My dream version of my future self is me successfully completing college, working as a ballistics expert and living my best, happy life.

If I were privileged enough to be chosen for this scholarship, it would mean that I would need to take out less money in student loans in order to fulfill my career goal of being a forensic ballistics expert. A few years ago, my dad started to become interested in firearms. He started doing research on the various types of firearms and would go to the firing range. As he started to take various classes, he began to purchase a variety of firearms (handguns and long barrels). As he gained more of an interest, he decided that my mom, brother, and I needed to be introduced to proper firearm handling so we could safely handle any of the various firearms that were securely stored at home. In addition, he wanted us to experience what he felt was just plain fun about shooting. Unfortunately, my first impression of the range was not a positive one. I found the whole experience to be loud and uncomfortable. I was to the point that I no longer wanted to participate, much to the chagrin of my dad. He really wanted to find a common interest that he could share with his boys (as well as his wife). Handling the firearms themselves was not a problem for me; in fact, I was a pretty decent shot, and my most recent trip a few months ago after a few years hiatus from the range was my most accurate trip yet. We eventually determined that my sound aversion was due to improper sound protection. Once I got proper ear protection, the range became very enjoyable. Not only was I no longer bothered by the gunfire, but I was also able to become more accurate when I practiced as I was no longer flinching and anticipating the sounds. Now that the sounds no longer bothered me, we were able to go to the range more often and I started to shoot some of the larger handguns and rifles that I previously shied away from. As my dad became more knowledgeable, it was only natural that he would share various videos about shooting techniques. There was one video that interested me more than the other videos – it discussed the breakdown of bullet drop and sighting. I really connected with this video because it focused more on the science behind shooting as I have always preferred math and physics. Because I like math and physics so much, I was able to understand and comprehend a lot of the explanations and technique that the video covered. I like the idea of taking a crime scene involving shooting and using my knowledge to recreate trajectories and caliber to help bring the perpetrator to justice.

I was pretty young when my biological father was arrested, tried/convicted and sentenced in federal court. It is my understanding that he was sentenced to 120 years in prison, which will be a life sentence. I was just shy of two when the arrest happened and probably no more than four years old when he was convicted. My mom remarried the following year (2007) and the man who is technically my stepfather has been my dad for all intents and purposes. Even though I was quite young when everything happened, I feel as though I still live in the shadow of who he was as a person and his ‘bad’ decisions. I have gathered most of my knowledge from my mother and my older brother, as well as a little internet research, but the heinous nature of his crimes (against my half-sister) is hard to fathom. Do I (or even my brother) have the same proclivities? I am left to wonder how much of who he was was poor decision-making on his part, his own poor upbringing or is he just plain evil? In addition, I am aware that he was addicted to both alcohol and drugs. Should I be worried that addiction can run in families - how much should I be conscious of that and should it bother me? Not that I have any desire to dabble with any illicit drug use, but I am aware that it can be fairly easy to abuse alcohol. My stepdad was in a similar situation inasmuch as his biological father was an alcoholic and my grandmother constantly reminded him of that and told him (my stepfather) that he should never drink because he may one day become an alcoholic. As a result, he did not drink any alcohol until he was close to 30. My mother has told me that many people on my biological father’s side are addicts and have a propensity towards bad decisions and crime. This family link worries me a bit but how much should I let it worry me? My older brother has seemed to struggle more with these types of things so I worry about whether I might be next. Aside from this, there is the worry about, “what will people do or think once they realize what my father has done?” It is easier for me to separate from this simply because my last name is a fairly common Hispanic last name, but my own brother is a junior, so he has the exact same name. I worry that I will lose opportunities if/when my father’s identity is found out. I worry about judgment. Most people deal with everyday anxieties and worries but this is not something that can be ‘dealt’ with; it is always there. If I were lucky enough to be granted this scholarship, I would be able to continue my education with less debt. While both my mother and stepfather have good jobs, they are unable to help pay for my college education beyond some basic assistance. I have always known that I needed to pay for school myself so I have done everything I can to get there: I did well in school and participated in an early college program that provides me with free college classes. By the time I finish with this year, I will have accumulated 48 credits to transfer to college. I understand that I will need to take out loans to pay for the rest of my education and being lucky enough to receive scholarship money will lower that overall debt.