Ethel Hayes Destigmatization of Mental Health Scholarship

Have you ever been kicked out of your house simply because you stood up for yourself? Have you ever been punched in the face because you told your mom that she was mistreating you? Have you ever been told that you would not amount to anything in your life? Have you ever experienced severe mental problems because of what your mom has said about you and your life? I have. I have experienced every single one of these things, and more that are too painful to talk about. Life can be hard when you are being faced with adversity, I would know, I went through it...a lot. I walked through life thinking I would never be loved, never be accepted, and never be smart. I was failing classes at school, yelling at my siblings, and even punishing myself. Life became a misery. I hated myself, I hated my life, I could hardly get through the day without crying. I had no one. No one to talk to, no one to stand by my side, no one to love. However, I had no one because I did not want anyone. My mom told me that people will bring you down and hurt you more than anything. So, I was scared; I was scared of reaching out. I went through this struggle alone for many years. Then, my dad and step mom took me to church and I was able to connect with God in a way that I never had before. I had always been a christain growing up, but I never connected to the messages the preacher was saying. The preacher was talking about how you are good enough for God. He explained that God will be there for you and I felt as if he was talking to me. Everything just came crashing down, like the walls of Jericho. I told my dad everything that was happening, I admitted my life journey, yet he was so understanding and supportive of my future. My mom would never have reacted like that, I would have been kicked out of the house for talking the way I did, yet my dad didn’t. My dad spoke the truth and encouraged me, and together, my dad, step mom, and I worked to get through everything. After talking to my dad for the first time, it was easier to stand up to my mother and fight for my well-being. Now, two years later, I am disconnected from my biological mom. I have literally no contact with her. No phone calls. No visits, she does not even pay child support. It took a lot of custody battles, fights over email and the phone, and fear of abuse, but it was worth it for my health! My dad took full custody over me, and we moved to a new state. I have never felt more relief in my life. I have continued to grow in my faith, and I am making stronger relationships with my dad and step mom. I love my life now. Yes, it took a long time. Yes, I still deal with all of the hardships now, but I have never felt so happy in my life. In fact, I am excelling in school, taking college courses along with AP courses. I will graduate high school with my associates degree and one step further into my college career! I am very happy and could not have asked for a better dad and step mom. Hard work pays off when you are focused on the right things. I think that it is important for us to have someone in our life that is encouraging and does nothing but build us up. However, they also may struggle with things as well. Especially as a parent. My parents have six kids to look after and they need as much support as I do. Therefore, I should also be there for my parents. Just like anyone else, if they fill your bucket up, they need someone else to fill their bucket up. I know that having someone there to support me through this, makes life a lot more comfortable. Finally, I learned so many valuable life lessons along the way that have changed my life forever. First, talk it out, no matter what the other person might say, always reach to someone that you trust. Second, do not let anyone tell you that you can not do something, you most certainly can achieve anything! Lastly, have faith that God has a plan for you, put your whole trust in him and he will reward you with amazing things! I have a lot of education ahead of me as I want to go to medical school, so I hope that my dad and step mom's encouragement can help me pursue my dreams.

What truly is a smile-is it an authentic expression of one's feelings or is it a mask one dons at a moment's notice? During sophomore year, my smile was the latter— it only told the story of what I wanted people to see. I smiled through it all: my contradicting feelings of knowing I could do better but being complacent in my situation, my desperation to be above average in school, and anxiousness about my future. Day after day passed as I felt a heaviness upon my back. The weight was compounded by the ingredients of my own identity: female, black, studying at a small school, and constantly battling imposter syndrome. I soon realized I could turn these “blanks” of mine into ammo. For my community, my home, my school, and the beautiful children I teach at my church. Junior year, I decided to seek support and become better. I knew that I could either pick myself up or continue to wallow in my sadness. When others smile at me, I know that I want to genuinely smile back at them rather than putting on a grinning facade. The Health Professions Recruitment & Exposure Program (HPREP) at Harvard Medical School enabled me to learn about the vast disparities in healthcare especially with mental health. It was the first time I was immersed in a sea of peers who shared a wide range of backgrounds and some that echoed with my own: I finally understood that Iack of coming from a privileged family is not a detriment or barrier to my success and that doctors are not the only ones who can work to improve other’s lives. To be surrounded by people who look like me and stem from different backgrounds whilst doing what I dream to do was eye-opening and insightful. This formative experience helped me transform. I become more keenly aware of my surroundings and my own abilities. I wanted to continue to use what I’ve acquired to make a difference. In a world that had been confined to my bedroom since March 2020, I wondered how to contribute my part to the wreckoning about inequalities in healthcare and on the stigmatization of mental health. I settled on starting with what I know: social media and my immediate contacts. I knew my best chance at getting at people's hearts was to start with those who I know. I started sharing more articles on social issues and mental health on Instagram and grew a following. I will continue to spread awareness through those means. The injustices revealed in healthcare, immigration, and basic human rights reminded me exactly why I want to help to build a more just world for all, especially those who are most vulnerable.

During my adolescence, my perception was that society and the sphere of religion identified mental health struggles as a sign of weakness. Thus, I thought it was only natural for me to hide the deep sadness that I felt. I would have frequent moments when I was unable to breathe and had intense irritability and anger. Anxiety was never part of my vocabulary, yet it has been a reoccurring struggle for most of my life. As an adult, addressing and giving voice to the parts of me that struggle with depression, anxiety, and even recently, symptoms of PTSD has been a humbling yet freeing journey. Mental health conditions can consume a person, especially when a strong support system or professional help is not available. I lived this way most of my life until it ate away at my physical health and missionary work. I distinctly remember talking with a friend/mentor on the patio and expressing how I had been in a “tough season.” Then she asked me when I had felt like I had not been in a “tough season.” I could not remember a time when things did not feel overbearing. I was in a state of despair, loneliness, digestive problems, overworking, and I was having panic attacks again for the first time in seven years. As is the case for many, much of my battle with mental health stems from unresolved trauma. I processed big and little events alone and buried them deep within my heart until I reached a breaking point. Another obstacle in the wellness journey is the stigma surrounding medication. Much of the Black community labels a person as “crazy” or “weak” if they seek support from therapy or medication. It saddens my heart because I believe many people suffer for fear of being shamed or stereotyped due to this mentality. I would travel to beautiful places, be surrounded by joyful people and healthy atmospheres, and still feel that deep sadness. This triggered me to recognize the importance of caring for my mental health. The ‘churched’ part of me would remind myself that I need Jesus. While I still believe that is true, I know that spiritual health is one of many areas that need attention. I began prioritizing my physical health, diet, and exercise, started seeing a Therapist online, and made new friends in a church community while also reminding myself to focus on my basic needs. As I continue these steps forward I continue to reframe the pursuit of healing as a strength, not a weakness. After finding a healthier balance with work, health, ministry, and family, I notice that I am more stable. I am happy to resume my studies in Early Childhood Education and become a better teacher. Though anxiety and depression are still present, I am more equipped with the tools, support, and self-empowerment to face them. This past Fall, I was able to partner with the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP Illinois) and participate in the ‘Out of the Darkness’ Walk for Suicide Prevention. Though shame tried to creep in, I decided to mourn with those who mourned and celebrate life that day. Since recognizing my own struggles, it has become a passion of mine to share my story, grow in vulnerability, and be a voice that breaks the stigma of mental health conditions in the Black community and the spread of religion. I hope to empower others to pursue their own healing journey.

Everyone faces challenges in life, and everyone experiences difficult events. When I was younger, few people told me that mental health was an important factor of life. My mother, my first teacher, taught me that ‘health is wealth’. I need to put my mental health before many factors that may distract me. Though I had an idea of different illnesses, I had not known how our traumatic experiences could engage with them. At a young age I knew it would take a lot of hard work to become who I wanted to be, but I never knew where to start. How do I stay mentally healthy? What does mental health look like? Will my experiences change me? Later I grew my knowledge and wisdom of how to acknowledge where my mental health stands. God has given me a sequence of trials and errors to figure out how to be a successful man. Not only has he taught me that he is all I need, but also to put my health first and take care of myself. An obstacle I’ve encountered was learning how to be self aware. It has been the largest setback in my life. I struggled with understanding how I felt, as well as changing my emotional support. Not only did I acquire new emotional support, but I summoned Jesus. Jesus has really given me strength and space to set goals, find my values and build new relationships. Health Is Wealth. In other words exclaiming that the healthier one is the wealthier their heart becomes. I often talk to God about my personal life; I ask him for stability and a healthy life. Most importantly I ask for growth within my mental, physical, and emotional health. To have a healthy life doesn't mean to just be happy and feel good. It consists of having control to be self aware of your intrusive emotions. Now it's time to express the specific drought that occured in my life. At this point I had little to no self awareness. Also my mental health really changed my perception of my relationships not only with others but with God. Now I won’t go into specifics about what put me into this point but I will exclaim furthermore how it altered my life. It forced me to gather a voice in order to set goals and build values and morals for myself. Honestly, it was a sign from the Lord to follow him, if not I’d be forced into a negative perspective of how I picture the world around me. I have tried alone for months to counter the events around me and the experiences I face. Overall, I’ve learned that to be the most successful version of myself requires Jesus, self awareness, and understanding of my own life. Mental health is a large factor of everyone's lives, how does it affect you?

As a child, my passion was to be a teacher. I had a profound desire to help my friends discover new methods to learn and acquire knowledge. However, I struggled with a speech impediment and was unable to articulate certain sounds and pronounce certain syllables. This developed a deep-seated insecurity within my young mind and led me to believe I could not achieve my dream. I began to shy away from talking to people, and I decided to focus on studies that required little to no speaking. On the other hand, I was also inspired by my father who is a civil engineer. I came to the conclusion as a child, that if I could not speak fluently enough to become a teacher, I could use my intellect and become an outstanding engineer in construction just like my father. With this in mind, I naturally gravitated towards mathematics and physics.in high school. In 2009 I moved to Ukraine to further my studies and completed a bachelor's in construction science as well as a master's of science in construction management. At this point I was able to speak four languages fluently: French, English, Russian, and Lingala. With time I had developed strong communication and interpersonal skills, with the ability to interact and connect with people of various backgrounds and my childhood struggles had become only a distant memory. I had worked on different projects as a civil engineer, of note I worked for “Gauff Ingenieur” a construction company based in Congo where I worked under the mentorship of my father. Here in the states, I deviated from my construction training and worked for Mitsubishi Electric. Over time I began to realize that I did not have a burning desire to work as an engineer. It slowly dawned on me that the profession did not interest me; it was my perception of the profession that had caught my fancy. Luckily, by then I had developed a good rapport with the majority of my colleagues and my reputation preceded me. My coworkers would come to me for advice, suggestions, and counsel on a variety of issues such as trouble with their children, marriage issues, or an addiction they were dealing with. I began focusing my personal studies on counseling, psychology, and behavior analysis, this further piqued my interest. In August 2019, I was ordained as the Lead Pastor of Blueprint Church in Cincinnati, Ohio. In a way, my childhood dream of becoming a teacher had been accomplished was. It was another mind-blowing experience to get to realize that as a pastor that most issues people deal with were more psychological than spiritual. Serving as a pastor helped me admire and value the art of counseling, psychology, and behavior analysis. The church gave me the opportunity to get exposure to more detailed and deep-oriented conversations with different people in my community that needed someone to talk to. I found that this was what gave me a sense of purpose, passion, and fulfillment. My goal since then became to acquire the necessary knowledge in order to be fully equipped and able to serve my community. In personal studies, I found that what excites me the most about psychoanalysis is the investigations, dissections, and understanding of problems that is around me in the world. I came to the conclusion that proper psychology courses would equip me in developing adequate knowledge on psychopathology, personality, and behavior analysis. I'm currently enrolled for a master's degree in clinical mental health and counseling to be able to serve my state in the future skillfully and effectively.

Amari Phillips Ethel Hayes Scholarship Essay 12 April 2022 I should receive this scholarship because I know I will succeed and bring a lot to the table. What I will become when I finally graduate high school is a versatile money maker. Including being a psychologist and athletic trainer after I attend college fully. To start, I’ve alway wanted to be a psychologist ever since I was six years old. After all the terrible trauma I went through and the detrimental experiences throughout my life, I decided I want to help people. It feels as though I need to help people now. I feel this way because I needed someone to talk to as a child and I had no one. A child should not be able to feel depression or know that emotion until he or she is older. In addition to this, there are those who just need help mentally. I would like to make them know that they are okay. That they are not alone. Growing up, unfortunately, All I really had were my siblings. My mother didn’t want me around my father so he wasn’t in the picture for fourteen years. The last time I saw him before high school was at the age of 6 years old. My stepfather went on a crazed fest of anger and beat my father to a pulp, soon beating him in the head with a pistol and breaking his arm out his sochet. My mother, when we did live with her, was usually gone at work or studying, and doing homework for what she majored in-in college. She graduated, unsatisfied with the degree she received. Unsatisfied because of stress, and pain- oh the unspoken straining pain… if not stress and pain, she would’ve had time to work harder, do better, and get the degree she really wanted. Soon after being evicted, we began moving from place to place in this small beautiful city. Although, everytime we moved, my mother would seem to fade more and more away. She began becoming more and more stressed and suffocated in her work. She was depressed. A single mother with four growing kids and no one to help her. Years passed and she met the best thing that happened to her. Yet she didn’t know it was the thing that would ruin her life. And she let it. Neglection came knocking softly at the door. She would lock herself in the dining area with...him. Soon, neglect came everyday. Along with this, she would let adolescence - or should I say anything happen. Things that most parents would say no to, she didn’t. Our beautiful mother who was once a grateful, work-hard spirit, was gone. She lost herself and let him take her down with him. My older brother's only way of helping us, his siblings, all he had, was to also be gone… off at practice, games, stealing food for us, just trying to find a way to help. He had to make it, he had to make it out. He had to show us that life is hard and life hurts. Although, if you work hard and KEEP working hard, everything will pay off in the end. And it did. Summer 16’, My mother sent us off to live with my brothers’ grandmother. Abandoned us. Gave us up. The pain in our hearts. The dreadful, aching pain. A few years passed. My brother graduated, went off to College states away. He then came back and started attending Wright State and Sinclair. My brother is my only role model. In addition to this, my two older siblings choosing their path, I have to choose mine. I used to be so angry, depressed, and most of all just… hurt. Everything, unmentioned and mentioned, just hurts. It hurts to not have the figures you need to maintain in life. It makes you have to grow up faster. And that’s what I did. Someone, that isn’t in my life anymore, taught me how to be happy again. In reality, I just feel relieved now, towards everything that made me angry and sad and hurt. I am relieved because so many nights, so many lonely nights of me crying myself to sleep, just got old to me. Overrated. Replayed and played out. I had to look at the bright side of things. Now, I am an electronic technician who is fully committed and accepted into Central State University, still striving to do and be my best at all times. My former psychology teacher told me that to be a psychologist making a nice amount, you would have to get a masters degree (six years). I accepted this statement and now I will challenge it and never give up. Although, I know I need a successful career beforehand. Since I play two sports and love to be on the field, I decided to get a 4 year degree in exercise science, to get my bachelors degree in athletic training. To top this off, this march, I am starting real estate classes and stocks. By the new year I should own a small portion of land inside a mall plaza or somewhere with great scenery where I am from, outside of dayton. My name and purpose will be known. I am determined to never work a nine to five by the time I turn 20 years old. Dayton isn’t the place to be. I look up to my brother because he made it out. He is successful and a senior in college. He is why I keep going. I will not have a hard life like my mother. With that being said , I definitely won’t let my mothers backfires and struggles that were put on us determine my future. Life is two short to have one downfall and give up. Life is too blissful to waste it. I will do whatever it is I have to do to achieve my goals and manifest everything I ever wanted.

In 2016, my wife and I had our second child - a beautiful, baby girl. The months to follow incorporated many days and nights of struggle and disagreement between me and my wife. Nothing seemed to help our relationship. I felt so discouraged during that season of our life. It wasn't until she began speaking with her primary care physician that we realized that she was struggling with postpartum depression, which was compounded by challenges with anxiety pertaining to the fear of illness. The times of these challenges in our marriage helped me become a more patient and understanding person. This woman that I loved so much was struggling with changes and challenges that neither of us understood. We are people of faith and there are so many stigmas that are associated with mental health challenges in relation to being a Christian. We began to be totally aware of our own predispositions and biases toward those that struggled with mental health issues because it had now come to our home. In the present, we are able to see the world around us through the lens of love, grace, and patience because we are certain that we cannot possibly know what any individual may be dealing with internally or externally. We hope to continue making our personal sphere of influence aware of the patience that we all need with each other as we continue to develop, grow, and become who we are all aiming to be in our own ways. In the future, my hopes are tied to a career and dream where I can help those that are struggling with these sorts of issues. Being able to complete a Master's Degree and pursue a licensure to provide professional counseling services will allow me to be hands on with a dream to be a help to those in need. In addition, completion of this degree program will provide a means for the vision of my life in the future, both professionally and personally, to become a reality as we care for those who are in need of a soul that is familiar with their struggle, an ear that is willing to listen, and a voice that is determined to encourage.