My life has forever changed after loosing my grandfather. I lost my grandpa right before my freshman year of high school. He was the individual I looked up to the most. The way he lived his life always amazed me. Seeing the impact he had on this world has inspired me to follow in his footsteps to become a doctor. My grandfather was an infectious disease doctor. He even was the head of the valley fever research at UCDavis for many years before he passed. Each time we would go out in public together someone approached us every single time without fail. I watched as he was thanked time and time again for saving lives. The phrase I continuously heard directed towards him was “you saved my life”. I couldn’t believe the amount of love and thanks my community gave to my grandfather. It was astonishing how big a difference one man could make in peoples lives. He showed me that what we accomplish in life makes a difference no matter how small. I never thought I could loose someone that meant so much to me, until he was diagnosed. My grandfather got diagnosed with stage four pancreas cancer. Sadly, I never accepted his medical diagnosis until it was too late. I sat and watched for two months as he slowly deteriorated in front of me. The memory of cancer taking my grandpas life forever stays in my mind. For years I struggled to cope with his passing. After my grandpa passed I found myself struggling to stay happy. I was used to seeing him almost every day of my life. It felt strange being alive without him. I started finding it difficult to focus and began struggling at school. Balancing my freshmen year of high school was even more difficult because of the head space I was in. I thought about him day after day. He was all I could focus on and it was draining trying to come to terms with his death. Eventually I realized that my grandpa would have wanted me to honor him. He would have wanted me to thrive in school and accomplish my dreams. I wanted to make him proud and he has forever been the most prominent factor for why I achieve. I never understood how someone who did so much good could be cursed with a disease like cancer. I remember my grandfather as my mentor and as someone who has changed the world for the better with his research and diagnoses. I hope to make him proud by continuing my education at UCRiverside.

In the medical field, there are so many options out there to choose from that it makes picking a specific category to pursue almost impossible. In my junior and senior years of high school, I decided to join the Patient Care Pathway program through Career Technical Education. I was unsure at first if joining this program was the right choice for me. However, I was searching for insight on what it was like to work in medicine and I made sure to keep my options open when experiencing the different sectors of medicine. I have job shadowed at PRO-PT Physical Therapy, Clovis Community Hospital Care Centers, and The Valley Skin Institute. I spent a lot of my time at Clovis Community and learned valuable bedside manner skills. I volunteered in both the Breast Center and the Triage Center. Although my most memorable site would be the Breast Care Center. I was able to meet many different types of people who all had different stories. A lot of the stories I heard will stay with me for the rest of my life and have created a meaningful impact. Our time in life is valuable and living life in the way that creates happiness should always be the number one priority. Their stories showed me exactly why I wanted to become a doctor and how much our health can influence our daily lives. I worked hard to provide services to patients and build relationships with the receptionists and radiologists at the center. Eventually, I built a close relationship with one of the doctors at the Clovis Community Breast Care Center. She would often take me with her around the hospital and show me the characteristics of radiology. I got to see radiological equipment and machines, X-rays and MRI scans, and meet many other radiologists. I wanted to make the best of the time I had there and learn everything I possibly could. She taught me how to read scans and work the equipment, and I was able to get an understanding of a career in radiology. Getting hands-on experience really provided me a glimpse into what my future could be. Job shadowing different branches of medicine helped me to determine that providing for patients in the community is what I am meant to and want to do in the future. It even helped me narrow down my likes and dislikes in the field of medicine.

Stage fright seemed to follow me like a shadow anytime I needed to stand in front of large crowds of people. I wanted my fear to go away as quickly as possible but I had to be patient. The moment I started playing the viola I was able to turn my fear into an asset. I began playing the viola eight years ago and my confidence immediately started to increase. At first I played timidly making sure no one could hear me at all. I was afraid people would judge me for playing incorrectly or sounding unpleasant. Overall, I was embarrassed by my inability to play and I felt jealous that most of the other string players in my orchestra class were much more musically advanced. I decided to take lessons and practice about an hour every day. I wanted to become a better musician and close the gap between myself and the other violaists out there. As I musically advanced so did my playing, I could tell I was sounding better and becoming enjoyable to listen to. I was finally at the same standards as my other classmates. I decided to audition for an Honors Orchestra called the Fresno-Madeira County Music Educators Association and I became one out of only about sixty other players that were selected to perform in the orchestra. I was much more confident in my musical ability and made it obvious that I wanted my playing to be heard. Participating in an honors orchestra granted me the ability to become more relaxed being in front of large crowds. Eventually I was confident enough to audition for an all state orchestra. I was so grateful to get into the All State California Orchestra Directors Association. I had competed for a spot in this orchestra against viola players from all over California. Playing in this orchestra gave me an overwhelming feeling of accomplishment and provided me with the tools I needed to keep succeeding. Furthermore, my instrument forced me to become less shy and I was able to have a more extroverted personality. My viola gave me the confidence I needed for the real world. It taught me to speak up and let myself be heard by others. I am now able to easily give performances, presentations, and speeches in front of crowds. I refuse to let any of my fears stop me from accomplishing my goals and I will no longer allow myself to stay hidden behind others around me.

Motion sickness has been prevalent in my life since I was a little girl. Until I became a teenager every time I would sit in a moving vehicle I would get nauseous. I was finally free of the nauseating feeling until it came back a few years later and continues to affect me every day, yet since my junior year of high school, it has been from a different source. I used to get motion sick when I would sit in a car but now I get motion sickness from my father. The consistent image I have of my father is him sitting on our couch downing one drink after another. The stacks of beer and wine bottles overflowing on the counter was a sickening site. Sadly, I watched as alcohol consumed not only his life and thoughts but mine too. In order to avoid the exposure I stayed trapped in my room day after day when I came home. Locked in my room doing school work and my extracurricular activities in an 8 by 11 foot area because if I dared to come out into the living room I would become sick. Juggling being a high achieving student and a survivor kept rocking me back and forth. I overloaded my daily schedule to distract me from what was occurring at home and in my personal family life. Wake up early for zero period orchestra, drive to the hospital for volunteering, drive back to school, ignore my father’s texts, participate in clubs, come home from school, complete homework, avoid my father, study for science olympiad competition, teach Hebrew, practice my viola, study for AP exams, ignore the screaming, audition for the honors orchestras, complete college applications, finish my dual enrollment homework, do not look him in the eyes. My mind was going from one thought to another trying to stay afloat. Slowly I developed anxiety without even realizing it. I could feel my mind racing, never finding time to stop thinking for one second. I endured this life for a year and a half handling being both a student and the daughter of an alcoholic father. This past March of my senior year my mind and body decided to give up. I was driving back to school from volunteering at the hospital to suddenly waking up on a tree. I had fainted while driving because of the built up anxiety I had developed. These fainting spells lasted for about a week before I decided to start taking care of my mental health. I was completely overwhelmed, however, I thought this type of lifestyle was normal for a high school student. Competitiveness and achievements are all that matters, who cares what is happening at home or what someone is going through? I commonly see this type of mindset from not only me but from many individuals at my school. This type of thought process became dangerous and ultimately led to the decline of my health. I was pulled in two different directions: surviving or thriving. I chose to thrive. My downfall was never finding the time to take care of myself. I now realize how important it is for me to listen to my body when it is telling me it is time for a break. School and my grades should not have taken priority over my mental health. Thankfully my father is no longer involved in my life and I am getting the help I need for dealing with my anxiety and what I went through. Alas, if you do not take care of yourself, no one will.