The first journal of quarantine: June 24, 2020 Currently, I am writing this entry in the pouring rain. Thinking deeply...or at least I'm trying to have deep thoughts about my self-worth and body positivity and self-confidence. In all honesty, it's low, very low. On this self-worth journey that I am starting I felt as though going on a diet or trying to lose weight was going to fulfill me but I think it's important that I start with myself. Trying to turn my body into what others around me looked like isn't the answer. Im constantly trying to fit the mold - the norm, and it makes me even more depressed. I'm tired of always going back and forth to whether I feel beautiful. This is external. I haven't even gone in-depth internally, it's scary. My seventeenth birthday: February 8, 2021 The process of loving yourself isn't easy and I haven't truly mastered it, but have mastered another, knowing myself. Self-love man, something you think you have till you sit in a room by yourself, for hours, for minutes, for days, quiet, no distractions. After Governors Honors Program (a summer dance intensive): July 19, 2021 I feel at peace. I want to take this moment in. This moment where no responsibility burdens me, no stressors giving me a headache, or no negative energy trying to shove itself into my bubble. I feel at peace. I am content. I am satisfied with myself. I am beautiful. I AM beautiful. Who knew going to dance in a place where everyone is skinnier than you could make you love yourself more? It's because of the inclusion that Ghp has and the positive energies that it brought into my life. It has changed my life forever. I am so grateful to be comfortable in my own skin. Thank you God. ... Mental health is not something I ever found important. Growing up in a black household and surrounded by a black community, mental health is not talked about much, unless it's a joke. Honestly, I always thought that your mental health is only necessary to analyze if you are suicidal. It wasn't until quarantine that I started to look at my mental health. The reason why I shared some of my journal entries through the pandemic is that I wanted to give you the full and raw scope of how a lot of us were feeling when quarantine hit. We were forced to analyze how much we knew ourselves and how much we loved ourselves. For me, something simple like yoga, meditation, a simple conversation, and most importantly JOURNALING were what helped me grow in love with myself and learn about Zari every day. Yoga helps me learn the capabilities of my body, meditation helps me learn how to control my negative thoughts, conversations are a great way to get advice, and other than dance, journaling is the rawest way to get my emotions out. As I get older mental health has become very important to me, not just my own, but those around me. As an aspiring nurse midwife and doula, my biggest goal is to help the black maternal mortality and morbidity rates. Knowing that mental health is the leading cause of maternal death pushes me to be as much of an advocate as I can.

“When you see people call themselves revolutionary always talking about destroying, destroying, destroying but never talking about building or creating, they’re not revolutionary. They do not understand the first thing about revolution. It’s creating.” (Stokely Carmichael). Stokely Carmichael, otherwise known as Kwame Ture is the first person I think of when I hear the word “revolutionary”. This man was a prominent leader and activist in the Pan-Africanism movement. He was responsible for coining the term “Black Power”, a term that holds so much pride in my community. When asked to build my own image of the ideal revolutionary person I would take the qualities, skills, and experiences of leaders in the civil rights era to make this image. All because these despite the era and the status quo of the time these people had the greatest sense of pride about what they were condemned for. Someone curious, daring, outspoken, tenacious, empathetic, and an artist of any sense are the qualities I look for. These qualities create someone who is a fearless advocate that will always look for a better change in the world. Carmichael stated a revolution is creating. In order to create a creative mindset would be necessary, which is why I say a revolutionary is an artist. The qualities I stated are not what solely make a revolutionary. Experiences are what leads someone to be fearless. A revolutionary person is a product of the pressure of a monotonous society that has alienated thus person. Throughout history, there are rare occasions when a privileged person has been a part of a revolution. This is because the challenges people face from alienation create an emotion like no other and a drive that is unstoppable. Lastly, while building my revolutionary person the skill of versatility is essential. To successfully revolt they must be able to lead but listen to other voices, they have to be able to work by themselves, but also in a group, and they have to be courageous, but humble. I admit I do not hold all of these qualities and skills, but because of the experiences I have lived, I thrive to be my own image of the ideal revolutionary person.