Bold Know Yourself Scholarship

I grew up believing that one's self-worth and value are attributed to what one can do for others and what one can excel at in a way that no one else can. I ventured through college pouring into everyone and everything else but myself. I always had more than two jobs while taking more classes than was necessary to be considered a full-time student. The paid, volunteering, and leadership opportunities that I gravitated toward always had a helping component to them. Whether it was being a community adviser in the dorms, tutoring student-athletes in psychology, or being a mentor to first-generation, low-income students, I truly believed that my only source of value was to be in service to others. On this journey, I learned that I could be a selfless, driven, reliable, and ambitious person. I also learned that I was unnecessarily hard on myself. I never felt like anything that I did was enough. I was in a constant state of striving because I did not think I was sufficient as I was. And while self-improvement is an admirable mission, I realized I should not be motivated to be the best version of myself because I was not enough. Our culture is already saturated with a deficit mindset and I realized that I was feeding into it. Amidst all of this, I learned the power of self-compassion. I learned the valuable lesson that at the end of the day, the way I treat myself matters and that if I can meet myself with compassion, not only does that have implications for how I show up with others, but that my own humanity is worthy of gentle love, care, and consideration. As an aspiring clinician, this is a lesson that I will carry with me into my career and beyond.

Over the past four years, I have begun to learn what it means to practice radical acceptance: My college journey began in 2018 as Running Start student in rural Washington. My life shifted from knowing everyone in my school to having different strangers in each of my classes. I grew distant and quiet, and I struggled to talk in my classes- I dealt with impostor syndrome every day, especially as a first-generation student. Two years later, I graduated with a 4.0 GPA on my High School Diploma and AA degree. I hit the marks academically, but socially I felt inferior; I felt unable to be my authentic self. It was not until my last in-person quarter of Running Start that I took a 2-credit class that changed my life. It was called "Stress Management and Wellness," and we learned practices that promote well-being and reduce stress. Each week we would identify a stressful event and utilize stress management tools that we learned in class. Tools included progressive relaxation, breathing exercises, and other mindfulness practices. I say this 2-credit class changed my life because it allowed me to build a tool kit that helps me stay grounded in reality, accountable for my actions and attitudes, and more aware of my body, mind, and spirit. I have utilized the tools that I have gained to manage and overcome my social anxiety. Now, in my second year of college post Running Start, I am able to fully engage in my classes and take initiative in my life- I no longer freeze in social settings, but I am assertive and excited to learn from the new people I meet! The most important thing that I have learned about myself through this not-so-linear process is that I have a voice; I am enough.