D’Andre J. Brown Memorial Scholarship

The most significant challenge I have faced was learning how to overcome the memory loss that came with seizures and how it affected my academic goals. The cause of epilepsy is due to disturbed nerve cells in the brain which then cause seizures. What I was not ready to discover was that overtime seizures could cause the part of my brain responsible for memory to shrink. Not only was it difficult to recall small things that happened in my day to day life but it started to roll over into my school life. It caused me to not be able to hold key details taught in class or details told to me by my peers. There would just be complete blanks or this unfamiliarity to things told to me within the last week or sometimes even days. It would cause me to not determine solid answers to questions in class or even questions on quizzes or tests. With this, I had this challenge presented to me. I had to find a way to fight the memory loss that I was experiencing instead of letting it take over my personal and academic life. So with this, I started to record audio of what was happening in class letting those around me know, taking pictures of things I knew I was not going to remember or be able to see, etc. After the end of school, I would go home and play over these audios and go over the pictures. I created folders spending on the subject and noted what each audio or picture was for. So, before tests and quizzes I would listen to the audios all the way until I had the test/quiz right in front of me. Eventually, I became more familiar with doing this and I had an ongoing routine. This led to finding a good and stable ground when it came to my grades and allowed me to have my academic record be something I was proud of. At the end of the day, this doesn't define me as person. It is simply just an attribute/feature of mines that gets better as time goes on. And is something that could never bring me shame but makes me feel grounded and makes men feel like the hardest things are only hard because I have yet to face it. Once I reach the top of each hill, I have the stamina and will to face the next one.

During sophomore year, my life took a horrific turn. I thought quarantine was the worst time of my life. Soon, I discovered how naive that sentiment was. On April 29, I woke up to 37 missed calls from my aunts. I called them back and listened in complete disbelief as they told me my dad had died in a tragic motorcycle accident. I felt my soul leave my body. The notion that he is gone remains irreconcilable. Richard Barnwell will always be the most loving person I know. He said I love you too much, but meant it every time. He was my best friend and gave me a lifetime’s worth of love and life in 16 years. Everything about my life since he passed is askew. Reinventing any regularity while transitioning from post-quarantine and my dad’s death continues to be disorienting. I felt l didn’t have time to grieve, which is what I needed. Crying is cathartic, and the lack of it interfered with my healing. I had to keep going, embodying my dad’s tenacity, focus, and drive – for him and myself. I continue to distract myself from facing the reality that he is gone yet my dad is still at the forefront of everything I do. I didn’t return to school that spring or finish my club season of volleyball. I couldn’t handle peoples’ condolences, as well intended as they were – they would set me back. The hardest part about this journey is that I am walking it alone. At first, my friends were there for me as best they could be in the days after I got the news. I felt supported. However, as the months progressed, it seemed like my friends forgot what I was going through. Not only had I lost my dad, I felt like I was losing friends. I needed to find ways to give back to myself. Junior year began and I felt overwhelmed with responsibilities, such as fulfilling my duties as junior class president. Academic and athletic rigor never let up and I had to learn how to balance my commitments. My dad was always present in my athletic career and getting used to his physical absence was challenging, but also lit a fire in me that couldn’t be extinguished. I decided to join the track team and found it as purposeful as it was liberating. Running gave me a new destination, and I was constantly motivated to better my time. I now hold our school's 3rd fastest women's 100m time, was awarded MVP and was a regional finalist. Even though my dad didn’t get to see any of my track meets, his watchful presence was always felt. I started working two jobs to help my family offset expenses, started preparing for the AP tests, and was elected Student Body President for my senior year. Achievements I credit to the values my dad instilled in me. Undoubtedly I’m my father’s daughter. Our connection is immortal. Even to this day the learning continues. I’ve learned what true friendship means to me through the comradery of those who showed up despite not knowing what to say or how to be. I’ve learned to process my emotions while upholding my commitments, because accountability is admirable and is what I expect from myself. And I’ve learned to set boundaries so that I am true to myself. I am stronger, more clear about my goals and with a newfound empathy and compassion for this complex and messy, albeit beautiful life.