Gabriella Carter Failure Doesn't Define Me Scholarship

In the fall semester of my freshman year of college, I received my first failing grade in my entire academic career. I received a fifty on an essay I wrote for my English 100 class. This completely shattered my self-image. My self-worth foundation was built upon my academic rigor; I was a consistent "A" student, an AP student, and won numerous literary excellence awards. This failure disputed my self-image and shattered my esteem as a student. I felt unintelligent and alone. I was mortified by the way this failure would change other people's perception of me. I had to reevaluate my approach to the course and the foundation of my self-esteem. I devised a plan; I would reach out to my professor and better understand my work errors and stop basing my self worth upon grades. I swallowed my pride and received tutoring through my university, North Carolina Agricultural and Technical State University. This was extremely hard for me. I was encouraged to ask questions and be curious in my childhood, but not to ask for help. I was raised in a family where my mother never asked for help, consequently internalizing asking for help with weakness. No one wants to feel weak. It was offputting because I was not knowledgeable in this style of writing. It was sporadic for me not to know something or not be well-versed in various subjects in my academic career. Much to my surprise, my tutors were exceptionally encouraging, welcoming and explained the areas in which my writing could improve. I realized that failure is inevitable and needed for growth. There can be no success without failure. This event pushed me to have become a better student and person. I am most thankful for this moment because it changed the course of my life. I learned to be compassionate towards myself and give myself time to develop. I no longer view myself as just a student but as a complete person whose value exists outside of a grade or classroom. I have also embraced asking for help when I need it. Asking for help does not equate to weakness but rather bravery. There is an essential vulnerability required to ask for help, and I have fully embraced it with openness. I am exploring my identity, personality, and interests. Recently, I completed a painting. I would not have done this if not for this failure. Since this event, I began a new path of self-discovery and self-love. I have grown and have a better understanding of the world and myself.