Art has always held a special place in my heart. From an early age, I found myself encapsulated by art and artist. There has never been a time when I didn’t have my sketchbook beside me pouring out my thoughts, feelings, and ideas out on paper. I still remember going to art class and being moved by paintings like Edward Hoppers Nighthawks and seeing myself in the man at the bar. Or marveling at John Martins' “Pandemonium” and seeing my inner turmoil through the scene. It was an outlet for me even at an early age. But it wasn’t until I was a little older that I truly realized what art meant to me. There was a period in my life during my early teenage years when I was going through an extremely tough time. My parents had been divorced for some time and my father wanted to turn a new leaf white on someone else. And adjusting was anything but easy. I felt as if I was being overlooked, as though my feelings didn't matter. And I started to spiral into a depression. But just like when I was younger, my sketchbook never failed to be at my side. And every time I picked up a pencil it was like I was pouring out my feelings on the page, making them visible. And it was in those moments when my emotions changed from something abstract into something tangible, that I realized that there is more to life than my sorrow. After I understood the true power art can bring to a person, I realized that it would be selfish and to keep it to myself. And I saw how much joy I could experience by giving my gift to others. This is when I seriously considered taking my talents to a school to be trained and refined. And this is what brings me to this scholarship today. I know I have the power to help someone through their dark times. I know that I can lift someone's spirits the way that I lifted my own when I was finding who I was outside the hand I was dealt. And I know that through this opportunity I can accomplish my goal of spreading peace in the world through art.

Attending University, for me, goes beyond being the first in my family. Going to University means that I'm breaking a generational disdain held by my family for attending higher education. For years, most of my family have told me that going to college was a selfish desire, something that would take away from my happiness and contentment in my life, and eventually take me away from a relationship with God. My family was raised in a religious institution that looked down upon reaching for higher education. And I was raised the same. Every time I voiced my aspirations for something more, to study at a school and chase after my dreams, I was immediately shut down. This brick wall constructed by those I loved between me and my future felt insurmountable. I began to believe that even having the desire to do something more after school was sacrilege, something I should be ashamed of feeling. This lasted for years until I made a realization. I am in control of my own life. I know that the people telling me to stifle my aspirations aren't doing it out of malice. They have genuine care for me. But I am the only person that truly knows what I need to do to be happy. I am the only one that can act on my needs. And I knew that if I let the opportunity to attend university pass me by, I would not be able to live with myself. So I decided to take courage. I decided to let them know how I feel. And it was a hard process. Sometimes I would ask myself, "am I making the right decision?" "Will they still accept me when I tell them that I want to make a choice they will never truly understand?" "Maybe I should give up on my dreams." "Maybe I should give in to the pressure." And in those times when my mind began to race with these thoughts of negativity I would think of how I would feel stepping foot on that University campus, stepping foot in to my future. And I knew that I was making the right choice. Now I have been accepted into multiple colleges. I've made my decision known, and have some support from people I never would have imagined supporting me. I am already reaping the benefits of my decision, and I haven't even entered my school yet. And I am sure I made the right decision. So yes, being the first in my family to attend college in my family is a monumental achievement for me, not just because I'm the first. But because it means I've broken a generational rejection of higher education.

Art has always held a special place in my heart. From an early age I found myself encapsulated by art and artists. There has never been a time when I didn’t have my sketchbook beside me pouring out my thoughts, feelings, and ideas out on paper. I still remember going to art class and being moved by paintings like Edward Hoppers Nighthawks and seeing myself in the man at the bar. Or marveling at John Martins' “Pandemonium” and seeing my inner turmoil through the scene. It was an outlet for me even at an early age. But it wasn’t until I was a little older that I truly realized what art meant to me. There was a period in my life during my early teenage years when I was going through an extremely tough time. My parents had been divorced for some time and my father wanted to turn a new leaf white for someone else. And adjusting was anything but easy. I felt as if I was being overlooked, as though my feelings didn't matter. And I started to spiral into a depression. But just like when I was younger, my sketchbook never failed to be at my side. And every time I picked up a pencil it was like I was pouring out my feelings on the page, making them visible. And it was in those moments when my emotions changed from something abstract into something tangible, that I realized that there is more to life than my sorrow. This helped me to have not only an outlet for my emotions, but something to look forward to as I could see my abilities continue to develop. Those moments were essential to my understanding of the power art can have in someone’s life. After I understood the true power art can bring to a person, I realized that it would be selfish and to keep it to myself. And I realized how much joy I could experience by giving my gift to others. This is when I seriously considered taking my talents to a school to be trained and refined. And this is what brings me to this scholarship today. I know I have the power to help someone through their dark times. I know that I can lift someone's spirits the way that I lifted my own when I was finding who I was outside the hand I was dealt. And I know that through this opportunity I can accomplish my goal of spreading peace in the world through art.

I am in the process begining a Bachelor in Fine Art with a focus on Graphic Design. Art has always held a special place in my heart. From an early age, I found myself encapsulated by art and artist. There has never been a time when I didn’t have my sketchbook beside me pouring out my thoughts, feelings, and ideas out on paper. I still remember going to art class and being moved by paintings like Edward Hoppers Nighthawks and seeing myself in the man at the bar. Or marveling at John Martins' “Pandemonium” and seeing my inner turmoil through the scene. It was an outlet for me even at an early age. But it wasn’t until I was a little older that I truly realized what art meant to me. There was a period in my life during my early teenage years when I was going through an extremely tough time. My parents had been divorced for some time and my father wanted to turn a new leaf white on someone else. And adjusting was anything but easy. I felt as if I was being overlooked, as though my feelings didn't matter. And I started to spiral into a depression. But just like when I was younger, my sketchbook never failed to be at my side. And every time I picked up a pencil it was like I was pouring out my feelings on the page, making them visible. And it was in those moments when my emotions changed from something abstract into something tangible, that I realized that there is more to life than my sorrow. This helped me to have not only an outlet for my emotions, but something to look forward to as I could see my abilities continue to develop. Those moments were essential to my understanding of the power art can have in someone’s life. After I understood the true power art can bring to a person, I realized that it would be selfish and to keep it to myself. And I realized how much joy I could experience by giving my gift to others. This is when I seriously considered taking my talents to a school to be trained and refined. And this is what brings me to this scholarship today. I know I have the power to help someone through their dark times. I know that I can lift someone's spirits the way that I lifted my own when I was finding who I was outside the hand I was dealt. And I know that through this opportunity I can accomplish my goal of spreading peace in the world through art.

Art has always held a special place in my heart. From an early age, I found myself encapsulated by art and artist. There has never been a time when I didn’t have my sketchbook beside me pouring out my thoughts, feelings, and ideas out on paper. I still remember going to art class and being moved by paintings like Edward Hoppers Nighthawks and seeing myself in the man at the bar. Or marveling at John Martins' “Pandemonium” and seeing my inner turmoil through the scene. It was an outlet for me even at an early age. But it wasn’t until I was a little older that I truly realized what art meant to me. There was a period in my life during my early teenage years when I was going through an extremely tough time. My parents had been divorced for some time and my father wanted to turn a new leaf white on someone else. And adjusting was anything but easy. I felt as if I was being overlooked, as though my feelings didn't matter. And I started to spiral into a depression. But just like when I was younger, my sketchbook never failed to be at my side. And every time I picked up a pencil it was like I was pouring out my feelings on the page, making them visible. And it was in those moments when my emotions changed from something abstract into something tangible, that I realized that there is more to life than my sorrow. This helped me to have not only an outlet for my emotions, but something to look forward to as I could see my abilities continue to develop. Those moments were essential to my understanding of the power art can have in someone’s life. After I understood the true power art can bring to a person, I realized that it would be selfish and to keep it to myself. And I realized how much joy I could experience by giving my gift to others. This is when I seriously considered taking my talents to a school to be trained and refined. And this is what brings me to this scholarship today. I know I have the power to help someone through their dark times. I know that I can lift someone's spirits the way that I lifted my own when I was finding who I was outside the hand I was dealt. And I know that through this opportunity I can accomplish my goal of spreading peace in the world through art.

Attending University, for me, goes beyond being the first in my family. Going to University means that I'm breaking a generational disdain held by my family for attending higher education. For years, most of my family have told me that going to college was a selfish desire, something that would take away from my happiness and contentment in my life, and eventually take me away from a relationship with God. My family was raised in a religious institution that looked down upon reaching for higher education. And I was raised the same. Every time I voiced my aspirations for something more, to study at a school and chase after my dreams, I was immediately shut down. This brick wall constructed by those I loved between me and my future felt insurmountable. I began to believe that even having the desire to do something more after school was sacrilege, something I should be ashamed of feeling. This lasted for years until I made a realization. I am in control of my own life. I know that the people telling me to stifle my aspirations aren't doing it out of malice. They have genuine care for me. But I am the only person that truly knows what I need to do to be happy. I am the only one that can act on my needs. And I knew that if I let the opportunity to attend university pass me by, I would not be able to live with myself. So I decided to take courage. I decided to let them know how I feel. And it was a hard process. Sometimes I would ask myself, "am I making the right decision?" "Will they still accept me when I tell them that I want to make a choice they will never truly understand?" "Maybe I should give up on my dreams." "Maybe I should give in to the pressure." And in those times when my mind began to race with these thoughts of negativity I would think of how I would feel stepping foot on that University campus, stepping foot in to my future. And I knew that I was making the right choice. Now I have been accepted into multiple colleges. I've made my decision known, and have some support from people I never would have imagined supporting me. I am already reaping the benefits of my decision, and I haven't even entered my school yet. And I am sure I made the right decision. So yes, being the first in my family to attend college in my family is a monumental achievement for me, not just because I'm the first. But because it means I've broken a generational rejection of higher education.

I've come a long way since the teachings and ideas of the witnesses consumed me. Thinking back to only a few years ago I would never have dreamed of being able to attend college. But as I began to drift away from what I had known all my life, new goals began to come into view. I want to graduate from college with a bachelor's degree in fine arts. I want to use my talents, not for Bethel or for the organization, but for me. I want to start my own graphic design company, creating marketable logos and business identities. And I want to work in the comic industry creating a story about my story. I want to tell the world how the witnesses have impacted my life. And the benefits and downsides of living in a religious household. Thinking back to the many meetings I've attended, I remember sitting- listening to the talk and thinking- I know there is so much more to life than this. I know for a fact that I have been placed on this earth for a purpose and sitting in the kingdom hall listening to lies is not that purpose. To attain that purpose, by telling everyone my story, I know there are things that I must do. I need to release myself from the guilt I felt when I made the decision to leave the organization. I need to recognize that I'm not doing anything wrong, that by leaving the witnesses I am making a decision that is right for me. I need to understand that I am not a disappointment, that I have not been rejected. But instead, I am paving the way for myself to understand who I am. I need to have the hard conversations with those I love but have left behind. I need to talk to my father and tell him that I still love him even though I have left the only thing he knows. What he raised me to be. I need to release my feelings of guilt for making the decision I did. And I need to own my life instead of being shackled to what I no longer believe. These are all things that are necessary not only for me to attain the goal of telling my story, but to really understand who I am. Going to college is a first and much-needed step in my real release from the organization. And this scholarship will help me make that much-needed step. I know that by telling my story I can help so many people with their own trials and I can help them attain the very goals that I did.

Movies have always been more than entertainment to me—they’ve been windows into lives that helped me understand my own. Films for me could completely change my views on the world within just a couple of hours. One of those films that completely transformed my worldview was “Waves.” I always enjoy an unbiased, realistic portrayal of adolescence in film and television. And “Waves” was exactly that. I was 16 at the time and going through tense familial relationships as well as trying to understand who I am and who I wanted to be. I felt alone, like no one could understand the feelings of anger, confusion, and hopelessness I couldn’t escape from. Then purely out of intrigue and a recommendation from a friend I decided to turn on a movie, something to take my mind off of all of my life and relax a little. Then I got hit with what felt like a freight train to the soul. It was like a mirror reflection of my internalized pain made manifest on the screen. “Waves” brilliantly follows the lives of two people. One, a teen named Tyler who spirals after increasing pressure from his father and an unplanned pregnancy from his girlfriend. Then another, a girl named Emily, the sister of Tyler who reels with conflicted pain and grief after her brother makes a grave mistake. It’s hard to articulate exactly what I felt when watching this film. I connected to this film on several levels. Firstly, the stepfamily dynamic within the family was one I knew all too well. Emily the daughter was constantly made a second priority in her life by her parents as they focused on the more troubled and emotional son who seemed to need the most help. I could directly relate to this feeling of neglect, like your emotions aren’t an issue to anyone else. Like they’re a burden to carry alone. Then the sons built up anger and frustration over his lack of agency in his own life, which was like a gut punch to me, to someone who felt like I had no control over the trajectory of my life. Later, when his feelings climaxed into an unforgivable act of violence I took it as a direct warning for myself. A warning to channel my frustrations into something positive, something that could better myself. After this fever pitch, the movie then takes a shift. We switch from the son's to the sister’s point of view. This slowed down the pace to show me how others' actions impact not just yourself but everyone around you. The pain she felt because of her brothers' built-up anger taught me that holding pain in doesn’t protect those around me, but puts them at risk. It taught me the importance of self-awareness and how to voice my feelings. Not only that, but it taught me how to quantify the wrongness of actions made by those we love. All of these things resonated in my mind long after the screen faded to black. These lessons never left me. In fact in every action, whether it be in school, or work I try my best to use empathy in every situation, recognizing that I am not alone in my mental transition. In my relationships, I try to have those hard conversations that lead to increased understanding. And I never forget that no matter how isolated I feel there is always someone out there who feels like me, and I just might be the person to let them know they’re not alone too.

Art has always held a special place in my heart. From an early age I found myself encapsulated by art and artist. There has never been a time when I didn’t have my sketchbook beside me pouring out my thoughts, feelings, and ideas out on paper. I still remember going to art class and being moved by paintings like Edward Hoppers Nighthawks and seeing myself in the man at the bar. Or marveling at John Martins “Pandemonium” and seeing my inner turmoil through the scene. It was an outlet for me even at an early age. But it wasn’t until I was a little older when I truly realized what art meant to me. There was a period in my life during my early teenage years when I was going through an extremely tough time. My parents had been divorced for some time and my father wanted to turn a new leaf white someone else. And adjusting was anything but easy. I felt as if I was being overlooked, as though my feelings didint matter. And I started to spiral into a depression. But just like when I was younger, my sketchbook never failed to be at my side. And every time I picked up a pencil it was like I was pouring out my feelings on page, making them visible. And it was in those moments when my emotions changed from something abstract into something tangible, that I realized that there is more to life than my sorrow. This helped me to have not only an outlet for my emotions, but something to look forward to as I could see my abilities continue to develop. Those moments where essential to my understanding of power art can have on someone’s life. After I understood the true power art can bring to a person, I realized that it would be selfish and to keep it to myself. And I realized how much joy I could experience by giving my gift to others. This is when I seriously considered taking my talents to a school to be trained and refined. And this is what brings me to this scholarship today. I know I have the power to help someone through their dark times. I know that I can lift someone spirits the way that I lifted my own when I was finding who I was outside of the hand I was dealt. And I know that through this opportunity I can accomplish my goal of spreading peace in the world through art.