The first time I realized that I was unwanted was when I was in the fourth grade. I was the only Black kid among my group of friends, and I was constantly the butt of the joke. I didn’t realize that was all they saw me as, until I noticed that when I wasn’t making them laugh; at me, they never spoke to me. Sometimes my friends would make me chase them around at the playground in order to hang out with them. I thought it was fun, but really, they didn’t want me around. They called me weird in front of my face and behind my back, and treated me like an accessory, or some kind of pet with weird abilities. It took me a long time to realize that nobody was ever laughing with me, just at me. I was really different as a kid. For a while, I didn’t want to make friends or talk to anyone, I didn’t like loud sounds or bright lights, or adults talking down to me. I was “different” to the point where my social worker put me in therapy at 7 and 8 years old. I was told it was supposed to fix me; to make me more social, and to make me more “normal”. That was when I realized that people didn’t really think it was my behavior or my quirks that were the problem, it was just me. People feared me. As a Black woman in society, I am viewed as aggressive, angry, and dangerous before I ever get the chance to defend myself. In order to accrue even half of my peers accolades, I have to work twice as hard and be twice as extraordinary. Just being who I am has never been enough. I spent my formative years living in masked fear. Fear of being seen, fear of taking up space, fear of ever making someone uncomfortable. The fear of being myself at all was the worst one. Even as I am now, I shiver at the thought of someone knowing something about me that suggests the truth, instead of just open-ended mystery. Fear has been my partner, my enemy, and my true self for my whole life. But now, I want to choose to be brave. Not just for me, but for those who were once me, or have the possibility to grow up like me in the future. I worked with Special Education students back when I was still in elementary school, as well as recently, and it made me realize that somehow, someone has to be brave. Those kids were also living with my fears, but amplified; because unlike me, they didn’t have a mask that they could easily slip on. As I watched them do their assignments, and walked them to and from the bus every day, I noticed the stares, the ducked heads, the whispers. All things that I had seen myself, before I figured out how to hide. I understood, even from that young age, that if someone was going to be brave, and defend, and celebrate who people are instead of simply tolerate, it was going to be me. My experience with those students hardened my resolve to pursue further education in order to be the change that I wanted to see in the world. I intend to use my education to cultivate spaces where the people who have been unfairly deemed undesirable by the world can take up space, and celebrate themselves, and be proud to be who they are. That little Black girl that I walked to and from the bus, who I watched over, who I praised, who I did my absolute best to instill self love and self confidence in with the little time we had together, is my biggest inspiration. I know one day I will become something that we can both be proud of, so that when I see her again, she’ll still be as excited to see me as she did all those years ago. Pursuing higher learning is only one step out of the millions I plan to take in order to make my tenancy on this world one that shakes settled dust. I plan to use this scholarship, and my furthered education, to create spaces where there are no stares, ducked heads, or whispered unkindnesses. Only celebrations of life.

For almost all of my life, I genuinely thought I was invisible. It felt like no matter what I did, nobody would ever see me, or recognize me, or even be irritated that I was there. But the one thing that always saw me, was art. When I was a child, I would always get myself into trouble; because when people were yelling at me or telling me off, at least they were paying attention to me. It wasn’t until I reached the sixth grade that I realized that maybe my talents and my special abilities would give me the attention that I so craved. Whether it’s writing a short story, or writing a song, art has always been by my side. My maternal grandmother was a musician, so the arts run in my family, and I’ve been singing since I learned how to talk. Singing, dancing, and performing has been my forte since I was 7 or 8, and my first love has and will always be art. My reason for wanting to use art to educate is to create a space where people who have experienced being invisible, or being considered undesirable by society can flourish, and be allowed to take space. I’ve watched art breathe life into the lifeless, and rescue people from the darkest places imaginable. Education in art, and education through art, has a magical way of bringing one closer to one’s true self. If I never gave art a chance, I wouldn’t be as close to knowing who I truly am as I do now. I want to use my education in art to help and heal others, and bring them closer to accepting and celebrating their true selves, instead of relegating themselves to simple tolerance. I want to make a change in the world; I want my art to shake settled dust. I want to know that the effort that I put into securing my education wasn’t just for me. Through the digital art space, I want to write books that teach people how to love themselves, and create characters that inspire the celebration of humanity. I want to produce and write songs that showcase love, and vulnerability, and how possible it is to exist in this world and love existing in this world. I want to cultivate spaces where people are not afraid to shed tears, and where people can pick each other up, celebrate each other, and heal one another from the inside out. I want to release art that makes the world feel warm; that makes even a handful of people feel like the world can and is becoming a better place. I want to create a change in the world with my art. A genuine, tangible change.