I have always been a very hard and dedicated worker, in dance and in life; always trying to perfect movements, always practicing, always trying to be better with every day that I'm gifted with. However, in the past I have been hard on myself, especially if I didn’t get things right. Two years ago, in the beginning of my junior year, I was just like that. At that time, I was somewhat confident in myself and was much nicer to myself than in past years, but when it came down to not being able to get movements or lessons (for example) correctly, I would get very frustrated with myself. I never gave up, I always continued to push and try, but not in a very healthy way. I remember being in dance class one day and I was put to be a lead in a dance piece. There was one part of the choreography that I could not fulfill; I would try and try again and still could not get it, which led me to getting very frustrated with myself. After the class ended, I went into the dressing room to get ready for my next class but I was on the verge of tears. Once I got out of the dressing room I decided to talk to my dance teacher about it. I began telling him how I was struggling with the movement and asked if he could help me with it but eventually I started crying mid-conversation because I was so upset with myself. He understood what I was feeling but the one thing that he said (that will stick with me forever) was “don’t be so hard on yourself”. He didn’t even know how much I needed to hear those words that day. Those words made me realize that I wasn’t only being hard on myself with dance but with my relationship with God and even my school work. And that mentally, it was draining me. With school work, I would be hard on myself about my grades and push myself to keep working over my limit. With God, whenever I made a mistake, I would think of myself negatively which led me into trying to be “perfect”. When I got back home the day I had the conversation with my dance teacher, I immediately began talking and crying out to God. Realizing and understanding what I had been putting myself through. After that day, I pushed to do better, I didn’t push myself over my limit but just the right amount. Getting out of the habit of being so hard on myself wasn’t easy, but each day it was getting better. Through speaking positively to myself, saying “it's okay, you'll get it soon” when I didn’t understand certain school work given to me or when I received a bad grade on a test, and lastly, understanding that I wasn’t and could never be perfect. Through this growth journey, my mom and Jesus were my biggest helpers; my mom always saying she was proud of me no matter what and just speaking kindly to me, and Jesus helping me understand that he created me perfectly. I learned that although I may not be perfect nor can I be, I was/am perfectly made in his image (and most importantly that he was the only perfect one). Being hard on myself was mentally one of the biggest challenges I faced during my high school years, but I overcame it. At times, I can be tempted to be mean to myself when I don’t get things right but I’ve learned to put down those temptations. Today, I am a lot more gentle with myself and now that I have stopped being harsh with myself, I enjoy dancing so much more. I no longer worry about what I can’t do nor do I judge myself when I can’t fulfill something another dancer can. I just try my best and I choose to be happy with just that. The same thing goes with my school work and my relationship with God. I don’t compare myself to other students or followers and I no longer have the habit of speaking or thinking negatively about myself when I make a mistake. I am so proud of how far I have come and I can’t wait to go to college and show these strengths that have been built within me and possibly even help out someone else who is putting themselves through what I put myself through. May the lord use me to build and help others.

My “awkward” thing is that my right arm and leg are longer than my left arm and leg, it’s something about me that many people find interesting. But the thing that makes me stand out is my kindness. I never thought of myself as “too nice” until I started to hear it a lot from people around me, and I do agree with it somewhat. Sometimes I don’t communicate what I'm feeling or what may be bothering me to people because I don’t want my words to hurt or affect a person, that’s -what I would say is- an example of me being “too nice”. But me becoming friends with someone so they won’t be left out is not an example I’d use to determine that I’m “too nice”. It surprises me how my kindness labels me as “too nice”, I think it’s just the way us humans should treat others. And to be honest sometimes I get scared to be kind because some people judge others for their kindness or say “why are you being so nice to them?”, when the person they're speaking about has done nothing wrong to them. Although this happens and I can get scared at times, I have learned to not shut down my morals or values for others but to just be me. These attitudes from others actually give me more of the desire to be kind because I want other people to see what kindness is, and most importantly not to judge it nor be scared to express it. My mom has always taught me to love others because “you never know what anyone is going through”. I try to bring that into my life everyday. I’m not perfect, sometimes I can say things that hurt others, but I try my best to never hurt others and to always show kindness. I remember a day at my highschool, where some girls in my class wanted to take a class picture but one the girls in my class was doing something else and when I called out to get her, so that she wouldn’t miss it, one of the girls said “wow, Vanessa your so nice because I would never do that”, and the other girls said things alike as well. I remember making a face of confusion and disgust after, because I just didn’t understand why’d “you’d never” do that. It’s a simple act of kindness and respect for not wanting to leave anyone out. And this wasn’t the only time I got comments like this towards what I believe are simple acts of kindness, I have received many comments. I’m grateful that I stand out because of my kindness and the love in my heart but when I stand out for being kind in the most simple act, I get confused and sad because It makes me feel like people just don’t understand how to be kind to one another. But I hope that from seeing the way I treat others, maybe they’ll understand. Overall, that is what makes me stand out. There are many other things that make me stand out, like my talent, my humor, and my laughter, but my kindness is something that is a stand out to many people. Not only in the ways I expressed in this essay but other ways as well. Some people get shocked when I show them kindness because they never have experienced that type of love from someone close, which is sad but I’m glad that I get to help someone experience that.

It is known that historically, in hispanic households, members are less likely to complete a four-year degree. This is due to cost, lack of support within the family, and even cultural factors. In my family, no one has attended college or finished a full four-years of college. My mom went to college for a year but because of family and financial reasons, she couldn’t continue. My uncle somewhat had the desire to attend college or at least a trade school but because of cost, he unfortunately couldn’t. And the rest of my family didn’t have the desire to or couldn’t, for financial reasons and needing to take care of those around them. Seeing a trend like this within my own family and other hispanic households around me, scared me and that is something I won’t deny. I was scared, I was worried, and I was fearful that I wouldn’t be able to go to college at all because of the cost itself. Sometimes that is still a worry lingering in the back of my mind but I have made it so far, have gone to an extent that I used to think was impossible, that I will not let that worry or let fear take me down. I will especially not let it take me down because I want first-generation students, especially those of latin ethnicity, to understand that no matter how big the dream is, it is possible, you just need to have faith. In the fall I will be attending Rutgers University - New Brunswick with a major in Dance Performance (B.F.A). Typing those words will never not be exciting, I am still so shocked that I have the opportunity to pursue my dreams. Getting to this point was not easy. At the start of my senior year, I had a lot of doubt in myself and in the Lord when it came to applying for college. I was so scared that my ability to dance wasn’t as good as others and that I wouldn’t be able to pay for the cost of college at all, this led to me thinking if I should even audition for dance programs or apply for college. However, at one point, I decided to stop thinking so negatively because I realized that I serve a God who makes what seems impossible, possible, and that I would never get anywhere if I just stayed in doubt all the time. I started being more positive and having more faith but I did have some moments where I broke down and didn’t know if I had enough strength to continue. Holding onto God and having faith in myself is what helped me push through. I want first-generation students to see my story and be motivated to at least try. Apply for college, apply for trade, do the auditions, just try. If I hadn’t tried and if I had let seeing the trend of most hispanic households not being able to go to/afford college affect me, I don’t know where I would be right now. It’s tempting to see a trend like that and be like “oh welp, it’s gonna be like that for me too, so why bother trying”. I am a testament on why you should bother trying. It is such a privilege to be a first-generation student and to even have the chance to apply for a scholarship like this. I want to push through, finish college, and pursue a career in dance; not only for me but for my family and other first-generation students.

Over my four years in high school, and with all the education I have received in my life, I never gave up and have always worked hard. This sparks from enjoyment of learning but gratitude as well. I know that many children and teenagers in this world can’t afford an education, that’s why everyday at school I try to put in the most dedication into the work that I am given. Even on days where I feel lazy or complain because I have so much work to do, I try my best to fulfill the education I have received, because I know that there are women out there in the world who would love to be in my shoes. I thank God everyday that I am able to experience a life with education because most people don’t; even some members of my family didn’t get to experience a good education like I have. That’s why education is so important to me; yes, I love seeing good grades in powerschool but a lot of my determination for my education comes from what I have seen in the world and what I have been told. It’s crazy to imagine that there are elderly women out there in the world, just now receiving primary school education. It’s not even a crazy imagination because it’s reality. There are elderly women in Ecuador, just now receiving primary school education, just to learn basic literature. It’s a sad but beautiful thing to see. It’s sad because people like me were able to read and write by at least 6 or 7 years old, but women in Ecuador, because of poverty and labor expectations, never had that experience. But it’s a beautiful thing to see that it’s never too late to learn. Hearing stories like this gives me so much determination to keep going in education, and one of those stories was my abuelas. My abuela would move from Puerto Rico to Connecticut every once in a while when she was a teen, so she never got used to one particular education style. When she finally got to rest in Connecticut, she struggled with reading, writing, and English. She had a huge desire to learn and she started to, but because of disbelief that she could do it from her own family members, that desire somewhat faded. It’s interesting at times because anytime my little sister is counting out loud or singing the ABC’s she gets so interested in it and I can see it in her face everytime; it’s truly such a sweet and upsetting moment to witness. Her story is one of the many reasons why I continue with my education and why I’ll never let anyone drag me down from my dreams. Being a senior means leaving some type of legacy. I hope many people remember me because of my kindness, my faith, my talent, but most importantly my strength (which does come from the Lord). Although I have been through many hardships in my life, I have never let that affect my grades. Grades are important to me because they show my hard work and determination. I don’t let them identify who I am but seeing myself achieve, knowing that I went through many hardships while doing so, I become very proud of myself and thankful that God always helped me along the way. I have never let anyone or anything mess up or discourage my career or grades, and I pray that people will see that.

Having dance in my life is an amazing gift, and using it to be able to spread love and hope into people’s lives has been such a blessing, and I want to continue to make this impact in the future. In the fall I will be attending Rutgers University - New Brunswick, with a major in Dance Performance (B.F.A). I am extremely proud of myself that I have made it this far, but I need some help. At the moment, it’s a bit of a struggle figuring out how I am going to pay for college. I have a lot of faith that everything will work out but I still need some support. Having this scholarship would help me out with that, it would also help me use my art much more to spread fruit into many individuals' hearts, and that is what I aspire to do for the rest of my career. Receiving this scholarship would also feel like a weight lifted from my moms shoulders. She is currently the only one truly supporting me throughout this whole college process, with no help on her side. She is the strongest woman I know and she has helped me fill out every college application, has been with me every college audition, and has tried her best to get everything I need while also taking care of my younger sister. I am truly grateful for her. I see how there’s students in my grade who have to take care of themselves, whose parents rarely help them out with the college process. I get sad for them but I also gain so much gratitude that I at least have someone who helps me out, who never gives up on me even when things get tough. This inspires me even more to help others, it gives me the drive to take my art more seriously every day and to share its beauty with others. One goal I have for myself, for the future, is to teach dance to those who can’t afford it. I know what it’s like to not be able to get proper dance training because you're less fortunate and I would really love to be able to teach individuals who are passionate about dance, and not for a big cost. Another goal of mine is to get people to see the beauty of the arts. With dance, you use your body to express your feelings or thoughts, you can communicate with others, and make a connection with the people around you. I want people to understand that dance (and the arts as a whole) isn't “unimportant” or "unnecessary". It’s how individuals communicate with each other and how God shares his love, faith, hope, and joy into people's hearts; using his childrens gifts. That is why this scholarship is so important to me; it would be one step closer to fulfilling all these goals and each dream that has been in my heart for so long. Overall, gaining this scholarship would be such a blessing. I remember at the beginning of this school year I was wondering if I should even try applying to college because the only question in my head was “how will I be able to afford this”. I even had many thoughts of giving up but I am glad I didn’t. I have grown from those doubts and thoughts and now I have faith. Even if the scholarship doesn’t go to me, I’ll just be grateful that I applied for it rather than be the one who didn’t because she chose to give up.

As a follower of God, my desire is to spread faith, love, and joy in everyone I come across. I want to make individuals' days bright and I want people to feel seen and heard. I want them to see God shinning through me. Ever since I read 1 John 4:12, which states "No one has seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us." I realized that when loving others with the love that Christ offers us everyday, people could see the light of God. They may not see him physically, because we dont have the power to, but they'll see his spirit shining through us. And that is what I have carried within my heart throughout these past years and even today. In the future, I want to spread faith, love, and joy through my dancing and choreography. God gave me such a beautiful gift of dance and recently I have been using this gift to share his light. For my Senior Dance Capstone, I created and performed a piece called "Shield of Faith", it was on how faith in God could help individuals through hardship. This piece and the performance of it made me and many others emotional, and I was able to see that God made an impact in people's hearts through my dancing. It was such a beautiful thing to witness and it gave me even more of a drive to use my dancing to make a positive impact in this world. Another way I want to make a positive impact in this world is through community service. When doing community service to gain my 40 hours to graduate, I realized how much I enjoy helping others and connecting with people. When I first began taking part in it I was nervous because I knew that I needed to communicate with people I didn't really know and that scared me. However, once I got into it more I was excited, because I realized I was making an impact on Gods creation; by cleaning trash off the streets, helping those with special needs, and communicating with people. It made me very happy to help out and now one of my dreams for the future is that i'll be able to do even more volunteer work and be able to donate and help those in need. As I said in my introduction, I have the desire to spread faith, love, and joy in everyone I come across. With this scholarship, it will help me get to college where I can grow on that desire and make even more of a positive impact in this world.