For much of my childhood, I learned how to hide how I was feeling. I experienced depression and suicidal thoughts from a very young age, but instead of reaching out to my family, I kept everything to myself. I became accustomed to appearing okay even when I was struggling. I learned that it often felt easier to pretend I was fine than to explain why I wasn't.
My social anxiety made reaching out even more difficult. I struggled to talk to teachers, make friends, and allow people to see who I really was. I was bullied in elementary school, and growing up, my parents did not always get along. I never felt that I knew how to explain what I was experiencing at home, so I became increasingly isolated. I spent most of high school without true friendships, often feeling as though I had to mask my struggles or be “high functioning” so that no one would notice how much I was hurting.
Over time, this affected my education. It became difficult to participate, communicate, and fully engage with school. My academic performance suffered because I was trying to manage emotional difficulties that I did not know how to talk about. I eventually transitioned to online schooling, which unexpectedly gave me an opportunity to begin changing.
At seventeen, I found myself thinking seriously about my future for perhaps the first time. For years, whenever someone asked what I wanted to do when I grew up, I never had a real answer because I had never truly pictured myself reaching adulthood. Suddenly, I had reached an age I had never imagined reaching, and I realized I had to decide what I wanted my life to become.
My relationships with my siblings also became more important during this period. Having more conversations and social interaction helped me realize that I could be myself without constantly pretending. I also found mentors online whose lives represented possibilities I had never allowed myself to imagine. They gave me something I desperately needed: a reason to believe that my future could actually be worth looking forward to.
Eventually, I realized something that changed my life: I did not want my life to end; I wanted my life to become different. I wanted the happiness, purpose, relationships, and accomplishments I had never believed were possible for me. Instead of remaining trapped in the past, I began building toward a future I could finally see.
As my mental health improved, so did my academic life. I became interested in subjects and activities I never expected to enjoy, including chess, reading, debate, science, and engineering. It felt as though clearing some of the darkness in my mind created room for curiosity and passion. I began believing that I could actually pursue difficult fields that had once seemed beyond my abilities.
Today, I am pursuing engineering at Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University. I am beginning in Mechanical Engineering with the goal of transitioning into Aerospace Engineering, a field I once never imagined I could be capable of pursuing.
My diagnosis has affected nearly every part of my life, but it does not define where my life ends. It taught me how deeply untreated struggles can affect a person's education, relationships, confidence, and ability to imagine a future. More importantly, overcoming those difficulties taught me resilience. I have come farther than I once believed possible, and now I want to see just how far I can go.
Some of the greatest lessons in my life came from a time when I felt like I completely lost myself. For so long, I measured my worth by what I could achieve. My grades, my awards, the validation I received from others all became proof to me that I was enough. From the outside, I looked confident and put together. No one worried about me because I never gave them a reason to.
But even though my grades never slipped, the pressure I put on myself started to quietly break me down. I kept telling myself I could handle it, that I just needed to push a little harder, be a little better. Eventually, it reached a point where I felt like I was suffocating in my own mind. I could not escape my thoughts. I became irritable and short-tempered, and people started to label me as rude or just another hormonal teenager. What they did not see was that I was scared of myself. I did not recognize who I was becoming, and I had no idea how to ask for help.
The breaking point came over something small. I got into a minor argument with my mom, and something in me just broke. I fell into her arms and begged her to get me help. I will never forget the look on her face. She had never seen me like that before. I had never let anyone see me like that before. That moment felt like rock bottom.
When I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and major depressive disorder, I felt empty. I expected sympathy. I expected someone to tell me it was not my fault and that it would all just get better. Instead, I was met with something harder but more important. Accountability. My psychiatrist and psychologist reminded me of who I was, but they also made it clear that potential means nothing without action. One thing they told me has stayed with me ever since, “Be a bison. When a storm comes, most animals run away from it. Bison run straight through it.”
At some point, I realized no one could charge through the storm for me. If I wanted my life back, I had to fight for it. I had to sit with thoughts that scared me and learn how to face them instead of running. I had to hold myself accountable for the habits that were keeping me stuck. It was not easy. But slowly, something started to change.
I learned that true achievement is not found in perfection. It is found in progress. It is not about how fast you move, it is about where you are going and the choice to keep going even when it hurts. Losing myself taught me that failure is not the end of your story, sometimes it is the moment that saves you.
Over the past years, I have shown courage, resilience, and growth. I am on a self-journey of overcoming my depression; all while trying to stay on the honor roll and getting my associate's degree in dual enrollment. I have experienced mental health issues due to personal reasons like stress, me and my mom having issues, my mom getting shot, and my dad passing away. While also having to balance taking care of my little sisters, and doing my schoolwork, work, and sports. At first, I thought I was having a lot of bad days. That what I was feeling inside wasn't a big deal. But I found myself in this vicious cycle where I locked myself in my room, doing nothing, and not eating. It became difficult to pull myself away. In the mornings, it was hard for me to get up because sometimes my body would just shut down. I would stay in my room all day and curl into a ball. When I'm like this, I think of nothing. I get to block everything that makes me sad and reminds me of all my stress. These issues have distracted me from my responsibilities and have impacted my academic performance greatly. My grades were slipping, and I was failing to show up to school. This was a repeated cycle for 5 years and I knew it was toxic for my future and mental health.
Around late November- early December 2024, I felt as though I reached my breaking point. I have been getting triggered for a while due to my stress and I would randomly cry alone at school and home. I was in my College Tracks counselor's office crying because I got triggered by my emotions. I then began to tell her about how I just always felt sad and numb every day, how I was failing my classes and the increased amount of stress that I was putting on myself. It was a difficult thing to do, to finally talk to someone about my struggles and my mental health. I am not used to expressing my thoughts and feelings genuinely. I always thought of myself as someone who could find a solution no matter what. That I can fix all my problems easily. But it felt so comforting to finally be heard. To not feel alone and to get the help I need. My counselor made me feel safe and sane. She helped me feel heard and she made everything feel as if I am not alone, mentally. Reminding me that the future is what I make of it.
This helped me realize that if I want to graduate and become the best version, I know I can be, I have to put myself first. I have to advocate for myself. I surround myself with better people and I put my goals first. I am still fighting my depression as I now get counseling every week at school, but with the support and the new strive for greatness, I am finally seeing everything differently.
