Although my high school had a guidance counselor, I don’t remember having a meeting with her to discuss my future. This was in the 90s and in my predominantly Latino community in Southern California, youth was being guided to the military or to work. My grades were good but my family didn’t know what to do. Being a child of immigrants that spoke almost no English and who barely knew how to read and write in their own language, education wasn’t the winning ticket. No one in my immediate family nor in my extended family had college degrees and most were doing fine. There were landscape business owner operators, mechanics, medical receptionists, and salespeople. That generation of workers were doing one hundred times better than the generation before them. That generation had no education and worked the fields in Salinas while their children, my parents, were left behind in Mexico nearly starving. My generation was expected to work and earn their own American dream. For over twenty years, I worked towards that American dream but lately I’ve felt something was missing. This dream doesn’t feel like my own. I was a good student. I should have had the same opportunities other good students had. I remember applying to a university in Colorado and getting in. But then I thought, “what happens next?” Having no guidance, I ignored the packet. I was 17 and didn’t know how to follow up. As an adult, I’ve heard the call to education. I attended a few classes these last two decades and have done well. My GPA is at 3.6 but still I had no guidance. They were random, but focused on general education courses. This year, when I turned 47, I decided to guide myself. No longer will I look for a leader or a wave calling for me to follow. I enrolled, was accepted, and have signed up for three classes in the 2025 spring semester. It’s terrifying knowing I’ll be older than everyone in the class, including and most likely, the professor. It’s terrifying knowing times have changed and technology is first now and most of the classes are either online or hybrid. It’s terrifying knowing I’m working a full time job but want to hurry up and finish my first, then second, and finally the masters degree. It’s terrifying thinking I may not make it. But something is pulling me towards education. Maybe it’s the fact that I’ve reached the American dream as defined by the generation before me and it’s not my dream. I want my dream to include degrees in my wall and I’m guiding my own self towards that dream. Finally, my own American dream.

They say that a good writer is a good reader. Does reading government rules, regulations and company policies and procedures count? If the answer is no, then I’m in the right place. I’m going back to school at 47 years old to do what my 18 year old self quit doing to be “responsible” and “grown up.” If I put that last period in the wrong spot, then I’m definitely in the right place because after 20 years of boring government work and a pension ripe for picking in 10 years, I want to let my 18 year old self get what she deserves. She let me make us responsible and grown up while putting her creativity away. I’ve used this time wisely and want to learn everything I can about writing so we can be one person again. She’s going to hate the grey hair and knee pain but she’ll love having her own place, the car’s heated seats, and the nice skin care. Once I’m back to speaking about myself in the first person and fully understand where semicolons, ellipsis, commas and periods go, then I can tell the world her stories she’s been setting aside; the one about the evil elf in…and the one about the wine producer during, prohibition. I can’t wait! If you understood where I was going with that butchered punctuation in the last paragraph, then you get us and should now also see why “we” should be a “me” again. If you didn’t see the butchered punctuation because some of it was right, then you should now see why I need to go back to school and correct my ignorance in that attempt at ignorance. The local community college in Las Vegas has seen me throughout the years and I’ve been a good student, 3.6 GPA. Back when I thought a business degree would help me get ahead in my career. I got Bs so I felt pretty good about myself. Until I took creative writing and literature and I got As. That’s all it took for me to stop going to school for business or accounting and telling my creativity to stop excelling. Writing doesn’t pay the bills. There’s no pension in writing. I’m doing my life in reverse and it’s exciting. I have the bills covered and a pension in the horizon. Unfortunately, the gray hair and knee pain won’t reverse. Fortunately, though, I believe in positive thinking so I remember that I have my own place, the car’s heated seats, and the nice skin care.

Growing up in a low income area of Southern California and having immigrant parents with almost no education, mom went to the third grade and dad dropped out of high school, and becoming a translator for my parents at an early age, have made me who I am today. Twenty years into government work, I’ve translated for adults through the 2008 economic downturn and in 2020 during the pandemic. My community needed me to obtain unemployment insurance and although I had promoted out of call center work, I came back and stayed throughout the department’s need. While employed at the unemployment department, I conducted many interviews as an adjudicator. Although not in law school or educated in laws, I was committed to rules, regulations, policies, and procedures. Fine print is everywhere and I had the eyes to find it. After twenty years of government interviewing, I’ve found myself in a low stress, data entry, yet detail oriented position. Now that I’m away from my previous roles, I miss the stories I heard and used to weigh towards my benefit decisions. For years I found myself interviewing outside of work hours. It was something outside of my control. In fact, I didn’t realize I was doing it until, after 15 minutes of interrogation, it was pointed out to me. It took a few years to mindfully let go of that method of conversation. Now that I’m quiet most of the day, I find myself making up stories of the people whose data I’m entering. That’s when I realized I will be eligible for early retirement in 10 years and will have less of a chance to have stories in my life. My goal now is to return to college and earn degrees in writing. My life until now has been about taking care of my financial future. I didn’t think about my creative future. Being over 40 will be a substantial barrier to completing my goal. Things have changed so much. However, being my age is also a major advantage. I have life experience and am ready to use my accumulation of life skills to meet my goal. I’d like to write stories about my Mexican American heritage and learn about the rest of Latin America. Seeing ourselves in any language by one of our own is an important and unique experience that isn’t seen as often as it should. If I can help my community again, this would be life fulfilling.

Will hitting rewind on my life story at 47 be a horror movie? A comedy? Probably not an action adventure because of these knees but regardless of genre, it will be exciting. Growing up with parents that didn’t finish school, third grade for mom and some high school for dad, meant that hard work was valued. Hard work was defined as doing your best to take care of yourself. So I did, by getting good grades and not getting into trouble. Trouble was defined in many different ways, obvious and imagined. I stayed clear of all of them by keeping to myself, just watching television and listening to public radio, both of which were free. Although I never felt we were poor back then, I don’t think I knew that definition. In my community, we all were on free lunch. The ones that weren’t, were the outliers. They carried yellow tickets that stood out. They were the different ones. When I graduated high school, I didn’t know what to do. Now as an adult, I know I should’ve planned better and years before getting that high school diploma. But remember, my parents weren’t educated and education wasn’t the goal. Hard work was the goal, so I got a part time job at Universal Studios and took part time classes at Santa Monica College. I loved TV and was a good student so I was prepared to work hard. The parking garage at Universal Studios overlooked the MASH mountains and, because I was a TV nerd, I parked on the top floor, on the row with an unobstructed view of the mountains and heard the TV theme song in my head every time I went to work. It was glorious. School, was not so glorious. Parking was on residential streets so it was like going on a hunt and there were hunters everywhere. I was new to driving and didn’t aim for big game, parallel parking spots, so I ended up having to walk a lot. I don’t really remember what I studied, mostly because I didn’t know what I was doing. I didn’t focus on my interests back then so I didn’t return after that semester ended. Moving to Las Vegas the next year didn’t help my education. I began working and didn’t stop for over 25 years. Those years are a blur. I know I worked hard, and was able to buy, then sell homes, upgrading my residence each time. After 20 years as a government worker and upgrading my home to a cash-paid modest condo, I see myself retiring in 10 years with my full pension at 57. Hard work got me that. But lately I’ve been asking myself what’s next. Do I sit back watching TV and listening to public radio again? I still hear the TV theme song in my head and feel the need to hunt. Not for big game, though, never got good at parallel parking. But now there are online classes and vast parking lots at the community college. I have ten years to do what I didn’t do before graduating high school; plan and prepare. I look around and see the Red Rock or Black Mountains and am inspired. Like I was all those years ago on the top floor of the Universal Studios parking garage. I want the next generation to hear a theme song in their head and become inspired. I want to learn to write that show, movie, and book for my community and show them it’s not too late. Just work hard.