Setting obtainable goals is my method for always trying to move forward. When I'm struggling with my mental health taking smaller steps forward and slowing my pace helps me through the process of pushing on. There are days that I may not have the energy to write an essay, but I do have enough to make sure that I eat something and make my bed. I feel that children can be the product of their parent's mental health. Both my mother and father had mental health issues and symptoms of trauma such as numbness, anxiety, anger, shame, one might leave the house for hours, or never leave bed. However my mother specifically, had a pattern of forcing herself to do small things slowly and surely until she began to find herself again. That is how I developed the method for my own path towards wellness; narrowing my focus onto the smaller details that could make me feel more like myself. Relationships grow stronger with good communication. When I'm overwhelmed, anxious, depressed, I become a hermit. What I've learned is that talking about my feelings and struggles doesn't make me weak; no one has to fight their battles alone. I've also learned that asking for help doesn’t make me a burden, it makes me armed for the fight. Being open about my struggles has shown me who truly cares for my well-being, and who is worth my love and energy on my best days. From my own understanding, humanity has made too many stressful rules when it comes to existing. Structure works wonders when the goal is to grow and develope, but what I've come to realize is that the way society functions is unsustainable (in a vaiery of ways) and stress kills. Almost everything that my parents and I stress about- humans have made, made up or caused. Money, taxes, war, food insecurity, racism, sexism, homophobia, extreme piety, the stigma around mental health, dogma. In an effort to better ourselves, we've limited ourselves. My understanding of the world is that in its entirety, it needs a good therapist.

The world's biggest problem is the human ego. What else would make the world the way that it is? What else would make us not come together as a species to exist in an economically and environmentally sustainable way? Self-importance is this bloated- suffocating thing that can wrap around those in power- those with wealth and make them blind- because of comfort and convenience. Greed, the desire to be seen more, to be lusted after, to be envied, all stem from a place of pain, and when those who fight- overcome this pain and establish power and wealth its ego that becomes the greatest threat. That is how the cycle begins again. How do we solve this problem? Well, if we focus everything we have on restoring the environmental health of our planet, and investing in renewable energy then the air, water, and soil quality will drastically increase. That means healthier plants, healthier animals, healthier humans; hydrated, and fed humans. This means fewer medical issues, less food insecurity, longer lifespans. Food, we need to adjust our diets and reject the government's economic push for the consumption of products we don't need. One of the biggest and most beloved- is meat. Like many things, meat should be treated as a pleasure not a staple, if anything. We must also adjust our portions to help eliminate food waste. With full stomachs and clean air, we can then focus on mental health and education. With knowledge comes the opportunity to eliminate every other issue, all of humanity’s self-inflicted suffering. Then we will have real candidates for leadership roles and a proper mass of minds behind the choice of leadership, and those in power and wealth will live to serve others and not themselves- as having an ego will be unnecessary and quickly recognized.

My music is everything to me. It brings me peace and a sense of purpose during a time in my life that seems to be shrouded in the stresses of "adulting". I want to make music and share it with the masses- to give them another artist to use as their outlet. My family has always been a group of creative minds that have built relationships through their love for art, music, and poetry. My vision to build a network- to connect with millions as a way of honoring those in my family that have created before me.

I grew up by the ocean and in gardens; I would climb trees to see how small I could make my house and steal basil leaves to chew for when I sat in the branches. Before I found music and art to help me express myself, I climbed everything and ran everywhere. I was quiet and disliked speaking to most people. Running into nature was an escape, something that pushed me out of my small world and gave me a glimpse into the big world. My love for nature is reflected in my art, my music, and my love for gardening. I can't climb things the way I did as a child but I can pluck at a guitar and paint what it felt like. Nature was my first outlet, when I find it hard to create, I take a walk and reconnect. In ways its like finding my old rhythms.

Every wall that I've hit has pushed me, unknowingly, onto a new path. It took years for me to realize that every trauma was as important as the triumphs; it just took learning from them and honoring the lessons, to see the value. I'm a mixed individual who loves those of the same gender, and who grew up around troubled adults who awashed my brother and I with their own anxieties, societal agreements, and generational traumas. My struggle was navigating the waters between being "loved" or being verbally abused. The alcohol use, the homophobia, the racist slurs, the screaming if I sniffed when I had a cold. I had to deny parts of me that I cherished in the presence of those who claimed to love me. I was theirs so I couldn't be black, I was theirs so I couldn't be gay, I was theirs so I couldn't be chubby. I was praised for being a quiet child but it was because I was afraid to have a voice. I am grateful to my mother's side of the family, to art, and to music. With them, I found the confidence within myself- to be myself. I've formed wonderful relationships with kind, loving, and supportive people through my art and music. This is why I study show production and this is why I plan to always give back to the art and music communities around me. When time is available again, that is what I'll give, and when money is there to give, that's what I'll donate. I grew up in Millville, NJ where the music and art classes in school were less supported than the sports teams. Yet our town was known for its artistry in glass blowing and our arts district is fighting to regrow. There needs to be more support for those who pick up a paintbrush instead of a football. I dream of having a space in one of the old buildings and slowly growing the music scene; a jazz club that links arms with the high school jazz band or a cafe that hires local musicians. Anything that encourages the growth of the arts and its community! For a person that feels the way I did, I want High Street to be a place where he or she finds a voice, whether that's with paint on canvas or a melody and strings. People deserve to be heard.

Sometimes I get this feeling that written and spoken words aren't enough to truly express the emotions people feel. Although, it's probably because my brain prefers different methods for expressing things. Painters paint, dancers dance, and composers wrote a whole new language for sound to be their tool. I love making music, I love painting, pen and ink drawing, and print making. When I find a moment to spare, I create- if my mind is up for it. Those are my outlets when I'm overwhelmed with school, scholarship applications, job hunting, and budgeting. Between classes I might note an idea for a drawing or hum a tune for a chorus. When something like a song or painting comes from me, I can turn to it in times that I feel like I haven’t done enough. I can feel like I'm not wasting time if I'm working on a new piece, or watching art tutorials. Theres so much stress kickstarting an adult life and working though school, I find myself speaking less...but creating more.

The meaning of life is relationships. Humanity is a web of conscious beings individually experiencing life. Relationships, being connected to others, is a way of navigating our existence. Beyond family, friends, and lovers I believe the most important relationship is with yourself. Can you imagine the impact humans could have on each other if we first love and understand ourselves? What systems we have in place would shatter? How do we get here? The meaning of life is relationships because from them we can grow; with them, we have the opportunity to learn about ourselves. People can spend their lives longing for relationships because, without them, we're alone and confused. I am in partial agreement with the quote mentioned in the description, “Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone - we find it with another,” -Thomas Merton. Love, relationships, the meaning of life; we do not need to find it 'with' another- I believe that we find it 'because' of others. I achieve the meaning of life when I cook a meal for my neighbors; when I kiss and hold my fiance, and when I feel comfortable being alone in my own thoughts. Relationships with others have taught me what I value, what makes me happy, and how my presence can impact not only the immediate people around me but the web of the world.

I was a tomboy; I ran everywhere, climbed everything, scraped my knees, and watched boxing with my brothers (that included screaming at the TV). My friends were a group of boys that gathered from around the neighborhood; we'd flock together on our bikes and roam the streets until dark. As a kid, I loved animated characters like Raven from 'Teen Titans', and most female characters from 'Avatar: The Last Airbender'. It wasn't until the release of 'The Legend of Korra' that I found a character I truly connected with. Korra was a fighter, literally and figuratively. Her way of speaking, dressing, and decision-making was similar to my own; and she made me reflect on my feelings towards others in a way that I hadn't before. I was different- so was Korra; I knew my feelings for other girls was different and because of Korra's journey, I came to understand why.

I had a melody stuck in my head for two days before I sat down and found the right synth; that's where it all started. I wasn't sure where to take the music and so this piece essentially became a creativity-unblocking exercise that I would try to add to daily. I would load the default loops available on Logic Pro and continue to add layers until a whole picture emerged, leaving me with what I uploaded to SoundCloud. How did I come up with my piece? The answer is, I repeatedly threw sounds around until it felt like a story coming to a close.