I will never forget the phone call with my mother while I felt so alone and betrayed while at my second stay at a mental hospital. I could not keep it in any longer while I am here because of what she caused. I tell myself every day, I do not know the cause of why I do not want to be here. I have a loving boyfriend, an endless number of books, and a family who cares about me. Deep in my mind I know why I am here again feeling as though life is not worth living. I tell my mother on the phone she is the reason why I am here again at a mental hospital. I tell her she is the reason why I am depressed. I did not want to hurt her feelings, and I would tell her in the passing I am depressed because of school. I cannot hold onto that lie anymore. I let it all spill out from my mouth. My mother, the one who is supposed to protect me, has become the monster I have feared. I tell my protector her drinking has caused me to be triggered every time I hear yelling. I tell my mother that her and my sister fighting and arguing has not only affected them, but me also. Having to hear them arguing everyday has caused me to do everything in my power to avoid it. Having that phone call has altered my life in a way I don’t think my mother understood. That phone call has made me want to do everything in my eighteen years of living to not be like her. It has made me want to be a better version of myself. I want to break the curse she has put upon me and my sisters. I do not want to be a version of myself that people feel as though they can’t tell me anything. I want to be someone who does not get easily triggered by what their mother has caused throughout their adolescence. While I am still growing and learning the ropes of life, I want to be able to become my own person. I do not want to be in the shadow of my mother. Telling my mother truthfully how I have felt for years has motivated me in ways I did not think was possible. It has made me want to become someone who does not let things bottle up within them but finds the cause and communicates the issue at hand. I want to be a better person for my loved ones. I don’t ever want to put them through the trauma my mother has put upon me. I have now learned that it is perfectly fine to feel the way I am feeling. The motivation that call has given me has shown that no one should ever have to wait to tell someone how they truly feel. After that traumatic experience in the mental hospital, I have learned that I have to put myself first. I will not let it get to the point where I have to be hospitalized to tell the truth about my mental health.