There were many moments in my life that led me to go on my college journey—to yearn for a life in visual art. Yet, the most significant moment came when I was just a kid in front of the TV, enthralled by the beauty of animation. I adored how the colors emphasized everything from the world-building to the character design that breathed so much life into mere drawings on a page. I would spend hours filling dozens of sketchbooks with drawings inspired by my favorite movies, TV shows, and video games. I longed to be behind the scenes, where I could inspire others with my illustrations and build a career pursuing my passion for entertainment. Throughout high school and my first year of college, I have worked towards completing the core requirements needed to further my education in animation, script writing, and concept design. I slowly incorporated these new techniques into my own art, creating innovative story ideas and sparking that childhood wonder to create more and more. My studies only reaffirmed my goals. I want to make a splash in the industry and inspire change in people around the world. I want to create a space where my art can act as a form of escapism from life’s uncertainty and motivate others to improve themselves. A place where my past experiences can guide others to embrace their faults and keep moving forward. Through changing majors, mental health crises, and work-life balancing acts, I have never strayed from that goal because creating life-changing experiences is my motivation for becoming an artist, and having the opportunity to work on studio projects would help me achieve my life's passion. With a degree, I could be anything, from a concept artist to an art director, and with entertainment connections through internships, I am one step closer to reaching at least one person. I am more than okay not being in the spotlight, and I don’t mind if people even know my name, but if one thing is for certain, I want to inspire people in the same way movies like Spiderman: Into the Spiderverse and games like Ghost of Tsushima had inspired me. I know in my soul that completing school and breaking into the entertainment industry is how I’m going to take my passion from a dream to a reality!

My favorite piece I’ve created, especially in the last year, would have to be a portrait of my original character: Eclipsa. As I continue to grow as an artist in college, one of the best ways I can show off my skills is through personal projects. With this piece specifically, I wanted to create a base idea for how she will feel as one significant piece in my newest original comic/animation: The Underground. I wanted to touch on different issues—both personal and societal— in one action-packed saga with themes ranging from love, grief, betrayal, and the importance of trust in the relationships we build. I have always wanted to tell stories that show not only how we can grow as a society but also how we can become better as individuals. Eclipsa is the main villain of this series, identified by her white hair, scar on her left eye, and unsettling but entrancing mask inspired by Japanese kitsune masks. Overall, she is a character created out of darkness. Yet, while a big reason I love this piece is because it symbolizes the potential for this project, I also love it for how it represents my growth as an artist! I’ve come a long way from poor anatomy and stunted colors, shown through my details in the highlights, fabric, and the focal point— the mask. With artwork like this, I feel one step closer to becoming the artist I’ve always wanted to be.

When the vast majority think about the concept of 'The Arts', many think of painting illegible blobs, starvation, and death without the pleasure of knowing that one day your hard work would someday be famous. So basically, the Renaissance. Yet, only the wise know that art has far surpassed the ideas of old and has since become something to both adore and build a successful career off of. At least, that's how I feel about art. I have always been creatively inclined since I was a kid, loving the movements and tiny details of animated movies, as well as drawing with my artsy aunt, who, honestly, was my introduction to the basics of the field. The colors, the individuality, even the mere idea that anything you wanted could come to life was life-changing. Even though I never took an official art class until my 8th-grade year, I started to draw what I wanted almost every day, mainly on traditional sketchbook paper, looking at my messy eraser marks and misproportioned features and thinking, "This is what I desperately want to do for the rest of my life." It wasn’t until November of 2020, when I got my first IPad and Apple Pen, that I even fathomed the idea of doing more art with fewer materials. Creating something new from microscopic RGB nodes and encoded tools that would be just as good if not better than any traditional pen and paper sketch I made was, almost, unfathomable. As I was more technologically inclined anyway, many of the problems and anxieties with traditional art were gone completely. The ideas of my wildest dreams felt so much more achievable. Now I stand on the cusp of a new era, free from the confines of Highschool education and off to College with the knowledge and experience of great Illustration and Design projects under my belt, and a naively built portfolio, to build my life. After years of pondering, planning, and then subsequently changing said plan, finally I realized what I wanted to use these talents for. Concept art, mainly for video games and movies, because another thing I learned growing up surrounded by the arts is that you don’t have to be an artist, or even ‘love’ art to appreciate, delight, and emotional release. Art is more than just blobs on a canvas, it can be the pixelated escape asked for by the many bogged down by the harsh, soul-crushing realities of life. To uplift and inspire, that is my goal, if even putting my creative heart and soul into one game or movie changes a life, I will feel complete in my time on this earth. Getting that degree is just the first step. To light that fire, not only for myself but for my fellow people around me, is the greatest gift of all. Because I too was that kid, escaping the hardest of times with help from the beautiful colors shining in my tiny eyes from my tiny TV, in my tiny room filled with sketchbooks and hopes for the future.

In a quiet calm room sometime in 2009 or so, there was a sketchbook. This was no ordinary sketchbook because this one belonged to my Aunt. She would sketch and sketch until the hours passed by, nothing but the soft movement of the charcoal on the paper. And then there was me, sitting right next to her, breathless, eyes locked on to the movement, on the sketch, and I was hooked on the feeling it gave me. It was at that moment in my life that I knew exactly what I wanted to be. An artist. Since then I've grown exponentially, moving up from crayon drawings my mom would hang on the fridge, to my first sketchbook, and eventually my first IPad. I've been in art classes, graphic design/ illustration classes, and even music classes, expanding my horizons, and growing my artistic lens. I was the artist that teachers would catch on to, and I've done countless projects for myself, for grades, competitions, and even commissions from the school itself. Being an artist has helped me have the chance to go on so many adventures and gain new experiences. I've been able to grow so much as an artist, having my own style and process that I can say I'm proud of, but I've also grown as a person. Now at the end of my high school career, on the cusp of a whole new adventure, I've been able to think of my dream and the love I want to share. See, when I was that small kid, staring in wonder at that drawing, I knew I wanted to become an artist. But I had another motive too. I wanted to become someone that inspires others. Through my art I wanted people to get the same feeling of breathless, heartfelt reactions that I did. I knew that when people were at their worst, with no hope or confidence or motivation, even if art made them feel nothing, my creations would help them get through. I want to be a concept artist, and make video games, movies, tv shows, comic books, magic the gathering cards, anything and everything that moves people, and make the world a better place, even if it's a fraction of an amount. That's why I think this scholarship will help me because going to college has always been the biggest stepping stone to chasing my dreams, and if I got some of the money to do it then I can focus on improving what I love versus stressing about if I can pay to make it happen. I am on the road to vastly new and life-changing experiences, and I believe that one way or another I'm gonna make my dream a reality and spread my love with the world.

I want to become someone who inspires, to help people through their toughest times, through zero inspiration, zero confidence, zero self-worth, or disastrous mental health, with beautiful works of art, art that I put my mind, heart, and soul into, and make the world a better place even if it is just a little bit, all while making the people close to me proud, proud of the person I will become in a place were I am passionate and prosperous.

There have been many times growing up that I would lean on music to help me get through. Taylor Swift was one of those artists. Yet, if I had to pick just one from the '1989' album would be "Bad Blood". It was only until I got older that I started to truly understand her pain, my first breakup that turned sour and how I had to cut off "friends" previously close to me in my last two years of high school because of how endangering to my mental health they were becoming. Upon another listen I was able to find all the ways "Bad Blood" spoke to me and what I was going through. The initial hurt of that relationship turned toxic, the words that hurt and left marks like bullet holes, and how every time I try to look back on those first-year moments I'm reminded of those ghosts that haunt me. How eventually you become numb, your blood runs cold, all for the sake of not getting hurt like that again. The iconic lyrics that speak to me the most would be in the chorus, in the first verse and the bridge. In the chorus, there is "you made a really deep cut, And baby now we got bad blood". These two lines go with the idea of backstabbing, a betrayal of trust and companionship, and how now that bond of trust is completely shattered. In the first verse, there is "salt in the wound like you're laughing right at me", and even in the version featuring Kendrick Lamar in the first verse he says "Take time and erase you, love don't hear no more No, I don't fear no more Better yet, respect ain't quite sincere no more". Both of these lyric bits express the pain afterward, the mixed feelings in your head when you can't quite grasp the feeling that those people you spent so long sharing your every feeling with are gone, and worse their your enemy. The fact that you will never see them as the friends you shared laughs and cries and even gossip with, in the same light ever again. The feeling that the people that made you so happy every day turn into the people that hate tears flow from just looking in their general direction. Later in the song during the bridge, Taylor has the most iconic lines, "Bandaids don't fix bullet holes, You say sorry just for show, if you live like that, you live with ghosts" and in the background, Kendrick says "You forgive, you forget, but you never let it go". These are the lines that make me feel the most with this song, and most of the 'hidden meanings' are right in front of your eyes. They pass right through because it's so easy to see when it happens to someone else, but the second it happens to you it's like whiplash. I said that sometimes I can still see them in my head, my memories, haunting me like ghosts, and maybe in a way I'm haunting them too, but I spent so much of my Senior year recovering from the pain, trying to 'let it go' but I never wanted to forget, and it took me until recently to want to forgive myself. In retrospect, these lyrics are nothing but parts of a debatably overrated song from 2014. But even then I knew it was special and that it spoke from the heart, and taught me lessons about mental health, warning signs, boundaries, healthy relationships and most of all, forgiveness and peace for myself.

That's it! I bolted to my room, snatching my computer off the coffee table. Clicking and clacking away at the keys, the words seemed to spill out flawlessly, I finally found the story I was longing for. One of action, adventure, and heartbreaking betrayal. Well, it's not exactly the epic tale I had in mind, but it’s a special one: the story of me. Throughout my high school career I was forced to deal with the immediate ramifications of my mental and emotional downfall, yet out of the ashes I was able to cut the negative, love and respect my boundaries, and better myself along the way. Ever since I was young, I was known as the kid that always cried over everything, the one with a fragile heart. It took me years to become truly outspoken about my thoughts and actions but now, free from the years of braces, bullies, and alopecia, I could finally have a fresh start, in high school. A new life. How woefully naive I was. Surrounded by bitter souls, it was clear that I was living in a special kind of hell. The feeling of every ugly stare and word, causing tears to roll down my face, amounted to a pure, unknown form of venom that coursed through my veins. I felt like a monster, cast out. I was stuck, broken- alone. In an effort to fix myself, I built a wall, a sort of armor that distanced me from anyone and everyone, shielding me from the pain. Then in a flash, a storm of unfortunate events: the pandemic and then redistricting to a new school. I was sentenced to my room, stripped away from my friends, my comfort, and my life as I knew it. Everything except for one thing. Time. I finally had a means of escape from those demons, and little by little those insecure obsessive thoughts floated away, and I learned to love myself. The beginning of my sophomore and junior years of high school was a bit of a blur, but I realized this new school was miles better than the one I left. Friends, new and old, helped me break out of the cage I made for myself. For the first time in a while, I was able to trust and feel free to be myself again. I finally felt validated. I was riding higher than I ever have in my life like I could touch the sky in its intoxicating beauty. It only took the fall to realize how close to the sun I truly was. One hard hit sent everything crumbling to the ground once again, except this time there was no protection from the horror to come. Following a breakup tainted with gut-wrenching lies, my closest friend began to walk a path of pure ruin, an action that sent hot blood trickling down the knives placed so carelessly into the crooks of my spine. An action that almost ruined my friend's life, all to protect her own self-interests. In the pits of my sorrow, the old scars of my past felt violently ripped open, unearthing bundles of anxiety-ridden emotional nerves. Everything I worked for was suddenly fleeting. I felt disgusting like I didn’t know who I was anymore. My heart was a black void, pride damaged. My voice drowned out by rumors and criminal court rulings. I pleaded for all of it to stop, for the demons to stop tormenting me. I was left completely vulnerable, naive to think anything would change. Brutally aware of how broken I truly was, I thought I only had myself to blame. Yet, in light of all this, I realized something else. I'm a lover, and though I'm aggressive, I fight hard for my dreams. I am strong and protective. I’m sensitive and can allow myself to be. I'm smart enough to set boundaries and use the pain, instead of attacking it. I’m confident, passionate, and learning to trust my own judgment again. I’m imperfect, but I’m human, and will never stop being myself. I'm in my senior year, and like a rising phoenix, I’ve created my own path to the life I want. Mine and mine alone.

If you ask any artist about their inspiration, many would probably say that it came from Davinci, Van Gogh, Frida Kahlo, or even Bob Ross. My inspiration on the other hand may be a little different. Let me set the scene. I was about five or six at the time and I remember my parents were out on a shopping trip or something similar. The lights were off to save power but the blinds were cracked open so harm sunlight poured into the room ever so slightly. It smelled like candles that were put out hours before but the aroma was stuck to the walls and followed you wherever you went. Since I was still very young, I couldn’t stay home alone, but I was with my favorite person in the world at that time, my aunt Stephanie. She couldn’t come over very often because money was tight and she would live so far away. But when she did visit, it was a pure delight! We would play Super Mario or cook, and sometimes she would take out her jumbo sketchbook and let me watch her draw. On this particular day, we were both snuggled up on the couch and on that giant sketchbook there was a sketch of a realistic human heart that took up almost every inch of the page. I was mesmerized by the lines and patterns of her sketch, the flawless flick of her wrist that seemed to be so free yet so controlled. I couldn’t take my eyes away and as I watched I could barely comprehend what she was saying about her art school where she learned how to make such a masterpiece. All I knew was that this was everything I wanted to be, it didn’t matter if I loved singing or cooking pancakes with my mom. From the second I set my eyes on that drawing it became my dream. Ever since I’ve been honing my skills, learning more and more about my style and passion for art, and learning how much I loved the feeling of getting completely lost in the process, music blaring in my ears as I escaped from the world around me. To this day it still stumps me to think that it only took that one fateful afternoon to set off a chain of events that would change my life forever. A moment set in stone, and a moment that lives every day in the work that I create. A dream to make art that would change and inspire people's lives for the better. A passion that thrives in my very soul.

Poster I made mimicking horror movies, featuring the menacing, the fearless, my Belgin Malinois.

Everyone has been through an event in their life that has changed them forever. Throughout my high school career, I was forced to deal with the immediate ramifications of my mental and emotional downfall, yet out of the ashes I was able to cut out the negative, love and respect my boundaries, and better myself along the way. I had moved to a new school and the beginning of my sophomore year of high school, and, honestly, up till Junior year it was a bit of a blur, but I realized this new school was miles better than the one I left full of bullies and heartbreak. Friends, new and old, helped me break out of the cage I made for myself, that barrier that the years of pain built. For the first time in a while, I could trust and feel free to be myself again. I finally felt validated. I was riding high like I could touch the sky in its intoxicating beauty. It only took the fall to realize how close to the sun I truly was. One hard hit sent everything crumbling to the ground once again, except this time there was no protection from the horror to come. Following a breakup tainted with gut-wrenching lies, my closest friend began to walk a path of pure ruin, an action that sent hot blood trickling down the knives placed so carelessly into the crooks of my spine. An action that almost ruined my friend's life, all to protect her own self-interests. In the pits of my sorrow, the old scars of my past felt violently ripped open, unearthing bundles of anxiety-ridden emotional nerves. Everything I worked for was suddenly fleeting. I felt disgusting like I didn’t know who I was anymore. My heart is a black void, pride damaged. My voice drowned out by rumors and victim blamed court rulings riddled with lies. I pleaded for all of it to stop, for the demons to stop tormenting me. I was left completely vulnerable, naive to think anything would change. Brutally aware of how broken I truly was, I thought I only had myself to blame. Yet, in light of all this, I realized something else. I'm a lover, and though I'm aggressive, I fight hard for my dreams. I am strong and protective. I’m sensitive and can allow myself to be. I'm smart enough to set boundaries and use the pain, instead of attacking it. I’m confident, passionate, and learning to trust my own judgment again. I’m imperfect, but I’m human, and will never stop being myself. I'm in my senior year, and like a rising phoenix, I’ve created my own path to the life I want. Mine and mine alone.

In the darkness of the movie theater, the first impactful moment of the movie has just played out leaving the audience in shock and tears. The screen pans in on a young Miles Morales after the death of Peter Parker, and in the background sounds out the most beautiful and heartfelt song I have ever heard “Scared of the Dark” by Ty Dolla Sign and Lil Wayne ft. XXXTentacion. The song starts with a minor piano and vocals that slowly crescendos into the main chorus and throws the listener into the song running, ultimately resolving in a lasting hopeful sense in their chest. Contrary to the opinion of rap, this is one of the rap songs that I have heard that has the most impactful lyrics and message featured in a kid's movie. It talks about how when fear consumes us, we have a chance to push against it and fight for what we believe in, for our dreams, and ultimately what makes us alive. In the dark, there is always a light and that light can be you. Every one of us has the ability, it’s about a leap of faith and the courage to take it. We all have one life, and we can either fight for change or run for comfort. Scared of the Dark is a beautiful sentiment to anyone looking for confidence in their lives, or inversely for anyone having a hard time searching for a reason to keep trying. Its lyrics show the inspiration in all of us, and tell us that we don’t have to be scared, after all “why would a star ever be afraid of the dark?”

There is a big stigma about artists nowadays. That all artists hate going outside and would rather be in the dark huddled under dozens of blankets like a gremlin. Now I can’t talk for all artists, but for me, nature is one of the most beautiful things this world has to offer, and that was only one of the many things that the greatest teacher of all time has passed on to me. And his name was Mr. Peanut. When I was between nine and thirteen, I went to a summer camp every year called Camp Heatwave. It was a decently small community, but we got to go on big adventures like hiking, camping, canoeing, and more. Our camp director was Robert Henderson, but we all knew him as Mr.Peanut. He was known for so much around the camp, from his awful singing to his crazy luck rituals, to even his funny little quirks, one of which was the fact that he could eat out of the garbage or off the floor and never get sick. Yet one of the most memorable things he gave to us was his wisdom. For all the years beforehand, I was so used to getting wisdom from the tv screen or the pages of a comic book, but it was vastly different from how Mr.Peanut would touch my heart. After days of being in the wilderness, we would look up at the stars, and he would tell us how our little ragtag group of campers had more than just a friendship bond, we were family, and how our bond will always grow stronger and we as people would follow suit. He would show us how vital and beautiful nature was and how we were all connected, and just like the bees buzzing on the flower buds we were all special in a way. We all had a purpose. Sometimes it felt like his lyrical wisdom would dance in our minds for days before finally settling in our hearts. Away from the camp as a whole, Peanut was very special to me. There are countless memories of him and his legendary wisdom, but only one comes to the front of my mind. It was the Saturday night of my first ever camping trip, the last night before we would pack up and head home in the morning, and we were out on the lake night fishing. At some point, I became hypnotized by the stars along the horizon of the calm lake. Out of nowhere, Peanut came up beside me and asked how I was doing. I can’t remember why but I started to feel tears come to my eyes, not ready for the night to end. He carefully leaned against the railing of the pier and said something like, “Eventually everything comes to an end, but you can choose to live life to the fullest. Your amazing kiddo, don’t ever change, and you’ll do great things”. Those words sparked something in me, and I would never be the girl I was before. Sometimes I look back and remember all of those great moments I had at Camp Heatwave and how I’ll never have the same experiences with Peanut gone from this life. But then I remember how grateful I am to have shared some time with him because he made me a better person. He’ll always be in my heart, Camp Heatwave will always be my second home, and the torch of wisdom passed down to me will burn brightly in the darkest hours.

When I was a little kid, I had my first eye-opening experience in life. That art was all around us, and it was beautiful. From the moment I laid my eyes on my aunt’s sketchbook, I knew I wanted to create just like she did. I eventually switched from traditional art to creating sketches and drawing, to comics, to architectural study, and so on. Although choosing which field of art to go into was tricky, I finally realized that I could mix two of my passions into one cohesive bond. I learned that I could become a concept artist for video games, because little did I know that, yes, art is beautiful, but somehow it was even more so when on the silver screen, where you can take as much time to appreciate every little detail, every color pattern, every cell of a character that made everything come to life. I loved playing video games as a kid, and for me, they were also an escape from emotional or physical problems in my life. It was a calling, everything I’ve loved in life coming together as one idea made me want to strive to help and inspire others with this craft, just like it had helped me. I wanted to be the one who made that escape from life feel like a reality and make it just as beautiful, making the story even more compelling with every line. So with all the knowledge stored and research finally completed, I knew that getting my fine arts degree and going into the art field would help me pave the way to living my wildest dream. Everything has come down to this one moment, and I’m going to shoot for the stars if it’s the last thing this artist does.

Blinking lights flash across what seems like miles in the vast space. Small beeps and whirs fill the room as processors and CPUs work their modern magic. Some would call this heaven, others would call it a boring server room, but one thing is crystal clear. Whether it is a popular opinion or not, technology is one of the most significant advancements in the modern age. Now, when the idea of important technology pops up, the thought of tv screens and computer monitors comes to mind automatically. Yet, when I think of extraordinary technology, the first thing that comes to mind is a drawing tablet, and while small in the vast ecosystem of current tech, it is something that I believe could take the future by storm. Being an artist opens one to a world of possibilities, always different ideas and new perspectives to be discovered and this can change the way people see the physical and metaphysical world. This is but one of the many similar traits that technology has to art itself. Now throughout the art field, from music production to culinary masterpieces, nothing is enhanced by technology quite like technical artwork. Apps like Photoshop, Illustrator, Procreate, Fresco, Studio Paint, and more are already making giant leaps into helping creative minds sculpt new and exciting worlds and all those applications can be found on drawing tablets! More importantly than just basic artwork, these programs have been used on film productions, video games, ad campaigns, and everything that has affected our lives for the past five decades, helping them grow their presence and impact by the day. The most vital ingredient to the human condition is the knowledge of emotional connection. A way to let out joy, anger, or sadness. A way to feel inspired or enlightened to make life better, not only for selfish reasons but for most of the human population. There is no question that technology has achieved this goal, but in creating something that gives people that internal drive in a more impactful way, a more vivid and beautiful picture comes to life. One of how something as small as a drawing tablet can make the world thrive.

We, as humans, have a collective set of characteristics that not many other animals on the planet have, emotional struggle. I have always had a fragile soul, ever since I was young. It took me years of confidence building to become truly outspoken about my thoughts and feelings, even though they were never really appreciated until my sophomore year. I had to quickly become brutally aware that beneath all that anxiety and stress were bundles of uncontrollable emotional nerves. I realized that I care too much, try to perfect too much, try to fix too much. I hurt my feelings trying to hide them. I've flown so close to the sun too many times to count! But I also realized that I'm a lover even though I'm aggressive and fight hard for my dreams. I'm a protector, and I'm strong enough to be one. I'm smart enough to know when I'm vulnerable and durable enough to keep going. I have free will to do anything in my wildest imagination. Why would I worry about my problems overshadowing what I love to do? I love to create! I love to bring new worlds to life with the flick of my pen. I have since I was a kid. I have always had a creative mind. Seeing the beauty in everything has allowed me to grow and learn as a person. Art is everywhere, and it's my escape. Every piece makes me happy and inspired to create something new. Art flows with everything else I love in life. There are a million ways to show it but the one I chose was to create art for an audience. My dream is to become a concept artist for video games, animated movies, or anything in the realm of creative media. Just like music or reading is an escape for others, playing video games and watching superhero or animated movies is mine. I've always looked up to those animators and designers that created the magic behind the screen. I want to be the one that makes those drawings become something that makes people happy. I want to be the one helping others get through the hard times in their lives. I want to be the artist that inspires others to meet their true calling, just as those artists did for me. Getting this degree will help me do everything I love in life in one career. Be a hero in a way only I can!

The world is vastly different, and so are its residents. Everyone has their own tastes and styles, but there is one book series that beats them all in my opinion. Percy Jackson! Presenting my all time favorite book, Percy Jackson and the Sea of Monsters. In a world where gods are real you meet a rich cast of unique characters with one similarity, they are all children of the gods of Olympus. From Zeus to Hermes, we pick up on the lives of Percy, Grover, and Annabeth. After Grover gets taken by a cyclops, both Percy and Annabeth journey across forbidden seas and distant islands to save him, and stop the evil lurking in the shadows that could mean the end of their world. This book is the perfect balance of fun and adventure, while still pushing the overarching story and the climactic, epic battle in the Last Olympian. It’s heartfelt, while still staying true to the characters' relationships built in the first installment! All while still staying true to the lore of Greek mythology, slightly modernizing all the gods to fit in and hide within 21st century cityscapes. Both new and old characters come to help and or become part of Percy’s never ending enemy list while he travels through traps and puzzles, learning more and more about the dangers of Kratos and his reawakening in the pits of Tartarus. So as you can see, throughout the thousands of genres and famous titles, no book, at least in my opinion, will ever beat the true magic of Rick Riordan’s Percy Jackson and the Sea of Monsters! After all, the rough waves of the sea could never be a match for the son of Poseidon.

When looking at my life and the life my parents lived side by side, there are differences beyond mere imagination. Especially on my dad’s side, there was a lot of pain and mental suffering that had to be endured before we could be where we are today. It all starts with my lita or my dad’s mom. Born in Panama, she lived the classic story of earning enough money to move to America and start a new life of her own, and soon she lived in a little house with my dad, his sister, and his stepdad. His stepdad was in the military, so I would hear stories about the places he went to, from Fort Worth to Germany. Although it seemed like a nice, calm life on the outside, nothing was quite as it seemed. To this day, I’m not quite sure what the clear reason was. Maybe it was the damage from my dad’s biological father leaving him at a young age, or maybe it was the fact that he had to raise my aunt almost completely on his own. Maybe it was because my lita had to work so hard just to pay the bills, that she never really listened to her children unless they were in trouble, where, no words, only weapons were thrown into the fray. Whatever the case may be, my dad had to close off his emotions just to survive the place he called home, only opening up when he met and moved out with my mom. In the beginning, my parents were struggling to scrape together enough money to put me into daycare for a week, but soon they both got decent jobs and moved to a small home in Temple, Texas. For the most part, they tried to keep me from missing certain aspects of my childhood that would’ve been different if they didn’t have me in such a rough time in their lives, always trying to make the most of a bad situation. Yet when we moved, I was able to get a great education that was backed by loving and supportive parents. My aunt, on the other hand, used the pent-up emotions from her childhood to create art, something she would eventually inspire me to take part in. From the day I watched her draw on her giant sketch pad I knew that I wanted to be the one holding that pencil. I wanted to be the one to make drawings become a reality. I wanted to make new worlds that came from just the ideas in my head and my pen on the paper. I wanted to not only be like my aunt but I also wanted to inspire others, like she inspired me. All the support I’ve gotten in my life, all the love I’ve gotten from both my friends and family, has led me here, on the cusp of achieving my wildest dreams. There were times when my parents' past would seep into my present, causing slight ripples in my mental state, but I can never forget that they were the ones that changed themselves to give me and my brother a better chance, away from the pain they had to push through. I’ll take the lessons they have taught me to create my own future, beyond the limit of the stars. And it all starts with a pen and paper.

If life experience has taught me anything, it’s to never let the things you can’t control determine your future, or worse, who you are. Now, in all fairness, my illnesses have been very manageable compared to some other friends I know. Probably the reason why I ignored how the pain made me feel, or worse, what it was doing to my mental health. Looking back, I’ve had eczema since I was a baby, and, for some unknown reason, I never liked putting on lotion. Maybe it was because it was uncomfortable on my hands, or maybe it was because every time I put any brand on my skin it felt like every part of me was on fire, but the point is I never really took care of myself. Luckily I never really noticed it until the winter seasons so I thought if I didn’t scratch it would be fine. There were a couple of other problems I never really had answers for: my jumper's knees (something that was only exemplified when I dislocated it), the never-ending pit in my stomach that lurched out at the start of middle school, the anxious thoughts plaguing my head, and to tie it all together, I had my first experience with alopecia. When everything came at me all at once in 8th grade, I finally decided to do something about it, to find out why this was happening to me. For those who never researched what in the world alopecia was after the Chris Rock/Will Smith feud, alopecia is a skin condition that causes your hair to fall out, and not much is known about it. There are no proven reasons why it happens or a definitive cure, but doctors have narrowed it down to stress being one of the main causes. At that moment, everything finally made sense, why I had headaches a lot, why I was mentally exhausted, why my skin flared up so bad that year, and most importantly why I was losing hair. I was able to find a solution that worked to reverse the damage for both my eczema as well as my fallen eyebrows, just lucky that nothing worse happened. Yet that didn’t stop the harassment, the months I spent outside of school going through physical therapy, nor did it stop the negative, self-conscious thoughts from making hot tears stain my face, never stopped the fear from consuming me. Through everything, years of crawling back out of the hole I dug myself, I was able to better myself and allow myself to learn morals I would’ve never truly learned without going through all of that. My future dreams, at least after years of thinking and planning, finally feels like it all flows together. I dream to not only be a concept artist for video games but become an inspiration, a symbol for pushing through hardship and not letting mental or physical challenges control the life you live. To help those who are in the same or a worse situation I was in, and let my art and my passion create new paths that everyone can feel safe on, just like I had. To use something I truly love to make the world a better place in a way that is significant to me. A way only I can.

When looking at it from a distance, you could say that struggle was a defining factor of the past year. I know everyone says Junior year is the worst, but I truly underestimated how bad it could be. But when there is darkness, there must also always be light, Yin and Yang, and honestly, I think that is what truly helped me survive the wretched Junior year. Between the almost security level drama threats, the difficult, and might I add stressful curriculum of pre-calculus, and the heartbreak to win them all, it was very debilitating, emotionally and physically. Yet, in the face of darkness, I will always believe that hope exists in every situation, even if it’s by a sliver. I will never forget that this was the year my team made it to the state finals, I won so many competitions for my art, made so many new friends, accelerated in my technical studies, had my first relationship, and most importantly, I grew, not only as a person but as a friend. For the first time in my life, I felt like all the wisdom I’ve taken to heart has helped me mature into the person I have wanted to be since 8th grade. It helped me learn to let go of the past, to know that I can never control even the smallest of conflicts. Try your best at everything you do, and even when at your lowest point, look for the good in everything, because it will truly save you from your harshest critic, yourself. I realize that this is what I’ve always wanted to do, to make people’s lives better, the way only I can, and now I feel like I'm finally on the right path.