Greg London Memorial Scholarship

The first time I realized just how deeply my depression affected others was when I was laying in a hospital bed. I remember watching as my mother broke down, sobbing uncontrollably at my side. I remember the way she looked at me, the way her eyes were so heavy. And I'll never forget the cracks in her normally solid voice as she said she loved me. I realized then that I had almost taken my mother's daughter from her. I had almost ripped the heart of the person that had raised me in half, and that she would have never recovered. It broke me, even if I was already broken. The second time I realized just how much I had influenced the people around me with my mental illness was when my older brother was diagnosed with cancer. It was the first time I had to put my feelings aside, really, truly aside, and care for someone else. Over the months that he received treatment, I witnessed his own mental health struggles. I witnessed him express his sorrow, his depression, his anger, and his fear. I witnessed him cry and scream. I was like my mother, when she had been sobbing and holding my hands as I laid in the hospital bed. Except now, I was the one sobbing, alongside my mother, holding my brother’s hands as he laid in the hospital bed. It was because of my mother and my brother that I vowed to myself that I would stay in this world. I knew that the broken part of me would never leave, and it still hasn't, but I vowed to myself that I would do something. Something other than allow my depression to win. It was my own broken part, the part of me that led me to attempt to end my own life, that has led me to love people with a sort of kindness I don't think many people are capable of, or that many people can even comprehend. That same broken part allowed me to care for my brother when he was going through his own time of grief and fear, and it showed me that I don’t want others to feel the things I feel. It has led me down the path of medicine because I want to try to help heal the broken parts of others because I know how much it hurts. The part of me that is broken has made me a better human being. Because even if living while broken is difficult, and some days, basically impossible, it allows me to see the light in what other people may label darkness. And maybe, I'm not really broken at all. Just different. I would not have such a passion for medicine and psychology if I had not first experienced my own depression, and then second, saw someone else experience depression and grief in such a horrific way. If I had not witnessed healthcare professionals care for my brother, I doubt I would want to become one so desperately. I do not just want to help myself, or others like me, but I want to help all the brothers and sisters and daughters and sons and children and parents in the world. I want them all to know that even if it is not ok, they are loved. They are seen. They are heard. That I see them, and hear them, and love them. And that even if it is not ok, that maybe I can help it be a tiny, little bit less painful.

Maintaining good mental health is crucial for leading a fulfilling life. Coping with mental illnesses can be a daunting task, making even the simplest of tasks challenging. As someone who grapples with anxiety and depressive disorder, I have personally experienced the impact of these conditions. Thus, I am committed to eradicating the stigma associated with mental health and advocating for better care and treatment for individuals, including myself, who are impacted by it. In my role as a nurse, I see it as my duty to speak up for those patients whose voices may go unheard. While providing care is essential, as a compassionate human being, I believe it is equally important to acknowledge the other challenges that individuals face. My passion for holistic care has led me to pursue a career as a Nurse Practitioner primally focusing on mental health. My training in the PHMNP program at the University of New Mexico has equipped me with the skills to effectively engage with patients who are struggling. Mental health has influenced my beliefs by changing the way I view people and the world. A familiar saying “You cannot judge a person until you have walked a mile in their shoes” speaks volumes. Having dealt with depression, I was lucky enough to have a good support system helping me get out of bed and listening to me when I needed to be heard. As difficult as that point was in my life it gave me a new perspective on opening up to people about these difficult issues. I am a better nurse, friend, and person for the struggle. Many times, it's hard for others to see what we are going through. Mental illness is a complex relationship. Having someone to lean on makes all the difference. During my time as a novice nurse shadowing at the mental health clinic at the University of New Mexico Hospital, I was deeply moved by the compassionate care and skilled treatment provided to patients with mental illness. This experience ignited a passion within me to devote my education and career to helping those struggling with mental health disorders. During my time as a novice nurse shadowing at the mental health clinic at the University of New Mexico Hospital, I was deeply moved by the compassionate care and skilled treatment provided to patients with mental illness. This experience ignited a passion within me to devote my education and career to helping those struggling with mental health disorders. I am lucky I can share my story and struggles and empathize with my patients. Not many can say the same, unfortunately. I have lost people in my life related to depression. People always tell me, “I never saw the signs.” That is why I chose mental health because as a person who has occasionally struggled it is important to have someone to lean on and relate to. With this I believe my journey as a Nurse Practitioner, I can accommodate my patients by trying to treat them with availability and vulnerability.