Mental health is something that I have been impacted by my entire life. I saw this scholarship and was immediately intrigued because my mom's name was Attie Hayes. She did not take her life; however, she did end it before her time by succumbing to her addiction. For my entire life, my mom was an alcoholic. She struggled with depression, which aided her addiction in ending her life over time. Two years ago, in my senior year of high school, my mom died. She drank herself to death and ended up with liver cirrhosis and renal failure. On October 23rd, 2022, I was the one who discovered her lifeless body on the living room floor of my childhood home. Since her death, I have struggled immensely with anxiety and depression as well as frequent panic attacks. This has greatly impacted my life in many ways, starting with no longer having a mom. My mom was not only a mother, but also one of my best friends. My mom's mom, Edith Hayes, passed away when my mom was just six years old, due to breast cancer. Having grown up with no maternal figure, my mom knew nothing about being a mother or really about being a woman. She didn't know how to do hair or makeup and she didn't like the word "period", but she tried her absolute best to make sure that I was prepared for womanhood. One of the things that she taught me that I think is most important is to be independent. My mom had a hard life growing up and because of that, she did not have good opportunities when she became an adult. She ended up becoming a stay at home mom with no job or any college experience. When my brother and I were finally old enough, she tried to get a job and wanted to go back to school, but it was so much work and she ended up falling into a drinking habit. She had to rely on my dad for everything, money, food, a place to live, childcare, etc. She always told me that she never wanted me to end up in a life like that if it isn't what I wanted. She wanted me to learn to make my own money and to rely on myself. That is something that I take seriously to this day, and part of the reason why I decided to pursue my college career. When my mom decided to go back to school, she wanted to get her bachelors degree in psychology and become an addiction counselor. Because of this, I decided that I wanted to learn about psychology too. She would share some of the things she was learning about with me and it was so nice to see her passionate about something, that I wanted to be passionate about it too. I took my first psychology class in my junior year of high school and ended up loving it so much that I took an AP class in my senior year. At this point, my mom had never been able to finish her degree and she died that October. This was the point in my life when I was supposed to be figuring out what to do with my life because I was going to graduate high school soon. I had never wanted to go to college until then, but I decided that I wanted to finish my mom's dreams of becoming a psychologist. I was lucky enough to have fallen in love with the subject of psychology and it felt like fate to go to college for this reason. As I mentioned before, since my mom passed, I have struggled a lot with my mental health. There have been many times where I have ducked out of social events, or declined invitations to things because I didn't want to have a panic attack or deal with my anxiety. I have lost a few friendships because of this. Not wanting to go out and never wanting to leave my room made it hard for me to hang out with people. However, it also showed me who my true friends are because the ones that stayed and helped me get better are the ones who I know will stick with me through any of my mental health battles. Something that I have learned is that mental health never "goes away". I have been on medication for two years and in therapy for three and although I have gotten better, my anxiety is not "gone". Even when I am not feeling anxious, I know that it is still there and it is something I will probably struggle with for the rest of my life. Looking back at my life before my mom died, I see all of the things that I had once taken for granted such as, going on adventures with my boyfriend, having sleepovers with my friends, going to parties, traveling, and so much more. Something else I have learned is that I will not let it ruin my life. I have been practicing exposure therapy since the day my mom died. Exposing myself to things that give me anxiety and panic attacks over and over again in the attempt to stop being so anxious about them. I have lost friends who didn't understand, but I have gained friends who do. I have become more open with my family about my problems and my feelings as they have in return. I have learned something that I love and have passion for, which is psychology and becoming a therapist. I have learned so much about myself and my resilience and the things I am willing to do to become better. Mental health is a battle, but it is also something that is beautiful and my goal in life to be someone who advocates for that.

I didn't want to go to college at all until my senior year of high school. I thought I was destined to buy a laundry mat and end up making money from that. My mom had always suffered with mental health and addiction. For most of my life, she was an alcoholic and she struggled a lot with depression. When I was in 6th grade, she went to rehab and tried to get sober. During that time, she decided to go back to school and get a bachelors degree in psychology to become an addiction counselor. This is something that I was really proud of her for because her addiction had taken so much from her. I started taking an interest in psychology as well and ended up taking a psychology class in my junior year. After this class, I wanted more and signed up to take AP psychology in my senior year. That same year, my mom drank herself to death. She ended up dying from liver cirrhosis and renal failure. On top of this, she didn't want to live anymore, she had been given the opportunity to get better, however, she declined that opportunity and sank into her waiting death. At this time in my life, I was supposed to be figuring out what I wanted to do with my life because graduation was right around the corner. I decided that I wanted to finish my mom's dreams of getting a bachelors degree in psychology because unfortunately, she was never able to finish her degree. I fell in love with psychology while taking my AP class and ended up feeling really passionate about becoming a therapist. I feel as though I can use my experience as someone who has been affected by addiction and mental health my entire life to help people who suffer from the same fate. Since my mom has passed away, I have struggled a lot with my own mental health. I have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression and I suffer from frequent panic attacks. I believe that I can also use this experience as not only motivation, but also as a tool in helping those who suffer with the same mental health issues. I have not decided exactly what I want to do with my degree, but at some point, I wish to get my masters degree and also become a licensed therapist. I just want to help people. I feel so passionate about psychology and how important mental health is. I believe that to this day, mental health is still shamed in our society. People do not want to accept it and my hope is that I will be able to help people who struggle with that issue in themselves. I want to help people realize that it is okay to need help. I have been in therapy now for three, going on four years. I knew exactly when I needed help and I went and got it. Though, I know some people do not have the same feelings and do not think they need help. I want to be the one to show them that there is nothing to fear.

When I was 18, I lost my mom. I was born on my mom's 29th birthday and she was my best friend. She always told me I was the best and worst present she ever received. This was because I was her first child and she didn't think she would ever have children and also because she was in labor for 18 hours on her birthday. My mom and I did everything together when I was a child. We used to have "mommy and me" days once or twice a month. She would take me to places like Chuck E Cheese, or mommy and me groups. Even though I was a toddler when we did these things, I still remember them as happy memories that we shared. My mom was obviously my mother, but she was also my friend. She taught me everything I needed to know about being a girl and despite her growing up without a mother, she definitely tried her best. She was never good at hair or makeup and she didn't like the word period, but she tried to make sure I had everything I needed. She was always on my team, she called it "Team Edi", when I would have a fight with a friend, she would forget about them instantly and tell me she supported whatever I decided. If we decided to become friends again, she was inviting them over and hanging out with us. She always wanted to do activities with me even if they were childish. We would color together, use my Easy bake oven, and play with my toys. She taught me how to sew and use an iron, she taught me how to drive. She taught me how to defend myself and to never lose my independence as a woman. Then she died. Right on the cusp of my becoming a woman, she succumbed to liver and renal failure. Because my mom was also a crippling alcoholic. Throughout my teenage years especially, my mom struggled a lot with depression and alcoholism. When I was 18, a month after our birthday, she died on the living room floor of my childhood home. I was the unfortunate one who had discovered her body and that changed something in me completely. I had suffered with anxiety as I got older, as well as depression, but it had never been as bad as it had when she died. I started having panic attacks. I could barely leave my house, I could barely go to work or school. I lost out on some friendships because I didn't want to go anywhere. I lost out on family vacations and family bonding time. I started taking medication in the form of antidepressants and going to therapy once a week. We had to sell my childhood home only two weeks later. As my anxiety and panic attacks got worse, I started seeing all of the things I had taken for granted such as being able to travel anxiety free. Going out with friends, going on adventures with my boyfriend. Going to school and work everyday. Every single thing that had been so simple for me before, had become a grueling task. Before my mom died, I had not wanted to go to college, but when she did, I knew that I wanted to complete her dreams of becoming a psychologist. I have taken steps to better my education and my mental health so that I can complete this goal and it has been some journey. I cannot not wait to see where I can go from here.

Since my mom died two years ago, I have struggled with anxiety, depression and panic attacks. In February of 2023, I started to take antidepressants to help with my daily anxiety. I was having constant panic to the point where I could not do simple things such as going to school and work. I had been in therapy since September 2022 and am still in it to this day. When I started going to college in the fall of 2023, I was in therapy twice a month and steadily taking my medication, but anxiety and panic still affected me everyday. My main anxiety symptom is nausea, so being in the car is a struggle for me. This is ultimately why I decided to go to school so close to home. I ended up going to community college, 25 minutes away from where I live. When I first got accepted, I agreed to take a tour. I wanted to see what the school looked like, but mostly, I knew that I needed to acclimate myself on my own terms before I had to start taking classes. Every single time I start a new semester, I have trouble going to my new classes. It is a new space, with new people and even though I know what to expect, it is still hard for me to not feel anxious about the new surroundings. I have taken a lot of steps to get to where I am. One of the things that is a big part of my recovery is exposure therapy, which is where I do things that make me anxious over and over again until they no longer make me anxious. So every time I have had to go to class, I have pushed through to the end so that I can get used to it. This semester, I have to go to a new building in a new town, and I was really anxious about it at first. After the first time, I did not really want to go back because it had made me so anxious, but I knew I would never get used to it if I didn't push myself to keep going back. As I mentioned before, I have had trouble leaving the house and driving places. So one of the things I have done is take drives to places that are farther and farther away as time has gone on. I started with trips to the mall, which is 30 minutes away. Then I went on a day trip that was an hour or so away. Then I was able to do an overnight three hours away. This summer (2024), I was able to drive all the way to Canada to visit my family, which was an eight hour drive there and an eight hour drive back. After the success of all of these trips, I have decided that I want to go live at college and get the full experience of going to classes everyday and meeting new people. I applied to UNH, which is still close to my home, but is far enough away that I can live there, on my own and feel safe, if I think I ever need to go home. I still have anxiety and sometimes panic attacks, but I am able to stop myself from having them now and coax myself through my anxiety. I will continue to stay in therapy, but my goal is to soon go off of my medication and not have to rely on it anymore to help me.

Throughout my entire life, I have been impacted by the mental health of not only myself, but also my mother. My mom experience depression for her entire life and mine. She suffered a lot with addiction to alcohol throughout my teenage years. In the end, this is what killed her. My mom died from liver and renal failure in 2022. Since then, I have suffered with anxiety and depression as well as constant panic attacks. In 2017, my mom tried to get sober. When she got out of rehab, after three long months, she decided that she wanted to go back to school. She wanted to get her bachelors degree in psychology and become an addiction counselor to help people like her to get better. She started an online degree program and was working full time as well as helping to raise me and my brother. During this time, my parents hated each other, but were living under the same roof. They could not afford to get a divorce and it took a lot out of me mentally. My parents were constantly fighting and sometimes, my mom would get physically aggressive when she thought I was not listening. I remember sitting at the top of the stairs while they were fighting, with my fingers hovering over 911 just in case. My mom once again began drinking, although she was "hiding" it from us. Even though she had her flaws, I wanted to be just like her. I started to take an interest in psychology and took a class in my junior year of high school. That was the year my parents got divorced, which is also the year my mom's alcoholism got worse. In my senior year, I decided to take an AP psychology class and I absolutely fell in love with the subject, my own personal mental health issues started taking a nose dive. My mom was working full time. I was in school and working almost thirty five hours a week. Most of the time, my mom was not home to make dinner and we barely even had money to buy groceries. I started to understand some of my own issues through this class. In October of that year, my mom's physical health took an absolute turn for the worse. She had to quit her job and the only one keeping food on the table was me with my part time job. She was refusing medical care and my brother and I were practically keeping ourselves afloat. We didn't want to tell our dad because our mom had forbade it and we were afraid of breaking her trust. On the 23rd of October, I discovered her body on the living room floor of our childhood home. Not to be cheesy, but I have never been the same since. I started having panic attacks daily and could barely leave my house. This was around the same time that I was supposed to be applying to college. I decided that I would continue my mom's dreams of becoming a psychologist because her alcoholism and depression kept her from finishing her degree. I have learned so much since I have joined this career path and I have never felt more passionately about anything. I have learned so much about myself and my own mental health struggles and I cannot wait to impact the lives of others with similar issues. I feel that I can use my personal experience to help people who have suffered the same fate. Mental health is stigmatized and I want to part of the reason that changes.

In the last two years that I have been in college, I have struggled with the death of my mother, which happened in 2022. Before this, I was diagnosed by my therapist with anxiety. Something that was especially hard for me was being in the car. I would get nauseous and sometimes I would decide not to go places because I was too scared that I would feel sick. When my mom died in my senior year of high school, my anxiety quadrupled. I had these feelings anytime I would leave the house, sometimes even to go to work. I started having panic attacks frequently when I would try to go places other than school and work. I started going to therapy every week instead of twice a month. I talked to my doctor and decided to get on mediation that would help with my symptoms. I have now been on medication for two years, which has helped to get rid of my daily anxiety, but sometimes I still have panic attacks. When my mom died, it was at the same time that I was supposed to be applying to college and deciding what my future would look like. I did not want to leave home, so I decided to go to community college and my plan after that was to live at home and commute somewhere for the next two years. Since starting at my local community college, I have stayed in therapy and my therapist has introduced me to exposure therapy. This is where I do things that I am afraid of in order to practice not being afraid of them. My fear was essentially, driving anywhere that was not work or school. I started by practicing trips to common places such as the mall or my friend's house in a neighboring town. Once those places became a part of my comfort zone, I decided to take up a delivery driving job, which requires me to drive to unknown places all of the time to make deliveries. Over the summer of 2024, I was able to take my first road trip in years to visit my family in Canada. I was so proud of myself for being able to make the eight hour drive there and back without any panic attacks. Because of the success of this trip, I made the decision to consider applying to schools where I might live. I did not want to be confined to only really close colleges. I wanted to have the college experience and maybe get better opportunities by going outside of my comfort zone. I want to be able to have the opportunity to go places if I need to for a job. I don't want to be confined to my hometown if my dream job is going to be a bit of a drive. I feel that living at college will be another step towards bettering my mental health. It will put me so far out of my comfort zone that I won't even be able to see it anymore. I have relied on living at home and having my school and job within 20 minutes from my house. It has been really hard for me to get back out into the world since my mom died, but I have been trying so hard to not let her death ruin my life in a way that I cannot come back from. I have taken the steps to ensure that nothing will be able to stop me from my dream job or my dream college.

I lost my mom in 2022. This was my senior year of high school and I am now a sophomore in college. She struggled with addiction and depression and ended up drinking herself to death. After my mom died, I struggled a lot with depression and anxiety and had frequent panic attacks. I ended up seeking therapy and medication from my doctor to help me in getting better. Before my mom died, she was hoping to go back to college and become an addiction counselor because she had finally gotten sober. After a while, she ended up drinking again, which ultimately led to her death and she was never able to finish school. I didn't even think I wanted to go to college until my senior year when she died. I decided that I wanted to finish what she started. I ended up taking AP psychology and fell in love with the subject. I decided that I would apply to college; however, I was struggling with scholarships and applications, on top of this, we were cremating my mom and selling our childhood home. It was a lot, so I ended up at community college. I do not regret this decision because I saved a lot of money and was able to stay home and focus on my mental health, which was in decline. As I began taking the psychology classes, I started to see things that I felt in textbooks. I started to see reasons behind my mom being an alcoholic and why I was struggling so much with her death. I was able to see reasons behind behaviors that I have encountered. I loved being able to examine my own behavior and feelings with the mind of someone who is somewhat experienced in psychology. I am able to have conversations with my therapist and understand what is going on in my mind and the things I need to do to help myself. This has made me fall in love with the subject even more. Every single day, even though it has been two years, I struggle with my mom's death. My parents divorce when I was sixteen. My mom's alcoholism when I was a child and so much more. I want to use these experiences that I have struggled with to be able to help people who have also struggled in this way. I feel that it is important to have background experience when you are trying to understand something and I feel that I have this experience and have the chance to use it positively. I love learning and I love going to school, I want to get the best education that I can so I can become the best version of myself. I cannot wait to work in the field and to have my first client. I truly feel so much passion for psychology and counseling. Although I realize that I have not personally dealt with substance abuse issues, my mom did and that is something that impacted me in a very personal way. To this day, even though I am 20 years old and a current college student, I have never had a drop of alcohol and I do not plan to ever. Watching my mom decline for so long and seeing how addiction controlled her life, I never wish to go down that path. Not only did it end her life, but it seriously impacted the lives of those around her. I wish I would have been able to see her become an addiction counselor, she worked so hard to become sober and start college again, but in the end she just could not give up alcohol. I may not be in recovery from addiction, but I consider myself as recovering from her death. I still have panic attacks sometimes, and I still struggle with nightmares and flashbacks. I was unfortunately the one who discovered her body and that was something that was really hard for me. I still go to therapy and am on antidepressants to help in my recovery. I know it is not the same, but I feel that it is just as important. Mental health matters no matter what the cause.

I lost my mom in 2022. This was my senior year of high school and I am now a sophomore in college. She struggled with addiction and depression and ended up drinking herself to death. After my mom died, I struggled a lot with depression and anxiety and had frequent panic attacks. I ended up seeking therapy and medication from my doctor to help me in getting better. Before my mom died, she was hoping to go back to college and become an addiction counselor because she had finally gotten sober. After a while, she ended up drinking again, which ultimately led to her death and she was never able to finish school. I didn't even think I wanted to go to college until my senior year when she died. I decided that I wanted to finish what she started. I ended up taking AP psychology and fell in love with the subject. I decided that I would apply to college; however, I was struggling with scholarships and applications, on top of this, we were cremating my mom and selling our childhood home. It was a lot, so I ended up at community college. I do not regret this decision because I saved a lot of money and was able to stay home and focus on my mental health, which was in decline. I began struggling with friendships and relationships. At the time, I had been dating my boyfriend for about a year and a half. I stopped wanting to leave my house, I stopped wanting to do things. I struggled a lot and I was worried it would impact my relationship with him because I was so scared of doing anything. My panic attacks made it really hard for me to get out, my anxiety also was not a big help. He was my rock though. He never once made me feel like there was something wrong with me or that I wasn't worth it. In the end, this not only made our relationship stronger, but also helped me a lot in my road to recovery. I ended losing some friendships because of my not leaving the house. I started to become "boring" because all I wanted to do was hang out at home. However, I also made friends through these shared experiences of parental death or single parent households. As I began taking the psychology classes, I started to see things that I felt in textbooks. I started to see reasons behind my mom being an alcoholic and why I was struggling so much with her death. I was able to see reasons behind behaviors that I have encountered. I loved being able to examine my own behavior and feelings with the mind of someone who is somewhat experienced in psychology. I am able to have conversations with my therapist and understand what is going on in my mind and the things I need to do to help myself. This has made me fall in love with the subject even more. Overall, I have struggled a lot with my mental health and the mental health of my mom. Although I wish it never happened sometimes, I am grateful that I get to come out on the other side of it. Every single day, even though it has been two years, I struggle with my mom's death. My parents divorce when I was sixteen. My mom's alcoholism when I was a child and so much more. I want to use these experiences that I have struggled with to be able to help people who have also struggled in this way. I feel that it is important to have background experience when you are trying to understand something and I feel that I have this experience and have the chance to use it positively. I love learning and I love going to school, I want to get the best education that I can so I can become the best version of myself. I cannot wait to work in the field and to have my first client. I truly feel so much passion for psychology and counseling.

I lost my mom in 2022. This was my senior year of high school and I am now a sophomore in college. She struggled with addiction and depression and ended up drinking herself to death. After my mom died, I struggled a lot with depression and anxiety and had frequent panic attacks. I ended up seeking therapy and medication from my doctor to help me in getting better. I struggled a lot with my mom's addiction when I was kid. There were times when she would forget to pick me up from school because she was drunk. There were times when she would physically attack my dad when they thought me and my brother were asleep. Sometimes, I would have to give my brother some of my own money so he could eat while I went to work. After my parents divorced, my dad moved out and my mom's mental and physical health declined even more. I started taking on a lot of cleaning and grocery shopping. Towards the end of her life, she had quit her job and I was the only one in the house working. My brother and I would hide these things from our dad because we didn't want to upset her. Then one day, she died and our lives completely changed. I was the one who discovered my mom's body in our childhood home. She was lying on the living floor, the place where we used to open presents on Christmas and have family pizza nights. She had thrown up blood, which was all over the couch and floor. I remember the smell and sometimes I feel like I can still smell it. Over the last two years of my recovery, I have had panic attacks that render me breathless. I have struggled to leave my house and hang out with friends. I struggled with the idea of leaving home and going to college. My brother has struggled with depression as well and we are both in therapy. My dad even recently started seeing a therapist. We all talk openly with each other about our issues. Just today, I went to see the house I grew up in and where I found my mom when she died. I saw what the new people did to the house and yard and I considered this a large part of my recovery. It hurt, but I was able to see the house in a new light and see that it doesn't belong to me anymore and hopefully it will help me move on. I know I will always be affected by this, but I am hoping that I will be able to come out stronger as a therapist and use my experiences and background positively to help other people with similar issues. Psychology and counseling mean a lot to me and I cannot wait to be a therapist. I want to make an impact and I want to help people who have struggled just as I have.

I lost my mom in 2022. This was my senior year of high school and I am now a sophomore in college. She struggled with addiction and depression and ended up drinking herself to death. After my mom died, I struggled a lot with depression and anxiety and had frequent panic attacks. I ended up seeking therapy and medication from my doctor to help me in getting better. Before my mom died, she was hoping to go back to college and become an addiction counselor because she had finally gotten sober. After a while, she ended up drinking again, which ultimately led to her death and she was never able to finish school. I didn't even think I wanted to go to college until my senior year when she died. I decided that I wanted to finish what she started. I ended up taking AP psychology and fell in love with the subject. I decided that I would apply to college; however, I was struggling with scholarships and applications, on top of this, we were cremating my mom and selling our childhood home. It was a lot, so I ended up at community college. I do not regret this decision because I saved a lot of money and was able to stay home and focus on my mental health, which was in decline. As I began taking the psychology classes, I started to see things that I felt in textbooks. I started to see reasons behind my mom being an alcoholic and why I was struggling so much with her death. I was able to see reasons behind behaviors that I have encountered. I loved being able to examine my own behavior and feelings with the mind of someone who is somewhat experienced in psychology. I am able to have conversations with my therapist and understand what is going on in my mind and the things I need to do to help myself. This has made me fall in love with the subject even more. Every single day, even though it has been two years, I struggle with my mom's death. My parents divorce when I was sixteen. My mom's alcoholism when I was a child and so much more. I want to use these experiences that I have struggled with to be able to help people who have also struggled in this way. I feel that it is important to have background experience when you are trying to understand something and I feel that I have this experience and have the chance to use it positively. I love learning and I love going to school, I want to get the best education that I can so I can become the best version of myself. I cannot wait to work in the field and to have my first client. I truly feel so much passion for psychology and counseling.