Cameron Sims Memorial Scholarship

Most young children are not always aware of death, nor do they understand it. Death is a common theme in cartoons, television, and movies, but experiencing grief firsthand is a different and often confusing process. My stepfather passed away when I was six. He was killed in a car accident a few months after my brother's birth. His death caused a shift in my life. My mom was now a widow with a newborn, and I was now the man of the house. His loss was a concept that I did not understand how to handle. He was here one moment and then suddenly he was tragically taken from us. I worried I could not fulfill the role of being the man of the house because it brought on tasks that I had never known existed. My grief and pain from his loss changed how I felt about myself and how I treated those around me. From age six to ten, I seemed happy and optimistic in the eyes of family and friends. When people asked how I was doing, I said things happen for a reason. However, in my mind, I questioned everything. I wondered how life worked; I wanted to know the rules, restrictions, or anything I could do to avoid dying young. I feared dying and leaving the world with goals I had not reached. These questions and fears left me in a dark place. I was afraid to share these thoughts with my family and friends because I was trying to show everyone, I could handle being the man of the house. I felt that no one understood me or knew how I was feeling. I was enrolled in a performing arts middle school and joined the school concert band. As the years passed and I continued to play music with marching bands, concert bands, jazz bands, and orchestras, music motivated me to focus on living. When I was worried, it soothed me; when I was weary, it encouraged me. It is not only music but the support and connection of my bandmates, combined with my talent, that allows me to shine on stage. Being a part of a band has created lifelong friendships and memories. It is an experience that no musician forgets. Playing instruments, hanging out with friends, composing songs with band members, and performing in front of friends and family makes me feel understood. It is a feeling like no other. Being in a band continues to teach me how to work with others. I’ve learned how to compromise, respect, and constructively communicate with my bandmates. My focus on playing music is achieved through discipline. Self-discipline is of utmost importance in a performer's personal growth. However, I am learning life and growth is about balance. A balance between body and mind, creativity and structure, and fun and work. Music saved me from drowning in my grief; it provided me with a safe space to feel the emotions of loss. Music opened a space to express the unsayable; it gave me a new perspective on life. Playing with my bandmates helped me grow. Music taught me how to manage stress and move forward with life. Music has become a form of self-expression, allowing me to create a personal soundtrack that reflects my values, aspirations, and my journey of self-discovery. I am learning to embrace my full potential and looking forward to reaching new heights. I play in honor of my stepdad, Arimus Dixon, and although he never got to hear me play, I know he is at every performance, cheering me on.