KC R. Sandidge Photography Scholarship

When creating the portfolio I submitted, I was looking for photographs to express a specific mood. I looked and looked through my best shots, and found a few that I particularly like. All of them I believe show emotions such as sadness, dismay, and discomfort. First, I included a moody photograph of a blue bathroom. The way the light is hitting the white sink in the dark and quite literally blue room, in my opinion, plants feelings of despair and sorrow. While the room is literally blue, the photograph's colors and lighting make the viewer feel a bit 'blue' as well. My second photograph is a self-portrait. I chose this because it carries along the theme of blue in my eye, and the look on my face is that of discomfort and concern, another strong emotion sometimes associated with sadness. As you can see, my iris is not in focus, and that was in order to show the feeling of situations being skimmed over and not paid attention to, in which people don't want to look into the eyes of someone who's grieving or experiencing a difficult situation. The third image I chose was one that I took in Iceland. Rain is mostly associated with sadness as well, and I really loved the way the raindrops fell on this window outside of a hotel in Reykjavik. The image overall is a bit miserable with underlying hints of hope possibly. The fourth and final photograph I chose was a still life of some purple tulips and an open book. I chose this because of the moody lighting similar to the blue bathroom photo. In addition to this, tulips can symbolize deep love, so I like to think that someone had just experienced heartbreak since they are beginning to wilt. Maybe someone was reading a book and admiring some flowers from a lover, but suddenly was notified that their significant other had passed away and they rushed out, leaving the book and ambient lighting in its place. In conclusion, the four photos I chose convey emotions of sadness, discomfort, misery, and grief. Yet, the hints of bright light in each photo, such as that on the sink, on my face, in the window, and the small amount on the tulips, signifies hope and that things will turn out alright in the end.

The five photos I submitted for this scholarship are all a part of my AP Art sustained investigation, where through a series of photo memoirs I try to share with the world my experience with growing up gay. The project as a whole stemmed from this place of yearning; yearning for the want to stop feeling so alone because no one understood my story. A partial part of this loneliness I think is my fault because I don't enjoy talking about my sexuality, which I think comes from years of staying in the closet and being afraid to be myself. The beautiful thing about this project is that, although it's very scary to examine deep parts of myself that manifest in different ways in my current life and although it will be scary to release the project at my AP Art show in April, it's something that I'm forcing myself to do because I feel that it's necessary for my personal growth and development. Through the project, I'm able to examine and learn from the experiences of my life I've never really dealt with up to this point, and I get to show it to the people in my life that I haven't had the strength to come out to yet. It's also easier for me to communicate visually and through art than it is for me to communicate through my words. Through creativity, we are able to communicate things that seem so hard and complicated through words. By looking at a photo I make, I'm laying out the blueprint and guidelines of the conversation that comes after the viewer has time to sit with the themes. That conversation could be with me, but it could also be with someone else in their life that they thought of when they viewed my work. From day one I knew that I wanted this project to 1. be a way for me to reflect on my life as I said before, but also 2. serve as a way for other people to learn from my experiences and see themselves change because of it. In whatever way that comes. Art, in whatever form it comes in, is a way for our society to learn from one another and to celebrate our differences which in turn leads to a more enlightened and understanding world.