They say a girls first love is their father and I can't say I disagree. For me it was Eddy, my uncle/Godfather, he was the male figure in the house, and the one I thought was my father. Until I was old enough to process, that my mother's brother couldn't be my dad. That didn't change how much I loved him vice versa. I really believed I was the princess in that castle, if he was kings, and I would do anything to keep that space. Although my uncle was a heavy drinker and smoker, as a child I didn't understand clearly the danger in that. I knew he stayed out late and would come home late, and I always made sure that I let him in. I knew he would go missing sometimes, but he always came back, eventually, with gifts, a big smile on his face, it was all good. Fast forward to 11-year-old me, right before my mom, sister and I migrate to the US, from Haiti; He meets someone, I don't approve, because " she was taking him away''. But deep down in my heart I believed that one day I would be getting married, and he would have to come to the states to marry me off and I would forbid him from going. The plan was perfect. Until Oct 2017. We get a call that he was found, on his usual drunk spot, downtown Haiti, unconscious - likely alcohol poisoning. Though rushed to the hospital when found, death won. Somedays, I like to pretend that he's not here, as in he's in Haiti and I am in the states- diff locations - but alive. Other days, I mourn at the idea of the wedding that I planned in my head all those many years, that I no longer want, because what's a wedding without him walking me down the aisle, smiling at me proud. From time to time, I wake up in sweat, uncontrollably crying because, "evil" took him away. But as an adult, understanding how alcohol works, I am accepting the elephant in the room. Till this day, I don't smoke or drink, I can't even stand the smell on other people. I try not to judge but it's hard not to connect those things with him being taken away from me, multiple times and now forever. While I know nothing will bring him back, and each milestone will always feel like it's missing a piece of joy, I owe it to myself to live the legacy, knowing he would have done anything he could to see me succeed, go after my dreams and build a healthy family.
My influence changes, often. Most times, they are a black woman diaspora, doing their thing, against all odds. Currently, I am being influenced deeply by my therapist, she's a black woman who seems to have experienced a lot of lost, heartaches and pain who manages to be successful and fabulous. She owns her own practice, has an amazing repertoire and a great deal of body of work in her community. It's awe aspiring. She has been a healing outlet for me: as she encourages me to self-care, be bold, advocate for myself, believe in myself, believe in my ability to do great things. She has been helping shift my thinking, practice letting go of things I can't control and moving forward in doing the things I can. I have been a journaling for years; it helps me breath and also, I pray a lot.