The person I lost was my dad, Lee. Before I actually lost my father I first lost him to addiction. The older I grew the worse it got and he wasn't always the most present dad but he always cared about me. He was out of my life for a little while but every time I was with him he made sure I had everything I wanted and didn't let me worry about him or his problems. He was always nice to me and even though he wasn't the best person he made it clear I was his world. I never really knew that mine and his relationship could get any more painful until he was diagnosed with cancer. I don't know exactly when it happened because he tried to protect me from it. That part of him that wanted me to be safe and happy was there in every stage of our relationship: when things were normal, when he was an addict, and then when he was struggling with cancer. The cancer was in his throat and neck and It was inoperable, so the only option was chemo and radiation. He was probably on this treatment for a little under a year with no real sign of it getting better. There are no words to describe how difficult it is to watch someone so important to you hurt so much. It got to the point where he couldn't eat because his throat was so infested with cancer, and then he lost his ability to talk. He stopped going to treatments altogether and not long after the Lord finally took him home. He passed away on January 14th, 2022, and at the time I was 14 years old. It left me scarred in a sense but more than anything this experience started to change my outlook on life and different experiences. It was like in every achievement or milestone he wasn't there for the hole in my heart just got bigger. At 15, I got my permit, thought of how he was the first person I practiced driving with, and wished he was there with me. When I got my driver's license at 16 I thought of how he didn't get to finish working on the truck that he wanted me to have, so instead I got a different car and that made me feel like I was missing a part of him. I have a boyfriend that I have been with for over a year that he never got to meet and that makes me sad. In May of this year, I will graduate high school and soon after get my first degree and he won't be there. With everything in the future- my wedding where he is supposed to walk me down the aisle, my future kids to whom he was supposed to be a grandpa too, and every other little thing- there is always an empty place where he was supposed to be. After 3 years I still miss him just as much and it changed who I am as a person. It makes me appreciate those around me more because I know now how important every second is. He was the best dad to me and I miss him dearly. There are always going to be what-ifs or wishes but now all I can hope for is that my choices would make him happy because he always worked hard to make sure I was happy too, even when things were hard for him.