I have worked with the public since I was 13 years old and have yet to meet a group of people that wanted to chat more than the elderly. I wondered “Has their upbringing made them more loquacious or are they just lonely?”. Having decided not to have kids myself, I often worry about who’s going to provide me company in my golden years and have concluded that the latter rings truer. A few years ago, I read a quote, “Attention is generosity in its purest form.” My fiancé and I frequented a bar near our old home and no matter what, there was always this old man sitting alone at the end of the bar. I hadn’t noticed that I’d never seen him without this old, tattered, military green fedora. I liked it and wanted to compliment him on it. "Where did you get that hat? I love it!" I said. He sat down with us, and we talked. The stuff this man had experienced would blow your mind! He reminisced with us about how he drove a horse and buggy up and down College, now the busiest street in my hometown. We learned his hat was a family heirloom that had been handed down from his great grandfather. That hat was old! Through thick and thin doesn’t even scratch the surface. He said it made his night talking with us about the good ol’ days and thanked us. But the beauty of it is how good it felt to provide that for him. That is generosity in its rarest form! Now, when someone wants to chat, I selfishly oblige because I get as much out of it, if not more, than they do.

“What is your favorite book?” A question akin to the unanswerable, “What is your favorite movie or song?” These answers are forever changing, strictly contingent upon the mood you’re in at the moment you decide to enjoy or reminisce about them. However, “Which book has changed your life the most?” I can answer that with fervor. The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. It’s about a young boy, embarking on an adventure to find his “personal legend”. A piece of fiction that made me realize how I, like so many others, was unmistakably “following the herd” rather than following my heart and chasing after my dreams. My “personal legend” as Paulo puts it. After having read it, my life has taken a complete one-eighty. It helped me find the tenacity to follow my dreams and aspirations and I’ve since been accepted into my school of choice to assist me in their pursuit. With help from my fiancé, Lorena, I left the career I spent twelve years building. I’ve sold my car and truck and purchased a motorcycle so I could afford to travel without much income. We’ve sold our home and moved halfway across the country, away from our friends, our family, and everything we found comfort in. Lorena has asked me, “Where do you think we’d be had I not checked that book out for you?” It's been scary, as all new things are but I’m not looking back. Paulo wrote: “It’s the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting.” To end, and I quote: “And when you want something, all the universe conspires to help you achieve it.” I hope you see fit to be part of my journey and help me find my personal legend.

My wife and I put our dogs down last year within just months of one another. Kashus, our little man, was losing his battle with arthritis and had tossed in the towel after Aspen, our beautiful girl, and his companion, passed from cancer which wasn’t detected till it was too late. We keep their photos, pawprints, and ashes on our dresser with a poem between them entitled “When Tomorrow Starts Without Me”. It’s a memorial, strategically located so we don’t go a day without thinking of them. I have so many memories with my little man. Backpacking through the mountains of Colorado, playing tag outside our apartment where his stark blue eyes would frighten those who came close, and taking him to the dog run where he met Tyson, his best friend. Tyson, unfortunately, moved away with his family a few years later. I wish I could’ve given them one more chance to play before the end. I’ll bet Kash would have howled, in only the way huskies can, after seeing Tyson again. I brought Kashus home when he was just a puppy, a smart little booger who learned his name and how to come within seconds. I taught him to pull me on a longboard, something a Husky, as you can imagine, picked up naturally, and we became quite the team. We would mush together down the Poudre trail without care, though a squirrel made things a bit interesting, so maybe not “without care”. Let’s say comfortably. Aspen had the softest fur on her cheeks, we could have rubbed them for hours, and she gladly would have let us. Unlike Kashus, she loved pets, she even demanded it at times. One of her not so enduring qualities was how she insisted her food be brought without delay, slamming her paws in her bowl and growling impatiently if her meals weren’t exactly on time. She too was a Husky, mixed with Golden Retriever and Heeler we think, who had the prettiest long-haired coat you could fathom, accompanied with the rattiest tail imaginable. We tried everything to pretty that tail up, it was embarrassing. We changed her diet, gave her medicine, you name it, but nothing worked. That was just her, our rat-tailed beautiful girl. Just as well, you couldn’t keep her clean to save your life anyway. Mud, twigs, dirt, and grime were just an extension of who she was. We adopted Aspen when she was five years old. She was a street dog with a big scar on her nose from an old tussle. When we brought her home, she was emaciated, her coat was matted, and she desperately needed affection, yet she was 100% energy and nothing less than grateful. She gave us hugs and kisses nonstop that first week as if to say, “Thank you”. Why do I love dogs? I’ll answer that with a different question. How could you not? They become a part of the family and hold a place in our hearts. They give us comfort, companionship, entertainment when we’re bored, warmth when we’re cold, and they unconditionally love us. We miss our puppies and the energy they brought into our home. It feels empty in a way now. Maybe one day we’ll get another dog, rescue one for sure and we’ll give it all the love it deserves because, though we often don’t deserve it, that’s all they do for us.

“I always win!” This is my mantra. It’s what I say in celebration the moment I finally persevere. I don’t know why, I just do. Sometimes it’s over little things. Beating a boss in a game after working on him for hours or days. Recently, I was trying to hang a ceiling fan. It had a bolt that refused to screw in. “I always win!” I shouted, after finally getting that booger torqued down. I heard my wife giggling in the background. She thinks I’m silly. Sometimes, it’s over big things. Life is filled with obstacles that aren’t meant to be fun or easy. The reality is you’re not going to win every battle. You’re not supposed to. Without defeat and turmoil, we can’t grow. But with the right mindset and some diligence, you can win the war. Those are the moments to revel in. I’m in a war right now, a war for my BA and pursuing my dreams. I dream of being the first in my family to graduate college. I fantasize about having my name listed in the credits of a major motion picture. I can see it – Production Designer Tanner Stealey. My battles have consisted of moving across the country to attend my college of choice. Days and nights of writing essays and filling out profiles on so many websites I can hardly keep track. All to obtain the funding to accomplish these endeavors. Will I get every scholarship, every grant? No, it would be unreasonable to think so. But I’ll continue to climb this hill. I’ll remain persistent. I will get there. And when the hill is behind me, the boulders and crevasses have been overtaken and I summit, my voice will echo across the valley as I cheer in victory. “I ALWAYS WIN!”

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.” -Marianne Williamson I have longed my whole life to accomplish great things. What things though are considered great? Is it a feat of grandeur or opulence? Or maybe living like a superhero fearlessly saving lives every day. Some might say yes. I used to think so. But greatness I’ve learned isn’t made up of riches and fame and it’s not about living fearlessly. Just the opposite. It’s about being afraid and accomplishing your goals or dreams despite it. I recently moved to Savannah. I gave up the comforts that held me in a place of complacency. I’ve lost the habits and rituals that makeup day to day life. The things I’d become accustomed to, the things that rooted me and held me fast are gone. And I’m frightened. I didn’t do this ignorantly. I put myself here. Despite my fears, I wanted to make a big change. I didn’t want the 9:00 to 5:00 grind anymore. I made the preparations and plunged myself into a new world. I’m preparing to attend College. A first for my family. I want to spend my life being fulfilled. Having a sense of enjoyment when I wake up rather than dread. The remainder of this woman’s quote talks about the beauty of the power and light within us. I implore you to read it because it’s true. Though I am frightened that my power, as she puts it, has so greatly uprooted me, I’m excited at the beautiful things it has given and shown me. I’m anxiously awaiting the splendors that are to come as I let that light shine. As I follow my dreams and aspirations. This, so far, will be my greatest accomplishment.

High School, as I recall, is where kids find their dreams. Where mentoring and nurturing take place to help them achieve such an end. My experience however was slightly different. “What do you want to be for the rest of your life?” The motivational speakers would ask. Exciting responses from my classmates ensued, “A doctor, a policeman, a veterinarian!” I had no idea. Sure, I had hobbies but, “What is your dream?” That was too bold a question for me. I’m at the ripe age of thirty-four now and I finally have it. It took time like most things worth waiting for do, but I realize now I have hobbies. Hobbies that when combined, can truly give me a sense of fulfillment. Something I can be proud of. I know what my dream is. I want to create an ambiance. I want people to feel what my partners and I have made when they see it. I want to help a director create movies with worlds that wrap themselves around our viewers, whisking them away, fantasizing. Movies that have our audience gawking at the splendor or grotesque world enveloping them. I want to design a film that will make couples retreat into their couches in fear as they clutch to their covers. I want the job that gives a film its atmosphere, its je ne sais quoi if you will. To put it plainly, I want my name listed in the credits of a major motion picture. I want to become - Production Designer Tanner Stealey That is my goal, and I won’t be stopped!

I suffered through abuse in its many forms as a child. Finding solace from its overwhelming grip can prove to be difficult and at times impossible. I grew up in Colorado, in a neighborhood that was a short bike ride from the mountains. My friend Travis and I would ride into them, finding walls that we could boulder or free climb. We would race each other down dried creek beds hopping as quickly as possible from one boulder to the next without falling. We called it boulder running. Pretty dangerous in hindsight but as a teenager, what fun is there to be had without a little danger and competition. It wasn’t long till I had picked up many different outdoor hobbies. Hiking, and especially backpacking has stuck with me through the years. Engaging in these activities has brought me more opportunities, joy, and freedom than I can describe. In the mountains is where I fell in love with my wife. It’s where I go to spend time with friends. Gazing into the horizon from the peak of a mountain or watching the colors of the sunrise reflect off a still lake is where I find my solace. It’s my place of peace. Life’s burdens can’t touch your soul there. I don’t know where or who I’d be today without mother nature providing that for me. It breaks my heart when I see it destroyed and worse, wasted by our consumption. I have and still do participate in trail clean-ups. I campaign for cleaner energy. I religiously practice “leave no trace”. I recycle and re-use as much I can to protect her. Home is where the heart is, and my heart is in the mountains. They’ve been good to you and me. We should be good to them too.

"Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity." -Simone Weil- I read this in 2019 not long before the new year. I could hear my co-workers in the background making boring, quintessential resolutions. “I’m going to work out.” “I’m going to save money.” It seems cliché, but I had an epiphany! I was going to pay enough attention to strangers, that I could give one of them a genuine compliment every day. No, I haven't given a compliment to a stranger every day. Not even close. But I do pay more attention, and occasionally, I find someone that I can genuinely compliment. Let me tell you something, going up to a random person and telling them something nice has a profound effect. My fiancé and I frequented a bar near our old home and no matter what, there was always this old man sitting alone at the end of the bar. I hadn’t noticed, until my resolution, that I’d never seen him without this old, tattered, military green fedora. I liked it, and wanted to compliment him on it. "Where did you get that hat? I love it!" I said. He sat down with us, and we talked. The stuff this guy saw and did would blow your mind! He reminisced with us about how he drove a horse and buggy up and down College, now a very busy street. We learned his hat was a family heirloom that had been handed down from his great grandfather. That hat was old! Through thick and thin doesn’t even scratch the surface. He said it made his night talking with us about the good ol’ days. The beauty of it though is how nice it made me feel to give that to him. That is generosity in its rarest form!

It's funny. Now that I'm faced with answering this question, I find it difficult to decide whether making children cry in fear, or building a haunted house that accomplishes this feat, is my hobby. I do get some sick enjoyment out of both, however the actual act of creating a haunted house is time consuming, expensive, and quite difficult, yet I insist on annually building one in my garage anyway. Therefore, I feel building a haunted house, specifically one that will earn the tears of infants, must be my favorite hobby as I spend all year researching, developing, and building them to accomplish just that. My uncle, I’ve noticed, has had quite the influence on me in my adult life. Many of the things he does, including haunted houses, are things that I have begun to do in my adult life. Though, while he’s getting enjoyment out of entertaining families and giving back to the community, I’m reveling in the bellowing of sheer terror. Terror similar to what I’ve lived with since my mother foolishly allowed me to watch Halloween. It was my first horror movie, and I was far too young to be subject to the throat slitting and blood splattering it consisted of. To this day, silly as it may seem, Michael Meyers is undeniably my biggest fear. Yes, I have a fear of a fictional character and no, he will never be part of one of my haunts. This is the one blessing, other than high quality candy, that I bestow on my would be trick or treaters. He's just too much for me to handle. In all seriousness, a good, haunted house production, is so much more involved than most people think. After scheming and plotting for nearly nine months, I start building for Halloween night on August first. That’s three months of building for one night! I’ve spent countless hours learning how to program animatronics or use pneumatic air devices, how to wire motion sensors or build original props. Anything to help create a vivid scene and atmosphere. Every human sense, down to what you smell, comes into play for a successful scare, and I love the challenge. Not to mention that I can bask in the enjoyment my neighbors get out of what I’ve created. It’s for that reason, I’ll continue spending all my money and time on it. Because quite frankly, is there anything more wonderful than the shrieking of a child being chased by a rabid lumberjack? Ask their parents, I think they enjoy it more than I do.

Beggars on the side of the road. People using their childhood as a crutch. Alcoholics and drug addicts. People who are too lazy to get a job. This was part of my “things I hate about people” list. My outlook on life was tainted. “I have every reason to be just like them” I would tell myself. “I had a rough childhood, probably worse than some of you” I thought. I hated how weak I thought some people were. That was until Andi, my niece came to live with my wife and me. Like mine, her father was a waste of space. After years of abuse, alcoholism, drugs and being fired from every job he had, her mother finally left him. It was a sudden, unexpected move which left her and her siblings homeless. My wife and I invited them all to live with us which worked out because it was nice to have company. So, for us, adjusting to the new living circumstance was easy but, understandably, they struggled with it. They just couldn’t shake the feeling of being a burden on us. I tried to make them feel “at home” as best I could. I ate dinner at the table with them every night we talked about school and work and life. I tried to show them a good time. We’d go to the dollar store, buy as much candy as we could muster and binge watch horror movies. I took Desmond, her brother, rock climbing, and we’d play XBOX all day. I’d take Andi and her sister, Pearl, shopping and regrettably, I’d watch Glow Up, a girly make-up and fashion show, with them. One day, we were at the dinner table and Andi asked me “why are you trying so hard to get us to like you?” I had to ponder that one for a minute. “The truth Andi,” I responded, “is I grew up with a lot of the same issues you have. I had one worthless, drunk, abusive father after another, we were broke and it was always a struggle. But some of the best memories I have are with my uncle. He used to take me to Vegas with my cousins, not to gamble but to watch the shows and lights. He taught me to SCUBA. He took me fishing and hiking. He made sure that I got to experience enjoyable things. And there’s a lot of them if your given the opportunity. He is my favorite person because of that, and I just want you to have some of those experiences too.” Since then, I’ve come to realize that yes, my childhood was harder than most, but I always had my uncle to show me how great the world can be. And maybe he’s the reason I didn’t become a Beggar or an alcoholic drug addict. It truly is funny, the curveballs life throws. Had we not invited them to live with us, I would have never developed a relationship with Andi and my tainted outlook may have never changed. That “beggar” on the corner is just a person who maybe went through some things, like me, but didn’t have that uncle to help when he needed him. And that’s just it, sometimes people just need to be given a chance to see how beautiful this world really can be and if we all just pitch in a little bit, stop looking at people in disgust and help, the world could be even more beautiful than it already is.