“You can make it Sammie, only 500 feet until you’re in the building”, I told myself as my stomach painfully twisted. I desperately needed the bathroom, and the closest academic building was in sight.
Every step felt like a mile and the door only seemed to get further away the more steps I took. I thought I had a chance to make it as I gripped my stomach, but when I was only ten feet from the door, I realized it was too late.
No one expects to develop a chronic illness, and when I was diagnosed with Ulcerative colitis, I knew little of the journey ahead of me. Since my first year of college, I have cycled through several treatment options including pills, enemas, Entyvio, Tremfya, and most recently Remicade. Each new treatment gave me a spark of optimism, hoping for relief that never came. My persistent symptoms have been one of the most challenging aspects of my condition but have also taught me how to be resilient and to choose to always try again.
These medical symptoms have adjusted my daily life, as I live in a constant state of unpredictability. My sudden urgencies to use the bathroom, severe pain, and frequent accidents require me to be prepared at all times. My routine walks across campus have become a strategic event of planning out the quickest route to the nearest restroom and packing extra clothes and wipes in my backpack in case things go south. While these changes were extremely discouraging at first, I have learned to face my vulnerability head-on and use a sense of humor and personal grace. Resilience for me is having the strength to take a deep breath, work through deeply uncomfortable experiences, and being able to continue on with my day with a rebuilt sense of dignity. I don’t want to stop attending classes, dancing with my school organization, or volunteering with kids after school because of my chronic illness.
These experiences, while painful and embarrassing at times, have taught me how to rebuild my confidence and have shaped my character tremendously. Developing patience with myself has been one of the few positive outcomes of my illness, but I am grateful for the strength to continuously move forward through uncertainty. I have developed a deeper compassion for all individuals facing invisible struggles, as living with a condition that affects every minute of your day is a constant battle that deserves recognition. It takes strength to simply show up and keep going.
Resilience is a constant search for answers and not giving up hope despite the numerous challenges you face. Ulcerative colitis has been my greatest battle in life, but I continue to fight every day with the hope of a treatment that works for me. While I don’t always make those last ten feet to the bathroom, resilience has shown me that the moments we fall short are not the most important, but rather how we rise from them.
The capacity to withstand or to recover quickly from difficulties. This is the definition of resilience. However, to me, this word has a much deeper meaning. 3 years ago, I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis, a chronic condition I will always battle with. I remember the day I found out, I sat there in the doctor office, crying to my mother. She comforted me, assuring me it would be okay. At the time, I didn’t believe her, I felt as if my entire world had been torn apart. After my diagnosis, I let the grief get the best of me. Knowing my life span could be shortened, along with a lack of healthcare, had an immense impact on my mental health. I felt lost, hopeless, unmotivated, and eventually suicidal. One night, I let my mental condition take me to a spiral, causing a friend to call authorities for a mental health check. This was my wake-up call, at that moment, I decided I wanted to live. The next day, I applied for health insurance, and upon being accepted, I went back to my doctor. At this point, I was in daily pain due to my condition. Basic task such as running, stretching, and eating became difficult and at times impossible. I remember looking in the mirror and seeing a skeleton. As much as I wanted to be healthy, I had let my condition get a point where recovery would not be quick. I felt as if this was punishment for neglecting myself and allowing for my poor mental health to dictate my life. My entire life had felt like a series of neglect. I was placed into foster care at the age of 7 and rotated through multiple homes until the age of 18. Throughout my entire life I felt alone. But for the first time in my life, I felt motivated to do better, for myself and nobody else. Nobody in my family had ever attempted to reach a higher education, I knew this was my way to do better and prove better to myself. Throughout my entire life I’ve had a passion for making people happy, making people laugh, and entertaining people. This led me to pursue a career in cinematic arts. This career path allows for freedom through creativity, and gives me an outlet to reach people. With my career, I want to change the world. I want to inspire people through my creations, and motivate the next generation. To this day, I still suffer with my condition. However, thanks to years of effort, hardship, and determination, my life is good. I still have bad days, days where I can’t move as quick, or days where I can’t eat, but I’ve worked hard to make my everyday life better through diet, exercise, and regular medical attention. I decided life was worth living and that I was worthy of that life. To me, that is the definition of resilience.
This is RESILIENCE!- Refusing to let anything hold me back from the things I want to achieve, especially my chronic condition, lupus!!! For me, that is resilience, and it shows up in everyday decisions to keep going, to show up, and to live my life fully without letting lupus become the center of it.
I was diagnosed with lupus about 10 years ago, I was 8 years old. Those early years were some of the hardest moments of my life. I faced severe symptoms, intense pain, pneumonia, and even blood clots in my lungs, including one that was dangerously close to where the heart and lung connect. I was at my lowest point, both physically and emotionally. But now, after having passed those excruciating times and the moments when worry made me feel frigid, the thought was never that I could not live my life. Instead, they became a reminder that if I had already gone through all of that, then I could keep going.
That mindset has been carried into school and now into college. Having lupus never became a reason for me to step away from my education. I did not think that I should avoid college just because I would have appointments and medications to manage. Instead, I learned how to balance it. In high school, I attended my doctor visits, communicated with teachers, and caught up on assignments. I practiced managing my health without letting it take over my goals.
By the time I entered college, I had already built the habits that help me stay resilient today. I manage my own medications, keep track of refills, and plan my appointments around my classes. I stay on top of my health, not so it limits me, but so I can live freely. I also take care of my physical well-being through swimming and working out, which have both helped me physically and mentally. Even something as simple as applying sunscreen is not an obstacle. It is simply another responsibility I handle so I can continue living normally.
As a college student with a chronic condition, living with resilience means not letting lupus be the reason I miss out on opportunities or experiences. There is much more to me than a diagnosis, and there is so much in life I still want to experience and accomplish.
My story is not about being held back. My story is about continuing forward. Resilience, to me, is the mindset, and the demonstration, that even with challenges, a person can keep going.
