“I don’t think I want to live anymore.” Those were the words I spoke to my mother just two years ago. What happened next gave me focus, determination and a will to not just live – but thrive.
Growing up in the close-knit community of Port Arthur, Texas, I loved the feeling of my small Catholic school, where everyone knew each other. However, life took a drastic turn when my family moved to the Dallas, Texas area where I found myself lost among hundreds of unfamiliar faces. The transition to larger schools marked the onset of my struggle with social phobia and massive depressive disorder. The overwhelming crowds intensified my feelings of isolation, and when the COVID-19 pandemic hit, my sense of disconnection from the world deepened.
Amidst the chaos, I sought solace in food and computers, leading to weight gain and further exacerbating my anxiety but also the joy of computer science and coding. Returning to school became an everyday challenge, and I found myself grappling with suicidal thoughts. Recognizing my distress, seeing my grades plummet and watching me show no joy in any of the activities that used to make me smile - my mother intervened, forcing me to seek the help I desperately needed. She offered only support and no judgment at all. She offered me love and hope instead of second-guessing why I felt this depression. This pivotal moment marked the beginning of my journey toward mental health recovery and empathy.
Despite my struggles, I managed to graduate from high school in 2023, a testament to not just my resilience – but my support system as well. I fully recognize that not everyone has the gift or privilege of a support system or the feeling of security to open up to those around them about mental health.
While I had a low GPA, I was still accepted into Texas Southern University - an HBCU in Houston, Texas - where I am studying computer science. Attending a summer computer camp, I caught the eye of STEM leadership, earning a coveted spot in the Louis Stokes Alliance for Minority Participants scholar program. My experiences with mental health challenges have profoundly shaped my goals, relationships, and understanding of the world. Through professional help and my mother’s support, I realize now I can face anything.
My journey through mental health struggles has instilled in me a deep sense of empathy and compassion. It has sensitized me to the silent battles many individuals face and are ashamed of, particularly within the Black community. This newfound empathy has fueled my determination to raise awareness about mental health issues, working diligently to break the stigma that often surrounds mental health discussions, especially within communities of color.
In my relationships, I have learned the importance of understanding, patience, and unconditional support. My personal struggles have taught me to appreciate the power of a listening ear and a compassionate heart. Through my interactions with others, I strive to create a safe space where people can openly discuss their mental health challenges without fear of judgment, fostering a sense of community and understanding.
My understanding of the world has been profoundly shaped by my experiences. I have come to realize that mental health issues do not discriminate based on race, socioeconomic status, or background. I am driven to use my computer science degree to bridge the gap in mental health support, particularly in marginalized communities. My goal is to develop online programs tailored to the unique needs of the Black community, offering accessible resources, counseling, and support.
In conclusion, my journey through mental health challenges has transformed my aspirations, relationships, and worldview. The Ethel Hayes Destigmatization of Mental Health Scholarship represents an opportunity for me to further my mission, breaking barriers, and advocating for mental health awareness, particularly within the Black community. Through my work, I hope to inspire others to seek help, foster understanding, and create a world where mental health is met with compassion, support, and acceptance.