I pace back and forth in my room, waves of thoughts rushing through my mind. "You are not good enough. You will never have the strength to handle this. Always, always, you are nothing." Repeatedly I am reminded of the fact that no matter how strong I may feel, the incessant threat of anxiety and panic has the power to overtake me in an instant. It was the summer of 2018, before my junior year of high-school, and I was still struggling to comprehend my mental health issues, learning to accept the constant internal battle that would grow and shape my life. From a very young age I became familiar with therapy when I was diagnosed with various hypersensitivities. Even then I was already at risk for anxiety and depression. Years of enduring verbal abuse would go on to cement toxic insecurities in my mind, which would begin affecting my daily life in ways that had yet to be revealed to me. Irrational fears, obsessive-compulsive behaviors, and severely intense emotional episodes were some of the nearly insurmountable hurdles for me at that time. My life stood still, I distanced myself from everyone who cared about me, and nothing seemed worth enduring such pain every day. There was no point in time where I felt safe from the fear of my own mind and body. Amidst this period of weakness, I still began to discover hope in small things. Art, music, and poetry were some ways that light was slowly but steadily brought back into my life. Having always been creative, I would utilize different art forms to cope with the emotional desperation that I encountered. I fell in love with the solace of a simple melody, as I could breathe to the rhythm that calmed my racing heart, and with the way that colors could erase the horrible images in my mind, replacing them with things of beauty and brilliance. I also began to discover people, all around me, who understood my pain. There weren't many in my life who had expected me to be struggling in the way that I was at the time. To the outside world, I seemed like any other overachieving and highly successful kid. I had straight A's, the lead role in the musical, and a starting position on the varsity volleyball team. I was also friendly, social, and a model student. To mask the internal battle that I was facing, I felt that outwardly I must be perfect. I didn't want to risk judgement, or becoming another vague statistic on a chart of 'Mentally Ill Youth in America'. Sadly, mine is not an uncommon story. This same issue occurs among so many young adults, because of this overarching pressure to be the MVP, to have the best grades, or to be accepted into elite college programs. For this, we sacrifice friendships, experiences, and overall wellbeing. We sacrifice really, truly, living, for things that don't matter in the grand scheme. I believe that change needs to take place, and that there needs to be a recognition that no matter what type of insecurities and doubts we may face about status and the future, maintaining emotional and mental wellbeing must be the top priority. This is the message that I wish to share with the young people across America who I know grapple with the same issues, but don't know how to begin to heal. My personal breakthrough happened when I was admitted into a hospital out-patient DBT program for teen girls that fall. I still view it as one of the most impactful experiences I've had, as it was a major turning point in my journey of healing. I was lucky enough to avoid overnight stays in the psych ward, unlike some of the others who traversed the same program with me. Before this program, I had only known the harsh and impersonal means of the medical system treating patients who struggled with mental disorders. My eyes were opened once I began learning dialectical and cognitive behavioral techniques in the specialized program, and I realized that true healing is found in understanding how my specific illness affects me and using skills to re-establish control over my own body. I realized that medication and hospital visits were temporary solutions to a deeper issue that could be slowly but steadily healed through processing personal trauma, consistent therapy, having a support system, and using healthy and positive coping mechanisms. Without my own experience with mental illness, I would not have the ability to speak into their hearts and minds as well as I can today. This inspired me to pursue a future in psychology, so that I may achieve this goal. I plan to open my own practice, integrating creative coping mechanisms for others who would benefit from the utilization of art and music in the process of treating emotional disorders, and CBT/DBT techniques to help with the recognition of and freedom from negative thoughts and behaviors due to mental illnesses. Through my own journey in counseling, I've learned that the same emotions I viewed as my greatest weakness are also my greatest strength, enabling me to be empathetic and have a profound impact in this field with the knowledge of the power of therapy in an individual's treatment plan.

I pace back and forth in my room, waves of thoughts rushing through my mind. "You are not good enough. You will never have the strength to handle this. Always, always, you are nothing." Repeatedly I am reminded of the fact that no matter how strong I may feel, the incessant threat of anxiety and panic has the power to overtake me in an instant. It was the summer of 2018, before my junior year of high-school, and I was still struggling to comprehend my mental health issues, learning to accept the constant internal battle that would grow and shape my life. From a very young age I became familiar with therapy when I was diagnosed with various hypersensitivities. Even then I was already at risk for anxiety and depression. Years of enduring verbal abuse would go on to cement toxic insecurities in my mind, which would begin affecting my daily life in ways that had yet to be revealed to me. Irrational fears, obsessive-compulsive behaviors, and severely intense emotional episodes were some of the nearly insurmountable hurdles for me at that time. My life stood still, I distanced myself from everyone who cared about me, and nothing seemed worth enduring such pain every day. There was no point in time where I felt safe from the fear of my own mind and body. Amidst this period of weakness, I still began to discover hope in small things. Art, music, and poetry were some ways that light was slowly but steadily brought back into my life. Having always been creative, I would utilize different art forms to cope with the emotional desperation that I encountered. I fell in love with the solace of a simple melody, as I could breathe to the rhythm that calmed my racing heart, and with the way that colors could erase the horrible images in my mind, replacing them with things of beauty and brilliance. I also began to discover people, all around me, who understood my pain. There weren't many in my life who had expected me to be struggling in the way that I was at the time. To the outside world, I seemed like any other overachieving and highly successful kid. I had straight A's, the lead role in the musical, and a starting position on the varsity volleyball team. I was also friendly, social, and a model student. To mask the internal battle that I was facing, I felt that outwardly I must be perfect. I didn't want to risk judgement, or becoming another vague statistic on a chart of 'Mentally Ill Youth in America'. Sadly, mine is not an uncommon story. This same issue occurs among so many young adults, because of this overarching pressure to be the MVP, to have the best grades, or to be accepted into elite college programs. For this, we sacrifice friendships, experiences, and overall wellbeing. We sacrifice really, truly, living, for things that don't matter in the grand scheme. I believe that change needs to take place, and that there needs to be a recognition that no matter what type of insecurities and doubts we may face about status and the future, maintaining emotional and mental wellbeing must be the top priority. This is the message that I wish to share with the young people across America who I know grapple with the same issues, but don't know how to begin to heal. My personal breakthrough happened when I was admitted into a hospital out-patient DBT program for teen girls that fall. I still view it as one of the most impactful experiences I've had, as it was a major turning point in my journey of healing. I was lucky enough to avoid overnight stays in the psych ward, unlike some of the others who traversed the same program with me. Before this program, I had only known the harsh and impersonal means of the medical system treating patients who struggled with mental disorders. My eyes were opened once I began learning dialectical and cognitive behavioral techniques in the specialized program, and I realized that true healing is found in understanding how my specific illness affects me and using skills to re-establish control over my own body. I realized that medication and hospital visits were temporary solutions to a deeper issue that could be slowly but steadily healed through processing personal trauma, consistent therapy, having a support system, and using healthy and positive coping mechanisms. Without my own experience with mental illness, I would not have the ability to speak into their hearts and minds as well as I can today. This inspired me to pursue a future in psychology, so that I may achieve this goal. I plan to open my own practice, integrating creative coping mechanisms for others who would benefit from the utilization of art and music in the process of treating emotional disorders, and CBT/DBT techniques to help with the recognition of and freedom from negative thoughts and behaviors due to mental illnesses. Through my own journey in counseling, I've learned that the same emotions I viewed as my greatest weakness are also my greatest strength, enabling me to be empathetic and have a profound impact in this field with the knowledge of the power of therapy in an individual's treatment plan.