Noam Nicholson Memorial Scholarship

My name is Grace Hamm, and I am currently an OD1 at MCPHS. Mental health hasn’t just been a "factor" in my journey; it has been the invisible weight I’ve learned to carry while sprinting. Living with bipolar depression and anxiety means that my academic path isn’t always a straight line. There is a "mental health demon" that occasionally tries to convince me that I don’t belong in any clinical setting, yet my presence in the OD 2029 class is proof of my resilience. Being a 33-year-old student in a classroom of twenty-somethings creates a unique brand of isolation. In the fast-paced, high-pressure environment of the classroom, my social anxiety often manifests as a feeling of being generationally "out of sync." While my peers are navigating the stresses of early adulthood, I am navigating the logistics of a household with three children—including the beautiful chaos of twins—and supporting a husband transitioning from military service. There are days when that pesky "mental health demon" whispers that I am too old, too busy, or too burdened to keep up with the academic rigor. However, that anxiety is consistently met by the quiet confidence of my experience. Having spent eight years as an optician, I am able to talk to a frustrated patient, able to troubleshoot a complex lens fit, and able to stay calm when a clinic floor gets hectic. This background reminds me that while I may be the oldest in the room, I am also among the most prepared. My greatest professional achievement isn't a grade or a certification; it is the act of showing up. Managing bipolar depression and anxiety while pursuing a Doctorate of Optometry requires a level of self-discipline that goes beyond study habits. It requires a daily, conscious choice to prioritize my goals over my symptoms. I don't see my diagnosis as a deficit; I see it as a bridge to my future patients. Optometry is not just about vision, but more so about vision AND the quality of your life. When I am able to sit across from a patient who is overwhelmed or struggling, I won't just see a pair of eyes, but I will see a whole person, because I know what it’s like to fight for your own clarity every single day. My complex life has forged a resilience that no textbook could ever teach. To improve mental health within optometry schools, I would advocate for peer support for non traditional students by creating spaces where student-parents and older students can connect, and reducing the isolation that fuels anxiety. I would also try to de-stigmatize the patient-doctor divide. As future healthcare providers, we often feel we must be "perfect." Normalizing the fact that many great doctors also manage their own chronic conditions like bipolar disorder would encourage more students to seek help without fear of professional repercussions. Noam’s story has provided context of his authenticity and connection with things greater than himself. Whether it was his love for his pets or his work in the service industry, Noam lived a life that was deeply human. It serves as a reminder that we are more than our titles or our struggles. In the high-stress world of healthcare, we have to hold onto the things that ground us. For myself, I find solace and grounding comfort in my Scottish Straight, Gustavo "Gus" Fring. My cat Gus is my constant companion through late-night study sessions and the quiet moments when my anxiety feels the most loud. Noam’s life teaches us that these connections to our families, friends, and even pets, are what make the hard work worth it. George Carlin once said, "One standard of living is all any of us needs. It’s called 'alive.' Everything else is just details." There is a certain grit in this quote that I feel explains the very resilience I often speak of that I have. When I am managing my bipolar depression alongside optometry school and family life, I tend to have to strip away the "fluff" and focus on what really matters. It’s a reminder that surviving the hard days is a success in itself, and everything that I build on top of that, including my career in optometry is a testament to my strength.

Admittedly, I didn't know much about Jerry Seinfeld or George Carlin before this scholarship. Upon looking for quotes, the one that stood out to me was, "the best revenge is living well." I love this quote in regards to mental health, because I feel that there is no better way to honor those who lost their battles with mental illness than to lead a life of joy. Upon looking at the Noam Nicholson site, I was stricken by how much Noam & I had in common. I also love cats & dogs of all kinds. I also attend SCO, and I can imagine him also sitting through Dr. Grant's pre-lecture spiels on what her foster animals are all up to. My mental health struggles have also been greatly exacerbated by my time here. Moving to Memphis was my first time ever living alone. I moved to a solo apartment while I waited for my husband to find a job that would allow him to move to Memphis with me, and I was terrified. Everyone back home had worked Memphis up to be a terrifying place, and I was incredibly anxious to be there alone. Additionally, I had been working from home before my time there, and I had developed new social anxiety that had me questioning every social interaction I had. Did my new friends actually like me?Additionally, I was dealing with brain fog from my mental health struggles, as well as another undiagnosed health condition that caused me to struggle greatly in my classes in ways that were unfamiliar to me. I questioned whether or not I belonged in optometry school. How would I ever make it through four years of those feelings? The anxiety turned into a searing, isolating seasonal depression. That fall was one of the hardest of my life. In the year to come, I would go on medication for my anxiety. The undiagnosed health issues were found & addressed, and I found myself thriving in places I once struggled in. However, I definitely found ways that mental health could be addressed more adequately in optometry school. For one, I think that every school should have an on-site counselor. SCO offers mental health services, but they are online. I could not figure out how to access them. Having an on-site counselor would make these services more easily accessible. Additionally, I do wish that there was more of a check-in with these things that didn't involve grades. I didn't know anyone well enough that they would've known to check in on me, and I did not have a one-on-one meeting set up with an advisor until my grades were poor on exams. I think that this is something that could be better addressed with individual advisor meetings before the first exam week to address mental health concerns before they cause poor grades. My final suggestion for ways to deal with mental health, both in optometry school and beyond, is a mandatory class in the subject. It would be good to have this in both optometry schools & at continuing education opportunities. A mentor of mine said that the mental load of school matches the mental load of patient care, and she suggested that students find a good way to cope with their mental health struggles, as these would likely follow them beyond school. However, beyond a few after-school sessions that many didn't pay attention to, or maybe a talk or two during orientation week, I don't recall many instances of learning how to cope well with the stresses of either school or patient care. I think that many schools assume that students will know what works for them by the time that they reach professional school, since they made it to this level. This was not true for me. The mental struggles I faced were entirely brand-new during optometry school. In a new environment, it's possible and likely that students don't know people who are able to support them early-on. Beyond the school setting, there may not be systems in place to make sure doctors are mentally healthy. In optometry, it may be that the physician is working in a practice as a solo practitioner. That can become quite isolating. There may also not be support staff who are able to interact & check in on a physician. It's expected that physicians find ways to ask for help, but there isn't much instruction in the subject. I believe that a class addressing all of this would be a good place to start in teaching practitioners how to address these issues. The class could address signs & symptoms of burnout, depression, anxiety, and other mental struggles. It could encourage students to check on their colleagues, as well as show them when that check-in is necessary. I also think that this class would make a good continuing education subject, and might provide good support to providers who might be struggling themselves. Through my own mental health struggles in optometry school, I've formed a new perspective on mental health in optometry. I feel that schools can provide more easily accessible support, more frequent check-ins with new students, and provide courses in-school and beyond on what addressing mental health looks like as a doctor of optometry. I strongly believe that honoring those who, like Noam, lost their battle, means that we learn to address these issues for those that come after. I believe that all of these ideas could help new doctors of optometry learn to cope in ways that could save lives.