Jean Ramirez Scholarship

The day I lost my brother to suicide was the most heart-wrenching moment of my life. Michael was not just a sibling; he was my confidant, mentor, and best friend. His sudden departure left a void that seemed impossible to fill, plunging our family into a sea of grief and confusion. In the immediate aftermath, the challenge was to come to terms with the overwhelming sorrow and guilt. Questions of "Why didn’t I see the signs?" and "Could I have done something differently?" haunted my thoughts. Each day felt like an insurmountable battle, as I struggled to make sense of the unimaginable loss. The emotional toll was immense, impacting my ability to focus on my studies and engage in daily activities. However, it was through this profound pain that I began to understand the importance of resilience and support. I sought solace in therapy, where I could express my feelings openly and work through the complex emotions of grief. These sessions provided a safe space to process my pain and learn coping strategies to navigate the difficult journey ahead. Additionally, joining a support group for suicide loss survivors allowed me to connect with others who shared similar experiences. Their stories of resilience and hope offered a glimmer of light in the darkness, reminding me that I was not alone. Through therapy and support, I learned valuable lessons about the nature of grief and the importance of self-compassion. I realized that healing is not a linear process and that it is okay to have good days and bad days. Embracing this understanding allowed me to be kinder to myself and to recognize that grief is a testament to the love I have for Michael. His memory became a source of strength, inspiring me to persevere and honor his legacy. Finding resilience in the face of tragedy also meant rediscovering hope and purpose. I channeled my grief into advocacy for mental health awareness, determined to prevent others from experiencing the same pain. I became involved in campus initiatives focused on mental health education and suicide prevention, organizing events and workshops to raise awareness and provide resources for students in need. This advocacy work became a healing journey, transforming my grief into meaningful action. Pursuing my education amidst the challenges of grief was another test of resilience. There were times when the weight of loss made it difficult to concentrate or find motivation. However, I drew inspiration from Michael’s dreams and aspirations. He had always encouraged me to pursue my goals and to make a positive impact in the world. I decided to continue my studies in psychology, with the aim of becoming a counselor specializing in grief and trauma. This career path allows me to support others through their darkest moments, offering hope and healing in the way that others had done for me. In conclusion, my journey as a suicide loss survivor has been marked by profound challenges, but it has also taught me invaluable lessons in resilience and hope. Through therapy, support groups, and advocacy work, I have found ways to navigate grief and transform pain into purpose. The Jean Ramirez Scholarship would provide essential support in continuing my education, empowering me to make a positive impact in the field of mental health. By honoring my brother’s memory and supporting others, I strive to create a legacy of hope and healing for those affected by suicide.

On May 15, 2022 at 4:45 in the morning my eldest brother, a navy veteran committed suicide. It was an unexpected loss. It was tragic and heart-wrenching. There were no signs, letters, or even a phone call to say goodbye. He had plans for later that day, plans throughout the week he would never get to complete. As a Christian, the first thing I wanted to do was pray that he was in heaven safe. It scared me to think that he would punished for this eternally. Although I know that God forgives every sin, the thought frightened me. But who was I to tell my mother who had just lost her firstborn son, that we needed to pray? That day was silent, the most silent my family had ever been. The initial shock, the feeling that I needed to step up, the fear of the future. Would my parents divorce? Would my dad kill himself as well after the news? What caused this? Are we sure it was suicide? Was it the alcohol he consumed? What did we miss? In the weeks leading up to the funeral, I slept in my twin brothers' room while my parents rarely slept. With my father's stone-cold face and my mother's random sobs, it was hard, and awkward. As a Mexican, family runs deep in our roots, so the calls came flooding in, the doorbell rang every five minutes for two weeks, and family friends, cousins from out of town, and people who had just gone on vacation ran back to El Paso. The constant hugs, my grief didn't hit me right away so that was awkward plus I'm not a hug person. Church people, I had never met before had created a food train for the two weeks until the funeral. Our community gathered around to support us. To not break my mother more I called the VA and declared my brother dead. It was hard but my other brother took over halfway through the phone call. It's been two years since my brother died, and I miss him every day. Since, his death I've realized God has had a plan, he turns graves into gardens. When my brother died I knew I could not turn to drugs or alcohol, because what would that do? I was a sophomore in high school, and in some way that would through my life away. So, I joined the cross-country team and ran. I ran every morning that year and just kept running. It was my escape, it was my peace. God even gave me a strong Christian community that first year I went to bible study and grew even closer with God. I want to continue what my brother started and continue going to college even after previous failures, my brother was a " C's get degrees" type of guy but he instilled the importance of education in me. However, throughout all this, I worried for my family's peace even my dog Chocó's peace. I realized however that as a family we would continue to trust in God in his mysterious ways. We each grew closer to our God and for that, I am forever thankful for. I pray Emilio is happy and at peace on a boat in Heaven.

Losing my father to suicide at the age of eleven shattered my world in ways I couldn’t fully comprehend at the time. In an instant, the man who had kissed me goodbye that morning, who had reminded me to take care of my mother and siblings, was gone. The simplicity of my childhood; waking up to roosters crowing, waves crashing against the pā, and the warm embrace of my family…was suddenly overshadowed by a grief I wasn’t prepared to face. In the aftermath of my father’s passing, my family made the difficult decision to move back to Dallas, where my mother would now navigate life as a widow raising three children. It was an incredibly hard time for all of us. We were grieving, adjusting to a new environment, and trying to rebuild a life that no longer felt whole. I watched my mother carry the weight of her loss while still showing up for us every day, ensuring we had what we needed despite her own heartbreak. At times, I felt helpless…like a child forced to grow up too soon. The nights were the hardest, when the house felt too quiet, and the absence of my father became impossible to ignore. But in those moments, I also witnessed the strength of my family…the way we leaned on each other, the way my mother refused to let tragedy define our future. The challenges that followed were relentless. I battled confusion, guilt, and an aching void that no child should have to endure. For years, I questioned if I had missed the signs, if there was something I could have done to change the outcome. The stigma surrounding mental health made it even harder to talk about my loss, leaving me to process it in silence at times. But as I grew older, I realized that my father’s struggle was not a reflection of his love for me, it was the weight of his pain, a battle he fought for as long as he could. Through my journey, I have learned the importance of compassion, both for others and for myself. I’ve come to understand that grief is not linear, that healing comes in waves, and that it’s okay to carry my father’s memory in both joy and sorrow. His story has ignited a passion in me to pursue a career in healthcare, specifically as a medical dosimetrist, where I can bring hope to those facing their own battles. Resilience, for me, has come from embracing the love that still surrounds me; from my family, my faith, and the memories I cherish. I have found hope in knowing that my father’s legacy lives on through me, in my pursuit of my dreams, and in my commitment to making a difference. His story is not just one of loss but of love, perseverance, and the reminder that even in darkness, there is always light to be found.

​Losing my father to suicide was a devastating experience that left me grappling with profound grief and a sense of hopelessness. In the aftermath, I found myself questioning the purpose of life and struggling to find the will to continue. The pain was overwhelming, and I felt isolated in my sorrow.​ However, amidst the darkness, I discovered the power of support from my family and community. My mother and two siblings became my pillars of strength, reminding me of the importance of unity and resilience. Their unwavering love and encouragement helped me navigate the turbulent waters of grief.​ Taking a year off from my studies was a pivotal decision that allowed me to focus on healing. During this time, I engaged in therapy and connected with support groups for suicide loss survivors. These resources provided a safe space to express my emotions and learn from others who had experienced similar losses. I realized that I was not alone in my journey, and this sense of community was instrumental in my recovery.​ One of the most significant lessons I learned was the importance of self-compassion. I had been carrying guilt and shame, believing that I should have been able to prevent my father's death. Through counseling and introspection, I came to understand that his decision was not a reflection of my actions or worth. Letting go of this guilt allowed me to begin the process of healing.​ I also recognized the detrimental effects of constantly portraying myself as strong. By allowing myself to be vulnerable and seek help, I fostered deeper connections with others and found solace in shared experiences. Embracing my emotions became a source of strength rather than a sign of weakness.​ As I continue my journey, my primary motivation is to support my family and honor my father's memory. Pursuing my career goals is not only a personal ambition but also a means to provide stability and guidance for my mother and siblings. I aspire to be a role model for my siblings, offering them the support and encouragement they need to thrive.​ Receiving the Jean Ramirez Scholarship would significantly alleviate the financial burden of my education, allowing me to focus on my studies and personal growth. It would also serve as a testament to the resilience and determination that have carried me through this challenging period.​ In conclusion, the loss of my father to suicide was a life-altering event that tested my strength and resolve. Through the support of my family and community, I have found a path toward healing and self-discovery. I am committed to using my experiences to foster resilience in others and to create a legacy of hope and perseverance.

As a survivor of suicide loss, I have faced more challenges than I thought I would, but I have been able to see how resilient I have been through it all. The first lesson I learned is that it is okay to carry on and move forward with life, even if you have no clue what you are doing and what life will look like. I had a counselor who probably said it to me in a way that made the most sense. I could have gone one of two ways, the path I chose to set me up for success, or I could have gone down a path that led to failure and ruining my life. I chose the path that led to success, and it paid off. I was the first member of my high school class to not only get into college but also to know where I would spend the next 4 years of my life, and that was eight years ago as we had this discussion in my senior year of high school. This counselor helped me in more ways than one. He cheered me on and let me be who I needed to be at that time without judgment. An early challenge I faced, and still face 11 years on, is that I matured so much faster than all my friends, and I still am. I didn’t know how this would affect me in the short term or long term, but I can tell you that it made it so that I do not laugh easily, and smiling is no longer natural to me. However, when working with high school students, I try to use verbal praise so they know I am proud of them, even if I do not show it in my face. A big piece that showed me how resilient I am is that I was able to figure out what I wanted to do with the next part of my life. I always knew I was going to go to college and get my bachelor’s degree, but the question of what’s next and how I could improve myself was always in the back of my head and as teachers, we are always trying to improve. So, when I saw that I had the opportunity to use my grief, suffering, and PTSD for good, I wanted to take advantage of it. My next phase of studying is for a Master of Education in Curriculum and Instruction with a focus on Trauma Informed Practices. This is so important to me, as I can use everything that I know and have gone through to be a better teacher and also help students who are going through their trauma and are trying to find a “new” ordinary and be successful in the classroom no matter what their future looks like and what they have gone through in their past. The biggest challenge that anyone faces when they are the one who finds a family member who has taken their life is how to move on. The hardest part must be finding a way to move on and find that new normal. Each day, you put one foot in front of the other and keep going, but finding a way to move forward is the most challenging part of this journey. It has taken me 11 years to begin not to blame myself for the loss of my father when I have been told time and time again that none of this was my fault, and I am still accepting that.

JOSHUA’S LIGHT The world lost a bright light this year. Joshua, my son, a former Marine grappling with PTSD, depression, and anxiety, died by suicide. He was a student at East State Tennessee University, a fighter for his own mental health, and tragically, a victim of an inadequate system. Joshua sought help, spending 36 agonizing minutes on the veteran crisis line before being deemed "okay." No follow-up, no warm handoff, no intervention – just him alone with his demons. Witnessing this failure ignited a burning desire in me, a former Marine myself, to ensure no veteran ever walks that path alone. My commitment to social justice, equity, and inclusivity has always fueled my interest in mental health. Seeing the stigma within my family, community, and the military amplifies my mission to break down barriers and make resources accessible. The devastating statistic of 22 veteran suicides a day demands action. I believe deeply in the transformative power of therapy, grief support, and holistic practices like yoga and mindfulness – tools to combat trauma and stress. Joshua's story ignited a fire within me. My passion lies in the powerful intersection of mental health, cultural competency, and dismantling the existing colonial lens in mental health care. My goal is twofold: become a licensed mental health counselor specializing in trauma-informed crisis intervention specifically for veterans, and establish Solace Mind®, a non-profit extension of my existing practice. Solace Mind® will bridge the gap between the VA, veterans' coordinators on college campuses, and those in crisis. My current experience as the Washington State CIT Program Manager, training first responders in crisis response, perfectly aligns with this vision. As a Crisis Intervention Specialist with extensive de-escalation and active listening skills, I'm dedicated to equipping responders with the latest suicide prevention tools. Our state-mandated training module, co-created with Dr. Jennifer Stuber and featuring my personal story, fosters empathy and understanding among responders. My dedication to continuous learning and adaptability extends beyond crisis response. Volunteering on crisis hotlines and teaching yoga and sound healing to diverse populations highlights this commitment. An impactful example is when teaching a disengaged group of youth, I pivoted my approach to incorporate their cultural background, transforming the experience. This emphasizes the importance of cultural competency in mental health care for all. As a woman of color, a Latina, and social justice activist, I see equity and inclusivity as cornerstones of effective therapy. My mission is to dismantle the stigma that prevents veterans and marginalized communities from seeking help. With a profound understanding of veteran challenges and the lived experience of loss, I am confident in my ability to make a difference through Walden University's Mental Health Counseling program. Through clinical practice and Solace Mind®, I will honor Joshua's legacy, keep his light burning, and ensure no veteran battles their demons alone. This is my journey; this is my mission, fueled by love and a desperate need for change.