Being a first-generation college student has meant more to me than I could have anticipated, especially since my mom passed earlier this year. She is the one who initially pushed me to go to college when, as a typical teenager, I had absolutely no desire to attend. Going to college has allowed me to discover my values in life and find a career that is meaningful and fulfilling. The emotions behind this journey have been complex and often contradictory. I have vacillated between optimism and accomplishment to trepidation and discouragement in the decade since (and between) degrees. Uncertainty and self-doubt have been present, especially since my mom passed, although I also know for a fact that she was proud of me for enrolling in a PhD program prior to her passing, and would continue to voice pride in and support me in this academic journey. This scholarship would be enormously beneficial, as it would provide the funds for the remainder of my PhD in the Counselor and Supervision program I am currently enrolled in and allow me to avoid taking out loans (and paying them back with interest). My dream is to complete a PhD, potentially design a research project to enhance clinical outcomes for counselors working with female survivors of domestic violence/intimate partner violence. After that, I could continue conducting research and transition into an adjunct, part-time, or full-time teaching position, in addition to my clinical responsibilities. My dream is to start teaching and supervising the next generation of counselors. Building on that, and assuming a positive outcome from my (currently very rough working idea of a ) dissertation, I hope to develop and refine a training to empower female survivors of intimate partner violence/domestic violence. This is a serious epidemic that I have learned male counselors often feel uncomfortable or unqualified to work with this population. If I can assist other counselors in working with a population I am incredibly passionate about, the time, anxiety, and yes, cost of a PhD is worth it. Working at a university could also benefit my son, who is currently five, should he want to enroll at that institution, as he would theoretically be eligible for a tuition discount and could start adult life without the disadvantage of (as much in) student loans. My journey in the PhD program will continue. The current plan is to graduate in December 2029. After that, everything becomes uncertain, except that my family will be there, and that my mom will be proud.

The inspiration for me to become a teacher consists of two parts: a what and a who. The "what" is my experience as a Licensed Professional Counselor-Supervisor (LPC-S). Part of working as an LPC-S is inherently teaching-oriented. I teach my supervisees about theoretical orientations that may be implemented in their practice. I teach them how to work with patients who are inherently resistant. I teach them to identify and work through their own biases. Being an LPC-S has also allowed opportunities to teach. I have previously worked as an adjunct professor for a university, teaching the Practicum and Internship I courses in their clinical mental health counseling program. In addition to effectively having weekly group supervision, they submitted recordings that I watched and gave detailed feedback on. I would also provide instruction on the counselor licensure exam. The "who" is my own wife. She is a high school teacher who teaches APUSH and AP World History. She was the teacher of the year at her now former district. She participates in fundraisers to fund a group trip to Washington, D.C. She spends a little over one week in the summer grading APUSH or AP World History exams. She opted to complete the extra work to become an NBCT (National Board Certified Teacher), which allows her to transfer her teaching license to any state should we move. Her passion for the subject matter is inspiring and makes me wish I had more teachers like her when I was in high school. She genuinely sees teaching as the serious career it is and treats it as such. While she often tells me not to work in education, she is an exemplary educator with a breadth of experience to draw on for inspiration. As for how I would use my experiences to inspire others, that is also largely three-fold. I would continue not only to draw on my experience as a counselor supervisor but also to gain additional education and experience to enhance my teaching abilities. Being an LPC-S does not appear to be common in university settings. This gives me unique experiences that I would bring to the institution and my students. With a PhD, I can apply for traditional professor roles and have more opportunities to pursue adjunct work. I hope that my passion for the counseling profession bleeds into my teaching and inspires my students. I also come from a home that was effectively single-parent until the sixth grade, after which it was a single-parent home, and that home was also low-income. That could also be an inspiration to students who come from similar backgrounds, that they can break generational cycles. The last part that I hope would be inspiring is my pending research and dissertation. My working idea for a dissertation involves improving the therapeutic relationship and treatment outcomes for women who are survivors of intimate partner violence (IPV) or domestic violence (DV). The research I have been reading consistently notes a clear and consistent need for additional education, research, and training, and I hope to design a study or project to help address that need, even a little bit. If successful, the results can inspire future generations in their work with these incredible survivors.

Cancer has affected much of my family, and can go to hell. Most recently, my (half) brother and I lost our dad to esophageal cancer. It was about 3-4 weeks between diagnosis and death. His death impacted my brother harder. Due to the location, my brother was the one who was there for appointments, in the hospital, and received the call that dad had died. My brother did a lot over the years to help dad, such as getting him a job, as the Social Security dad earned did not go far. Dad's death impacted me as I have since reflected on the lack of a relationship we had. I can remember the last time we spoke, but how many years that has been is less clear, maybe about 8-10. I put a boundary down after he asked me for money to pay a debt (that was owed to my brother). His death made me question that decision, but too late. Because I set such a firm boundary, my dad never met his only grandson The second most recent is with my mom, who my (half) brother also calls mom, since she helped raise him. About two years ago, she was diagnosed with colorectal cancer. She initially refused treatment as she lost a brother to a similar GI cancer. After accepting that her options were essentially chemo or death, she started chemo and was in remission for about one year. The cancer recently returned and metastasized to at least one lymph node. She is back on chemo, but the presence of cancer in at least one lymph node is very concerning. I also have durable medical power of attorney in the event she is unable to make decisions. God help me if I have to make a decision to end life-saving (or prolonging) treatment. I know that is her wish, but that would hardly ease the guilt. As mentioned in the above paragraph, I also lost an uncle to cancer. That had the biggest impact on his mom. We all know the expression, "No parent should bury their child." Words cannot describe the look on her face. I have also lost multiple uncles on my dad's side due to various cancers. The last family member that I am aware of is my maternal grandfather, who I believe died due to lung cancer from asbestos. Mom never spoke much about him, but given that she was 39 at the time, I have to assume it had an impact. I know my risk of cancer is high due to my family history. That gives my life some agency. I am 41 years old as of this writing. I have an almost 5-year-old son. I recently started a PhD in Counselor Education and Supervision. There is a very real chance my mom will not be alive when I graduate in (hopefully) 4 years. All the deaths from cancer in my family have shifted my perspective away from making life about reputation and money, and instead about relationships and education. Cancer does not define my family, nor will it define me. Both sides of my family have good people from various walks of life, from a stay-at-home mom to a city garbage collector. My family will define me. My work as an LPC-S and counselor educator will define me.

Intimate partner violence (IPV) and domestic violence (DV) are global epidemics. I hope to earn a PhD in Counselor Education and Supervision (CES) for a variety of reasons consistent across the CACREP domains. The domains are counseling, supervision, teaching, research and scholarship, and leadership and advocacy. While I am taking the first courses, I am already gaining an understanding of the dissertation process and how research and my dissertation will pertain to all of these domains. Advanced coursework in counseling theory can enhance my clinical skills. The time I have spent searching and reviewing scholarly literature has already impacted my clinical practice. Continuing in the program should further improve my counseling abilities. While I am an approved supervisor (LPC-S) in my state of practice, the coursework for advanced supervision practices can enhance my skills and knowledge base as a supervisor, and, in theory, the professional growth and development of my supervisees. Improving the quality of supervision for my supervisees can lead to better patient outcomes. Teaching is one area where a PhD can have a more significant impact. A PhD in CES opens many proverbial doors in academia, allowing for potential full-time teaching or adjunct teaching, as most positions require a PhD or for the applicant to be within one year of finishing a PhD. Teaching will allow me to help shape the next generation of counselors, especially as I transition out of clinical work over the next two or so decades. Research and scholarship is another area where PhD coursework has significant current and long-term implications. My ideas will continue to be guided and altered over time based on coursework and literature to come. Still, my working idea is to identify deficits in the literature with male mental health professionals (MHPs) working with female survivors of IPV or DV. I will then design a research product that will ideally improve the ability of male MHPs to work with these survivors. Assuming the desired outcome, more males can work with this population, enhancing their access to services and quality of life. Some early feedback suggests this could lead to the development of curricula, which is simultaneously exciting and terrifying. Leadership and advocacy is the last CACREP area and, like teaching, research, and scholarship before it, another one where a significant impact can be made. The literature I have reviewed has often found that advocacy in working with survivors of IPV and DV enhances outcomes. Identifying and implementing strategies to improve advocacy throughout the research has implications for all the CACREP domains identified above. While certainly not the point of any study or of pursuing a PhD, the thought of being a pioneer in a field that empowers a disenfranchised population is thrilling. Time spent viewing and critiquing the literature has established that IPV is a global epidemic. Any ethical and legal means to help stem the tide is an undertaking not just worth undertaking, but deserves to be undertaken. In summary, I am pursuing a PhD in CES to enhance my counseling and supervision skills, open new doors to teaching the next generation of counselors, and engage in research to improve the quality of life for female survivors of IPV and DV by exploring education and training for male MHPs. This population deserves more attention, and I hope that, over the course of the program, I can narrow my research to do just that.

I am a first-generation college student in my family, and what higher bar can be set than striving for, or preferably earning, a PhD? While my dad recently passed, he would, without a doubt, be proud. My mom, while around and doing well for being 80, would either be proud or would have been proud. I know that is morbid, but such is nature. Enough about me, and on to the work I hope to accomplish! I have four angles to consider in terms of the positive impact I hope to make on the world, both while pursuing a PhD in Counselor Education and Supervision (CES) and after: counseling, education, supervision, and research. The first angle is the counseling side of the CES. While I have been licensed since 2014 (currently a Licensed Professional Counselor-Supervisor, or LPC-S), the PhD program has coursework designed to further enhance my clinical skills. Ideally, this translates to improved treatment outcomes, shorter treatment durations, and will enhance my ability to work with more diverse populations. The second angle is the education part of the CES program. Traditional coursework, as well as experiential (practicum and two internships) courses, will include at least some experience in an educational setting, likely working as an adjunct faculty member for one or more universities, teaching graduate-level psychology and/or counseling courses to aspiring licensed counselors. I am at a point in my career where I have not only taken an interest in the educational side, but have also worked as an adjunct faculty for three semesters. Having a PhD in CES opens more doors to adjunct or full-time work to educate the future generation of counselors. The third angle is, as you can guess by this point, the supervision angle. While I have been approved by the state of Arkansas to supervise Licensed Associate Counselors (LACs), further education and training in supervision can enhance my supervisory abilities, theoretically translating to increasing the efficacy and competency of my supervisees, and treatment outcomes for their patients (I know the accepted term is "client," but I prefer "patient" as "client" implies as relationship that is purely financially transactional, whereas "patient" implies healthcare). The fourth and final angle is the research that will be part of the dissertation process. While it is certainly too early to say what will transpire, as I am only in my second semester, my hope is to design a study, write, and successfully defend a dissertation over the topic of, as was written by the professor, Dr. Lotes Nelson, "What factors influence female survivors’ willingness to engage in counseling with a male mental health professional?" In Layman's terms, are there specific, albeit potentially unidentified, benefits as a man working with female survivors of domestic and/or sexual abuse that can improve treatment outcomes? Working with female survivors is the population with whom I am most passionate. My hope is to publish a dissertation that not only explores this area but also opens the doors for future research and improves treatment outcomes globally. I would like to extend my thanks in advance to the committee/individuals reviewing this essay. The journey that I am currently on is a rather scary one. In the end, my hope is that the coursework and proper degree will mold me into a better counselor, educator, supervisor (CES, right?) and researcher.