John Nathan Lee Foundation Heart Scholarship

Coping with the sudden loss of a parent is a profound and transformative journey, one that reshapes our perspectives and challenges us to navigate life's uncharted territories. My journey began the day my world was shattered by the unexpected passing of my father due to a heart attack. In the aftermath of this devastating loss, I embarked on a path of resilience, learning, and emotional growth. For as long as I can remember, my father has dealt with cardiovascular disease resulting in him being diagnosed with Coronary Heart Disease and having multiple strokes. During the first day of my senior year in high school, my father suffered from a massive heart attack and stroke resulting in him learning how to talk, walk, eat, write, and learn basic functions all over again. Watching my father battle this caused me to be depressed constantly wishing I could take the pain from him. For four years, he constantly improved every day. He was able to see me graduate high school, send me off to prom, send me off to college, and attend my college graduation. Then, two weeks before my first day of graduate school, my life changed forever. The day my father passed away stands etched in my memory. The pain was visceral, and grief engulfed me like a storm. Initially, I found myself consumed by a whirlwind of emotions, such as anger, sadness, and ultimate confusion. The sudden void created by his absence seemed overwhelming causing me to fall into a deep depression. For weeks, I stayed in my room glued to my bed only tossing and turning to reach for more tissues or take my prescription of antidepressants. I lost all interest in my hobbies. I rarely talked to family and friends. Amid this depression, I could not even find the slightest energy to attend graduate school resulting in me pushing it back a semester, hoping that by then I would be in a better state. In this profound sorrow, I discovered the slightest bit of energy to visit my father's grave. I cried, laughed, and talked with him for a while searching for a sign that he was okay and to give me the courage to find strength within myself again. Out of nowhere, a deer appeared ahead, staring at me. After staring at it for a while, I knew my father was there comforting me and answering my cries. After that visit, my life turned around slowly but surely. Through the support of family and friends, including my father, I began to transverse emotional terrain. I discovered a wellspring of strength within myself, a resilience born from the love and lessons my father imparted. His unwavering belief in determination and perseverance became my guiding light. Moreover, I found solace in meaningful activities again, such as reading, poetry, and crocheting. I even had enough courage to attend graduate school again. While the pain of losing my father remains an intrinsic part of me, I transformed grief into an opportunity for growth. Each step forward was a testament to my father's influence, his teachings serving as a compass guiding me through the darkest of times.