“I remember your bare feet down the hallway; I remember your little laugh.” As a mom, every single lyric in this song is powerful. It highlights all the little moments that anyone who has a child can understand in their bones as the moments that seem so insignificant, and even a little annoying, but that encompass having a child. It takes those moments and uses them to break your heart and feel the pain of loss. It gives a reason to hold onto those moments and recognize that those moments might not always be there. Ronan isn’t just a song, it’s taking his life and his mother’s heart and making it mean something to all the people who hear his life in the form of her song. That in itself is moving, but even more so is the fact that she put her heart into hearing his mother’s joy and her pain and made sure that through the hardest part of her life, she was heard. She made sure that a little boy didn’t die to be forgotten. By doing this she also made it so that not only Ronan’s mother, but all mothers of loss felt seen, and like their child mattered. As a mother, this song helps me to recognize those moments, the moments that might not feel like anything, but are everything.

Realizing I wanted to become a nurse wasn’t something I always knew, and it wasn’t dramatic either. It was quiet, yet abrupt. I was holding my child during yet another long appointment, confused and a little hopeless, wishing for someone who listened and explained. Wishing for someone who could help me understand everything going on and every choice I had to make. It was that appointment, that feeling, and that need that told me that I wanted to be that person I needed for others. That is what my vision is. I don’t know the specifics of what type of nurse I want to be or where I want to work, that isn’t what I care about when I’m picturing my future as a nurse. What matters to me is the impact I want to have and the type of personI want to be as a nurse, rather than the type of nurse I want to be. My vision of myself as a nurse isn’t something clear and exact, its abstract and based on feelings and moments. My vision involves working in some capacity with parents and kids. It involves being there to simplify the scary words that wrap around their brains and lungs and make it hard for them to even breathe, let alone think clearly enough to make decisions. It involves being there to let the parents and children whose lives are crumbling with fear of the outcomes to lash out without judgement. It involves being there to hold them up when the news is too heavy, and empowering them and burning for them when the light of their fight feels impossible for them to keep bright by themselves. It involves listening to them talk through their possible options. It involves standing strong at their side when they need someone to help them advocate. The vision I see of myself as a nurse isn’t based around the job, it’s the people and the moments. It’s holding a child for as long as their mom needs so that she can get an hour of sleep without the fear that she won’t be there to comfort her child’s last moments. It’s sitting next to the dad who’s eyes can’t leave the door to the operating room his wife and child have been in for far too long. It’s bringing a stuffed animal to the child whose parents never showed up, and singing a lullaby to the one whose parents are the reason they need medical care in the first place. It’s bringing food to the parent who hasn’t been able to eat for days. I don’t want to be a nurse to tell them something is wrong, I want to be a nurse so that the doctor listens to the fact that they already know something is wrong. I don’t want to be a nurse so that I can administer the tests, but so that I can tell them what the tests mean. I don’t want to be a nurse so that I can take their vitals and administer their medications, but so that they know what the medication they are being given will do. I don’t want to be a nurse to tell kids or their parents that they are sick or hurt. I want to be a nurse so that even though they are sick, they have comfort, knowledge, and hope. That’s the vision I have of myself as a nurse.

When I was a kid, I wanted to be a pediatrician, or a lawyer, but usually a pediatrician. Then as a teenager, I wanted to get a social work degree and work with kids in that capacity. Now, I want to be a nurse. After high school I was lost for quite a while. I didn’t have any motivation, nor any aspirations, and I didn’t even know which direction to start crawling in. Then I had kids, 3 of them. I knew I couldn’t be lost anymore and that I needed to find a direction and start pulling myself down to path to a steady career. I needed to be able to financially care for them and their futures, but I also needed to model having aspirations and goals and passions, and work ethic, and so much more. That was the first step, accepting the need for a career and having the motivation to do so. I didn’t have a path yet though, not even a hint of one, but while I stayed home until they were in school, I searched for the right path to take. One thing to know about my kids is that they have a few medical conditions and quite a few appointments. One day, sitting in one of these appointments all alone, I felt overwhelmed and scared and like nothing made sense and I didn’t have the knowledge to properly understand what the medical personnel were saying, what the implications of what they were saying would be, and I didn’t know which choices to make. I felt helpless, and my child depended on me to not be helpless and in that moment I decided I needed to not be helpless. I was going to go to school to become a nurse. If for nothing else, I was going to become a nurse so that I could understand things that go on with my children and make properly informed decisions. Once I decided this and had this thought however, it grew. I realized I can not be the only parent sitting in an appointment feeling scared and helpless and not understanding all of the words and choices being rattled off like a shopping list rather than a list of diagnosis and tests and medications that affect my child’s life. I realized that I wanted to be a nurse for me, but also for those other parents feeling that way. To be able to show them the compassion they need in that moment, to help them understand and feel less scared and alone. My path was lost long before that day and that appointment, but that moment in that appointment for my child, that was when I found the right path.

Have you ever sat listening to doctors and medical professionals rattling off gibberish faster than you can keep up with? As a parent, as your child's only parent, the only person who cares so much and can make any decision for your child, that level of confusion and helplessness packs a punch that is hard to rebound from. It started small, with not understanding a few basic things that in the grand scheme of things, didn’t feel like a big deal if I understood all of the ins and outs, because I could trust the doctors when they recommended a steroid or antibiotic for the strep throat, or the croup. It was when they didn’t have a solid treatment plan that the wave of helplessness about my children’s health really hit. It was when my oldest got her ADHD diagnosis and the non-stimulants we had tried didn’t help, when they needed me to make a decision on which medication we were going to use off-label, or as “black-box usage” as her doctor called it, that it really overwhelmed me. It was the face my middle child’s muscular neurologist made watching her run after taking a bunch of measurements as she started talking about how all of those measurements indicated she shouldn’t be able walk, let alone run. I couldn’t understand what she meant because I had no idea what any of the measurements she was talking about meant at all. That feeling didn’t go away when their doctors and therapists started throwing out words and diagnoses and treatments that went above my head. Pronation. ARFID. Connective Tissue Disorder. Genetic Panel. Full neurological psychometry testing. Hypotonia. Proprioception. Developmental stutter. Fluoxetine. Patent foramen ovale. That feeling, those words, the helplessness and the desire to be able to do everything in my power to do best by my children is what led me to decide on following a career path in nursing. I chose to stop being so helpless. I figured, the best way to know what decisions to make and to know what my kids’ medical teams are talking about, was to learn and integrate myself into that world. I also figured that if I feel this way, then other parents do too. That was my other motivating factor, because if I learn, if I go into this career, then I can help be there to support and explain to other parents when they need it.

In 2011, my older brother passed away at 25 from a heart attack caused by excessive seizure activity. He developed epilepsy at 17, before his life even started, and it limited him in a multitude of ways. He couldn’t drive, work, or be alone for too long, as he started a house fire due to a seizure happening while cooking one time. However, despite this, he always had big dreams and plans for the future. One in particular was that he wanted to own a restaurant and a food truck. The food truck would be focused mainly on my family dish that we call “hot tacos”, which is a corn tortilla filled with a mix of ground beef, cheese sauce, and jalapenos, which is then deep fried, which he wanted my mom to run. The restaurant, he would be the chef, and the menu would consist of some of our family dishes, along with some basic staples like steaks, burgers, etc. He wanted the restaurant to have a home-like atmosphere and be affordable. He also wanted the staff to consist of people who have a more difficult time acquiring a job, so disabled people, homeless people, single parents, etc., and have programs within that allowed him to make sure homeless people were able to eat. If I were able to start any business with my brother, it would be this. It would be allowing him to start this dream he had had since he was a child. He took cooking classes as a kid, spent his free time in the kitchen, volunteering to cook for church events and other things, taking meals to friends and families during hard times, etc. Before his epilepsy started, he had a plan to go to culinary school. And even when that wasn’t possible, he saved what he could to start his food truck and eventually his restaurant, but he was never able to. I would love to give him that opportunity, and gain the opportunity for myself to be able to learn from him and to just be able to see him do what he was so passionate about.

I’ve come a long way from when I was at my worst, but I am no where near my best yet. In my life I have dealt with a multitude of mental health issues, some of which I have overcome, some I am still battling, and some of which are lifelong issues I will have to endure and learn to work with in order to thrive. I have ADHD, OCD, and BPD which are both disorders that I will be working with for my entire life. I also have depression as well which hopefully I will be able to overcome. This year I finally was able to progress so much that I was able to have my PTSD diagnosis resolved, meaning it is now a past diagnosis rather than a current/active one. I have also in the past struggled with eating disorders, self-harm, and substance abuse of marijuana and cigarettes. I have done a lot to overcome and work with my mental health in order to thrive to the best of my ability, including but not limited to years of therapy, which I am still participating in after having graduating therapy programs 3 times now, and medication, which I am still working with my providers to stabilize. I was also on probation as a teenager, which while no longer on my record, is what helped me overcome my substance abuse. It was not my finest moment, but it was a helpful one. Despite, or maybe because of, all of my mental health struggles I am working towards becoming a nurse. I have 3 children and I want to work in a branch of nursing that helps children and parents, whether that be in a general pediatric setting, a NICU setting, a pediatric psychiatric setting, or an obstetrics setting I am still unsure, but I do know I want to help children and parents in a way I struggled to be helped as a child, and in ways my children and I struggle now. Whether it be giving them someone gentle to handle them during difficult medical times or to help explain information to them. Now getting to this point will be hard for me. School is not easy by any means for someone who has ADHD, and my ADHD is fairly severe and affects my day-to-day heavily, and my academics even more, but I am determined. I am determined to reach my goals regardless of how difficult it may be, and I am also determined to continue making strides with my mental health. I will continue to go to therapy and continue working with my providers on my medications. I will also continue to utilize other resources I have to improve how I can function and to improve how I can grow and thrive such as books, workbooks, specialized planners, and personally tailored organization systems. I will also continue to utilize my support system for guidance and solace. More than anything, I will continue to recognize that because I struggle with my mental health, I have to try harder than the average person daily, and I have to stay willing to try to make improvements in myself every single day.

I have attempted suicide multiple times. I have also been in inpatient mental health facilities multiple times as a minor. I have ADHD, BPD, and OCD. I am a mess. I want to help the children who can’t clean up the mess that they are in because I am the same mess, I have just learned how to clean it up. I want to be a nurse specializing in pediatrics and mental health to work in a pediatric inpatient facility. I want to advocate for the children in these facilities. Another major reason for wanting to pursue this career is to be able to educate parents. Parents often do not know how to navigate their children’s mental health and I want to be there to educate them and guide them on how to navigate these issues. It is not uncommon for children in these facilities to have bad experiences or to feel as though they are not understood, not cared for, and unsafe. I want nothing more than to be able to provide these children with a sense of safety and care and to advocate for them and with them as someone who needed that as a child. I don’t remember much from my time in pediatric inpatient facilities, but what I do remember was scary, negative, and wholly unhelpful. I remember being treated as if I was just an annoying kid in the way of someone's paycheck. I remember being whispered about by colleagues gossiping about which kids are the worst. I remember the looks that were all but laughter as I sat struggling to eat and struggling to keep breathing. I remember being completely alone and terrified, on top of already being in such a mentally deep hole, and the people who were supposed to be my advocates, just rolling their eyes through another day of having to deal with us crazy kids to get their pay into their pocket, Many children attempt suicide and I want to help them live another day. Many children have eating disorders and I want to help them get to a point where they feel comfortable eating. Many children have symptoms of aggression, depression, anxiety, and so much more. These children deserve to be happy and capable of living a good life, and I want to be there for them and help them, the way I needed help. In the US, almost 50% of minors have some form of mental health disorder at some point, and I want to be able to be there for them during this time. These children deserve to feel comfortable, safe and understood during an extremely vulnerable time, and their parents deserve to have an understanding of what is going on with their children. I hope to be able to give that to these people.

People hear ADHD and they picture a 6-year-old boy bouncing off of walls, and while that might be true, they don’t think of all the other truths. They don’t see the 9-year-old girl struggling to sleep. They don’t see the 13-year-old girl who is struggling to fit in with her peers because she is emotionally immature and weird. They don’t see the 16-year-old girl struggling with substance abuse and failing half of her classes, regardless of being smarter than the majority of her peers because she isn’t capable of completing her assignments and failing to remember to turn in the ones she does complete. They don’t see the 22–year–old woman who has jumped between 12 hobbies in less than a year and made it nearly nowhere with any of them. They don’t see the 25-year-old woman who sobs on the couch because she double booked 2 appointments this week, didn’t have the executive functioning to take care of her hygiene this week, and can’t for the life of her get her house clean because it took her 6 hours to do what a typical person can do in less than 1, and she somehow ended up making just as much mess in other areas while doing that cleaning. Those are all also truths of ADHD. Those girls, that woman, they are me. They are my truths of my ADHD. While those may be my truths, I also have so many more truths as well. The 7-year-old who despite struggling to make friends, loved every single one she made with every ounce of herself. The 12-year-old girl who had never received less than an A in school. The 15-year-old girl who wrote a book, a terrible book that never seen the light of day, but a book nonetheless. The 19-year-old woman who was a great new mother despite the horrible circumstances of her life at the time. The 25-year-old woman who manages to get her children to every single specialist appointment they need despite overbooking regularly. Who read 429 books in 2024, and who learned how to crochet to the point that she can make an entire blanket in a week. Who despite struggling to get her house cleaned, always has clothes clean for her children, and dinner on the table, even if bedtime varies by an hour on any given night. Those are also my truths. My last truth, one I hold close to my chest, is I am going back to school, and I am terrified. I am terrified to fail. I know having ADHD makes my chances of failing so much higher, but I refuse to fail. I am going to become a nurse. I want to help children and parents. I want to do this for 3 reasons. My middle daughter is hypermobile with hypotonia, and due to this she will be in PT for most of her childhood and has already been to more specialists than most people will see in their whole life. Secondly, my oldest daughter had ADHD too. She wants to be a veterinarian when she grows up and I want to show her that she can be anything she wants to be and that ADHD doesn’t have to define her truths by not letting it determine mine. Lastly, my youngest son deserves to have a mom who works toward being her best self. I will not fail, because I have the best 3 reasons not to Dylan didn’t allow his barriers to get in the way. I want to like like Dylan. I want my children to be like me, like Dylan.

Chad Wayne Strickfaden. My brother’s name was Chad Wayne Strickfaden. He wasn’t special to those who didn’t know him, but to those of us who did know him, he was a very special man. He was the best big brother I could have ever asked for. He was 13 years older than me but he never allowed that to make us less close. He would take me to the park to play basketball with his friends. He would let me sit on his bed while he would play video games. He would sit on my bed and talk to me to help me fall asleep often since I’ve always struggled with insomnia even in childhood. I was into Pokemon growing up, so he was always adding to my collection with everything from cards to games to trinkets and stuffed animals. Stuffed animals. On top of the Pokemon ones he would give me to add to my collection, he always made sure that every holiday he had a stuffed animal to give to me. He died almost 2 weeks after Valentine’s Day when he was 25. I was 11. His death heavily affected me, and still does in many ways, both in ways you would expect from losing a brother, and ways you wouldn’t. At first, it was the obvious effects of grief. Depression, self-harm, substance abuse, and just… the most intense sadness. Missing all of the ways we would interact, and affecting how I was able to interact with my family. However, it affected me so much deeper than that as time went on, in ways most people aren’t affected. After he died my mom was so heavily jaded. She was very depressed and lived mostly within her brain and in the clouds. My stepfather took that opportunity to molest me for over a year. I eventually gained the courage to tell people about this, but my mother was so immersed in grief and she told me she couldn’t leave the man who was there for her during her son’s death. When she kept him around, that was my first suicide attempt. My brother was a very protective man when it came to his sisters, but he wasn’t there to protect me during this. Had he not died I might not have been molested in the first place, but had he not died, I definitely would not have had to live with all of the things that came after. My mom wouldn’t have felt indebted to my stepfather, and Chad would not have allowed me to have to stay in the same home as him. I also wouldn’t have had to move into my father’s house. My father, who tried to kill me which caused me to have to live with my sister and her husband. Her husband who raped me two months after moving in. All of those events are connected, and they all started with one event- my brother’s death. His death changed the entire course of my life and I have spent more time than you can imagine going through the what ifs. What if Chad had never died? If Chad had never died, I’d be a good cook, he would have taught me. I’d have grown up with fewer nights doing things I shouldn’t have and learned how to game instead. My music taste would be a lot different, he loved hip-hop and I could always hear it through my bedroom wall. I’d have slept more in my teens, he knew how to get me to sleep. I’d have less trauma. I’d still have my brother.

I have never known exactly what and who I want to be, but I have always known one thing about who I do not wish to be I do not want to be like my mother. Knowing this, however, did not make it any easier to not be like her, and not very long ago I thought that was exactly what I was turning into. My mother raised me as a single parent, but she wasn’t the type of single parent who showed she was strong and capable of doing things alone. She didn't go to college and get a degree, and she never attempted to make a career, instead bouncing from a low-end job to a low-end job and leaning on awful men to keep her afloat both emotionally and financially. This led to her putting the needs of her children on the back burner, and pouting these awful men in places above her children. I never wanted that for myself. I wanted to be independent, create a family, have a career, and be a good parent, but what I wanted didn’t come easy, or quickly, and I fell into a similar place as my mother. I started college, but when I met my now ex-husband, he was abusive and made me drop out. We got married and had a child, and within months of her birth, he was in prison. I had nothing, a child,d and no money to care for her as a single mom. My mother let me live with her to get on my feet but refused to allow me to make strides towards getting a job or going back to school, as she was worried this would affect her government assistance. I developed a relationship with a man I had known growing up. We made a family together by blending my daughter and me with 2 more children together, though since he never wants to get married, he has cemented me in the role of a single mother for the rest of my life, which is one thing I never wanted to be. He took care of our family financially, while I stayed a stay-at-home mother to my 3 children, which is a second thing I never wanted to be. I haven’t finished any type of degree either, which again, is on the list of things I never wanted. After a few years, I have realized that despite all of the things that I am that I never wanted to be, I am so much more. I put my children first, always. I am in a stable and healthy relationship with a good man, despite our lack of marriage. Now, my children are growing and starting school and I have found my way back to college so that I can be the type of single mother that my kids can look up to. I will finish my prerequisites, and then I will go through a nursing program to get my Associate’s degree, and then my bachelor's, and eventually I will make a career in nursing. My mom and how she was as a single mother didn’t teach me who I wanted to be, but she did teach me who I did not want to be, and that is why I wanted to get a degree in the first place. Being a single mom myself put bumps in my road to that goal, but eventually, it is also what gave me the motivation to keep working toward that goal, and working toward that goal is what I will continue to do- for my children.

The future has always seemed like an incomprehensible idea rather than something tangible I could look forward to. When I was at the age where we had to decide what our future would look like, I didn’t put any serious thought into it, because I was positive I would not live long enough for this so-called future. However, now, I am here, and I believe in the future. I believe in my future, and in the fact that I have one. With that said, these last few years have been spent thinking of how my future will look. I currently am a 25-year-old stay-at-home mom of 3 children, but I want more than that. I want my future to be a past my children can reflect on with fondness and admiration. I want to go to school and get an associate’s degree in nursing, become a registered nurse, start my career, and then go back to school for my bachelor’s degree. I want to do this while raising children who are happy, resilient, and capable. My goal for the future is broken into different areas: education and career, as well as personal and parenting. For my education and career, as I’ve said, I want to go to school and get an associate’s degree in nursing, become a registered nurse, start my career, and then go back to school for my bachelor’s degree. At that point, I want to specialize in either pediatrics or mental health. I dream of working at a pediatric office, pediatric mental health facility, or obstetrics unit. I want to help children and parents in any way that I can, as I know what it is like to be a struggling child, a sick child, as well as knowing what it's like to be the parent of a struggling or sick child. As for my future goals for my personal life and parenting, I want more than anything to give my children a life that cultivates their ability to be a happy and confident adult who is capable of pursuing their dreams. I want to own a house on a few acres of land with my significant other where we can have a small food forest and a few pets. I want to be physically and mentally stable and happy and be able to make those in my life feel the same, This scholarship will help me make it through all the years of school I need to go through, which will help me reach both personal goals and educational/career goals, as I cannot afford by myself, as a low-income stay-at-home parent, to make it through all 4-6 years by myself while also taking care of my family.

Cancer runs in my family. From grandparents to aunts, uncles, cousins, and now to my mother. My mother was recently diagnosed with lung cancer and is currently scheduled to have the top lobe of her right lung removed. She has two separate spots of origin in her right lung, which are thankfully stage zero and have not yet progressed. The hope is that her surgery will be enough to leave her cancer-free without the need for ongoing treatment as long as they do not find any other cancerous areas during or after her surgery. However, she was also diagnosed with a rare disease which means she has a bunch of spots within her lungs that need to be closely watched as they can easily turn cancerous. I was either not yet born, or so young when the other family members I have fought cancer, that I never understood what it meant, nor had enough conscious understanding for their battles to affect me in any way. With my mother though, I am an adult and have been a support system to her through her journey, and I learned about her cancer right alongside her. This experience has been eye-opening for me in understanding how different cancer can be for everyone. Before my mom’s diagnosis, I only saw cancer as something that was a death sentence. I didn’t even know that stage zero cancer existed. It also opened my eyes to how anyone can become a victim of diseases, without a rhyme or reason as to how or why. My mother was a smoker for more than half of her life, which likely played a role in her cancer, but this experience made me want to look into all forms of cancer and how they are caused. I found out that due to my family history, I am predisposed to breast cancer and cervical cancer, without being able to change my chances of getting either of them. I also became more grateful than ever that I quit smoking almost three years ago, and have realized that I need to be more mindful of my health. Her battle with cancer has also made me appreciate the mundane of day-to-day life more. I have learned that I need to live each day as if tomorrow I could be diagnosed with cancer, as now I know that I very well could at any point in time. We never expected my mother would on that random Tuesday. I am grateful my mother was given a positive prognosis despite a dangerous diagnosis, and I am grateful that I have learned how to be more grateful.

The legacy of my family is not a good one. Legacy to me, is what impression your actions have, the general impressions you make on people due to your actions, and what you are known for, and for my family as a whole, those are not good things. Whether you are looking at it from the outside, or from my point of view the legacy my family left behind them is addiction, mental health issues, selfishness, greed, and all-around negativity. I am one of 6 kids, and everyone has their issues. My father is an alcoholic. My sister is addicted to meth and has 4 kids with 5 different fathers, which is her own story. My brother was in and out of jail before he died. My other sister is married to a rapist. My mom stayed with a man who molested her child for years. As for me, I was left with a slew of mental health issues and trauma from my upbringing. It’s hard to explain everything that impacted me to this point but to paint a clear picture of the environment I was raised in, I spent just as much time with my grandparents as my parents, until they decided I wasn’t cute and little anymore. My dad lived in his bedroom with hidden bottles of whiskey. On my 6th birthday, my present was my sister getting out of jail. Fast forward and at age 11 my brother died, and shortly after my stepfather started molesting me. My mom found out and stayed, so I went to live with my father who would ignore me in every single way, except for supplying me with cigarettes and marijuana. At 17 he tried to kill me, and when I moved in with my sister, her husband raped me. These are the events that molded my upbringing. These events are the legacy my family left me with. My goal in life is to do better than that. My goal is to leave a legacy for my children to be proud of and to give them a life that leaves all of us happy and fulfilled. I want to return to school to be a nurse, so they know they can do anything, even if it takes longer than normal. I want to complete therapy so that they know it is okay to need help. I want to fill my life and theirs with memories and events that leave a positive lasting impression. The legacy I want to leave behind me is one of love and positive intention, no matter what circumstances I come from.

My passion in life is helping children and mothers. I have looked into many career choices that would give me the option to do this, but I kept returning to nursing. I would love to work in pediatrics or obstetrics to pursue a career that matches my passion. Obviously, as a mother, finances are something I hope is decent. Still, my real goal is to be the reason kids and mothers have decent medical experiences and feel confident in their understanding of their health. That is my ultimate goal, but to reach that goal I have to finish college. I am planning on finishing an associate's degree and transferring that degree into a bachelor's program to get a bachelor's degree as well. I am at the beginning of my journey toward my goal, so my progress is just starting. The progress I have made may seem small, but it was very difficult for me every step of the way. I have applied for college and have been accepted. I have also worked on my mental health to be in a space where I am capable of doing my absolute best in classes. I have ADHD and have taken every step at managing it as possible and have gotten to a point where I am confident that I can take my next step, which is registering for classes this week. My reasons for being so passionate about this goal stem mostly from my health situations and medical experiences as a patient, as well as my experiences with my children’s health as a parent in healthcare settings. As I have said, I have ADHD, but I also have a connective tissue disorder, anemia, asthma, and general unknown health conditions. With that said, I have seen a plethora of doctors and healthcare professionals. I have had many negative experiences, and very few positive, but the one experience I will never forget is the nurse who kept me and my son alive when I was giving birth to my youngest child. I was in so much pain, even with pain meds that I was passing out, and this amazing nurse sat with me face inches to face holding me sitting up. Every time I would start to pass out her voice would shoot through the haze and she would lightly smack my face to keep me conscious. I was positive I was going to die, but she assured me she would do everything in her power to not allow that to happen, and she did. However, I also remember the experience of being 13 and anorexic and being told by my doctor I needed to go on a diet because I was fat. As a parent, I have experienced the difference of how it feels when you are understanding and confident in your child's health conditions versus when you are not. Because of these experiences, I want to become a pediatric or obstetric RN.

I’ve always been one of those people who get deeply fixated on something for a few weeks or months, and then give up once the sparkle is gone, due to my ADHD. This character trait means I have never known what I want to do with my life. How can you know what you want to do forever when these desires only last a few months? Well, I know now. It took me years trying hard to figure out what I wanted, but everything boils down to a few key points. I want nothing more than to be happy, and to help other people, especially women and children. I bounced around ideas for a long time, and nothing ever felt truly right, until now. Now I know that more than anything I want to be a nurse, and my goal is to become a pediatric or obstetrics nurse. Knowing what your goal is is only the first obstacle in the journey to reaching your goal, for me, there have been and will be many barriers between me and my goals. My ADHD is an obstacle in my life that affects every aspect of my life, and educationally it not only affects my ability to figure out what I want to be, but also affects my ability to do school work, turn it in on time, and much more. ADHD is a disorder that negatively affects your executive functioning as well as impulse and attention, which is what helps you be capable of starting and finishing the tasks you need to do. It also affects time management and can cause time blindness. All of these symptoms of ADHD mean that starting and finishing school work is more difficult for me than it is for neurotypical individuals, as well as making it more difficult for me to do so promptly or remember to turn them in. It also means that while doing schoolwork, my brain tends to wander, and keeping my attention on it is very difficult. ADHD is not the only obstacle in my way to my goal of becoming a nurse, it may not even be the largest obstacle. I am a mother to three children, two of whom have extra needs. Being a mother means my children’s needs must always come first, which can get in the way of attending school or having the time or ability to do your best in your work. It also means that you always have your children’s needs on your mind which leaves less space for the information you are learning. I have many obstacles that have affected my journey to reaching my goals, and many that will continue to affect my path, but I am determined to beat my barriers and accomplish my goals, no matter what it takes. I have taken steps to lessen how much my obstacles can affect me, such as taking medication and improving my support system. I have figured out what I wanted to do and have started my college journey. I know that there isn’t a way to completely get rid of the obstacles, so I will be doing everything to reach my goal despite them.

Picture this, you are 17 and on your way to failing the physical education class that you need to pass in order to graduate because your peers aren’t comfortable with you changing in the same locker room as them. Picture walking in to change your clothes and being called a pedophile because the girls you are in class with are 14 and think it's wrong for a girl who likes girls to change in the same space as them. Picture crying in the hallways while trying to decide whether making sure these kids are comfortable is less or more important than your ability to graduate. That is how I spent my senior year of high school. Now picture being freshly in college, meeting a boy, and finding out you are having a baby before the end of the first semester. Picture dropping out “only for a little while”, but then becoming a single mom to a high-needs child. Picture wishing for more education and a career, but having no way to get enough space from your child to do that. That’s how I spent my young adulthood. You don’t know how much, or how differently, certain things can affect your education until you experience them for yourself. Being bisexual and being a mother have both affected my education, but they have both done so in very different ways. Being bisexual affected me mostly in high school in the sense that people were cruel. I went to school in a more conservative area and heard comments and taunts regularly. This caused me to be less interactive in school. Being a mother affected me much differently, as it made it impossible to attend. I didn’t have a consistent enough support system to attend while having small children, so I had to put my children in higher importance than attending school and furthering my education until I grew my support system. When you have small children, you cannot leave them alone, which means attending school requires a babysitter. Not only this, but they require a lot of attention, which was especially true for my high-needs child, so being capable of doing your homework, let alone retaining the information, is also incredibly challenging. It took 6 years, but I am finally pushing past the obstacles in place and am going to be returning to college to further my education for my children and me regardless of how difficult this may be.

I have attempted suicide multiple times. I have also been in inpatient mental health facilities multiple times as a minor. I have ADHD, BPD, and OCD. I am a mess. I want to help the children who can’t clean up the mess that they are in because I am the same mess, I have just learned how to clean it up. I want to be a nurse specializing in pediatrics and mental health to work in a pediatric inpatient facility. I want to advocate for the children in these facilities. Another major reason for wanting to pursue this career is to be able to educate parents. Parents often do not know how to navigate their children’s mental health and I want to be there to educate them and guide them on how to navigate these issues. It is not uncommon for children in these facilities to have bad experiences or to feel as though they are not understood, not cared for, and unsafe. I want nothing more than to be able to provide these children with a sense of safety and care and to advocate for them and with them as someone who needed that as a child. I don’t remember much from my time in pediatric inpatient facilities, but what I do remember was scary, negative, and wholly unhelpful. I remember being treated as if I was just an annoying kid in the way of someone's paycheck. I remember being whispered about by colleagues gossiping about which kids are the worst. I remember the looks that were all but laughter as I sat struggling to eat and struggling to keep breathing. I remember being completely alone and terrified, on top of already being in such a mentally deep hole, and the people who were supposed to be my advocates, just rolling their eyes through another day of having to deal with us crazy kids to get their pay into their pocket, Many children attempt suicide and I want to help them live another day. Many children have eating disorders and I want to help them get to a point where they feel comfortable eating. Many children have symptoms of aggression, depression, anxiety, and so much more. These children deserve to be happy and capable of living a good life, and I want to be there for them and help them, the way I needed help. In the US, almost 50% of minors have some form of mental health disorder at some point, and I want to be able to be there for them during this time. These children deserve to feel comfortable, safe and understood during an extremely vulnerable time, and their parents deserve to have an understanding of what is going on with their children. I hope to be able to give that to these people.

My single mother inspired me to be everything she is not. My mom and dad split when I was young, and she raised me. I wish I could say she raised me the best that she could, but she did not, and that fact inspired everything I wanted to be. When I was young I was constantly pawned off to my grandparents. Growing up she owned a home but did not keep up with the bills and focused her finances on bad habits instead which lost her the home. My mother started college courses multiple times but never had the drive to finish any, let alone get a degree. As I got older my mother’s boyfriend started molesting me, and when she found out she chose him over me. She doesn’t allow anyone who lives with her to have a job so that her government assistance is not affected, and she encouraged her youngest child to have a baby at 18 so that she could keep her government assistance. This is not what I want to be. I want to be an active loving parent. I want my children to have stable housing. I want my children to come first. I want to be financially stable, and for my children to have the ability to get a head start in financial stability while still under my roof. I want a college education and a true career. I want things for me and my children that she did not care to want for herself and her children. My mother may not have inspired me in the traditional sense, but she sure did inspire me and shape who I am as a person. My mother is a very selfish person, but is selfless in ways she should not be. She is selfless because she is selfish, as she only does for others if it will make her seem like a good person to enough people. She is a very judgemental person, but only behind your back, and never in a way that helps someone improve themselves. She says things in a calculated way to hurt people, instead of telling people things to help them better themselves or make improvements. She wasn’t a great mother, nor was she a great person, but in the end, my mother shaped me by inspiring me to be better than her and to go better than her in every aspect of my life.

Being mentally ill and growing up surrounded by others who are also mentally ill is not easy. Each relationship and type of mental illness involved has a difference in experience be it self, familial, or romantic. I struggle with an alphabet soup of diagnoses of my own and was raised by a family cluttered with diagnoses as well. However, I have to say the relationship where mental illness had the most impact on me was the relationship with my ex-husband and his mental illnesses. I am diagnosed with ADHD, PTSD, OCD, and BPD. My ex-husband is diagnosed with Tourette, ADHD, and PTSD, but the most relevant diagnosis is Narcissistic Personality Disorder with Sociopathic and Abusive traits and tendencies. I was in college once before, which is when I met him. I had recently gone through trauma that left me feeling a hole in my soul desiring love and affection. The day that I met him, I ended up at his home. We talked and got on very well in our conversations. Within 24 hours he was telling me how perfect I was and that he loved me. At the time I didn’t notice this as the red flag that it was, but instead, as the missing part of my soul that I craved so much. He loved me so much that he threatened to kill himself if I left his home to attend classes. Obviously, how could I continue college if he loved me that much? When he asked me to marry him a few weeks later, I did. How could I not when he loved me? I didn’t know at the time that he did not love me, but loved that I wore rose-colored glasses and looked at him like he brightened the night, when in reality, as I would eventually learn, he was the clouds that darkened even the brightest days. After we were married, things changed fast. I immediately fell pregnant, and he expected me to never show negative emotions, nor ever tell him no. Soon he began punishing me if I didn't listen to his every request or demand. He began isolating me from my family. He began raping me. He was emotionally and financially abusive. I kept a facade on, but the facade fell when after my child was born he molested my younger sister. When that happened I couldn't hide the abuse anymore, but I was forced to. He threatened to kill my child and me if I left, but I had to. I did and was able to get my divorce finalized eventually, but because of his NPD and sociopathic tendencies, I am forever changed and affected. My belief in goodness, love, and safety, is constantly challenged. My goal of being a therapist will never be met. Not just because I left school, but because I no longer felt worthy of helping others when I couldn’t even recognize the problems with my relationship with my ex until it got far too bad. I had to create a new dream, and while I love the path I’m pursuing in nursing, my dream was forever taken from me. As for relationships, every single relationship I have was forever changed because of what his mental health put me through. I feel indebted to my sister. I feel incapable of protecting my child. I feel unable to trust and be as close as I can be with my partner. I constantly feel like I am looking over my shoulder, and am constantly second-guessing every interaction I have with every single person in my life.

I didn't want to be a nurse. I never wanted to be a nurse. When I was 18 I started school for a social work degree because I wanted to be a therapist. Before finishing my first semester, I was pregnant with my first child, which changed everything. I dropped out of school and put my focus on my family. I had a beautiful daughter and all of my time and energy was put into her. As she grew, everyone noticed that her IQ was much higher than average. She came home from school one day telling me about how she wasn't learning anything new and how, "they might as well just let me go to veterinarian school, since they're teaching the alphabet and I can already spell veterinarian so I don't need to learn what they are trying to teach." That day was the day I realized I had to go back to college. If my daughter, who was only 5, recognized the need for higher education, I realized I needed to set a good example for her and pursue a path of higher education myself. I always thought leaving school at 18 was the end of my educational journey. I never thought I would meet someone who would encourage me to consider what career I wanted to pursue and help me make my dreams a reality. At first, I could not figure out what degree I wanted to pursue, or which career could bring me joy. I knew I no longer wanted to pursue social work, so that was a start. I thought maybe I would pursue physical therapy, as it plays a major role in my and my children's lives. However, it just did not feel right. One day, I'm still not sure why, I started looking into nursing. My mind just kept going back to it, I had always said nursing was not something I wanted to do, but that day it just clicked. This was what I wanted. I have had both amazing and terrible experiences with the healthcare system. I had grown up hating the medical system because so many people treated me as if I didn't know my body well enough to know when something was wrong. In the last few years, however, I have gotten lucky with medical professionals who only listened to me but treated me with respect, kindness, and personal understanding. When it clicked, I just knew that what I wanted to do with my life was to make sure I was able to be a reason someone had a good experience in the vulnerable position that seeking medical care puts you in. I know I want more than anything to get a nursing degree and to get a job working in a pediatric capacity. I am not particular about the exact setting, as long as I get to be the reason young people and parents get to be comfortable when in a medical setting. However, if I was able to choose the exact job, I think being a nurse in a children's inpatient mental health treatment center would be my dream. With working on a labor and delivery or NICU floor being a close second. I want to help children other than just my own, and I want to help parents who are already nervous for their kids. I have been in a pediatric inpatient center as a minor and it is one of the most vulnerable positions you can be in at one of the most vulnerable times in your life in many ways. Being a child is a vulnerable enough position, but then to also be struggling with your mental health to that extent, and to be in a very rigid setting away from the people and routines you know as well is terrifying. I would love to be there for children; to bring them some form of comfort and understanding and to know that they have someone who is on their side in those times. I also would love to be able to be there to help parents understand what is going on with their child and be able to educate them on how they can care for and support their child who is struggling to that extreme. As a parent of a child with ADHD and as a parent with multiple mental health diagnoses, I know the difference that having a gentle and understanding team can make, and more than anything I would love to be able to be that. However, I would also love working in a labor and delivery or NICU setting as a mom who has given birth to three children and have had three entirely different births. My oldest I had hyperemesis gravidarum during my pregnancy and she was in an occiput posterior position and was a precipitous labor. My second birth was a premature emergency induction due to a placental abruption, with severe postpartum depression. My third child I had gestational diabetes and polyhydramnios. I needed to be induced after preterm premature rupture of membranes, and during labor I had a placental abruption and cervical tear. I had both kind and gentle nurses that helped me and saved my life, and I had nurses that were so bad they are part of the reason my life needed saving in the first place. I would absolutely love to be the reason someone has the birth they deserve or the reason someone’s child is safe and healthy. I also would love to be able to educate parents in the hospital to ensure children are able to go home with parents that feel comfortable and confident in their ability to care for their children. It took me longer than most to know what I wanted to do, but now at 25 I am confident in my choice to go back to school to be a nurse. I cannot wait to pursue this path and hopefully make a difference in the lives of many parents and children. I am very hopeful I can be the kindness and advocate I wish I had had more of in medical settings.

I didn't want to be a nurse. I never wanted to be a nurse. When I was 18 I started school for a social work degree because I wanted to be a therapist. Before finishing my first semester, I was pregnant with my first child, which changed everything. I dropped out of school and put my focus on my family. I had a beautiful daughter and all of my time and energy was put into her. As she grew, everyone noticed that her IQ was much higher than average. She came home from school one day telling me about how she wasn't learning anything new and how, "they might as well just let me go to veterinarian school, since they're teaching the alphabet and I can already spell veterinarian so I don't need to learn what they are trying to teach." That day was the day I realized I had to go back to college. If my daughter, who was only 5, recognized the need for higher education, I realized I needed to set a good example for her and pursue a path of higher education myself. I always thought leaving school at 18 was the end of my educational journey. I never thought I would meet someone who would encourage me to consider what career I wanted to pursue and help me make my dreams a reality. At first, I could not figure out what degree I wanted to pursue, or which career could bring me joy. I knew I no longer wanted to pursue social work, so that was a start. I thought maybe I would pursue physical therapy, as it plays a major role in my and my children's lives. However, it just did not feel right. One day, I'm still not sure why, I started looking into nursing. My mind just kept going back to it, I had always said nursing was not something I wanted to do, but that day it just clicked. This was what I wanted. I have had both amazing and terrible experiences with the healthcare system. I had grown up hating the medical system because so many people treated me as if I didn't know my body well enough to know when something was wrong. In the last few years, however, I have gotten lucky with medical professionals who only listened to me but treated me with respect, kindness, and personal understanding. When it clicked, I just knew that what I wanted to do with my life was to make sure I was able to be a reason someone had a good experience in the vulnerable position that seeking medical care puts you in. It took until I was 25, but now I know I want more than anything to get a nursing degree and to get a job working in a pediatric capacity. I am not particular about the exact setting, as long as I get to be the reason young people and parents get to be comfortable when in a medical setting. However, if I was able to choose the exact job, I think being a nurse in a children's inpatient mental health treatment center would be my dream. With working on a labor and delivery or NICU floor being a close second. I want to help children other than just my own, and I want to help parents who are already nervous for their kids. I want to be a nurse, to be the kindness and advocate I wish I had gotten sooner.

I didn't want to be a nurse. I never wanted to be a nurse. When I was 18 I started school for a social work degree because I wanted to be a therapist. Before finishing my first semester, I was pregnant with my first child, which changed everything. I dropped out of school and put my focus on my family. I had a beautiful daughter and all of my time and energy was put into her. As she grew, everyone noticed that her IQ was much higher than average. She came home from school one day telling me about how she wasn't learning anything new and how, "they might as well just let me go to veterinarian school, since they're teaching the alphabet and I can already spell veterinarian so I don't need to learn what they are trying to teach." That day was the day I realized I had to go back to college. If my daughter, who was only 5, recognized the need for higher education, I realized I needed to set a good example for her and pursue a path of higher education myself. I always thought leaving school at 18 was the end of my educational journey. I never thought I would meet someone who would encourage me to consider what career I wanted to pursue and help me make my dreams a reality. At first, I could not figure out what degree I wanted to pursue, or which career could bring me joy. I knew I no longer wanted to pursue social work, so that was a start. I thought maybe I would pursue physical therapy, as it plays a major role in my and my children's lives. However, it just did not feel right. One day, I'm still not sure why, I started looking into nursing. My mind just kept going back to it, I had always said nursing was not something I wanted to do, but that day it just clicked. This was what I wanted. I have had both amazing and terrible experiences with the healthcare system. I had grown up hating the medical system because so many people treated me as if I didn't know my body well enough to know when something was wrong. In the last few years, however, I have gotten lucky with medical professionals who only listened to me but treated me with respect, kindness, and personal understanding. When it clicked, I just knew that what I wanted to do with my life was to make sure I was able to be a reason someone had a good experience in the vulnerable position that seeking medical care puts you in. It took until I was 25, but now I know I want more than anything to get a nursing degree and to get a job working in a pediatric capacity. I am not particular about the exact setting, as long as I get to be the reason young people and parents get to be comfortable when in a medical setting. However, if I was able to choose the exact job, I think being a nurse in a children's inpatient mental health treatment center would be my dream. With working on a labor and delivery or NICU floor being a close second. I want to help children other than just my own, and I want to help parents who are already nervous for their kids. I want to be a nurse, to be the kindness and advocate I wish I had gotten sooner.

I didn't want to be a nurse. I never wanted to be a nurse. When I was 18 I started school for a social work degree because I wanted to be a therapist. Before finishing my first semester, I was pregnant with my first child, which changed everything. I dropped out of school and put my focus on my family. I had a beautiful daughter and all of my time and energy was put into her. As she grew, everyone noticed that her IQ was much higher than average. She came home from school one day telling me about how she wasn't learning anything new and how, "they might as well just let me go to veterinarian school, since they're teaching the alphabet and I can already spell veterinarian so I don't need to learn what they are trying to teach." That day was the day I realized I had to go back to college. If my daughter, who was only 5, recognized the need for higher education, I realized I needed to set a good example for her and pursue a path of higher education myself. I always thought leaving school at 18 was the end of my educational journey. I never thought I would meet someone who would encourage me to consider what career I wanted to pursue and help me make my dreams a reality. At first, I could not figure out what degree I wanted to pursue, or which career could bring me joy. I knew I no longer wanted to pursue social work, so that was a start. I thought maybe I would pursue physical therapy, as it plays a major role in my and my children's lives. However, it just did not feel right. One day, I'm still not sure why, I started looking into nursing. My mind just kept going back to it, I had always said nursing was not something I wanted to do, but that day it just clicked. This was what I wanted. I have had both amazing and terrible experiences with the healthcare system. I had grown up hating the medical system because so many people treated me as if I didn't know my body well enough to know when something was wrong. In the last few years, however, I have gotten lucky with medical professionals who only listened to me but treated me with respect, kindness, and personal understanding. When it clicked, I just knew that what I wanted to do with my life was to make sure I was able to be a reason someone had a good experience in the vulnerable position that seeking medical care puts you in. It took until I was 25, but now I know I want more than anything to get a nursing degree and to get a job working in a pediatric capacity. I am not particular about the exact setting, as long as I get to be the reason young people and parents get to be comfortable when in a medical setting. However, if I was able to choose the exact job, I think being a nurse in a children's inpatient mental health treatment center would be my dream. With working on a labor and delivery or NICU floor being a close second. I want to help children other than just my own, and I want to help parents who are already nervous for their kids. I want to be a nurse, to be the kindness and advocate I wish I had gotten sooner.

I didn't want to be a nurse. I never wanted to be a nurse. When I was 18 I started school for a social work degree because I wanted to be a therapist. Before finishing my first semester, I was pregnant with my first child, which changed everything. I dropped out of school and put my focus on my family. I had a beautiful daughter and all of my time and energy was put into her. As she grew, everyone noticed that her IQ was much higher than average. She came home from school one day telling me about how she wasn't learning anything new and how, "they might as well just let me go to veterinarian school, since they're teaching the alphabet and I can already spell veterinarian so I don't need to learn what they are trying to teach." That day was the day I realized I had to go back to college. If my daughter, who was only 5, recognized the need for higher education, I realized I needed to set a good example for her and pursue a path of higher education myself. I always thought leaving school at 18 was the end of my educational journey. I never thought I would meet someone who would encourage me to consider what career I wanted to pursue and help me make my dreams a reality. At first, I could not figure out what degree I wanted to pursue, or which career could bring me joy. I knew I no longer wanted to pursue social work, so that was a start. I thought maybe I would pursue physical therapy, as it plays a major role in my and my children's lives. However, it just did not feel right. One day, I'm still not sure why, I started looking into nursing. My mind just kept going back to it, I had always said nursing was not something I wanted to do, but that day it just clicked. This was what I wanted. I have had both amazing and terrible experiences with the healthcare system. I had grown up hating the medical system because so many people treated me as if I didn't know my body well enough to know when something was wrong. In the last few years, however, I have gotten lucky with medical professionals who only listened to me but treated me with respect, kindness, and personal understanding. When it clicked, I just knew that what I wanted to do with my life was to make sure I was able to be a reason someone had a good experience in the vulnerable position that seeking medical care puts you in. It took until I was 25, but now I know I want more than anything to get a nursing degree and to get a job working in a pediatric capacity. I am not particular about the exact setting, as long as I get to be the reason young people and parents get to be comfortable when in a medical setting. However, if I was able to choose the exact job, I think being a nurse in a children's inpatient mental health treatment center would be my dream. With working on a labor and delivery or NICU floor being a close second. I want to help children other than just my own, and I want to help parents who are already nervous for their kids. I want to be a nurse, to be the kindness and advocate I wish I had gotten sooner.

I didn't want to be a nurse. I never wanted to be a nurse. When I was 18 I started school for a social work degree because I wanted to be a therapist. Before finishing my first semester, I was pregnant with my first child, which changed everything. I dropped out of school and put my focus on my family. I had a beautiful daughter and all of my time and energy was put into her. As she grew, everyone noticed that her IQ was much higher than average. She came home from school one day telling me about how she wasn't learning anything new and how, "they might as well just let me go to veterinarian school, since they're teaching the alphabet and I can already spell veterinarian so I don't need to learn what they are trying to teach." That day was the day I realized I had to go back to college. If my daughter, who was only 5, recognized the need for higher education, I realized I needed to set a good example for her and pursue a path of higher education myself. I always thought leaving school at 18 was the end of my educational journey. I never thought I would meet someone who would encourage me to consider what career I wanted to pursue and help me make my dreams a reality. At first, I could not figure out what degree I wanted to pursue, or which career could bring me joy. I knew I no longer wanted to pursue social work, so that was a start. I thought maybe I would pursue physical therapy, as it plays a major role in my and my children's lives. However, it just did not feel right. One day, I'm still not sure why, I started looking into nursing. My mind just kept going back to it, I had always said nursing was not something I wanted to do, but that day it just clicked. This was what I wanted. I have had both amazing and terrible experiences with the healthcare system. I had grown up hating the medical system because so many people treated me as if I didn't know my body well enough to know when something was wrong. In the last few years, however, I have gotten lucky with medical professionals who only listened to me but treated me with respect, kindness, and personal understanding. When it clicked, I just knew that what I wanted to do with my life was to make sure I was able to be a reason someone had a good experience in the vulnerable position that seeking medical care puts you in. I want more than anything to get a nursing degree and to get a job working in a pediatric capacity. I am not particular about the exact setting, as long as I get to be the reason young people and parents get to be comfortable when in a medical setting. However, if I was able to choose the exact job, I think being a nurse in a children's inpatient mental health treatment center would be my dream. With working on a labor and delivery or NICU floor being a close second. I want to help children other than just my own, and I want to help parents who are already nervous for their kids. I want to be a nurse, to be the kindness and advocate I wish I had gotten sooner.

Have you ever felt like you have bees swarming inside of your brain? That’s ADHD. Have you ever felt like your emotions are a roller coaster and you hate the things and people you love at the same time that you love them? That is BPD. Have you ever felt like everything in your life will be poinsonedif you do things in the wrong order, or in the wrong way-even something as small as washing the table before the television stand? That is OCD. Have you ever had your soul thrown out of your body when you see something so normal, like a man woth a red beard? Thats PTSD. I have all of them, and they all turn life into extra hard mode in many different ways in every aspect of my life. Growing up I didn't understand why everything was as hard for me as it was or why I constantly felt life I was playing a different game of life than everyone around me. Over the last few years I've been able To do a lot of therapy and self reflection to understand. The diagnoses I live with have shaped many aspects of my life from my relationships, my daily habits, my goals, and my beliefs. When it comes to my relationships, I struggle to have an appropriate attachment and to appropriately interact with those around me. Due to the my BPD causing swift changes in my moods, most people find me difficult to be around. I can get very angry, sad, or excited at the drop of a hat, and that can cause a lot of strain. This reaction can happen without a trigger, or with a trigger, which because of my ADHD and OCD, I have many triggers for this. I also cannot be around people who trigger my PTSD which has also interfered with my relationships. It is difficult for me to get close to people, but it is also difficult to the people I get comfortable enough to be close to to be capable of staying close to me. This is not the only way my mental health severely affects and influences me though. My goals in life have also been severely affected. Because of the struggle my mental health has put me through, I have become very passionate about being the reason other people are safe, happy, and understood. Also because of the difficulties with my mental health. I was unable to pursue an education at a traditional pace, nor was I able to maintain the balance of a job and family during the most difficult times. On top of relationships and life goals, my belief and value system is also influenced by the diagnoses I have. I have a very strong belief in equity over equality after living in a world where accommodations were unable to be made for my ADHD. I also have a strong belief in forgiving moments a person has if you enjoy the person overall because I have not had the same courtesy. Mental health issues do not just affect one or two parts of your life though. They effect every aspect from who you are, to how you think, how you feel, and what you do. It's not always easy, and it can often feel like a very negative thing. They are who you are and they effect everything so treat your mental health with grace and listen to the ways it effects you.

I always thought leaving school at 18 was the end of my educational journey. I never thought I would meet someone who would encourage me to consider what career I wanted to pursue, and help me make my dreams a reality. At first I could not figure out what degree I wanted to pursue, or which career could bring me joy. I knew I no longer wanted to pursue social work, so that was a start. I thought maybe I would pursue physical therapy, as it plays a major role in mine and my children’s lives. However, it just did not feel right. One day, I’m still not sure why, I started looking into nursing. It just clicked that this was what I wanted. I have had both amazing and terrible experiences with the healthcare system, and I knew that what I wanted to do with my life was to make sure I was able to be a reason someone had a good experience in the vulnerable position that seeking medical care puts you in. I want more than anything to get a nursing degree and to get a job working in a pediatric capacity. I am not particular on the exact setting, as long as I get to be the reasons young people and parents get to be comfortable when in a medical setting. However, if I was able to choose the exact job, I think being a nurse in a childrens in patient mental health treatment center would be my dream. With working on a labor and delivery or NICU floor being a close second. I want to help children other than just my own, and I want to help parents who are already nervous for their kids. It may have taken me longer than traditional to pursue my dreams, but this scholarship would help me do that.

Have you ever felt like you have bees swarming inside of your brain? That’s ADHD. Have you ever felt like your emotions are a roller coaster and you hate the things and people you love at the same time that you love them? That is BPD. I have both, and they both turn life into extra hard mode in many different ways academically and personally. Academically, these diagnoses make me struggle to turn in assignments on time, understand the content I am learning, and impairs my ability to participate in class discussions and ask for help. While both disorders affect my academic performance, ADHD is the disorder that does so the most. ADHD is a disorder of focus and executive function. With that, I struggle to remember deadlines and with time blindness, and when I do remember them, I struggle to remember to bring my work, finish my work, or even just struggle to get my work out and walk it up to turn it in. I also struggle with having the executive function to start on work or to process things that I am learning if I am not specifically interested in the exact task or concept right at that moment. This also caused me to have extreme anxiety when I am doing the task or attempting to learn the concept, which can cause even more difficulty. In my everyday personal life, both disorders effect me equally, or unequally depending on the day or situation, but it is less cut and dry than the way they affect me academically. ADHD as you know affects memory and executive function which can easily be assumed affects my ability to do chores and create schedules and routines. However, a less easily deduced effect it has is with object permanence, which contrary to its name, does not only happen with objects but also with people. I forget what I need to buy when I go to the store, and I forget tasks that need to be done if I cannot see them, but I also forget that the people in my life exist or need attention if they are not contacting me or something is not occuring to specifically remind me of them, which makes relationships difficult. BPD also makes relationships difficult as BPD is a personality disorder that is characterized mostly by attachments and severe, but quick- which in the mental health world means anytime less than 3 days- mood swings. This affects not only struggling to bond with the people in my life, but also getting inappropriately attached to people as well. The mood swings I have can occur in many different capacities from severe depression or anxiety types, severe anger,or hypo-manic swings as well. This does cause issues with relationships which is easily deduced, but it also causes issues with finances, over or under sleeping, and basic care tasks. My mental health severely affects me, so I have to take steps to lessen how much it does. What that means for me, is taking medication and speaking to a therapist regularly, as well as learning about each of my diagnoses to be able to recognize when they are having an effect on me to take immediate steps to not allow them to take hold when possible. I have to be proactive with schedules, organization, and systems in place, but recognize that there will still be shortcomings and extra hurdles for me that others may not have. I am doing my best, despite the effects mental health has on the different aspects of my life.

I am a 25 year old stay at home single mother of three with only a high school level education. This is a sentence I never thought I would say. Another sentence I never thought I would say is that I want to be a nurse. When I was 18, I enrolled in college for a social work degree, as I wanted to be a therapist. At this time I was going through a lot of trauma, and met a man who swore he loved me. He loved me so much that he couldn't bear me being away from him during the day to attend classes, so I dropped out. This man turned abusive, and in the end, the only things he gave me was my oldest child and more trauma. I always thought that this was the end of my educational journey. I never thought I would meet another man who would encourage me to consider what career I wanted to pursue, and help me make my dreams a reality. At first I could not figure out what degree I wanted to pursue, or which career could bring me joy. I knew I no longer wanted to pursue social work,so that was a start. I thought maybe I would pursue physical therapy, as it plays a major role in mine and my children’s lives. However, it just did not feel right. One day, I’m still not sure why, I started looking into nursing. It just clicked that this was what I wanted. I have had both amazing and terrible experiences with the healthcare system, and I knew that what I wanted to do with my life was to make sure I was able to be a reason someone had a good experience in the vulnerable position that seeking medical care puts you in. I want more than anything to get a nursing degree and to get a job working in a pediatric capacity. I am not particular on the exact setting, as long as I get to be the reasons young people and parents get to be comfortable when in a medical setting. However, if I was able to choose the exact job, I think being a nurse in a childrens in patient mental health treatment center would be my dream. With working on a labor and delivery or NICU floor being a close second. I want to help children other than just my own, and I want to help parents who are already nervous for their kids. It may have taken me longer than traditional to pursue my dreams, but this scholarship would help me do that.

Once upon a time I didn’t want to be a non-traditional student. In fact, I was originally a traditional student enrolled straight out of high school, but just like every other fairytale, I met my knight in shining armor. Scratch that I thought I met my knight in shining armor. In reality he was a dragon in rusted metal who’s every breath poisoned the track of my life, and now I have to make changes to get to where my family needs me to be. Let's go back to the beginning. I was 18 and wanted to be a social worker to help kids who, like me, grew up with trauma and mental health illnesses. At the time, I myself was struggling, so when I met a man who wanted to “love” me, I wanted nothing more than to let him, not even a degree or education, so when he told me that he couldn’t handle me leaving him during the day to attend classes, I dropped out. We got married and I lived out my happily ever after princess ending, right? Wrong. He was abusive in almost every way you can think of and once I had my oldest child, I had to leave. Eventually I met a true prince who expanded my home from a family of two to a family of five. With him being a true prince he was able to notice that being a stay at home mother whose education was cut short is not the life that would give me what i need most from life. He has encouraged me to figure out what I can do to improve my happiness in life, and what would give me a career that could balance my needs out. I realized that I no longer want to pursue a degree in social work, but instead want to pursue a degree and career in nursing. He has been taking care of our family financially while encouraging me to do what I need to. I realized that getting a degree and pursuing a career helping children in the medical field will give me financial freedom, mental stimuli, and a purpose outside of motherhood. The first step was realizing that, but now I have done that and realize the even bigger hurdle is the fact that I am now a 25 year old woman who is going to be a student alongside peers who are at a different life stage than mine. They will have advantages that I do not have with them being traditional students that I do not have as a non-traditional student. That fact almost made me rethink my decision, but then I realized that while I will have more struggles than if I was a traditional student, that doesn’t matter in the long run. What matters in the long run is that I do what I need to do to be a happy and successful person and adult for myself and my family, even if it’s not traditional, or the way it’s “supposed” to be. It is the way it is for me, and I am so excited.

I have read 212 books full of the dirtiest smut so far this year. I used to pride myself on reading faster than other kids, and reading books above my grade level. I was a self proclaimed reader until one day I put a book down, and never picked up another one. I tried and nothing was able to catch my attention, until one day I was scrolling on TikTok and there was a video made by a pretty redhead talking about the plot of a book that made me blush brighter than her hair. That video ignited the desire for reading I used to feel when I was the “gifted kid who loves to read”, before I became a burnt out stay at home mother with no hobbies. BookTok and the smut that is on it, changed the path of my life, and how I live day by day. I've been growing a small library since discovering BookTok, but there's still much more I hope to do in order to have the perfect BookTok library. I have been inspired, not only just in which books to have, but also in how to create the perfect space for my books to live. I hope to be able to build a bookshelf wall with a jar full of titles to help me decide which books to read. As for the books that BookTok has convinced me belng in my library, there are many. Authors like Sadie Kincaid and Sara Cate have books that have explicit scenes to help develo my imagination. Authors like Naveesa Allen and H.D. Carlton belong on my shelf to give my trauma an outlet. Authors like Ali Hazelwood and Kaitie Bailey exist to make me laugh and smile. I hope to have a wall that is filled with romance from Authors like Rina Kent, Willow Winters, Luna Mason, Sierra Simone, Penelope Douglas with morally grey main characters. I hope to have a library filled with BookTok sensations for all of my moods. Emily Henry and Lucy Score for when I need a giggle from a knight in shiny armor, and K.A Knight and Morgan Bridges for when I need a scare from man in used rusted chainlink armor. I hope to line my walls with authors I have watched peers who's reading journey has been similar to mine boast about online. BookTok created a space to help me dream of that.

Being mentally ill and growing up surrounded by friends and family who are also mentally ill is not easy. Each relationship with mental illness involved has a difference in experience be it self, familial, or romantic. The type of mental illness also impacts how you are affected. I struggle with an alphabet soup of diagnosis of my own, and was raised by a family cluttered with diagnosis as well. However, I have to say the relationship where mental illness had the most impact on my beliefs, relationships, and aspirations was the relationship with my ex-husband and his mental illnesses. I am diagnosed with ADHD, PTSD, OCD, and BPD. My ex-husband is diagnosed with tourettes, ADHD, and PTSD, but the most relevant diagnosis is Narcissistic Personality Disorder with Sociopathic and Abusive traits and tendencies. I was in college once before, which is when I met him. I had recently gone through trauma that left me feeling a hole in my soul desiring love and affection. The day that I met him, I ended up at his home. We talked and got on very well in our conversations. Within 24 hours he was telling me how perfect I was and that he loved me. At the time I didn’t notice this as the red flag that it was, but instead, as the missing part of my soul that I craved so much. He loved me so much that he threatened to kill himself if I left his home to attend classes. Obviously, how could I continue college if he loved me that much? When he asked me to marry him a few weeks later, I did. How could I not when he actually loved me? I didn’t know at the time that he did not love me, but loved that I wore rose colored glasses and looked at him like he brightened the night, when in reality, as I would eventually learn, he was the clouds that darkened even the brightest days. After we were married, things changed fast. I immediately fell pregnant, and he expected me to never show negative emotions, nor ever tell him no. Soon he began punishing me if I didn't listen to his every request or demand. He began isolating me from my family. He began raping me. He was emotionally and financially abusive. I kept a facade on, but the facade fell when after my child was born he molested my younger sister. When that happened I couldn't hide the abuse anymore, but I was forced to. He threatened to kill my child and I if I left, but I had to. I did, and was able to get my divorce finalized eventually, but because of his NPD and sociopathic tendencies I am forever changed and affected. My belief in goodness, in love, in safety, is constantly challenged. My goal of being a therapist will never be met. Not just because I left school, but because I no longer feel worthy of helping others when I couldn’t even recognize the problems with my relationship with my ex until it got far too bad. I had to create a new dream, and while I love the path I’m pursuing in nursing, my dream was forever taken from me. As for relationships, every single relationship I have was forever changed because of what his mental health put me through. I feel indebted to my sister. I feel incapable of protecting my child. I feel unable to trust and be as close as I can be with my partner. I constantly feel like I am looking over my shoulder, and am constantly second guessing every interaction I have with every single person in my life.

Have you ever felt like your brain is filled with bees that have been shaken until they didn't know their direction? I don't blame you if you haven't, but for me, that's my every single day. ADHDOCDBPDPTSD. I'm sorry, my brain works too fast, let me slow down. I am mentally ill. I have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. When you have alphabet soup making up your brain chemistry the way that I do, you can't afford to neglect your mental health or make it anything less than one of your top priorities. A good mental health is the basis for being capable of living a happy life, and isn't that the goal of living? Being happy and capable of having a good life? If your mental health isn't taken care of, that is impossible. Some people can easily take care of their mental health woth basic self care or hobbies, but some people’s brains take a little extra care and finesse to be mentally health. For example, I take medication as a baseline of being able to have stable mental health. For me, I struggle to even do basic self care or participate in activities that bring me happiness without medications. I also make sure to surround myself with people who add something positive to my life, rather than people who cause me distress. I also make sure to put effort into basic hygiene when my mental health is not doing well. I've been to the point where I'm happy and thriving. I've been to the point where my brain was so scrambled having basic thoughts was impossible. I have also been to the darkest crevices of my brain that had ne laying bleeding on the ground until I was whisked away to be under 24/7 care. No one deserves to be a statistic. No one deserves to feel so down, or so confused, or anxious, or lonely. I do everything I can to make sure I do not feel that way. I make sure that I do the things I love, even when it's hard to live them. I make sure I spend time with my loved ones, even when doing so feels draining. I make sure I put effort into having routines and organization, even when doing so feels like 4 trains running on the same track. Because I don't deserve to be a statistic.