For as long as I can remember, I have struggled with my mental health. I have always felt like something was broken inside me and that I would never be able to fix it. How does one undo childhood trauma? I am not sure that I can, but if I never heard my dad be killed, I probably would not currently be on antidepressants. If I had not been sexually assaulted as a kid by my family members, maybe I would not need Buspirone for my anxiety. If my mom did not punish me for crying, maybe I would be better at regulating my emotions. Unfortunately, I cannot change the past. I felt so alone growing up, which is ironic because physically I had no space. The house my family lived in was simply too small for all of us. There was a point in my life though, that I realized that despite my past, I am still responsible for my future. I know what it is like to be hopeless. I always saw the world through black and white lenses, and I do not want people like me to grow up seeing the world as a game that they have been sentenced to lose. I started my journey by majoring in Psychology. My family tried to get me to change it, as they do not view mental health as a serious issue, but they failed to change my mind. My goal is to be the voice for those who have had theirs stolen. My goal is to help people feel safe inside their minds and their bodies, because I understand. I understand what it is like to be unheard. I am a published author of a book titled “During the Storm” which features poems that I have written to help me express myself. When writing these poems, I had no intention of publishing them because they were for me, and for my therapist to understand my thoughts. Then I realized that sharing my raw emotions would make others know that they are not alone and that their feelings are normal. I want people to feel understood. I am also a psychology major currently set to graduate next spring. My goal is to join the low percentage of black mental health professionals in the United States. Unfortunately, mental health and mental illness are not taken as seriously as they should be in the black community, and that needs to change. “Be the change that you would like to see in the world,” is one of my favorite quotes, because I agree. It makes no sense to stand around and wait for change when you can start working towards that change. I am currently a part of my campus suicide prevention initiative and I am also currently planning on getting an organization called NAMI- National Alliance on Mental Illness, started on my university campus, as I think that will be another safe space for my peers. I want them to know now that their mental health is important before they go out into a world that will tell them otherwise. Everything that I am doing now is setting the foundation for change, and hopefully, with my psychology degree, I can go on to further educate myself to assist my people on our healing journey as we heal as a race from generational trauma. The change starts now.

I was born in Spanish Town Jamaica to a dad who worked two jobs and a mom who did not finish high school. My dad took care of us though, as my mom had another child from a previous relationship. Then a few months later, we welcomed my baby sister into the world, we lost my father to gun violence. He was coming home late one night, and gunmen waited for him by our gate and robbed him of his life. I watched as they took him away while my mom fought for him even though he was no longer here. It was at that moment, at five years old, that I learned that I would have to do whatever I had to do to make my family happy. Since my mom did not finish high school, she did whatever she could to put food on the table. She sold whatever goods were in demand at that time, and when she needed some extra help, I would go to the market with her. Whenever I did not go with her, I stayed home with my siblings helping with homework and making meals for them even though they would complain about my cooking, as the oldest daughter I had the responsibility of taking care of my three siblings when our mom was away. Eventually, I decided that I wanted to do more for everyone, so, I came here. Then I stumbled upon several obstacles in my path that I was unprepared to deal with alone in a new country. The first was realizing that I would not be able to work or get financial aid to assist with school. So, I did what I knew how to do best, and that was playing sports. I got recruited to play soccer at my university, and since then I have also played flag football and ran track to represent my school. I have joined organizations to give back to my school and community despite the obstacles. This taught me that giving up is not an option, and that I cannot expect doors to open for me in this country. I might have to build that door myself from scratch. I have always felt like I did not fit in with the American students though. Most of them have this unknown privilege. When I realized that, I realized that I would just have to focus even harder and work twice as hard as those who were born in this country. I struggle a lot financially, and it makes me feel isolated from my peers. I struggle with anxiety and depression because of these things. I have not seen my mom and siblings in a few years, and I do miss them a lot, but I cannot take my eyes off the prize. This is all for them. This scholarship will assist me with graduating with my degree in Psychology on time, which will be a big win for my family. I am a first-generation college student and graduating will set an example for my younger sisters. My older brother got a job in air conditioning repairs after high school, and even though he is older he looks up to me, they all do. This scholarship will give us all hope, especially my mom. I want my family to know that their life does not have to be struggle and hardships all the time. Being a college graduate will start a new life for all of us. Where I grew up, dreams were just dreams. Now, I know that that is anything is possible.

I recently published my first book, and that is currently my greatest achievement. I write poems as a form of self-care. I have always struggled with my mental health, but writing helps me understand my thoughts and feelings. When I started college, it was after a gap year because my family would not support me going as they thought it would be better if I just went and got a job. So, I continued playing soccer for my travel team in hopes of getting recruited since it was my last year before I aged out. I would work around six hours every day before heading to practice in the evenings. My hard work paid off because I got recruited on a partial scholarship which opened the door for me to pursue a degree in Psychology. In my first semester, I started seeing the school therapist as the weight of being a first-generation student-athlete with a job was overwhelming, especially with no support from my family. The therapist requested accommodation for me as the stress was crippling, and I was excused from classes for a few weeks, but luckily, I was still able to finish the semester with a 3.8 grade point average. In my sessions, I did not understand my feelings, so I would read my poetry to our therapist. There they were all my raw emotions on paper. All my anger, sadness, and anxiety were laid out for him to see. He encouraged me that my poems were powerful and that I should have them published. I thought about it long and hard, then I did it. I realized that my book of poems is the first step in breaking the stigma around mental health. I want people to know that their feelings are normal. I want people like me to know that they are valued and that they are seen. My book was the first step in advocating for mental health issues and mental illnesses, as someone currently on antidepressants and medication for an anxiety disorder. This book made me realize that I can do anything, as being a published author was always a dream of mine, but when I told people they would laugh at me. Where I grew up, dreams were just dreams, but now I know that I can accomplish anything if I work towards it. In the future, I plan to write more books on mental health. I plan to become a clinical psychologist, as my goal is to assist people with feeling safe inside their minds. I plan to start a non-profit organization called ‘A Million Dreams” because I think ‘a million’ rhymes with Amealia. My nonprofit will support young adults in their transition from high school to college because so many people emphasize the importance of getting post-secondary education, but what about the kids with no support system? I want to be there to let them know that their dreams matter. In the future, A Million Dreams will offer scholarships, free group counseling, and mentorships. Dreams are not just dreams if you work towards them, I know that now, and I want to open the eyes of those that were once like me.

Adversity can be defined as difficulties and misfortune you could say my life was filled with more difficulties than everything else, but I believe adversity is life's best teacher. I am the person that I am today because of the challenges that I have faced growing up, and being a black, lesbian woman did not help much. My father was murdered when I was five years old, so you could say that is where my struggles begun as my mom did not finish high school it was difficult to provide for me and my siblings. I did what I had to do though. I went with her to the market so she could sell whatever products were in demand at the time, while keeping my grades up because she expected nothing less. And when I did not go with her, I watched my younger siblings while she was away. This was how it was for most of my life. One month before my sixteenth birthday, I moved to the United States to live with family. Unfortunately, my mom and siblings are still in Jamaica, but I moved here in search of new opportunities. I am currently majoring in Psychology simply because I would like to give back to my community in the future. I am extremely passionate about mental health, and I believe that it is not acknowledged enough in the black community and I intend on changing that. I believe that even a small difference would be a great start. With everything going on in the world today, I think our mental health should be our top priority. I believe in being the change that I want to see in the world, and in order to do that, I plan to raise awareness to mental health and mental illnesses. There is this stigma surrounding mental health which I am hoping to reduce by publishing books that are designed to teach everyone about the different symptoms of mental illnesses and even how to assist their relatives and friends who are experiencing these symptoms, because I believe that the suicide rates are way too high, and can be lowered if we just paid more attention to those struggling. I also intend to be there as an advocate for the LGBTQ+ community. It is my goal to represent all the queer children who are suicidal and scared because of the judgement cast onto them for something that they cannot control. I want them to know that they are normal, that we are normal. And for the black kids in the LGBTQ community, I plan to teach them self love. The world probably will not make it easy for them, but if they learn how to love themselves and be confident, then they will never have to hide. I want them to be their truest selves, and it is my goal to create a future where that is possible.