I have struggled with self harm since 5th grade when I believed that if I ever hurt my friend's feelings I would make a mark on my hand. As I am in 12th grade, writing this, I still see those marks. Alongside that I've struggled with suicidal thoughts throughout middle school and high school, and I suppose I've just been to scared to try. The vast majority of my friends are going through similar thoughts and experiences and I often find myself in situations where they're harming themselves or about to harm themselves. I remember waking up one school day morning and reading a goodbye text from a close friend of mine. Then I attended his funeral a week or so later. This has heavily impacted my view on life and though I find it difficult, I want to continue and experience more of what life has for me. That's why I want to try college. A whole new world of smarter people who wont know me for my past mistakes. I can be around more people with similar political, social, and moral beliefs. I want to be around people who can support me and empathize with my situation. In the same sense, I want a good job. I want to be able to do more of the things I love, and I don't want to be restricted by the lack of money. I want to stand for my beliefs, I want to argue with people who disagree, and I want to learn new points of views I've never considered before. I want to be involved in my community and I want to be seen for the things I do. I consider myself socially behind because I never stuck around in a group. However as I grow older I want to be part of a group again, I want my name to be known, I want to appreciate my peers and be appreciated by said peers. I understand that I may not agree with everyone over everything and I expect to move on from those facts as I grow even wiser. I don't want to lose my friends, and I don't want them to lose me. So I will try, I will experience college, I will experience adulthood, I will do anything in my power to help anyone who needs it, and I will continue to better myself through counseling and growing.