Donovan Ghimenti Legacy Scholarship

Mental Health Essay My earliest memory of the start of my mental health issues was when I was around four years old. My parents were leaving for a date night and my sitter, sisters and I all settled down to watch a movie. Out of nowhere I started to get nervous and began thinking, “I hope my parents got there safely. Of course they did. …But what if they didn’t?” My heart rate increased and my breathing sped up. I began to sob and sprinted to my parent’s bedroom, feeling the strongest pain of sadness I had ever felt before. The feeling of dread eventually took its toll and exhausted I fell asleep, holding my parent’s portrait. I believe that moment was the start of my stress, intense overthinking, and my anxiety. Fast forward 11 years to March of 2020. I was a happy girl: sun-kissed from swimming at practice every day, seeing my friends at school, ecstatic that we were getting close to the start of Summer before our sophomore year. Then, of course, the nationwide lockdown happened. My friends and I joked about it, and we were excited about our “two-week vacation”. But then two weeks turned to a month, one month into two, two months into a year. Swim practice was abruptly canceled for 3 months. I was in complete social isolation. Facetime with my friends became less and less and I immersed myself in social media. My room became dark with the exception of a neon strip bordering my ceiling. I stopped leaving my room as my friend group disappeared. Though I never missed an online class, I completely disregarded my homework and my grades. I had been a straight-A student all my life; I nearly failed three classes that year. Swim practice eventually resumed but my competitive spirit was lost. My attendance had gone from nine practices a week pre-pandemic to one or two, at which I barely tried or cared. I had lost motivation for everything. Everyone could see that my mental and physical health was quickly deteriorating. I wanted my life to be over. I began having suicidal thoughts and it got to a point where my parents were desperate to help me. I remember sitting with my parents, and all of us holding each other crying, just trying to get as close to each other as humanly possible. Feeling helpless, my parents contacted a therapist. I truly believe that they saved my life. I am a senior now. I have been going to therapy for three years, and I am finally healing. In the process of my healing, I went from having a friend group of 12 girls to having one close friend this year, Gracie. Though that might sound lonely, I have never felt more appreciated in a friendship than I do now. My relationship with my parents is better than it ever has been. And of course, I have a perfect little angel of a dog, Sugar, who is my favorite little thing in this world. I’ve learned that mental healing is a process and keeping the doors open to help and support is key; a lesson that I will hold dear in the years to come. I’m excited for my future as a college student! I hope that I can share my experience with other students and spread awareness about mental health issues as I believe no one should walk this path alone. I am finally living a life controlling my mental health, instead of my mental health controlling my life.

My struggles with mental health have had a profound impact on my education. I have always been passionate about learning, going as far as studying to be a Clinical Laboratory Scientist. However, my mental health has hindered my progress with that, specifically by making it challenging to concentrate as well as challenging to retain the information that is being taught to me. As a result, I have often struggled in my classes and felt discouraged by my academic performance. However, despite these challenges, I have also learned valuable lessons about perseverance and self-discovery. One of the most significant ways that my struggles with mental health have affected my schooling is by making it hard to concentrate. I have struggled with depression and anxiety, thus, causing my concentration issues. There have been times when I have sat in class, unable to focus on the lecture, or I have felt overwhelmed by the amount of information being presented. As a result, I have often fallen behind in my studies and felt discouraged by my lack of progress. In addition to difficulty concentrating, I have struggled with understanding the information being taught to me. I have lost count of the times when I have been in class, unable to process the information being presented to me during a lecture. Because of that, I would start to spiral, being overwhelmed with the thought that if I do not pull myself together, I would fail. This has resulted in me feeling discouraged and questioning my abilities as a student. However, despite these challenges, my struggles with mental health have also led me to realize my true passions. As I have struggled with my studies, I have found solace in creative outlets, such as nail art, makeup, and hairstyling. These hobbies have allowed me to express myself in ways that I cannot in a traditional academic setting. Through exploring these passions, I have come to realize that my true calling lies in the world of cosmetology. This realization has inspired me to take action and apply to a cosmetology program that starts in June of this year. Applying to a cosmetology program has been nerve-wracking, but it has also been incredibly empowering. For the first time in a long time, I feel as though I am taking control of my future and pursuing something that truly excites me. While there is a long road ahead, I am excited about the prospect of starting this new chapter in my life. Looking back on my struggles with mental health, I realize that they have taught me valuable lessons about perseverance and self-discovery. While it has been challenging to struggle in my studies, it has allowed me to explore my passions and discover my true calling. I am excited to see where this journey takes me and to continue learning and growing as a person. I hope that my story can inspire others who may be struggling with their mental health to explore their passions and pursue their dreams, no matter how challenging they may seem.

For as long as I can remember I've always had this void in my life. This dark feeling inside that I couldn't quite figure out. What was the cause? No one knows, but it cunsome every part of you. I've tried every friend, education, and medication, but nothing could take away the feelings, I tried to escape it but I realized you can't run from something that's in your mind. When I was 2 years old I was adopted by an American family. Im originally from Russia. My Adopted brother died when I was first adopted which brought a disconnect in our home. When I was 11 years old I found out I was adopted which completely shattered my world more than it was already starting to. Around that time I fell into a deep depression, fights which my parents got worse and my good grades failed. I ran away when I was 13 which I soon came to realize was the biggest mistake. I got lost and trusted men that said they would lead me home. Those men were the reason I never went home. They were the reason I was too scared to go to school. They took me far away and then began turning their anger and financial problems onto me like I was their way out. They gave me marijuana and cocaine at the age of 13 to give me enough strength to stay awake throughout the night. I was sex trafficked by many men I thought loved me. When I was finally found I was sent to the foster system and never saw my family again. I was too depressed to go to school, My depression turned into PTSD which turned into constant anxiety. I attempted suicide 4 times before the people around me understood the gravity of my mental health. I took drugs to ease the pain, my friends were the suppliers. The man I loved overdosed on meth which completely changed my world. When I was 17 I found out I was pregnant which pushed me to become who I am today. Even now I find myself losing the version of me I worked so hard to achieve. I was hospitalized in 2022 which lead to my grades slipping again and classes being failed. I continue to take medication to this day, some days are worse than others, but my daughter gives me the most motivation. which is why I am applying to this scholarship.

The struggles that I have with mental health are currently ongoing. I recently have been diagnosed with Cyclothymic disorder, and I have struggled with being able to keep my mood regulated along with correcting my own behavioral mistakes. Before I was diagnosed with this disorder, I was treated for chronic depression, anxiety, and PTSD. These disorders impacted my ability to make connections with people, focus on school, and keep myself regulated. Making connections with others, to me, is almost like being behind a glass wall. My peers with regular lives are on the other side, carrying on with their conversations and friendship like it was second nature. I remember that I used to be able to make friends easily until I reached a certain age where my friends started pointing out the things that I did wrong. My mood would shift sporadically: one moment I'd be laughing, and the next, I'd be looking down at the ground not speaking at all. These changes would lead to the friends I had not knowing how to react to me and they eventually moved on. This is still a struggle, but for a year now, I’ve had a very good friend that has stuck by my side even through my worst episodes. For her, I am eternally grateful. The school has always been a passion of mine. I’ve always strived to learn more and completely understand what I’m learning in a given subject. Over the years it’s become increasingly difficult for me to remain focused in class. There are times when my mind becomes rampant with thoughts, overthinking everything that comes across it, and it’s almost like there is a weight in my head that is impossible to look through. Even now, during my senior year, I’ve found it harder and harder to remain entirely in my class. This could also be attributed to the major changes that are being made in my life, but after various conversations with a therapist, they believe that it is my mental disorder that is making these tasks that were once so easy, extremely difficult. When depression sets in after a period of constant searching for rushes of happiness, more commonly known as mania, it is difficult to find motivation in the simplest tasks. In this case, this would be putting my complete focus on the teacher. I’ve been fighting almost my entire life to reduce these factors, and it will remain a struggle even with outside help. As stated above, I go through different periods of emotions: lack of motivation and emptiness, as well as extreme elevation and energy. This makes it extremely difficult to remain regulated in day-to-day life. Without the help of medication (which will soon be put to use) I am essentially doing this free-handed. These mood swings come at random times, always the mania before the depression, but for an unknown amount of time. I am doing the best that I can remain on top of these swings, but there are some days when I slip through the cracks and it affects those around me and that is what is most concerning to me. Having these mental disorders has made my life extremely difficult and put immense strain on me to be able to regulate them. It’s almost like a juggling act- one ball slips through your grasp and the rest come tumbling down. They have affected my schooling by making it difficult to focus and maintain connections with those around me. Although it is difficult, I am still trying my best to remain positive and on top of my academics.