, and probably work harder than I should. But now it’s balanced with self care. I have a good relationship with food and exercise. It makes me feel good and brings me joy, gives me energy. I’m able to sleep at night, and not cry over everything. I have a better relationship with my family, I’m able to play games with them without being scared of not studying. I can give my two cats and my tarantula the attention they deserve. I’m in a better place now, and able to help others because I helped myself first. And in fact, helping others helps me as well. Right now, my favorite thing is social media, which at one point was toxic in my life. While social media is bad for a lot of people, it gives me a sense of accomplishment. I’m able to use my platform to advocate for minorities, be invested in current news, and support others in every way I can. Self care has changed my life, and I probably wouldn’t be here without it.

Right now, the only thing motivating me is my future. My depression makes it difficult to get out of bed every morning. But I still do it. It’s hard to stay motivated, but I have to remind myself why I’m doing what I am. I plan on graduating high school with my AS, and getting my undergraduate in Psychology. My long term academic plan is to get accepted into a MD-PHD program, and become a both a psychologist and psychiatrist. I want both the psychological background to provide quality psychotherapy, and the medical background to diagnose, treat, and make a significant difference in the lives of individuals suffering from mental illness. I want to start my own treatment center, and provide to patients what I myself was never given. I’m not ignorant to the fact that this will take an immense amount of dedication. This journey is going to be long, so long. But it’ll be so worth it. And if anyone can do it, it’s me. After my two month long traumatic experience in inpatient, I’ve become obsessed with preventing my experience from happening to anyone else. By simply reaching out to people, actively helping them, and advocating for more humane systematic treatment of mental health, I won’t deny that I’ve made a huge difference, but I’m going to continue. Knowing my plans for the future is what keeps me going. I’m motivated by the amount of people I’ll be able to help. I just have to keep going.

I’ve always wanted to help people in some way. In grade school, I would go out of my way to help other kids, tutor, mentor, coach, referee, just reach out in general, I even saved a few lives while I was at it. These experiences aside, one meaningful thing I’ve done to help my community and society as a whole was to join 7 cups of tea. It’s an online volunteer service. I became a listener, which required extensive training. After doing this for years, I became verified as one of the top quality listeners on the service. Ive had over 700 ongoing conversations with people in need of support. The members who are part of this app are often in a lot of mental distress. Being there for them when no one else is feels so good. I’m able to help so many people, advocate for them, help them advocate for themselves, and even prevent suicide. Being a volunteer for 7 cups has been life changing, it give me so much purpose to help so many people, it also solidified my decision to become a psychiatrist, and continue to help others.

I’ve had a long battle. I’ve battled abuse, trauma, depression and anxiety, among other severe mental disorders for over 6 years. I’m this time, I’ve had multiple experiences where I was on death’s door, where I genuinely thought that I wouldn’t survive. Well I did, obviously. After years of suffering, I was given a second chance. I’m happy to be alive, to have survived. I’m happy to now be able to experience the little things in life. To wake up, to feel the cold, pet my cat, see my family. I’m happy that I can continue my long and exhausting road of education, I’m happy I get to experience stress and feel down, because it’ll only make me stronger. My most recent suicide attempt left me filling with regret, for how I lived the majority of my life in mental anguish. That’s why I chose to make a change. I chose to fight for my life, to heal from my demons. I’m so happy I chose to do this. I still have bad days, I still get sad, stressed, and cry. I cry a lot. But I’m human, these are human experiences. What matters is that I’m changing, healing. Once again, I’m happy I got a second chance. I’m using this second chance to change myself, and to touch the lives of many others. I want to be a psychiatrist, and support the healing of so many other people. Helping people brings me more joy and internal completion than anything.

I’ve battled mental illnesses since grade school. The first time I sought out help for my issues was three years ago. First it was medications, then therapy, then inpatient. I’ve seen numerous professionals, been labeled as treatment resistant, defiant, and told I’ll never recover. Even been told I’m a lost cause. After I stayed in inpatient the entire first half of freshman year, I no longer wanted to get better. They gaslighted me and told me I wasn’t good enough, that my suffering wasn’t bad enough to get better. This changed me. I wanted to stay ill, to stay sick. I felt like I was completely invalid. I did everything in my power to feel valid in my suffering, and the only way to do that was to become as bad as I could. The irony is that I continued to reach out for help, expecting someone to save me. I was so miserable. I tried so many different treatments and nothing helped. I was actively working against the treatment, trying to prove to people that I was ill, and that I did deserve to get better. But I had all along, I was ill the whole time. My suffering was severe, but it only took a few people to make me doubt that. One day I just had enough. It was until then, that I realized that I had to put in the work, that no one would save me until I made an effort. Today, I’m making an effort, and things have changed more than I could’ve ever imagined. Now, my long term academic plan is to get accepted into medical school and become a psychiatrist. I want to help people in the ways that no one helped me.

Even from a very young age, I’ve always struggled with my mental health. It had always been bad, but when covid hit, my world turned upside down. I feel victim to severe anorexia, to the point where I was hospitalized for the first half of freshman year. The hospital traumatized me, it made me feel more inferior than ever. I truly felt worthless. That feeling went on for a long time, and caused multiple suicide attempts. I began working myself to the bone with school and work. I became desperate to find something that made me feel complete. While the hospital I stayed at did indeed traumatize me, it also changed me long term. Although I’m still a high achiever and a motivated student, I allow myself room for mistakes. I’m no longer the perfectionist that I was, I’ve learned that I’m truly an extraordinary human being. I always have been. Knowing this is what keeps me going , it’s keeping me motivated, and allowing myself kindness that I’ve never experienced before. Occasionally, I find myself slipping back into old patterns, but I remind myself that it’s okay to make mistakes. That no one is perfect, and one can be an inspirational human being and still make mistakes. I now want to be a doctor and help people in the ways I was never helped. I want to turn my extreme hard working tendencies into something life changing, life saving.

I battled depression and anxiety, among other severe mental disorders for over 6 years. I’m this time, I’ve had multiple experiences where I was on death’s door, where I genuinely thought that I wouldn’t survive. Well I did, obviously. After years of suffering, I was given a second chance. I’m happy to be alive, to have survived. I’m happy to now be able to experience the little things in life. To wake up, to feel the cold, pet my cat, see my family. I’m happy that I can continue my long and exhausting road of education, I’m happy I get to experience stress and feel down, because it’ll only make me stronger. My most recent suicide attempt left me filling with regret, for how I lived the majority of my life in mental anguish. That’s why I chose to make a change. I chose to fight for my life, to heal from my demons. I’m so happy I chose to do this. I still have bad days, I still get sad, stressed, and cry. I cry a lot. But I’m human, these are human experiences. What matters is that I’m changing, healing. Once again, I’m happy I got a second chance. I’m using this second chance to change myself, and to touch the lives of many others. I want to be a psychiatrist, and support the healing of so many other people.

I’ve always wanted to help people in some way. I’m grade school, I would go out of my way to help other kids, tutor, mentor, coach, ref, just reach out in general, I even saved a few lives while I was at it. These experiences aside, one meaningful thing I’ve done to help my community and society as a whole was to join 7 cups of tea. It’s an online volunteer service. I became a listener, which required extensive training. After doing this for years, I became verified as one of the top quality listeners on the service. Ive had over 700 ongoing conversations with people in need of support. The members who are part of this app are often in a lot of mental distress. Being there for them when no one else is feels so good. I’m able to help so many people, advocate for them, help them advocate for themselves, and even prevent suicide. Being a volunteer for 7 cups has been life changing, it give me so much purpose to help so many people, it also solidified my decision to become a psychiatrist.

One of my simple pleasures is petting my cat. I was in the hospital when my cat of 10+ years was killed by a car. She spent the last 4 months of her life thinking I abandoned her. When I got out, it took me courage, but I got another cat. I named her Echo. The reason for naming her Echo, was a reminder, that despite the loss we go through in life, our loved ones will always Echo in our hearts. Petting her makes me happy, simply because I have a chance to be happy, she brings me joy. She makes me feel loved, needed, valued. She also reminds me that no feeling is forever, that things will always get better. Another one of my simple pleasures is waking up every morning. After surviving multiple health crises, and thinking I wouldn’t live through it, I’ve been given a second chance at life. Waking up everyday reminds me of this second chance, and to live every moment to the fullest. But the best thing, is waking up next to Echo.

I’ve been through endless trauma, and have battled debilitating mental illness for years. I spent the first half of freshman year in a psychiatric institution. This experience overall traumatized me and I came out worse than I went in. I won’t go into details, but the staff and patients were manipulative, toxic, abusive, and gaslighted me beyond recognition. It has become my goal in life to prevent people from experiencing what I did in terms of mental health treatment. I want to give people the opportunities that I never had, give them the care I never received. Sufferers of mental illness deserve so much more than abusive treatment justified by helpless circumstances. I volunteer, and plan to volunteer more. This includes being a verified listener on 7 cups of tea, where you are trained to provide support to people who financially can’t afford therapy, need additional support, or simply need a shoulder to lean on. I advocate for people, and encourage people to advocate for themselves. This experience has taught me so much about the value of having somebody to talk to. I’m going to start volunteering at the hospital this summer, as well as become a care technician for children with developmental disabilities. My life long goal to help people is to become a psychiatrist. I want to help people heal from their mental inhibitions, and once again, give people hope for the future. Eventually I want to open my own psychiatric care facility. I will work hard every day to give people a second chance at life, and the opportunity to live how they deserve. Happy.

I plan on graduating high school with my associates degree, and obtaining a 4.0 GPA in the process. After that, I want to be accepted to the U of U honors college for my undergraduate degree in psychology. I’d love to be accepted into the honors program, to develop a deeper understanding of material, as well as get lots of research experience. I really think it could help me get a more rounded education in general. I aspire to maintain the 4.0 GPA. After that, I want to be accepted into U of U medical school. It’s a great, in state program that I think would be incredibly challenging but so fulfilling once it’s over. I plan on shadowing numerous physicians throughout the rest of high school and college, get more research experience, and become a medical assistant in college in order to get some good patient interaction. I’m actually really excited to shadow physicians, and learn what they do on a daily basis, how it’s done, and what it’s like. I also plan on volunteering at the hospital, starting this summer. I want to be a psychiatrist. It’ll be a long and grueling process, but I want to be able to diagnose and play a critical part in treatment for mental illnesses and disorders. I want to provide patients with the care that I wish I had received when I was struggling mentally. Ultimately, I want to own and run my own treatment facility. It’ll be a place of kindness and healing. I want to treat suffering patients with the kindness they deserve.

When I was in the depths of my eating disorder, I was on my death bed. My heart was so weak that I was terrified it would stop at any moment. My muscles were so atrophied that I could hardly even walk. I was put on bed rest for days on end, unable to exercise. Exercising compulsively had been a huge part of how my eating disorder became so deadly. I would stay up until four in the morning every day working out, on top of 28 hours of competitive high school soccer per week. I had no idea that I would one day develop a healthy relationship with exercise. Weightlifting saved my life. It provided me with a way to get my health back in line. Instead of focusing on getting smaller, I focused on getting stronger, becoming the best version of myself. I even reversed my osteopenia diagnosis. Weightlifting and bodybuilding transformed my relationship with food and exercise. I became fit and healthy. I am able to eat well, and still enjoy an occasional “fun” meal without guilt. I think that everyone can become healthy, and fit, and have a healthy relationship with food, exercise, and body image. Being active is a huge component in fighting depression and other mental health problems. No matter what it is, if you can find a way to be active that you love, it will change your life.

I’ve battled mental illnesses since grade school. The first time I sought out help for my issues was three years ago. First it was medications, then therapy, then inpatient. I’ve seen numerous professionals, been labeled as treatment resistant, defiant, and told I’ll never recover. Even been told I’m a lost cause. After my two month long, traumatic inpatient stay, I no longer wanted to get better. They gaslighted me and told me I wasn’t good enough, that my suffering wasn’t bad enough to get better. This changed me. I wanted to stay ill, to stay sick. I felt like I was completely invalid. I did everything in my power to feel valid in my suffering, and the only way to do that was to become as bad as I could. The irony is that I continued to reach out for help, expecting someone to save me. I was so miserable. I tried so many different treatments and nothing helped. I was actively working against the treatment, trying to prove to people that I was ill, and that I did deserve to get better. But I had all along, I was ill the whole time. My suffering was severe, but it only took a few people to make me doubt that. One day I just had enough. It was until then, that I realized that I had to put in the work, that no one would save me until I made an effort. Today, I’m making an effort, and things have changed more than I could’ve ever imagined. I’ve become obsessed with preventing my experience from happening to anyone else. Now, my long term academic plan is to get accepted into medical school, and become a psychiatrist. I could’ve never imagined how my experiences were to change my life goals.

I remember even as a kid I was obsessed with doing whatever I could to help the environment. I never read fiction, it was always animal books, climate change books, and learning about the environment. Education was always a big deal to me. Growing up, helping the environment was my greatest passion. I would plant as many trees as I could, I took the shortest showers as possible, and even forced my parents to get a recycling bin. I think currently, our greatest asset in positive environmental change is education. So many people are left ignorant to what impact they have on the environment. They don’t understand what they’re doing, and what happens when they do things. No teenager I have ever come across has had knowledge of their carbon footprint, greenhouse gases, or water regulation. If we educate these things to people at a young age, we can make a huge difference in the health of our environment. I work everyday to educate my peers about the ecosystem, and how we can do our part to fight climate change. I take practice to lessen greenhouse gas emission, and encourage my peers and family to do the same. Nature means everything to me, as it should for us all. After all, that’s why we’re all alive and breathing.

My gratitude is for being alive. I remember the night of my first suicide attempt. I was terrified, shaking uncontrollably, mourning for my family. I genuinely thought I wouldn’t wake up. I now wake up every day, so grateful that I survived. I remember in the depths of my eating disorder, I felt the same way as I did the night of my first attempt. My heart was so weak I thought it would stop beating any minute. Now, I wake up everyday grateful that I fought, grateful that I survived. There were so many instances, from various suicide attempts, to extreme medical complications from my eating disorder, that I thought I would die. I’m still here, and for that, I am grateful everyday. Since these things occurred, I have promised I would be better, that I would work harder, that I would fight my struggles everyday, that I would make the most of my life. I’ve taken advantage of a second chance. I now plan on attending medical school and becoming a psychiatrist. I will give patients the treatment I never got myself. I will save lives, and I will continue to fight against the mental illness that wreaks havoc on so many lives.

I want my legacy to be healing people. When I was hospitalized for months because of many severe mental illnesses, the staff, the patients, and even family were cruel. They all blamed me for what I was going through. Staff members were verbally abusive, screaming, healing, and demanding things of me. I’ll never forget what one of the nurses said. “It’s your own fault you’re in here, you chose this, you did this to your family. You have no right to complain.” Even other patients, who were going through the same things, seemed to blame me. Regardless of who you are, mental illness is not a choice. Nobody chooses to be unwell, to be unstable, and to be miserable. My legacy will be my work as a psychiatrist, my legacy will be how many people I’ve helped recover from their mental illnesses. I want to start my own treatment center, and provide to patients what I myself was never given, proper care and kindness. People deserve a place to heal, not be beaten down for suffering.

“It doesn’t always get better, you just get stronger.” From losing our home, enduring abuse, to battling crippling mental illnesses and even being hospitalized because of it. Life is hard, anyone can tell you that. Life will always be hard. Nothing circumstantial in my life has changed. It has all come from within. There’s still traumas looming over me, the constant abuse and put downs, health issues, and ailments in general. The thing is, that the more trauma you endure, the stronger you become. Trauma is life changing, but we have a choice. We can choose to be wounded or awakened because of it. After years of dwelling in sorrow, I finally had enough and chose to begin the healing process. I chose for my experiences to help me grow in ways unimaginable. I’ve become obsessed with preventing my experience from happening to anyone else. By simply reaching out to people, actively helping them, and advocating for more humane systematic treatment of mental health, I’ve made a huge difference. I now have long term plans of becoming a psychiatrist and opening my own psychiatric treatment facility. I want to help others in the ways that no one helped me. I want to help people grow and become stronger.

From losing our home, enduring abuse, to battling crippling mental illnesses and even being hospitalized because of it, my experiences have shaped me in ways unimaginable. I’ve battled mental illnesses for years, since grade school. My first suicide attempt was in fourth grade. I felt like I was spiraling out of control. The first time I sought out help for my issues was three years ago. At first it was medications, then therapy, and then inpatient. I’ve seen a total of 12 therapists/psychologists, and 7 psychiatrists. I’ve been labeled as treatment resistant, defiant, and told I’ll never recover. Professionals have told me I’m a lost cause. After my two month long, traumatic inpatient stay, I no longer wanted to get better. They gaslighted me and told me I wasn’t good enough, that my suffering wasn’t bad enough to get better. This changed me. I wanted to stay ill, to stay sick. I felt as though I was completely invalid. I did everything in my power to feel valid in my suffering, and the only way to do that was to become as bad as I could. The irony is that I continued to reach out for help, expecting someone to save me. I was miserable, all the time. I tried so many different treatments and nothing helped. I was actively working against the treatment, trying to prove to people that I was ill, and that I did deserve to get better. But I had all along, I was ill the whole time. My suffering was severe, but it only took a few people to make me doubt that. One day I just had enough. It was until then, that I realized that I had to put in the work, that no one would save me until I made an effort. Learning this changed my entire life, and I am no longer the sad, miserable, depressed girl who did everything in her power to get worse. Now, I’m making an effort, and things have changed more than I could’ve ever imagined. I’ve become obsessed with preventing my experience from happening to anyone else. By simply reaching out to people, actively helping them, and advocating for more humane systematic treatment of mental health, I won’t deny that I’ve made a huge difference. But that’s not enough yet. Whether my toxic perfectionism and obsessive drive to succeed was shaped from gaslighting, simply innate, or maybe a combination of both, it’s still there. I now want to change lives. I want to help others in the ways that no one helped me, that has always been the goal. My long term academic plan is to get accepted into a MD-PHD program, and become a both a psychologist and psychiatrist. I want both the psychological background to provide quality psychotherapy, and the medical background to diagnose, treat, and make a significant difference in the lives of individuals suffering from mental illness. I want to start my own treatment center, and provide to patients what I myself was never given. I’m not ignorant to the fact that this will take an immense amount of dedication. This journey is going to be long, so long. But it’ll be so worth it. And if anyone can do it, it’s me.

From losing our home, enduring abuse, to battling crippling mental illnesses and even being hospitalized because of it, my experiences have shaped me in ways unimaginable. I’ve battled mental illnesses for years, since grade school. My first suicide attempt was in fourth grade. I felt like I was spiraling out of control. The first time I sought out help for my issues was three years ago. At first it was medications, then therapy, and then inpatient. I’ve seen a total of 12 therapists/psychologists, and 7 psychiatrists. I’ve been labeled as treatment resistant, defiant, and told I’ll never recover. Professionals have told me I’m a lost cause. After my two month long, traumatic inpatient stay, I no longer wanted to get better. They gaslighted me and told me I wasn’t good enough, that my suffering wasn’t bad enough to get better. This changed me. I wanted to stay ill, to stay sick. I felt as though I was completely invalid. I did everything in my power to feel valid in my suffering, and the only way to do that was to become as bad as I could. The irony is that I continued to reach out for help, expecting someone to save me. I was miserable, all the time. I tried so many different treatments and nothing helped. I was actively working against the treatment, trying to prove to people that I was ill, and that I did deserve to get better. But I had all along, I was ill the whole time. My suffering was severe, but it only took a few people to make me doubt that. One day I just had enough. It was until then, that I realized that I had to put in the work, that no one would save me until I made an effort. Learning this changed my entire life, and I am no longer the sad, miserable, depressed girl who did everything in her power to get worse. Now, I’m making an effort, and things have changed more than I could’ve ever imagined. I’ve become obsessed with preventing my experience from happening to anyone else. By simply reaching out to people, actively helping them, and advocating for more humane systematic treatment of mental health, I won’t deny that I’ve made a huge difference. But that’s not enough yet. Whether my toxic perfectionism and obsessive drive to succeed was shaped from gaslighting, simply innate, or maybe a combination of both, it’s still there. I now want to change lives. I want to help others in the ways that no one helped me, that has always been the goal. My long term academic plan is to get accepted into a MD-PHD program, and become a both a psychologist and psychiatrist. I want both the psychological background to provide quality psychotherapy, and the medical background to diagnose, treat, and make a significant difference in the lives of individuals suffering from mental illness. I want to start my own treatment center, and provide to patients what I myself was never given. I’m not ignorant to the fact that this will take an immense amount of dedication. This journey is going to be long, so long. But it’ll be so worth it. And if anyone can do it, it’s me. People deserve someone who will fight for them. Simply being human means that you deserve respect, love, kindness. But so many people don’t realize that. That will change, I will make sure of it.

From losing our home, enduring abuse, to battling crippling mental illnesses and even being hospitalized because of it, my experiences have shaped me in ways unimaginable. I’ve battled mental illnesses for years, since grade school. My first suicide attempt was in fourth grade. I felt like I was spiraling out of control. The first time I sought out help for my issues was three years ago. At first it was medications, then therapy, and then inpatient. I’ve seen a total of 12 therapists/psychologists, and 7 psychiatrists. I’ve been labeled as treatment resistant, defiant, and told I’ll never recover. Professionals have told me I’m a lost cause. After my two month long, traumatic inpatient stay, I no longer wanted to get better. They gaslighted me and told me I wasn’t good enough, that my suffering wasn’t bad enough to get better. This changed me. I wanted to stay ill, to stay sick. I felt as though I was completely invalid. I did everything in my power to feel valid in my suffering, and the only way to do that was to become as bad as I could. The irony is that I continued to reach out for help, expecting someone to save me. I was miserable, all the time. I tried so many different treatments and nothing helped. I was actively working against the treatment, trying to prove to people that I was ill, and that I did deserve to get better. But I had all along, I was ill the whole time. My suffering was severe, but it only took a few people to make me doubt that. One day I just had enough. It was until then, that I realized that I had to put in the work, that no one would save me until I made an effort. Learning this changed my entire life, and I am no longer the sad, miserable, depressed girl who did everything in her power to get worse. Now, I’m making an effort, and things have changed more than I could’ve ever imagined. I’ve become obsessed with preventing my experience from happening to anyone else. By simply reaching out to people, actively helping them, and advocating for more humane systematic treatment of mental health, I won’t deny that I’ve made a huge difference. But that’s not enough yet. Whether my toxic perfectionism and obsessive drive to succeed was shaped from gaslighting, simply innate, or maybe a combination of both, it’s still there. I now want to change lives. I want to help others in the ways that no one helped me, that has always been the goal. My long term academic plan is to get accepted into a MD-PHD program, and become a both a psychologist and psychiatrist. I want both the psychological background to provide quality psychotherapy, and the medical background to diagnose, treat, and make a significant difference in the lives of individuals suffering from mental illness. I want to start my own treatment center, and provide to patients what I myself was never given. I’m not ignorant to the fact that this will take an immense amount of dedication. This journey is going to be long, so long. But it’ll be so worth it. And if anyone can do it, it’s me.

From losing our home, enduring abuse, to battling crippling mental illnesses and even being hospitalized because of it, my experiences have shaped me in ways unimaginable. I’ve battled mental illnesses for years, since grade school. My first suicide attempt was in fourth grade. I felt like I was spiraling out of control. The first time I sought out help for my issues was three years ago. At first it was medications, then therapy, and then inpatient. I’ve seen a total of 12 therapists/psychologists, and 7 psychiatrists. I’ve been labeled as treatment resistant, defiant, and told I’ll never recover. Professionals have told me I’m a lost cause. After my two month long, traumatic inpatient stay, I no longer wanted to get better. They gaslighted me and told me I wasn’t good enough, that my suffering wasn’t bad enough to get better. This changed me. I wanted to stay ill, to stay sick. I felt as though I was completely invalid. I did everything in my power to feel valid in my suffering, and the only way to do that was to become as bad as I could. The irony is that I continued to reach out for help, expecting someone to save me. I was miserable, all the time. I tried so many different treatments and nothing helped. I was actively working against the treatment, trying to prove to people that I was ill, and that I did deserve to get better. But I had all along, I was ill the whole time. My suffering was severe, but it only took a few people to make me doubt that. One day I just had enough. It was until then, that I realized that I had to put in the work, that no one would save me until I made an effort. Learning this changed my entire life, and I am no longer the sad, miserable, depressed girl who did everything in her power to get worse. Now, I’m making an effort, and things have changed more than I could’ve ever imagined. I’ve become obsessed with preventing my experience from happening to anyone else. By simply reaching out to people, actively helping them, and advocating for more humane systematic treatment of mental health, I won’t deny that I’ve made a huge difference. But that’s not enough yet. Whether my toxic perfectionism and obsessive drive to succeed was shaped from gaslighting, simply innate, or maybe a combination of both, it’s still there. I now want to change lives. I want to help others in the ways that no one helped me, that has always been the goal. My long term academic plan is to get accepted into a MD-PHD program, and become a both a psychologist and psychiatrist. I want both the psychological background to provide quality psychotherapy, and the medical background to diagnose, treat, and make a significant difference in the lives of individuals suffering from mental illness. I want to start my own treatment center, and provide to patients what I myself was never given. I’m not ignorant to the fact that this will take an immense amount of dedication. This journey is going to be long, so long. But it’ll be so worth it. And if anyone can do it, it’s me.

I’ve learned that any self improvement comes from within. I’ve battled mental illnesses for years. I’ve been labeled as treatment resistant, defiant, and told I’ll never recover. I’ve been labeled as a lost cause by many professionals. However, that was only for the time being. I had never wanted to recover. I wanted to stay ill, to stay sick. I felt as though I was invalid. Whether that stemmed from innate stubbornness, or trauma, I’ll never know. But I did everything in my power to feel valid in my suffering, and the only way to do that was to become as bad as I could. The irony is that I continued to reach out for help, expecting someone to save me. I was miserable, all the time. I tried so many different treatments and nothing helped. But it was all my fault, and I don’t say that to play the victim. I was actively working against the treatment. One say I just had enough. It was until then, that I realized that I had to put in the work, that no one would save me until I made an effort. Learning this changed my entire life, and I am no longer the sad, miserable, depressed girl who did everything in her power to get worse. Now, I’m making an effort, and things have changed more than I could’ve ever imagined.

Planning ahead is essential in financial success. Don’t get me wrong, it’s okay to not know what lies ahead. Life is a journey and it’s unpredictable. Not everyone will discover their calling early on. However, there is a great advantage in knowing what you want to do, where you want to be, early in life. There are always things you can do to influence the future. Whether it be something as simple as researching, to even early investments. The economy is ever changing, nobody knows what will happen. But you can always prepare yourself for what life throws at you.

My friends and family are what make me whole. They were there for me in the darkest times of my life. I do my best to write them letters, send texts, and give them gifts to let them know how much I appreciate them. I’ll go out of my way to help anyone. Being human means being deserving of kindness and respect no matter who you are or what you’ve done. My long term plans for helping people are extensive. I want to get accepted into an MD-PHD program and ultimately become a psychiatrist and psychologist. With these qualifications, I’ll be able to diagnose, treat, and provide quality psychotherapy. I want to give others what I never got myself. I would be able to conduct life changing research, and work individually with sufferers of mental illness and disorders. After being admitted into an inpatient treatment facility for months on end, I was traumatized beyond recognition. It was the lowest point of my life, I somehow came out worse than going in. With this experience, I want to make a change. I want to help people. I plan on opening my own mental health treatment facility, and eventually change the systematic treatment of mental illness as a whole. I work everyday to prevent as many people as I can from experiencing what I did.

My favorite hobby currently is volunteering through 7 cups of tea. I’ve been a volunteer since 2019. It’s an online service that consists of members and listeners. To become a listener, which is what I am, you go through extensive training. It provides an opportunity for people struggling to have someone to listen to them. I first got on this site as a member, struggling hardcore emotionally. After realizing how incredible the site was, I became a listener. I’ve dedicated hundreds of hours to this volunteer opportunity over the years. Another hobby I have is the gym. I’ve suffered with severe anorexia since middle school. I was hospitalized for months because of it. The sports I’ve played since I was a kid taught me teamwork and dedication, but it always left me feeling insecure and inadequate. I always felt like I wasn’t good enough and that I was letting my team, coaches, and family down. I had to stop due to medical reasons caused by anorexia, but I’ve stayed away for my own mental health. The gym is a place I can go for myself. It has taught me the value of doing things for myself, without the fear of letting anyone else down. It’s the one thing in my life that im doing for myself, not just for others. Weight lifting has forced me to practice patience, and the rewards are life long. I’ve even reversed most of the damage that my eating disorder caused me.

From losing our home, enduring abuse, to battling crippling mental illnesses and even being hospitalized because of it, my experiences have shaped me in ways unimaginable. Whether my toxic perfectionism and obsessive drive to succeed was shaped from childhood gaslighting, simply innate, or maybe a combination of both, it’s still there. I want to change lives. I want to help others in the ways that no one helped me, that has always been the goal. After my two month long traumatic experience in inpatient, I’ve become obsessed with preventing my experience from happening to anyone else. By simply reaching out to people, actively helping them, and advocating for more humane systematic treatment of mental health, I won’t deny that I’ve made a huge difference. But that’s not enough yet. My long term academic plan is to get accepted into a MD-PHD program, and become a both a psychologist and psychiatrist. I want both the psychological background to provide quality psychotherapy, and the medical background to diagnose, treat, and make a significant difference in the lives of individuals suffering from mental illness. I want to start my own treatment center, and provide to patients what I myself was never given. I’m not ignorant to the fact that this will take an immense amount of dedication. This journey is going to be long, so long. But it’ll be so worth it. And if anyone can do it, it’s me.