Growing with Gabby Scholarship

Growth is something that I am constantly trying to achieve in many different aspects of my life. Being honest with myself is one of the largest ways I’ve grown in the past year. A situation that inspired this growth was a breakup. I initiated the breakup at the end of 2021. I convinced myself and told my ex-partner that my reason for doing so was that I felt distant. In 2022, I spent a lot of time being with myself and simply reflecting on my feelings and thoughts. After journaling my raw emotions and truths, I uncovered that there was a bigger reason why I initiated the breakup. I realized that I was feeling uneasy about the relationship and that the future didn’t look as it did before. Instead of being vulnerable with my ex-partner, I pushed him away. I was afraid to hurt his feelings and I wanted to avoid that guilt. A lot has changed in the past year. I am more honest with myself about my feelings. It has helped me put up healthy boundaries with people. It was a hard thing to do initially, but I realized that the small moments of sadness I felt couldn’t amount to the comfort and happiness I felt after drawing that line. One other thing that has changed is my gratitude. Months later after breaking up with my ex-partner I realized that I should have gone about my situation a different way. It made me realize that I should fight harder for things and people that I care about. It also made me see that I should be vocal with the people I care about and ensure that they know. The other thing that has changed is I’ve been upfront more. I’ve become more willing to have tough conversations with people even if I know it may make both parties uncomfortable. One thing that has stayed the same is my positivity. Striving to be self-aware of your emotions and thoughts is not easy. Some days were harder to get through than others. Yet, I reminded myself that it was a rewarding learning process that would ultimately bring me greater inner peace. Being the best version of yourself makes it easier for you to excel in most aspects of life. There are many things I’ve learned and am continuing to learn throughout my journey. One thing that I’ve learned is experiences that may not have ended the way you would’ve hoped are always teaching moments. There was a quote I read in a book that went “grief is a faster teacher than joy.” Grief can be experienced without death. If we never experience pain or sorrow, life would be boring and we’d never be forced to grow.

As I sat on the edge of yet another doctor’s treatment table with furrowed brows and burdensome thoughts, I pondered the reason seborrheic dermatitis covered my scalp, face, and body. This chronic eczema altered what used to be a healthy uniform brown pigmentation and colonized it with unpredictable, discolored patches. The itch associated with it was so unbearable at times and would result in painful bloody sores and I recall the embarrassment I felt as flakes visibly flew onto my clothing and anything in my vicinity as I desperately tried to find an end to the irritation. In a desperate attempt to find a cure I took various supplements, drank some of the most unpalatable concoctions, and completed several grueling detoxifications and elimination diets. I also visited countless doctors including naturopaths, acupuncturists, dermatologists, and even a Chinese Medicine specialist who prescribed herbs that caused a yearlong battle with severe acne that only intensified the effects of my existing skin disease. It became impossible to look at myself and not judge and overanalyze every inch of my physical appearance. My search for a way to beautify the girl in the mirror was long and allured me into a deep depression full of insomnia and anguish. Finally, a year ago, I made a conscious decision to accept the one thing that was negatively consuming every aspect of my life. As I persistently chose to make peace with something I could not change I started a sweet journey of self-discovery. It was a series of baby steps as I learned to comfort myself by journaling my emotions, practicing yoga, and placing post-it cards all over my room with positive affirmations. I started taking long walks, meditating each morning before school, and lifting weights 3-4 times a week. I made sure I got adjusted regularly by my parents who are both chiropractors and talked to my therapist once a month. As I continued to prioritize my well-being, I began embodying a sense of love and acceptance for myself I never realized could exist. Although these minor changes seemed trivial and insignificant, I became happier and more fulfilled. As I gradually transformed and healed from the inside out, I noticed my once intensely frosted discolored patches beginning to blend into my complexion. I discovered that dermatitis was a direct consequence of my stress levels and mental health. To my surprise, the solution to my five-year battle with a skin disorder was self-care and self-love. This journey of finding myself allowed me to literally became more comfortable in my own skin. I realized how many outside pressures such as peer pressure, parental approval, society, and culture changed the way I showed up, but at the end of the day, I have always been the same person on the inside. The process of self-discovery only helped me remove layers that I believed protected me and today I live a life that is more aligned with my true self. I have learned that loving myself the most and filling my cup are non-negotiable and healthy habits. The energy that once was applied in conflict with my insecurities is now used productively to uplift and encourage myself. I’ve developed pride in my identity, appearance, and disposition. The goals I’ve established seem more attainable and I am more present and grateful in my daily life. This path to personal growth has not only kept my seborrheic dermatitis away and provided me with better overall health, but it has also taught me what truly loving myself looks like.