I grew up in the 80's and remember my dad watched a lot of war movies especially ones that were about the Vietnam war. While I knew my dad went to war to "fight bad guys" I didn't fully understand what that meant. My dad told a lot of war stories to anyone that would listen and would talk of certain memories like they just happened. I heard these stories a lot and with each time I could see the "young youthful Soldier" he once was. There was one particular month of the year that was always particularly bad. This one month of the year marked the anniversary of the death of a friend my dad served with in Vietnam. This particular incident caused what I categorize as very severe PTSD. On one occasion I received a phone call from my mother who was frantic and crying. She told me my dad had been drinking, was in trouble and needed to come home quickly. When I arrived home the inside of the house was completely destroyed. I found my dad low crawling on the floor and called out to him. He responded back with "Mr. Hargrove, get down there are VC in the grass". I tried to snap him out of it but the thought that I could be mistaken as an "enemy" ran through my mind and was afraid for my life. It was about that time when the police arrived. Six police officers could barely control him and restrain him. I remember hearing him threaten to kill them as they placed him in a police car. I tell this story because the PTSD I got from being in Afghanistan was very different from what my dad had. I never realized I had PTSD until the first Fourth of July after my last deployment. When the first firework went off, I jumped and continued to jump with every firework that went off and had an instant headache that remained throughout the night. I never sought help or treatment because I didn't want it to affect my career or promotion even though we were told it wouldn't. No one really trusts the government. I still to this day can't get myself to go to the VA because of this deep distrust that stems from seeing what my dad went through to get the help that he was often denied. What I have learned is that no one PTSD case is the same as another. Everyone experiences differing symptoms. While the type of experience or severity of the experience plays a role it boils down to the individual person. The treatment (if there is such a thing) is as varying as the persons experience. While a service animal may help one person that probably will not work for someone else for example. I don't know that my experience could help another veteran because it goes back to everyone deals with it differently and requires individualized treatment. My PTSD gave me severe anger issues. Its like a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde version of me that I have to put forth a lot of effort to contain and fear what could happen if I ever can't contain it.

I am a retired Army veteran. I served from July 1996- October 2019. When I joined the Army in 1996 it was to follow in my dad's footsteps and to do something that was bigger than me. I attended basic training and advanced individual training at Fort Sill Oklahoma where I earned my military occupational specialty (MOS) as a Forward Observer. After graduation I was stationed at Schofield Barracks Hi. assigned to the 25th Infantry Division, 2nd Bn 11 Field Artillery (On Time Battalion). After three years I departed the Army and worked as a Correctional Officer for the state of Nevada. Upon the observance of 9/11 I felt compelled to serve once again and reenlisted as Military Police (MP). I attended recertification training to earn the MOS as a MP at Fort Leonard Wood Missouri. After graduation I received orders to Fort Eustis Virgina and was assigned to 221st MP Detachment. During my time at Fort Eustis the 202nd MP company was formed to support the Global War on Terror. I was transferred to the 202nd MP Company and held the position of Team Leader. From 2004 -2005 the 202nd MP company deployed to Afghanistan in support of Operation Enduring Freedom. Upon returning from Afghanistan, I received orders to Fort Hood and was assigned to Special Troops Battalion, 3rd Brigade, 1st Infantry Division (The Big Red One) in 2007 holding the position of Squad Leader. In 2008-2009 the Brigade received orders to Afghanistan. During this deployment I received a Bronze Star Medal which is the highest medal I received throughout my career. After my return from Afghanistan the entire Brigade was moved to Fort Knox Kentucky, and I received orders to go with the Brigade to assist with the move. In 2011-2012 the Brigade received orders to deploy to Afghanistan. This deployment was the most dangerous of my deployments. The Combat Outpost we were at was attacked regularly and I often wonder how I left there unscathed after machine gun fire hit all around me and being hit by an IED while in a MRAP (Mine Resistant Ambush Protected) vehicle just to name a couple occasions. Upon returning from Afghanistan for a third time I received orders to Fort Leavenworth KS and was assigned to the 500th MP detachment. During my time there I was assigned as a Desk Sergeant and as the Lead Investigator for Military Police Investigations. After three years at Fort Leavenworth, I received orders for Joint Base Lewis-McChord Washington where I was assigned to the 189th Infantry Brigade. I was assigned to the Brigade Engineer Battalion as an Observer, Coach/Trainer. In 2019 I submitted my request for retirement and departed the Army and now reside in Texas. My educational goal is to earn my degree in Cybersecurity, and I see myself working in the Cybersecurity field upon graduation.