Stafford R. Ultsch Legacy Scholarship

I was named after my grandfather, but unfortunately, I was never able to meet him in person. He died about 6 months before I was born, by suicide. My mom has always talked about him and I have sensed that the way he died, was always a secret in our extended family. When I was about 12, my mom participated in a walk for suicide and shared that suicide was how her father passed. I remember her fighting back tears, and she walked all night, alone. She said she needed to. I found out later that my mom had never been able to grieve the loss of her father properly because she had to lie about how he died. Apparently, her family was ashamed and none of them have really accepted or dealt with the pain of losing such an important part of their lives. It made me feel pretty terrible, knowing how much pain she had endured, on her own. Since then, I have walked alongside my mom. Our extended family will still not talk about my grandfather's death, but my mom does. She made a choice to keep talking in order to help other people. Maybe since I was part of her and alive inside of her when my grandfather died, we have a special connection. Maybe that's silly, but I feel like I have a duty to him to help others. I know that suicide is a desperate act - it is a calling out and that depression can be debilitating. I am taking my mom's lead and stepping up. I did not know my grandfather but I've heard plenty of stories about how funny, and musical he was, and how he could light up a room. But, even though he seemed to appear to be amazing, he was suffering. I have studied music for years and that is my passion. It has also helped lift me in times of trouble. I hope that by studying psychology and learning more about how music therapy can help people fight depression, I can make a difference in this world. Even though I never met my grandfather, I feel like he is a part of me. My mom has taught me to talk about my feelings and she is active in suicide prevention. I know I can continue this work with her. Together we can make a difference and help prevent suicide.