JK and Mary Ann Newville Memorial Engineering and Nursing Scholarship

When I was 19, my boyfriend at the time decided to end his life. He was the most amazing person I had ever met, and through everyone else’s eyes, he seemed happy. He was the classic class clown, always making jokes and bringing laughter to his friends. But only I knew the pain he was truly experiencing, and even though I tried to help him, my inexperience and lack of understanding made it impossible for me to help him overcome his depression. There isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t wonder what might have happened if I had had the right tools, the right knowledge, or simply a better understanding of how crucial it is to seek help when life feels overwhelming. I often imagine how things might have been different, and the weight of that responsibility has stayed with me ever since. Losing him opened my eyes to the silent, invisible, and isolating nature of mental health struggles, even for someone who seems full of joy. This experience also profoundly changed my relationship with God. My faith faltered under the weight of my grief. Is this God’s plan? Why did this happen? Nothing made sense. For a long time, I felt angry, abandoned, and lost. I searched desperately for answers that never came, and it was difficult to believe that there could be purpose in something so devastating. Over time, though, I began to understand that faith isn’t about having all the answers, it’s about finding strength in the moments when everything feels impossible. Questioning my beliefs helped me develop a deeper, more mature understanding of faith, one that allows space for uncertainty, grief, and growth. I learned that struggling spiritually is a natural part of navigating loss and seeking meaning in life. Instead of hiding my pain, I allowed myself to be vulnerable, and slowly I began to find comfort in knowing that even in suffering, I was not alone. I was studying to become a journalist when all of this happened, but after graduating, I felt an urgent need to do more, to help more, and to connect more deeply with others who might be in situations like his. That’s why I decided to go back to school and pursue a career as a Registered Nurse, the first step in a series of goals that will ultimately lead me to my biggest dream: becoming a Psychiatric Mental Health Nurse Practitioner, so I can provide the support, care, and hope that I wish I could have given him.