He couldn’t remember it again. So, I had to do it again.
“What’s your name?” It took him a moment to think properly, saying something about Hell. How we’re all going there. When someone you love starts to lose something important, something fundamental to ways of life, the little things start to count for more. My ex boyfriend suffered with a type of schizophrenia, and during certain episodes, his memory would fracture.
Break off as if drifting away in the wind.
He would forget names, places, even people entirely. Sometimes he didn’t know who I was, even thought I wasn’t real at all. He would forget conversations, lose track of time, or struggle to recognize what was real and what wasn’t. Watching that happen felt helpless at first, but I couldn’t accept doing nothing. So, I did, what I do best, I created something.
Something silly, I called it, “The Memory Game.”
The Memory Game was a way to ground him when nothing else worked, when he wouldn’t accept my answers of plainly written fact, the idea that we weren’t in Hell, or that he wasn’t dead.
I would ask him questions, things with one answer at first, slowly adding them on. Facts, things about his life, family, and loved ones, things I knew were core memories and people.
The first was his name. Something simple, something small that could lead to perhaps, a revelation of such, and sometimes it did. The next was my name, matching it to my voice, forcing him to connect to the scene around him. Next was his siblings names and ages, a hard one sure, but for him? The boy who loved each one of them with everything in him, well for him it should’ve been easy. Though often it was not. If he struggled, I would gently fill in the gaps, connecting each memory to something tangible, like a photo, a message, or an object nearby. The goal was not to test him, but to guide him back to a sense of continuity.
I created something small, but it helped him in the moment, but those moments would end. Oftentimes replaced with moments of where confusion turned to anger and shame. He was angry, angry at how he felt and who he was, and that’s not a problem with just him. I began to understand that even the most thoughtful, personal solutions can only go so far if the world around them is not built to support people struggling with mental health.
If I had the time and resources, I would expand my efforts beyond individual tools like the Memory Game and focus on advocacy. I would use funding to support campaigns centered on the destigmatization of mental illness, particularly conditions like schizophrenia that are often misunderstood and misrepresented. This would include creating accessible, youth-focused content that explains these experiences in a way that is humanizing rather than clinical or fear-based.
In addition, I would direct resources toward mental health research and community-based support systems. While personal strategies can provide immediate relief, long-term change depends on better treatment options, increased funding, and broader public understanding. Advocacy and research must work together to create lasting impact.