Autism and ADHD are the two mental disabilities that I have dealt with throughout my life. I was diagnosed with these disabilities at the age of two, but it hasn’t stopped me from pursuing a college degree. Currently, I am a senior at Fisk University with a double major in Mathematics and Physics. I received my associate degree in physics at Nashville State Community College before transferring to Fisk University. I completed my first semester at Fisk as a junior with a 4.0 GPA and this was a proud achievement for me because I felt that it was a difficult task to obtain due to my Autism and ADHD diagnosis. The daily challenge of living with Autism and ADHD is having increased anxiety about my future. Being an autistic person of color to me means that I can break barriers I once thought was impossible. My mother is a motivating factor in my life because she constantly encouraged me to be myself and ignore all the struggles of being an autistic person, and her hard work is paying off.
I would like to obtain a graduate degree in physics. I’m currently a math and physics major at Fisk University. Fisk University has a great graduate degree transfer program with Vanderbilt University to increase minority involvement in science, and I plan on using that opportunity to obtain a doctoral degree in physics. Having a doctoral degree in physics as a minority means that I can bring a different experience to my field and be able to convince other minorities to obtain STEM degrees. I also will be able to enter the teaching field with a doctoral degree in physics and that would provide me with the opportunity to share my knowledge with underprivileged students. Before attending Fisk University, I had never had an African American physics professor. My current Fisk physics professor, Dr. Bryan Wallace encouraged me to pursue teaching as a potential career path. I used his advice as motivation to pursue other African Americans like me to obtain a college degree.
The lessons learned from my educational experience will grant me the ability to conduct science fairs in underserved communities. Having a doctoral degree in physics and pursuing a career in mechanical or aerospace engineering is great for my individual success, but I would not feel any accomplishment unless I helped other people join the STEM field. I had minimal interest in joining the STEM field until I had a high school instructor that highlighted the benefits of science in our community, and I gained the confidence that I could have a successful life within STEM. If I am selected for this scholarship, I would be very grateful to know that my dream of hosting science fairs in underserved communities would be one step closer to becoming a reality. Being a student with autism means that I had to break barriers and learning that I can accomplish many things in life with hard work gives me the motivation to continue my family’s legacy of fixing vehicles.
It seems a gross understatement to say that coping with my already intense anxiety during
COVID was challenging. Piled on top of the virus, riots, and looting outside my Manhattan window, I was under the almost constant attack of overwhelming stress, manifesting in repetitive rocking and self-harmful movement, blurry vision, hallucinations, difficulty breathing, and crippling claustrophobia.
In the amplified traumas of those eighteen months, I began to reflect on how I had always struggled with the same fundamental things. Social interactions, sensory sensitivities, hyper-focused interests, repetitive behavior, and a general obsession with structure and order were things that I had masked to be socially acceptable to the world. I began to ask my mother what I was like as a child, she recounted stories of my intense sensitivity, crying on the streets of NYC that “there was a needle in my sock” when it was a strand of hair. I was so deep in an ever-persistent pang of panic that I turned to reckless decisions to fill the void of my anxiety-filled emptiness.
Looking for a way out of this abyss, I turned to research, and a possible diagnosis; ASD, or Autism Spectrum Disorder. I have always been obsessed with reading and doing research. Finding articles like, “Understanding the social experiences of adolescent females on the autism spectrum” or “Understanding and recognizing the female phenotype of autism spectrum disorder and the “camouflage hypothesis” fascinated me. I was drawn to this possibility of having an answer to why I was suffering so much. With the support of my parents, I sought a diagnosis. After a year of insurance issues and ignorant professionals, I was finally diagnosed with a sensory processing disorder, panic disorder, and Autism Spectrum Disorder. With the support of family, friends, and doctors who cared, I finally had a guiding path towards recovering my mental health. Post-COVID has been an incredible time of growth in all aspects of my life.
I have learned to understand how to be accommodating and patient with my limitations, while also celebrating my gifts and skills. In this past calendar year, I have had no panic attacks and minimal sensory overloads, and I am finally finding a way to be my authentic, unapologetic self.
Beyond the growth in coping with difficulties, I have also found ways to celebrate my disability as a way to educate others. University has allowed me to educate myself through psychology classes, as well as educate others.
As Pepperdine University celebrated Disability Awareness Week, I spoke on Neurodiversity 101 in front of fifty students and faculty. Speaking from experience and years of education, I taught many people basic language and myths about Neurodiversity that they were not aware of. A few weeks later, I received the good news that a paper I co-wrote, with our school's 2023 Valedictorian, was getting published in a well-respected journal. This paper was all about the negative effects of masking, or hiding autistic traits for appearing more socially acceptable in our neurotypical world. As I learned how to embrace my multi-faceted identity, I began to share the value of seeing my disability as a gift with others around me.
This groundwork of research, advocacy, and education has led me to develop my dreams for a future career. I hope to serve my community of New York City as a child clinical psychologist for disabled and neurodivergent youth. I cannot wait to guide, teach, and support young students of color in urban areas, providing them with the same answers that changed my life.
