I am a transgender man. And for some god-forsaken reason, that statement is political. My identity, my rights, and my security are actively trying to be stripped from me by a system that is failing me as well as my community. I have to sit back each day and bite my tongue while my very own parents and peers refuse to gender me correctly or call me by my chosen name. With all that in mind, at least I have my LGBTQIA+ family. As a trans person, it can be difficult and exhausting to be questioned for identifying how I do, so I choose to surround myself with supporters. Nearly all of my friends identify with the queer community in some way and it is refreshing. We have a bond like no other because we can rely on each other and our very unique struggles can be understood. I especially love being able to show the queer community to my younger sibling. They are a trans-femme teenager and I have heard from them how trans students are treated at their high school. It is repulsive to know that transphobes and homophobes are getting away with harassment in the education system. That is exactly why I teach them that safe spaces exist, and more importantly, set an example. I want to be a trans representative for the youth, so I can show them that political tension does not have to hold them back from pursuing their greatest dreams. To do this, I will achieve my ultimate goal in life as a trans man. I will become a chemist, physicist, and meteorologist. I chose science because I love knowing the whys and hows of everything around me. Learning about chemical reactions and the laws of the universe is thrilling. I have been told that I am overly ambitious, but those words are like water off a duck's back. I do not need to be told by anyone who I am. I do not need to be belittled for being queer in the science field. I know that there are other people out there like me who also have noted the underrepresentation of queer and trans people in science. We are still not taken seriously and that needs to change. I can say with utter confidence that the greatest minds of our generation are queer. We are powerful and influential and will continue to support each other no matter what we are told. I will become a trans scientist and make a huge impact on the world with my community right behind me. There is nobody or no system who can tell me otherwise.

My connection to Disney goes all the back to my early childhood. My sisters and I would create dance routines to the songs played during the commercial breaks on Disney channel. We would stay up late on YouTube memorizing every word and laughing when one of us would get them wrong. Essentially from the very beginning I already liked Disney, but I never knew how near and dear it would become to me. Although it may seem odd, Disney is what pushed me to attend college. One may wonder how those two things are even remotely related. Well, it all begins in the year 2020 when everything was utterly hopeless. I was unmotivated to finish high school, let alone even check my grades because of how isolated everything was. Covid- 19 took a toll on my family because we are a house of seven and we were constantly stepping on each other's toes. One night I was feeling bored and decided to watch Disney's Moana because I had heard good reviews of it. It soon became my favorite movie, as well as a treasured memory. I can remember vividly the first time I saw the smooth animation and heard the catchy songs. I watched it over and over and over again like nobody's business. It made me feel good. It sounds simple, but I hadn't felt good in a while with everything happening, and I really needed to. For the rest of that school year, I would play the soundtrack of Moana as I finished up my homework and while I was in class online. That feeling motivated me to get through that school year, and even finish high school. Today, I am a second-year student at Northern Arizona University, which is something that in those dark times, I could not even fathom myself doing. What Disney means to me is simplicity and positivity. Disney has taught me that having confidence in my abilities does not have to be a huge complicated journey. With Disney, I know that I can experience pleasure without questioning it or trying to find the why. I know how to let uplifting emotions settle in my spirit. And when I do not feel them as strong, I can use Moana to coax that back to the surface. I admire Disney for telling these stories and teaching these lessons to the youth. I know that some children do not have an influence in their life to let them know that everything will be okay and things will work out, but maybe they can find that somewhere else. Somewhere like a Disney film.

I am often told that I am eccentric or over-ambitious, and to that, I say absolutely. I believe that learning is not limited to professional education, and that curiosity does not stop in adulthood, but rather thrives as each individual experiences new pieces of what the world has to offer. My name is Edvin and I will never stop learning, and that is what makes me unique. I have a taste for everything it feels like; math, science, literature, art, and history are all sources of my exploration. Although, my personal favorites are science and art. I attend college at Northern Arizona University and I am studying chemistry, physics, and meteorology. I love learning about every intricacy of how things are created and what laws all things on Earth must follow. To know the combination of elements that creates the very things I am observing brings me so much joy. You may be wondering, where does art fit into this equation? First off, I am currently writing a novel, and in my free time I enjoy drawing in sculpting, but I will not be talking about either of those. I am the art, the very thing to be marveled at. At first, this sounds cocky and egotistical, but allow me to provide an explanation. For context, I am a transgender man and a queer person. In the science community, there is a major lack of trans representation. Queer youth are forced to grow up without people to relate to or role models who are like them. Once again, especially in science. Being trans is difficult when the very system that swore to protect denies your human rights. The essence of understanding being transgender is undoubtedly complex. It comes with emotional turmoil and medical debt, but it creates a community like no other. Trans people are resilient, and we know we can rely on one another for support. It truly feels like ourselves against the world, and despite how scary that can be, it is a beautiful thing. It is something unlike any other to amidst all the political chaos and to stay truthful to your identity. This makes me all of these things and I am proud to be trans. I am a painting of how being trans does not have to hold you back from self-expression and make you afraid to pursue your dreams. I want to be a message to all trans and gender nonconforming youth that we can make ourselves welcome in spaces unfamiliar to us. We can fight for the lives that we want without shame. I am transgender. I am unique. I am a maverick.

When you live in a state of panic, it can become your new normal. As I was growing up, I was an emotional child- an unusual child. I would talk about things that did not make any sense; and what was first dismissed as childish babbling, turned into an issue in my adolescence. Throughout middle school, I was hearing, seeing, tasting, smelling, and in more serious cases, feeling things that were not actually there. I was in a daze of hallucinations. Things linearly got worse as I grew older, and my hallucinations and delusions took over my life. I spent half my freshman and sophomore years of high school in psychosis. My mind was tormenting me, taunting me, making basic functions nearly impossible. I felt hopeless and prayed to a God I did not believe in to "Please end my suffering." However, things have clearly changed right? I have the mental capacity to sit down and write this very essay, that is almost proof enough. So, what is so different? Junior year I began seeing a psychiatrist and a therapist. I can vividly remembering breaking down in front of my psychiatrist, and frustratedly explaining how I have no gauge on what is real and what is not. He sent me to something called a neuropsychology testing office, where I performed various mental tests and quizzes. They later mailed me my diagnosis. There is was in all it's glory, "Schizoaffective disorder: Bipolar type". Smack on the top of the page. The pages that held the answers I so desperately searched for. Finally, they were at my fingertips, but most of me felt dread. I would have to live with this label for the rest of my life. Now, I wanted to destroy these pages and rid my brain of the informations I was processing. It was a surreal feeling of anger and grief. I was grieving a life I never had, where this illness did not take the reigns. I wanted more than anything to be "normal", but there was absolutely nothing I could do to make that happen. Briefly after, I started medication. That was when things started looking up. I was ascending into a new form of myself. I could laugh, I could run, I could jump, I could fly. I could do anything I wanted now that my brain was not fogged and dirty with insanity. This new, shiny adaptation opened an entire universe of opportunity. I sat with my thoughts and contemplated what I wanted to pursue. Not just in my career, but in my journey of being alive. I learned that I could fully connect with my friends and family, and have wholly positive experiences. I wanted to share this love that I was receiving. I found hobbies and interests. I cultivated a longing to become a scientist. I found my passion in my loved ones, science, and most importantly- within. In reality, am I normal now? Definitely not. It is hard to go through living as a schizophrenic person and come out just like everyone else. That is the thing, though. Now, I do not want to be like anyone else. I found genuine happiness in my life, in my chaos, and I made it my new normal.

People undermine the struggles of LGBTQ+ students, and that is simply the facts. They assume that since it is 2022 and queer people are allowed to exist in public spaces, that our differences mean nothing to others anymore. When realistically, queer people are constantly facing discrimination, specifically by the school system. My name is Edvin and I am a trans- man. In all my time throughout high school I assumed that being transgender in college would be much easier- I was wrong. In my high school the most popular kids were homophobic and transphobic. My friends would be called horrible slurs behind their backs, and I would be misgendered every single day. Every. Single. Day. It was terrifying to come out because those around me made me feel ashamed of who I was. My only support system was my close group of friends. My parents, teachers, and peers all treated me with utter disrespect. That was when I put the idea in my head about the inclusiveness of college. It was bold of me to assume that it would be any different. When I was setting up my profile for Northern Arizona University, I saw that they had a section for preferred pronouns. A hefty weight was lifted off my shoulders as I typed in “he/him/his”. I thought it was going to be a refreshing and new start; however, my excitement was deflated when I saw that on the home page my gender remained “female”. The college I will be attending is not aware that gender and sex are two separate entities. Now I was aware that this so called, “queer friendly campus” was completely performative. My next adjustment I was going to make was changing my deadname, so teachers would not be able to give that information to my future classmates. There was no option to change it. Just reading it made me feel dysphoric, but knowing that I might have to correct all my teachers sent me spiraling. I was and still am afraid of how I may be treated. Being publicly out as a trans man is extremely dangerous. Especially in the state I live in, Arizona, where trucks have bumper stickers saying “I identify as a prius”. Transphobes will go out of their way to harass and in some cases physically harm us. We should protected within our education system, not isolated. In my life I want to see a genuine alteration of how the education system treats trans people. There should be easy access to adding our preferred pronouns, gender, and chosen names into our school profiles. It may seem insignificant, but I can guarantee that other trans people will be grateful. Starting small is the first step to major change. The way it is organized now is unacceptable and nobody should feel alienated for being queer. To my future college, do better.

“Everyone gets anxious,” my teacher said to our class freshman year. Those three words sat with me, and made it easier to dismiss these extreme and overwhelming feelings I was experiencing. Every interaction I had, whether it was someone I knew or a complete stranger, I could feel myself tensing up. I had thoughts questioning everything I did and said. “I’m talking too much. They’re probably only talking to me because they feel bad for me,” my mind would race. If only I had reached out for help earlier, but there was one major conflict. I lived most of my life being perceived as a woman, and once I began my transition I would force toxically masculine behaviors upon myself. If I talked about my feelings, then I was not being “man enough”. My gender dysphoria and anxiety walked hand in hand, terrorizing my thoughts and harming my relationships to others. I began to isolate myself, thinking that everyone was better off without me. I felt deprived of living not only as an adolescent, but as a person as well. Nothing I did mattered, and each day blurred into the next; time was nonexistent. That was until I reached my breaking point. What began as a regular car ride with my mother on the way to pick up my sister from work, turned into the most pivotal point of my life. We were discussing my scattered sleeping habits, and I told her maybe it was related to other mental health issues. At first she did not believe a word I said and she sat there in a state of utter denial. We argued the whole ride there, raising our voices, and yelling over each other. It was not usual behavior coming from me, but this was important. Eventually she agreed to take me to a psychiatrist to see if there was actually something wrong with me. I sat there in the waiting room of the psychiatrist office tapping my feet and biting my nails. A tsunami of thoughts occupied my mind. I wondered if I was making everything up, and there was no issue. I wondered if there was a problem and I was un-fixable. I wondered if this feeling would ever end. My name was called and I walked into a barren room with a few chairs and a desk for the doctor. As soon as I began talking, I lost it. I spilled and everything I had been bottling up burst into that room. By the end of the appointment, I was wiping my tears and blowing my nose. The doctor diagnosed me with schizoaffective disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. He told me that I was going to start medication later that day. At first, taking pills terrified me. I did not want to become a sedated zombie- like version of myself. Luckily, that was not the case and my anxiety was greatly reduced. In my life now, I can have a conversation without shaking or breaking into a cold sweat. Although there are situations where my anxiety is still present, I know that it is manageable. My mental health journey has been difficult and dreadful, but ultimately rewarding. I encourage every person to open up about their struggles, despite their mind telling them others. It is so very worth it, and I can not stress that enough.

Throughout my life, I have continued to find my self walking into dead ends and unanswered questions. My thoughts always mixed into one another like a smoothie of half sentences and unfinished thoughts. I continued to wonder why I felt no purpose, or passion towards any particular interest; eventually, I discovered I was suffering from schizoaffective disorder. After medicating and treating the illness, I have the ability to dream extravagantly, and make a genuine effort toward my life´s goals. My most desired goal in my lifetime is to become a forensic pathologist. In the past year, I discovered a love for true crime and what goes into solving those mysteries. The science and analysis of the victims of crimes requires a specialty in non verbal problem solving, and luckily for me I posses that ability. In addition to that, after starting medication and losing the apathy that my disorder bestowed upon me, I feel an immense amount of empathy for the families and loved ones of the victims. The passion would drive me to work as smartly and hard as I could to figure out what had happened. I want to make a real change in the world, and I feel as if I could achieve that by directly aiding grieving and confused families. Fortunately, my disorder gives me a super power and makes gruesome scenes easier to take in, so I could stomach the messy scenes. My dream require mass amounts of schooling, and the end goal may seem distant; however, this is what I was meant to do, and any impediment I come across, I will overcome with ambition. I am beyond eager to start my journey, and this scholarship would help me through greatly.