Hi my name is Matt, and my journey as a suicide loss survivor has been a difficult one. I lost my older brother Joey in December of 2017. He was 13 and I was 12. My brother was a terrific athlete, a gifted student, and a great friend to everyone. Joey did not show any signs of struggling. He kept his pain hidden. He laughed and joked with his circle of friends, which I too was in, everyday even the day he left. The shock of losing Joey destroyed my entire family. My mother has been a teacher for 29 years. She was my and Joey’s teacher the year he died and walking into the classroom every day from January to June of 2017 was so unbearable for my mom and me. Learning became difficult. Every day everyone in class looked at Joey’s desk and no one could comprehend that he chose to leave. Some of my relationships with our shared group of friends became strained as it was so painful for me to be a part of something Joey could no longer be a part of. Joey and I were both very good baseball players. Our dad was our coach from the age of five until Joey passed. I played shortstop and pitcher while Joey played first, third, and pitcher. I had a hard time playing without Joey. For a year in high school I stopped playing baseball, but I missed it. So I went back and the first game of the season a player on the opposing team intentionally stepped on my wrist and broke it. It was a difficult moment. I think if my brother hadn’t passed, we both or at least one of us may have played colllege ball. Joey hit one over the Green Monster at Cooperstown when he was 13. He was so humble and our dad was so proud. We had no idea that in six months Joey would be gone. I began college, but I wished I was meeting my brother as he would have been in school before me and would have helped me navigate the whole experience. My first year in college I struggled. I just decided that I am going into the medical field. My best friend’s dad is a nurse at a hospital for the past 25 years and he often shares how rewarding the career is. I think I could be of service to others. My life experiences may give me insight to help others. I’m proud to say this past semester I made the President’s List and the semester before that I made the Dean’s List. Making those lists would have been so easy for Joey because he was so smart, but I had to work for it. I’m proud to say that I have found resilience in the face of tragedy. I have many wistful days but that’s just a reminder that grief is love with no where to go as I love and miss my brother so much. Thank you so much for your consideration. Sincerely, Matt Patterson

Hi my name is Matt, and I lost my brother Joey in 2016. I was 12 years old and Joey was 13. I never knew a day without Joey until the day he passed as he was a year older than me. Joey was so smart and kind. I remember he could put even the most intricate Lego set together without looking at the directions. I couldn’t even put mine together while looking at the directions. He would create his and then create mine. Joey and I did everything together. One example is baseball. Our dad was our coach and I would play shortstop or pitcher, and Joey would play first and third. We went to Cooperstown and Joey hit one over the Green Monster. Joey was so humble about his accomplishment. That was Joey’s way humble and a friend to everyone. I couldn’t play baseball after Joey’s passing. It was too much for me mentally and emotionally. Our mom is a teacher, and Joey and I were in her elective class together. Looking at his empty desk every day from January through June was absolutely unbearable. It was hard to concentrate when I went back to school in January of 2017 as the trauma of losing my brother and best friend affected my ability to process and retain information. Almost ten years later I’m in a place of stable functioning although the carry the pain of not having Joey here with me each and every day. I have decided I am going to go into the medical field. I have a friend whose dad is a nurse. He finds his career so rewarding. I would like to work in a hospital as a nurse. I think I have valuable and vast knowledge of loss and healing. I can use my experience to help others. I want to make a difference in the lives of others. When I first started college I was struggling with the whole college experience. Now I have made the President’s List. I have also made some terrific friendships. Joey is my only sibling, so the reality is I have no sibling here on Earth any more to go through the highs and lows of life. That makes me wistful at times as grief is love with no place to go. I will always carry my brother’s memory with me, and I hope to always make my brother proud. Thank you for your consideration. Sincerely, Matt Patterson

Hi, my name is Matt.  I lost my brother Joey to depression in 2016.  He was 13 years old and I was 12. We played baseball together on a team our entire lives. We did everything together. I never knew a day of my life without him as he was one year older than me. I had no idea Joey was leaving. He didn’t show any signs. He was a straight A student. He was an athlete. He had many friends. He was kind and considerate of everyone. My world was completely shattered when he died. Everything that I had known had changed in an instant. The house got quiet. There was no one to play with. There was no one to fight with. It was me alone with my parents who were grieving. This new world was foreign and painful beyond imagination. Fast forward nine years and I am currently in college. The path that led me here has not been easy. It has been very difficult. Two months after my brother died, my mother had to face cancer for a second time, and eight months after my brother died we lost our house in hurricane Irma. When I look back, I see my 13 year old self living in a trailer without running water unable to bring friends home, unable to see a future. I was the boy at school whose brother had ended his life. I lost myself for awhile, but then I knew I wanted to become something so I enrolled in college. I moved away where people didn’t know me. They didn’t know my past and I’m happy to say that while these years have been full of obstacles, I am making gains in life. I’m passing all my classes. I’m in the crossroads of choosing a career in either business or medical. I am fulfilling all my prerequisites so that when I make that decision, I will have taken classes to begin the career path. Education is very important in my family as my mom has been a teacher for 30 years. My mom has dedicated her entire life to our community even through the painful death of my brother, her cancer battles and losing our house. My mother always put her community first. I’d like to take the degree I obtain and go back to my community and be service of my community like my mother is of service to our community. While I will never get over the loss of my brother, I would like to make my life one of service, to help others who may be struggling. I think at some point I may pursue motivational speaking also to let people know that what seems unsurvivable somehow becomes survivable . I am living proof. Although the pain of loss is always there so is the love for my brother. Thank you so much for your consideration. Sincerely, Matt Patterson

Hi there, my name is Matt.  My family has been impacted by cancer when my mom was diagnosed in 2015 with breast cancer. My brother and I were in elementary school and my mom’s treatment was going to have to take place in a different city. My mom opted for the treatment that would allow her to spend more time with us. She chose internal radiation. The external radiation would have meant that she would have to drive to the city many times for many weeks, while the internal radiation was done in a week and a half. Within a year the cancer was back, or maybe it was the cancer was never really completely gone. The doctor aren’t really sure. Our family was left reeling when we got the devastating news that the breast cancer was back. My mom had to have treatment again. This time it was going to be a double mastectomy and reconstructive surgery. We learned about this right before Thanksgiving in 2016. We went on a family vacation and when we returned, my brother died by suicide. My mom‘s treatment was postponed for two months because she wasn’t strong enough to undergo the double mastectomy. Our lives were shattered with the death of my brother. My mom has been in remission for eight years now. Cancer has changed our lives tremendously. There is such a loss with my brother’s passing, a void that nothing can fill. My mother wonders if she was distracted by the cancer and didn’t see signs that my brother Joey was struggling. My brother was a straight A student. He was an athlete. He was a friend to everyone, and he did not present any signs that would lead anyone to believe that he would be leaving. I’ve learned from this experience that we have little control over what happens to us, but we do have some choice in how we choose to live a life we didn’t know would be marred by tragedy and sickness. My mother is a teacher and has been for 30 years in our community. She has been teacher of the year six times. She has given love and attention to students no matter what has been going on in her personal life. She was always professional, caring and loving , and remains professional, caring and loving, giving her kids at school her all each and every day. If I had one wish in this world, it would be to bring my brother back. Unfortunately I can’t do what my heart and soul so much wants to do. I will however, move forward and try to make a difference in this world the way my mom has made a difference in so many lives. I have decided I will pursue nursing. I will take my perspective and my life experiences and use them to be empowered to help others through pain and tragedy. Thank you so much for your consideration. Sincerely, Matthew Patterson.

Hi my name is Matt and I lost my brother Joey to depression in 2016. Joey was 13 and I was 12. Joey was an athlete, a straight A student, and a friend to everyone. On December 7 of this year it has been 9 years that I have had to live without my brother. It has been a hard road; one of longing and at times one of despair. I have blocked out most of these years, and I’m not exactly sure why. I think I have just been in survival mode and facing Joey’s absence is so very difficult. Two months after losing Joey, my mother had to undergo surgery for breast cancer, and eight months after losing Joey we lost our house in Hurricane Irma. We were displaced for so long. Everything about my life had changed in an instant when my brother passed. I was struggling to cope. Playing sports was difficult because I missed my brother on the baseball field. Concentrating on school was almost impossible because my life was full of uncertainty. I wasn’t sure if my mom would survive. We were living in a pull trailer in our property without water for years. I wanted to go to college to have a fresh start. The first year proved to be very difficult for me, and I almost went back home. Then the second year I started to learn that there could be stability and continuity in my life, and I began to get good grades. I am happy to report that I made the Dean’s List for the first time in my life this past semester. What changed? I faced my challenges with grit and determination. I did not let the tragedies that occurred define every aspect of my life. Do I long to change something, anything the day my brother left? Yes, every day of my life. But I know that is unfortunately impossible. The best way I can honor my brother’s memory is to do well in school and to help others. My hope is to one day become a motivational speaker to show others that life goes on. Plans change sometimes and you have no control. Sometimes life gives you the most difficult and unimaginable and sorrowful events and yet somehow you have to find resilience. This scholarship would help me with expenses as my family has had financial difficulties related to my mother’s illness and the loss of our home. Thank you so very much for your consideration. Sincerely, Matt Patterson

Hi my name is Matt. I lost my brother Joey in 2016. He was 13 and I was 12. Joey was so bright. He was going to be the brains behind our business endeavor. Joey wanted to open a restaurant. I agreed to his plan. I knew that I would do the manual stuff and be the face of the place while Joey handled the finances and coordinated the daily operations. Sadly, that dream will never be realized. My brother Joey seemed to have it all. He was an athlete, a straight A student, and great friend to so many. He hid his depression from the world. His death impacted our close knit community. It was devastating to my family and me. I’m lost without my brother at times. Life is so different now. I lost my best friend, my only sibling. I often wonder what path I will take in life. Maybe one day I will open the restaurant Joey had persuaded me to promise to partner with him in opening when we graduated college. I was too young to really grasp my brother’s dream, but he was so mature for his age he had a definitive plan. He had a vision at thirteen that most people don’t have until late teens or early adulthood or even much later in life. I think we would have had our cousins and our mom, dad, and aunt involved in the family business because we grew up knowing family is everything. I miss my brother beyond measure, and I will always carry him in my heart. Sometimes I think of what should have been. Joey should have graduated college this past May. I imagine him finding the perfect location and creating the most delicious dishes for us to serve. I know I would have worked part time at the restaurant while I finished these last two years of college. Vision and purpose were two of Joey’s character traits, as well as, kindness and humility. One day I hope to add these “ingredients” to create a “recipe” for success in life - maybe just maybe it will be in the restaurant industry. Thank you so much for your consideration. Sincerely, Matt Patterson

Hi my name is Matt and I have played baseball for as long as I can remember. My father Joe was always my brother Joey and my coach. I have played many positions throughout the years but mostly shortstop and pitcher. My brother Joey one year older than me played first baseman third and also pitcher. I’ve learned so much from this experience. Hard work pays off. My dad, my brother, and I spent so many hours practicing outside of regular practice times. I learned sportsmanship and determination, and how to take constructive criticism something that isn’t always easy to take. We went to play in Cooperstown when I was 11 and Joey was 12. My brother hit a home run earning the Green Monster tee shirt. He was the only one on our team to hit one over the Green Monster. Joey had so much power when he hit the ball. Joey so deserved the spotlight in that moment. He was a friend to everyone and would encourage others who had a bad play or a bad game. I remember being envious of Joey in that moment as I was only 11. We were brothers but we were also competitors. My brother and I played on the same team most of our young lives in both Little League and travel ball. Six months after going to All Star Village my brother Joey died by suicide. Joey did not outwardly show any signs of struggling and his death was incomprehensible. Joey was athletic, a straight A student, popular, and kind to everyone. I was lost after my brother’s passing. I continued to play ball through middle school although it was never the same for me after Joey’s death. I missed him at 3rd when I was pitching. The void was so great and the pain so palpable. I stopped playing for a year my freshman year of high school. What I learned is that I missed the game. Sports was my way of dealing with my pain. I went back to playing my sophomore year, and I fought to get myself in top shape to compete again. In the first game of my senior year I slid into third base and my opponent intentionally stomped on my wrist breaking it and ending my senior year of baseball before it even began. Through baseball I have learned discipline, teamwork and camaraderie. But most of all I learned sportsmanship from my brother Joey. Joey was honest and had integrity. He was gracious when winning and losing. He played fair and had humility about him. Even when he hit it over the Green Monster he never bragged. My love for baseball and my brother is never ending. One of my goals is to become a motivational speaker. Two months after my brother passed, my mother went through her second battle with cancer. Nine months after my brother’s passing we lost our home in Hurricane Irma. I am a survivor. I want to share my story with others to give them hope when they feel hopeless and give them courage when they feel scared. I can speak to loss and trauma. We just got back in our house after being homeless for almost eight years. My perfect childhood of going to spring training in Clearwater and flying to Philly to watch the Phillies play ended abruptly when I was eleven. I carry those good times with my family in my heart. Thank you so much for your consideration. This scholarship would help me tremendously as financially it is difficult. Sincerely, Matt Patterson

Hi, my name is Matt and my mother has been diagnosed with breast cancer twice in the past several years. The first time she had a lumpectomy and the second time she had a double mastectomy followed by chemotherapy. My mom has been a teacher for the past 27 years. While battling cancer she has had to take a few months off of work each time. Both times she returned to her students as quickly as she could. I have learned that peace and comfort is sometimes found in your calling if your profession is indeed your calling. My mom’s career is most definitely her calling. My brother passed two months before my mom’s surgery. My mom was so weak and struggling so much, yet somehow she found the strength to fight. If you were to ask my mom why she fought so hard she would tell you that she was worried about me. I have learned a mom’s love is like no other. It is selfless and fearless and giving even when life has dealt unfathomable blows. You never get over the death of a loved one. Our entire family structure was shattered from my brother's passing. I was unsure if my mom was going to make it after her cancer diagnosis. Losing our home in Hurricane Irma in 2016 added to the trauma and difficulty of trying to be like the other students in my school. There were days that the weight of everything was more than I felt I could handle. I learned that if you keep on moving even if life seems hopeless eventually it will become manageable again. It will never be the same but it will be livable. I am pursuing a degree in the social sciences to create a future for myself. My mother is loved and admired by our entire community. Having my mother, Jackie Patterson, as a role model has helped me see that in life we need to have a fighting spirit, and even in the mist of unimaginable emotional and physical pain and suffering, we can still be of service. By following my mother’s example, I will be of service to my community. I will continue on my educational path to make my parents and my community proud. There is a saying “Hope is the anchor of the soul”, and I believe this because sometimes hope is all we have. My mom’s cancer is finally in remission which has allowed me to focus some on my our life. Receiving this scholarship would help alleviate some of the financial pressure I am experiencing. Thank you so much for your consideration. Sincerely, Matt Patterson

Hi my name is Matt and I am working towards overcoming a mental health challenge. My brother Joey took his life eight years ago at the age of 13. I was 12. I have experienced and continue to experience PTSD, anxiety, and depression from my brother’s passing. It has been a hard road for so long. When my brother died it felt like my heart was ripped out of my chest and I was bleeding to death. Mentally all I could think of is why didn’t I see any signs as his brother I should have saved him. I had to put a plan in place in school because I was not able to retain information. I had to get a 504 plan . My processing of information became difficult and slow and my fight or flight anxiety often kicked in class making me want to flee the classroom. I couldn’t focus and was easily frustrated and irritated by simple tasks that I once had just completed without strife or thought. I handle some of my anxiety and depression by exercising. Drugs were not something I turned to, but many times I have wanted something to take the pain away. I have sought counseling, but have found through trial and error that traditional counseling does not serve me well. Sometimes helping others helps me with my depression. I have learned to look deeply at people and their circumstances and offer a helping hand and guidance to anyone who needs help. I’ve been to the depths of despair, so helping others find ways to cope is something I feel compelled to do. I would like to get a degree in psychology to help those who have had to deal with an extremely traumatic event. I want others to know that there are all kinds of therapy not just talk therapy. Some people use journaling as their outlet, others equine therapy, while others use meditation and prayer. The important thing is that the person address the traumatic events through some method or mode they feel is healing to them. I will support others by working in the mental health field while pursing communications to become a motivational speaker. If my brother had just confided in one person as to how he was feeling, I believe he would be here today. I want people to know that many, many people struggle, and there is no shame in voicing the struggle and getting help. How I wish my brother had found the help he needed to stay. When times get hard one must find a way to rise up. Lean in to those who support you until the feeling of hopelessness passes and then find a way to live a meaningful life. I have learned this is not always easy, but the more I practice self care the better I feel I can cope with the loss of my brother. There will always be regrets. How I wish I got a do over to show my brother how much he meant to others. Joey was an athlete, a straight A student and a terrific friend to everyone. He was popular and had so many friends. Please consider me for this scholarship as it’s my life’s mission to share my story from a sibling perspective and to make others aware of how much they matter. When someone leaves the world the way Joey did, it is believed that at least 100 people are affected. My brother had so much to offer this world. Thank you so much for your consideration. Sincerely, Matthew Patterson

In 2016 I lost my brother Joey to depression. Joey was 13 years old and I was 11. In February of 2017, two months after losing my brother, my mother, Jackie Patterson, underwent surgery for breast cancer and chemotheraphy. This was her second bout with breast cancer. In September of 2017 my family lost our house in Hurricane Irma. We are still homeless from Irma. My entire high school years were spent in a five wheel trailer on our property hoping and praying that our house would be rebuilt and possibly our lives. You never get over the death of a loved one. Our entire family structure was shattered from my brother's passsing. I was unsure if my mom was going to make it after her cancer diagnosis. Losing our home added to the trauma and difficulty of trying to be like the other students in my school. There were days that the weight of everything was more than I felt I could handle especially losing my best friend, my brother Joey. In 8th grade my language arts teacher asked us right before Thankgiving to write what we were thankful for. I remember I wrote "I am thankful that my mom is still alive." My mom is the most influential person in my life and my support person. She is the true definition of perservence in the face of adversity. She continued to teach her students after my brother's death and during and after her cancer surgeries and treatment, My brother and I were students in my mom's classroom several years as we attended a small school. My mom has worked at the same school for 27 years and has been named teacher of the year 6 times, most recently three years ago. My mom is loved by her students, their parents, and our community for her dedication and devotion to the students and families she has served throughout the years. I have learned how your life can be changed in an instant. I have learned that even when your heart and spirit are broken you must go on and continue to make a difference in the lives of others. My mom has shown me and everyone in our community what it looks like to continue to help inspire others to overcome obstacles. I am going to take classes in psychology and public speaking to pursue motivational speaking. My mom likes to write and people often relate to what she has to say. I can proudly say I continued my education and pursued my high school goals and achieved them. I carried a 3.7 GPA through high school while building resiliency and navigating the best I could. Having endured this challenge, I will continue to serve others in my own unique way. If I can share my story and save just one person from leaving this world I will have accomplished one of my goals. My brother Joey was an athlete, a straight A student, and great friend to so many. He hid his depression from the world. Suicide is increasing in today's youth. There needs to be an awareness in the area of mental health. Maybe that awareness can come from me. Also, if I can tell someone to never give up hope during a cancer battlle, I may provide motivation for those struggling with illness or those who have to see a loved one battle illness. Be loving. Be compassionate. Be involved in your community. Help others.Inspire others. Keep going. These are the values my mom has passed on to me that continue to shape my life and goals. Thank you so much for your consideration. Sincerely, Matt Patterson

In 2016 I lost my brother Joey to depression. Joey was 13 years old and I was 11. In February of 2017, two months after losing my brother, my mother, Jackie Patterson, underwent surgery for breast cancer and chemotheraphy. This was her second bout with breast cancer. In September of 2017 my family lost our house in Hurricane Irma. We are still homeless from Irma. My entire high school years were spent in a five wheel trailer on our property hoping and praying that our house would be rebuilt and possibly our lives. You never get over the death of a loved one. Our entire family structure was shattered from my brother's passsing. I was unsure if my mom was going to make it after her cancer diagnosis. Losing our home added to the trauma and difficulty of trying to be like the other students in my school. There were days that the weight of everything was more than I felt I could handle especially losing my best friend, my brother Joey. In 8th grade my language arts teacher asked us right before Thankgiving to write what we were thankful for. I remember I wrote "I am thankful that my mom is still alive." My mom is the most influential person in my life. She is the true definition of perservence in the face of adversity. She continued to teach her students after my brother's death and during and after her cancer surgeries and treatment, My brother and I were students in my mom's classroom several years as we attended a small school. My mom has worked at the same school and has been named teacher of the year 6 times, most recently three years ago. My mom is loved by her students, their parents, and our community for her dedication and devotion to the students and families she has served throughout the years. I have learned how your life can be changed in an instant. I have learned that even when your heart and spirit are broken you must go on and continue to make a difference in the lives of others. My mom has shown me and everyone in our community what it looks like to continue to help inspire others to overcome obstacles. I often think of becoming a motivational speaker. My mom likes to write and people often relate to what she has to say. I can proudly say I continued my education and pursued my high school goals and achieved them. I carried a 3.7 GPA all through high school even when my world caved in. I will continue to serve others in my own unique way. If I can share my story and save just one person from leaving this world I will have accomplished my goal. My brother Joey was an athlete, a straight A student, and great friend to so many. He hid his depression from the world. Suicide is increasing in today's youth. There needs to be an awareness in the area of mental health. Maybe that awareness can come from me. If I can tell someone how a cancer battle is a family journey, I might be able to pass on hope for those struggling with illness or family member illness. Be loving. Be compassionate. Be involved in your community. Help others. Inspire others. These are the values my mom has passed on to me that continue to shape my life and goals. Thank you so much for your consideration, Sincerely, Matt Patterson