In April of 2022, I lost my grandfather after losing my cousin earlier the same year. I remember the morning of trying to be strong for my mom but sitting up in my room sobbing on my bed before going to school that same morning. Sitting in the high school senior sitting area of my school, going through pictures trying to bite back tears before heading up to class. It felt almost unreal; a sense of disassociation from the reality that he was just.. Gone.. like that. I thought about how strange it would be to walk across the stage to graduate in June, knowing that grandpa would not be physically there to watch me graduate. Going through photos of the past, watching my grandpa holding me as a baby, just crying out wishes for him to call on the phone like he always did. I want to make my grandpa proud. He knew about my ambitions to become a psychologist and he was always proud of my determination to do so. Even with a heavy heart as I walked across that graduation stage; I looked as I walked down and there was a swarm of birds flying around that day. My grandpa loved eagles and birds were always a sign to my family that he was with us. Even if he could not be there physically to watch me cross that stage; he was still there just like he was there to hold me when I was a baby. As I traverse my studies now in my second semester of college; he is always in the back of my mind. I want to achieve my dreams to become a clinical child and teenage therapist to help people the way my grandpa always knew I could. Earlier that same year I also lost my older cousin. He was such an amazing guy despite all the struggles that he had in his life. He loved his family and he always wanted us to be our best selves even if he was struggling. I live with many regrets about not spending enough time with him but I want to make a change for him. I want to help people just like my cousin so that no one will ever have to struggle with mental health alone. For so many that have come and gone; I want to make a huge impact in the life of children and teenagers. I want to help people the way the important people in my life would have wanted me to. I miss my grandpa and my cousin but their memories stay alive as I progress in life to make a change. I want to make this world a better place for everyone. My "fight" is a strive to make the youth of this world able to cope with the struggles in their lives. I am attending Adelphi University to get my BA in Psychology for everyone in my family that has had to cope with the loss of my grandpa and my cousin. Cat Zingano, I believe wholeheartedly that you are creating an incredible opportunity for those who have struggled with loss to make a positive change for themselves. It is difficult to try to make huge strides in life with a heavy weight on your shoulders. For me, it has been difficult to push through for not only myself but my family as well. We all bare the weight of this loss among other things. It is nice to know that there is someone out there, who has also struggled, but believes that you can make a difference. It makes the fight more tangible, it gives that sense of power back to those who have not had the drive for so long. My grandpa will always be in my heart and dedicating my goals in life to him I hope is making him proud. It was Helen Keller that said that "All that we love deeply becomes a part of us". The people we love are always a part of us, even if they are not there physically, they remain there.

For as long as I can remember, I have always been the “bigger girl” in the room. Struggling to cope with the fact that I have a disconnected relationship with food. Stress eating until my stomach is utterly bloated with fullness. At points in my life, I desired to be like the models on magazine covers or even simply like my friends. I watched the world around me become defined by the flatness of my stomach or the lack of double chins. Your worth was dictated by your appearance with the threat of being scorned if you did not fit the mold. I viewed “being healthy” as a conventional sham to force girls under these false beauty labels. My body was not my own, but a product made to be shaped by the consumerist public. It was not until I became 18-19 that I had a self-discovery epiphany about my body. If I continued to convince myself that I could not control the way I viewed food or healthy eating, then I would continue to fail myself. My journey to better my health had to start with loving myself for who I am. I will never be the model on the cover of magazines because I am not them. Their bodies are not like mine and we all have different bodies from one another. Being human comes with loving every one of your faults regardless. If I want to change my body it should come from my desire to do so; not some distorted concept that my worth is based on my body. What I have done on a regular is affirm to myself that I am beautiful regardless of how my body looks. I have listened to motivational music by artists who have struggled with similar struggles to motivate myself so that I can achieve the body I want to achieve. Even though I still struggle with food, I have learned that I can overcome any obstacles. I am trying to incorporate more thought into what I am consuming, how much, and how it makes me feel after I have indulged in a desire. A health journey is never 1,2,3 and done; it is a long process that takes a while to truly make a change. Even though my journey has not been perfect every journey has ups and downs. I want to make the change to better not only myself physically but learn to love myself mentally. If you think you can just change without changing your mentality then you are dead wrong. The mentality is the biggest obstacle to overcome before you can make genuine positive change. So I urge anyone who wishes to overcome their struggle with weight; first, learn to see the positives in yourself. Love yourself first. Once you love yourself; the rest will fall into place. I hope to inspire other people who also struggle with weight to try to make a genuine change in their lives for themselves and not for anyone else.

The ping of my vibrating cellphone distracted me from my existential state of mind. I gazed down at the message, picking my phone up to unlock it. I sniffled as I tried to formulate a cohesive sentence. My friend behind the other screen seemed to have this psychic property to her. “Are you okay?” The answer was clear to me which caused an inherent sense of hesitancy. I suppose the imminent fear of disapproval was echoing through my head. Even so, I poured my heart straight into her hands. I recounted each detail that had made my head burn with every syllable typed into the chat. She typed back the words that my heart had yearned to hear. “I understand..” The other words that came after seemed irrelevant as my cries had finally penetrated into the ears of someone. She then suggested watching a show together while talking on the phone. I agreed to this suggestion almost instantaneously as we planned which show to watch. As we commentated on the show, a sense of normalcy returned to me. It felt as though the pain that stung me had finally begun to absolve itself. Each time her laugh would become infectious as I caught myself laughing alongside her. In any dark situation, she seemed to always know how to pull me out of the pitch-black hole. My happiness manifested in a human form as she asked countless questions to understand the show. I just simply smiled to answer each inquiry as it distracted my mind from the previous situation.

When I was younger I lost my dog Jax when he was a year old. Jax was my first best friend in a time where I couldn’t make friends. Now 13 years later, we have two dogs that are from the same kennel as he came from. Libby is a purebred Alapaha Blue Blood Bulldog but is not a direct descendant of Jax and Kai who is Jax’s great-nephew. I want to work hard to make Jax proud. To have a piece of him back is like having my best friend back in my arms once again.