My struggle with mental health has been one that has persisted to this day. Though my growth has been immeasurable, it would be a lie to say that it has not been excruciating. Everything that I learned through the years of my journey has taught me things in every aspect of my life, completely changing everything When I had finally come to accept that I was not in a good place the realization that everything around me had changed was startling. I forced myself to hide away my feelings in fear that I would hurt those around me with what I thought was unnecessary. Through that, I gradually found that I had changed every part of me to try and pretend that nothing was changing. While I was having difficulties internally it felt as though my external situation was declining rapidly and it contributed even more to the pain that I held inside. I started to believe that the things around me were my fault and that my existence was the sole reason that bad things kept happening. It got to a point that my pain was so great that I no longer wanted to keep going. That my life ending would be the end of the pain I thought I caused. Even though my life was on the edge for a long time, it never ended; I persisted and I fought against the pain and made it through. Even so, the thoughts and feelings that followed me through my darkest times have and always will stay within the back of my mind, invisibly influencing my every move. There have even been times that my past has infiltrated into the present that I pushed away people that I wanted to care for. It ended my relationship with the reason that I was "too much." My friends pulled away because I could not understand why things had to change in dynamics. My days sometimes feel too much to handle and I end up doing nothing in fear that doing anything would cause me to spiral. Music has always been my strong suit, it has always been what I was good at and for a while, I thought that being a music star would fulfill all of my dreams. Even when I still thought that I, for the longest time, said "I want to make music to inspire people" and that is still true to this day. However, I learned that making flashy pop songs is different from how I want to do it now. The pain that I felt in my life made me realize that the way to reach people in the way that I want is to put music in the places where people who need to hear it, are in video games. The place where I felt most at home and the place that shaped so many of my core memories. The pain I have felt is one that I know millions of people are going through every day, so I want to be the safe space I needed most for other people.

Growing up as the youngest in a family of gamers when I was not one was an interesting experience. When my cousins all came over for birthdays or just the random parties we would have, the cousins would split off from the adults into whoever's room was available, usually the parties happened in my house so the cousins would split into two groups either my brother's room with the ps4 or in mine where we would all hang out. There were rare times when everyone would sit in my brother's room in front of his, larger-than-necessary TV, with the sound of our aunts laughing and we would just be there. Hanging out with each other, those moments are some of my most cherished memories. Since the biggest age gap from me to the eldest of our group of cousins was 11 years the only thing that we could all connect with was video games. We all had our capacity for them, and just watching each other have a go was something that brought us together. Even when it was just me and my older brother, I would sit idly in his room and watch him play Kingdom Hearts, rooting for him to finally beat Ursula, or bopping my head to whatever Guitar Hero song he was trying to 100%. No matter what it was, I just liked being around my family. Enjoying the festivities of this shared experience growing up, we all gained our taste, of course. Some of us went to rhythm games like Deemo or Bang Dreams, while others grinded Splatoon to the highest level. As the only person who did not actively play games myself, it was fun being able to watch a bit of everything. Most of the time I could just lay my head down on the table as my brother played his rhythm game and feel comforted by the perfectly timed beat of the song. When I just listened to the music or the sound effects, no matter what, I felt at ease because even if it was some crazy boss music, the excitement I would feel was equal to that of everyone around me, and I was safe. Music has always been my strong suit, it has always been what I was good at and for a while, I thought that being a music star would fulfill all of my dreams. Even when I still thought that I, for the longest time, said "I want to make music to inspire people, " that is still true. However, I learned that making flashy pop songs is different from how I want to do it now. Thinking back to the fondest days of my childhood, the first memory that comes to mind is not listening to the radio, it is being stuck in my brother's hot room with 7 people in it, relaxing and just watching one of the older cousins playing Assassins Creed. After thinking for a long, long time, I finally realized what I wanted to do to achieve my goal. I want to make people feel the way I feel when I listen to a game soundtrack. I want to make music that could get someone excited even when playing the song in their head, or when they hear it play they get emotional about a character they associate that song with. All I want to do with my life is to make music that people can listen to, and feel connected to all the memories they will make with all the people that will make them feel safe.

Growing up as the youngest in a family of gamers when I was not one was an interesting experience. When my cousins all came over for birthdays or just the random parties we would have, the cousins would split off from the adults into whoever's room was available, usually the parties happened in my house so the cousins would split into two groups either my brother's room with the ps4 or in mine where we would all hang out. There were rare times when everyone would sit in my brother's room in front of his, larger-than-necessary TV, with the sound of our aunts laughing and we would just be there. Hanging out with each other, those moments are some of my most cherished memories. Since the biggest age gap from me to the eldest of our group of cousins was 11 years the only thing that we could all connect with was video games. We all had our capacity for them, and just watching each other have a go was something that brought us together. Even when it was just me and my older brother, I would sit idly in his room and watch him play Kingdom Hearts, rooting for him to finally beat Ursula, or bopping my head to whatever Guitar Hero song he was trying to 100%. No matter what it was, I just liked being around my family. Enjoying the festivities of this shared experience growing up, we all gained our taste, of course. Some of us went to rhythm games like Deemo or Bang Dreams, while others grinded Splatoon to the highest level. As the only person who did not actively play games myself, it was fun being able to watch a bit of everything. Most of the time I could just lay my head down on the table as my brother played his rhythm game and feel comforted by the perfectly timed beat of the song. When I just listened to the music or the sound effects, no matter what, I felt at ease because even if it was some crazy boss music, the excitement I would feel was equal to that of everyone around me, and I was safe. Music has always been my strong suit, it has always been what I was good at and for a while, I thought that being a music star would fulfill all of my dreams. Even when I still thought that I, for the longest time, said "I want to make music to inspire people, " that is still true. However, I learned that making flashy pop songs is different from how I want to do it now. Thinking back to the fondest days of my childhood, the first memory that comes to mind is not listening to the radio, it is being stuck in my brother's hot room with 7 people in it, relaxing and just watching one of the older cousins playing Assassins Creed. After thinking for a long, long time, I finally realized what I wanted to do to achieve my goal. I want to make people feel the way I feel when I listen to a game soundtrack. I want to make music that could get someone excited even when playing the song in their head, or when they hear it play they get emotional about a character they associate that song with. All I want to do with my life is to make music that people can listen to, and feel connected to all the memories they will make with all the people that will make them feel safe.

Growing up as the youngest in a family of gamers when I was not one was an interesting experience. When my cousins all came over for birthdays or just the random parties we would have, the cousins would split off from the adults into whoever's room was available, usually the parties happened in my house so the cousins would split into two groups either my brother's room with the ps4 or in mine where we would all hang out. There were rare times when everyone would sit in my brother's room in front of his, larger-than-necessary TV, with the sound of our aunts laughing and we would just be there. Hanging out with each other, those moments are some of my most cherished memories. Since the biggest age gap from me to the eldest of our group of cousins was 11 years the only thing that we could all connect with was video games. We all had our capacity for them, and just watching each other have a go was something that brought us together. Even when it was just me and my older brother, I would sit idly in his room and watch him play Kingdom Hearts, rooting for him to finally beat Ursula, or bopping my head to whatever Guitar Hero song he was trying to 100%. No matter what it was, I just liked being around my family. Enjoying the festivities of this shared experience growing up, we all gained our taste, of course. Some of us went to rhythm games like Deemo or Bang Dreams, while others grinded Splatoon to the highest level. As the only person who did not actively play games myself, it was fun being able to watch a bit of everything. Most of the time I could just lay my head down on the table as my brother played his rhythm game and feel comforted by the perfectly timed beat of the song. When I just listened to the music or the sound effects, no matter what, I felt at ease because even if it was some crazy boss music, the excitement I would feel was equal to that of everyone around me, and I was safe. Music has always been my strong suit, it has always been what I was good at and for a while, I thought that being a music star would fulfill all of my dreams. Even when I still thought that I, for the longest time, said "I want to make music to inspire people, " that is still true. However, I learned that making flashy pop songs is different from how I want to do it now. Thinking back to the fondest days of my childhood, the first memory that comes to mind is not listening to the radio, it is being stuck in my brother's hot room with 7 people in it, relaxing and just watching one of the older cousins playing Assassins Creed. After thinking for a long, long time, I finally realized what I wanted to do to achieve my goal. I want to make people feel the way I feel when I listen to a game soundtrack. I want to make music that could get someone excited even when playing the song in their head, or when they hear it play they get emotional about a character they associate that song with. All I want to do with my life is to make music that people can listen to, and feel connected to all the memories they will make with all the people that will make them feel safe.

Growing up as the youngest in a family of gamers when I was not one was an interesting experience. When my cousins all came over for birthdays or just the random parties we would have, the cousins would split off from the adults into whoever's room was available, usually the parties happened in my house so the cousins would split into two groups either my brother's room with the ps4 or in mine where we would all hang out. There were rare times when everyone would sit in my brother's room in front of his, larger-than-necessary TV, with the sound of our aunts laughing and we would just be there. Hanging out with each other, those moments are some of my most cherished memories. Since the biggest age gap from me to the eldest of our group of cousins was 11 years the only thing that we could all connect with was video games. We all had our capacity for them, and just watching each other have a go was something that brought us together. Even when it was just me and my older brother, I would sit idly in his room and watch him play Kingdom Hearts, rooting for him to finally beat Ursula, or bopping my head to whatever Guitar Hero song he was trying to 100%. No matter what it was, I just liked being around my family. Enjoying the festivities of this shared experience growing up, we all gained our taste, of course. Some of us went to rhythm games like Deemo or Bang Dreams, while others grinded Splatoon to the highest level. As the only person who did not actively play games myself, it was fun being able to watch a bit of everything. Most of the time I could just lay my head down on the table as my brother played his rhythm game and feel comforted by the perfectly timed beat of the song. When I just listened to the music or the sound effects, no matter what, I felt at ease because even if it was some crazy boss music, the excitement I would feel was equal to that of everyone around me, and I was safe. Music has always been my strong suit, it has always been what I was good at and for a while, I thought that being a music star would fulfill all of my dreams. Even when I still thought that I, for the longest time, said "I want to make music to inspire people, " that is still true. However, I learned that making flashy pop songs is different from how I want to do it now. Thinking back to the fondest days of my childhood, the first memory that comes to mind is not listening to the radio, it is being stuck in my brother's hot room with 7 people in it, relaxing and just watching one of the older cousins playing Assassins Creed. After thinking for a long, long time, I finally realized what I wanted to do to achieve my goal. I want to make people feel the way I feel when I listen to a game soundtrack. I want to make music that could get someone excited even when playing the song in their head, or when they hear it play they get emotional about a character they associate that song with. All I want to do with my life is to make music that people can listen to, and feel connected to all the memories they will make with all the people that will make them feel safe.

Growing up as the youngest in a family of gamers when I was not one was an interesting experience. When my cousins all came over for birthdays or just the random parties we would have, the cousins would split off from the adults into whoever's room was available, usually the parties happened in my house so the cousins would split into two groups either my brother's room with the ps4 or in mine where we would all hang out. There were rare times when everyone would sit in my brother's room in front of his, larger-than-necessary TV, with the sound of our aunts laughing and we would just be there. Hanging out with each other, those moments are some of my most cherished memories. Since the biggest age gap from me to the eldest of our group of cousins was 11 years the only thing that we could all connect with was video games. We all had our capacity for them, and just watching each other have a go was something that brought us together. Even when it was just me and my older brother, I would sit idly in his room and watch him play Kingdom Hearts, rooting for him to finally beat Ursula, or bopping my head to whatever Guitar Hero song he was trying to 100%. No matter what it was, I just liked being around my family. Enjoying the festivities of this shared experience growing up, we all gained our taste, of course. Some of us went to rhythm games like Deemo or Bang Dreams, while others grinded Splatoon to the highest level. As the only person who did not actively play games myself, it was fun being able to watch a bit of everything. Most of the time I could just lay my head down on the table as my brother played his rhythm game and feel comforted by the perfectly timed beat of the song. When I just listened to the music or the sound effects, no matter what, I felt at ease because even if it was some crazy boss music, the excitement I would feel was equal to that of everyone around me, and I was safe. Music has always been my strong suit, it has always been what I was good at and for a while, I thought that being a music star would fulfill all of my dreams. Even when I still thought that I, for the longest time, said "I want to make music to inspire people, " that is still true. However, I learned that making flashy pop songs is different from how I want to do it now. Thinking back to the fondest days of my childhood, the first memory that comes to mind is not listening to the radio, it is being stuck in my brother's hot room with 7 people in it, relaxing and just watching one of the older cousins playing Assassins Creed. After thinking for a long, long time, I finally realized what I wanted to do to achieve my goal. I want to make people feel the way I feel when I listen to a game soundtrack. I want to make music that could get someone excited even when playing the song in their head, or when they hear it play they get emotional about a character they associate that song with. All I want to do with my life is to make music that people can listen to, and feel connected to all the memories they will make with all the people that will make them feel safe.

Growing up as the youngest in a family of gamers when I was not one was an interesting experience. When my cousins all came over for birthdays or just the random parties we would have, the cousins would split off from the adults into whoever's room was available, usually the parties happened in my house so the cousins would split into two groups either my brother's room with the ps4 or in mine where we would all hang out. There were rare times when everyone would sit in my brother's room in front of his, larger-than-necessary TV, with the sound of our aunts laughing and we would just be there. Hanging out with each other, those moments are some of my most cherished memories. Since the biggest age gap from me to the eldest of our group of cousins was 11 years the only thing that we could all connect with was video games. We all had our capacity for them, and just watching each other have a go was something that brought us together. Even when it was just me and my older brother, I would sit idly in his room and watch him play Kingdom Hearts, rooting for him to finally beat Ursula, or bopping my head to whatever Guitar Hero song he was trying to 100%. No matter what it was, I just liked being around my family. Enjoying the festivities of this shared experience growing up, we all gained our taste, of course. Some of us went to rhythm games like Deemo or Bang Dreams, while others grinded Splatoon to the highest level. As the only person who did not actively play games myself, it was fun being able to watch a bit of everything. Most of the time I could just lay my head down on the table as my brother played his rhythm game and feel comforted by the perfectly timed beat of the song. When I just listened to the music or the sound effects, no matter what, I felt at ease because even if it was some crazy boss music, the excitement I would feel was equal to that of everyone around me, and I was safe. Music has always been my strong suit, it has always been what I was good at and for a while, I thought that being a music star would fulfill all of my dreams. Even when I still thought that I, for the longest time, said "I want to make music to inspire people, " that is still true. However, I learned that making flashy pop songs is different from how I want to do it now. Thinking back to the fondest days of my childhood, the first memory that comes to mind is not listening to the radio, it is being stuck in my brother's hot room with 7 people in it, relaxing and just watching one of the older cousins playing Assassins Creed. After thinking for a long, long time, I finally realized what I wanted to do to achieve my goal. I want to make people feel the way I feel when I listen to a game soundtrack. I want to make music that could get someone excited even when playing the song in their head, or when they hear it play they get emotional about a character they associate that song with. All I want to do with my life is to make music that people can listen to, and feel connected to all the memories they will make with all the people that will make them feel safe.

I knew very early that there was only one thing that I wanted to do with my life, and that was music. Through a lot of thinking I thought that I was just going to major in music in university and go through the four years like any other person. However, when I found out about the Conservatory of Recording Arts and Sciences, it felt as though my paradigm had shifted, that I was not shackled to the traditional college route. Music has always been my strong suit, it has always been what I was good at and for a while, I thought that being a music star would fulfill all of my dreams. Even when I still thought that I, for the longest time, said "I want to make music to inspire people, " that is still true. However, I learned that making flashy pop songs is different from how I want to do it now. Thinking back to the fondest days of my childhood, the first memory that comes to mind is not listening to the radio, it is being stuck in my brother's hot room with 7 people in it, relaxing and just watching one of the older cousins playing Assassins Creed. After thinking for a long, long time, I finally realized what I wanted to do to achieve my goal. I want to make people feel the way I feel when I listen to a game soundtrack. I want to make music that could get someone excited even when playing the song in their head, or when they hear it play they get emotional about a character they associate that song with. All I want to do with my life is to make music that people can listen to, and feel connected to all the memories that they will make with all the people that will make them feel safe. One of the main reasons I want to do music is to aid the social causes that plague this country. I want to make music that can inspire people to do better or to introspect and discover their own struggles. As an Asian-American, as just a woman, it is clear to see the injustices that my people face. If my music could be a medium in which my screaming and pleading could be heard then I will make music for the rest of my life. Issues like the constantly growing restrictions on a woman's body, the persisting racism that those of different races endure every day, and even the more frequent normalization of sexism in online spaces. I want my music to be a point of healing, even if it is just one person who adjusts their views to be more tolerant and accepting then I feel that my job has been done.

Growing up as a first-generation Asian-American, my parents really emphasized the importance of education and good grades. I was also the youngest in a very large family with a lot of cousins, so I often saw them all excel in school, always getting straight A's and graduating top of their classes. Even my older brother, who is four years older than me, went to a prestigious college prep school and finished top 15 in his grade. So going into high school I knew that I had very high expectations that I felt were necessary for me to reach. Even so, my whole life I felt that I fell short of the legacy my family had left for me to follow. I never had bad grades by any means, it was just that instead of having straight A's I always had at least one B, which seemed insignificant, but as a child, it made all the difference in making me feel inferior. It was not until I reached my sophomore year of high school that I realized that going through school only to get the best grade possible was not only unhealthy but unpractical for me. I then realized that, to me, education is about broadening one's sense of self. It is not about getting the highest grade, or the highest rank, or even getting into the best college. It is about learning a wide variety of things that will all contribute to who you are as a person and what you find to be your strong suit. For me music has always been my strong suit, it has always been what I was good at and for a while, I thought that being a music pop star would fulfill all of my dreams. Even when I still thought that I, for the longest time, said "I want to make music to inspire people" and that is still true to this day. However, I learned that making flashy pop songs is different from how I want to do it now. Thinking back to the fondest days of my childhood, the first memory that comes to mind is not listening to the radio, it is being stuck in my brother's hot room with 7 people in it, relaxing and just watching one of my older cousins playing Assassins Creed. After thinking for a long, long time, I finally realized what I wanted to do to achieve my goal. I want to make people feel the way I feel when I listen to a game soundtrack. I want to make music that could get someone excited even when playing the song in their head, or when they hear it play they get emotional about a character they associate that song with. All I want to do with my life is to make music that people can listen to, and feel connected to all the memories that they will make with all the people that will make them feel safe.

Growing up as the youngest in a family of gamers when I was not one was an interesting experience. When my cousins came over for birthdays or the random parties we would have, the cousins would split off from the adults into whoever's room was available, usually the parties happened in my house so the cousins would split into either hang out in my brother's room with the ps4 or in mine where we would all hang out. There were rare times when everyone would sit in my brother's room in front of his, larger than necessary TV, with the sound of our aunts laughing and the smell of Pancit and Adobo wafting through the air and we would be there. Hanging out with each other, and those moments are some of my most cherished memories. Since the biggest age gap from me to the eldest of my cousins was 11 years the only thing that we could all connect with was video games. We all had our own capacity for them, and watching each other have a go was something that, I feel, really brought us together. Even when it was me and my older brother, I would sit idly in his room and watch him play Kingdom Hearts, rooting for him to finally beat Ursula, or bopping my head to whatever Guitar Hero song he was trying to 100%. No matter what it was, I liked being around my family. We all gained our own individual taste, of course. Some of us went to rhythm games like Deemo, while others grinded Splatoon to the highest level. As the only person who did not play games myself, it was fun being able to watch a bit of everything. Most of the time I could lay my head down on the table as my brother played his rhythm game and feel comforted by the perfectly timed beat of the song. When I listened to the music or the sound effects, no matter what it was, I felt at ease because even if it was some crazy boss music, the excitement I would feel was equal to that of everyone around me, and I was safe. Music has always been my strong suit, it has always been what I was good at and for a while, I thought that being a music star would fulfill all of my dreams. Even when I still thought that I, for the longest time, said "I want to make music to inspire people" and that is still true to this day. However, I learned that making flashy pop songs is different from how I want to do it now. Thinking back to the fondest days of my childhood, the first memory that comes to mind is not listening to the radio, it is being stuck in my brother's hot room with 7 people in it, relaxing and watching one of the older cousins playing Assassins Creed. After thinking for a long, long time, I finally realized what I wanted to do to achieve my goal. I want to make people feel the way I feel when I listen to a game soundtrack. I want to make music that could get someone excited even when playing the song in their head, or when they hear it play they get emotional about a character they associate that song with. All I want to do with my life is to make music that people can listen to, and feel connected to all the memories that they will make with all the people that will make them feel safe.