Hello! My name is Brenna, and I am a student pursuing a doctorate in psychology. Growing up, I had many issues with my mental health, including depression, anxiety, symptoms of autism, and suicidal thoughts. It was rough for many years, living with a mind that was set on its own destruction. I stopped reaching out, and wouldn't talk to my family about how I felt. I was a walking corpse. It was only after getting medication did things get better. I learned to communicate with others, and finally allow myself to talk about what bothered me, even feeling safe enough to accept my identity and come out as bisexual to my parents who, like me, are very christian. While this is simply a summary of the past and the situations i dealt with, it made me think about others who might be going through what I went through. I had a happy home, a happy childhood; no one would think I was suicidal unless I spoke out. How many of our youth struggle with the same thing, in worse conditions then what I was exposed to? How many feel forced to hide their identity for fear of being hurt, or worse That is when I decided to pursue a career to help those like little me. The human mind is fascinating. So much so that we barely understand all it can do. Clinical psychology is a career where not only could you do research into prevalent mental illnesses, but you can also reach out as a counselor and caregiver for the people. You can help people find treatment for issues they likely had for many years. You can be a listening ear, a steady hand, and a warm hug all to people who might never have had such kindness. You can help them find strength in weakness, and security in chaos. With the rise of mental illness in the nation, we need therapists, counselors, and psychologists more than ever before. I want to fill the role as a doctor and guide to those who need it, to be a safe place to all people no matter their background, and be a role model for those of the LGBTQ+ community as well as those in the Autism community. I personally have yet to meet a doctor from those communities, much less both, but no matter how hard I have to work, I will complete this goal and help those who fight alone find peace. Thank you for your time. -Brenna

Growing up, I was happy. The perfect family, friends, and grades (most of the time) but once I reached the age of twelve, I knew something was... off. One night, while playing quietly in my room, a thought crossed my mind to take my sculpting tools, sharp blades or needles, and stab out my eye. I was terrified. I didn't want to hurt myself! But as the days went by, it only got worse, and worse. I can't remember much of the year I was thirteen, but one thing I do recall was a numbness through my head, my body. I didn't feel pain, joy, sadness; I felt nothing at all. I refused to tell my parents for years, because what would they think? What would they say? What would they do once they knew their smiling little girl was dying on the inside? Would they treat me different? Would I be loved? Rejected? Treated as a fragile vase on the shelf? Or as a shattered piece of pottery... They didn't need to know the ways I was struggling, because they had enough to deal with already. I remember moments from that time, though barely, of how much pain I was in, how little my mind refused to feel, and kick myself at how silly I was. What I needed was help, and I was too stubborn to see it, to stubborn to ask. The second I reached out to those who i knew loved me, I was given the chance to get care, medication, and therapy to help me feel, to be human again. I sit here now, though imperfect, a human who has healed, if only a little. Every day, I grow a little stronger, standing, striding, taking steps forward to a better me... but as I grow, I look around my world and see dozens of people living in the same pain I felt, the pain I feel, and I can't help but hurt for them. If I had a chance for care, why shouldn't they? Why should I be healed while they rest in pain? Why should I be okay when it's clear they aren't? I decided years ago what path I would take, to educate myself in mental health and psychology. I now work towards a doctorate in psychology, to be a clinical psychologist and help people in the underprivileged community of my state, to be the help I received long ago.

@theraven9844

When I was twelve, I experienced my first suicidal thought. I was scared, it felt like I was attacking myself. I was diagnosed with depression, and later major anxiety disorder, and the years that followed only got worse. I wanted to kill myself, and I didn't know what I was doing wrong. Was this me? Was I the one causing this?... would anyone even miss me? It was my father and mother who helped me out of this pit, supporting and loving me more than I ever felt I deserved. They fueled my passions, listened when I came to them, found me good doctors who helped me, and told me about what worked for them whenever their mental illness got bad. They saved me, and gave me hope when I had nothing left. If God hadn't given me them as parents, I wouldn't be alive to write this. It took time to recover, and the hurdles never really go away, but my parents supported me, and taught me about their childhoods. Mental health is a highly stigmatized field, and hard to find care for in my home state. Many people who are or were just like me die every day, and nobody bats an eye, and I refuse to stand here and pretend this isn't an issue. As I write, I am currently pursuing a bachelor's in Psychology, and plan to continue until I have my PsyD in clinical psychology, and a practice here in West Virginia. Unfortunately, I don't have a mass amount of wealth. Neither of my parents were able to earn their degrees, and It was only recently I managed to get hired for a minimum wage job on my campus. I want to pursue this career, but without a way to pay for classes, and with the minimum degree i need to practice in a clinical setting is a masters, I worry that I won't be able to pursue this career path as quickly as I'd like to, if at all. I want to help as many people as I can, but I really need help to do that. Thank you for taking the time to read my story, and possibly considering me for this scholarship. My heart goes out to the family of Mila and sharon. If I am or not selected for this scholarship, I promise to the Kohute family I work with any and all strength I bear to pursue this path, and give care, hope, and love to the people who live and die battling the struggles of their mind. Thank you, Brenna.

Hello! My name is Brenna Nowlin. I'm a student at Shepherd University and, while currently studying for a Bachelor's in Psychology, plan to pursue a PsyD. Something about stories has always interested me. I enjoy writing fantasies and creating digital paintings when not in class or studying. You can make the most simple or complex aspects of an entirely different world, which comes from minor portions of the brain. The human mind is the world's greatest mystery, and we continue to learn and grow with every single moment. Complicated structures have always fascinated me, whether a biological system, something mechanic or ideas found in novels or dreams. If it were a puzzle, I would want to solve it. I want to work and find out how our minds work, how the body and environment interact with the brain, and even someday find solutions to helping people with mental illness. I've dealt with depression and anxiety for years and know somewhat what does and doesn't help. I've found healing in a diagnosis, medication, and some calming practices, but I also have parents who understand me. So, what about those who don't have access to care or an understanding family? What about the kids like me who go undiagnosed, who are told to "get over it?" I won't stand idle while teens, going through the same thing I did, kill themselves, and call themselves hopeless and unloved. Over the years, I have gained a lot of empathy and found I have a knack for kindness. I know how to listen, and I've been able to use these skills to help people in my own life. One friend of mine has been through more than I've ever known, but I choose to stay because I know if they need me, I'm there. If I can learn everything I can about psychology, I know I could help many more people who need help and be there for them as best as possible. I want to help as many people as possible and work to help them through any issues in their life. I want to be there for the people who say they're not loved, the people who are misunderstood for simply having an illness of the mind, and those who live every day wondering if they're okay. My name is Brenna Nowlin, and this is what I choose to do for my life.

I was born with anxiety and depression, and homeschooled my entire life. I couldn't play or be wild and crazy like normal kids. Life was terrifying! And everything only got worse as I grew. I became a hermit, staying in my rooms for hours, sometimes staying in my bed far past morning. It was comforting, secure, safe. I was tired of comfortable, I wanted to feel something other than fear! I felt it my entire life, so I needed to find something different. I tried going out on my own, one foot at a time. It wasn't easy, and I found myself backpeddling just as much as I went forward. But... I did it. I was growing, I was happy, I felt free... until I went rolling far back downhill. I went too far, and opened myself to a relationship. I thought it would be good for me, but it only made me hurt myself more. I was so broken and tired of the world. I nearly jumped off a ledge one night. But, we can't live life standing still, not when we have people who care so much for us, even when we may not realize it. So, I kept walking. I kept going through my life one step at a time, slowly going faster, taking stronger strides. My mistakes may have broken me, but I looked, and I could see myself healing again. I survived, and I lived. Even when faced with another relationship ending sour, I didn't break. My adversity makes me stronger and wiser, so when I face it again, I know with confidence I'm ready. I survived this world so far... but others couldn't take it anymore. I'm not alone as a survivor with depression and anxiety, nor am I the youngest to think of suicide. By the grace of God, I was alive, but others couldn't handle it... so I thought of ways to fix it. The rate of teenage suicide is higher than ever before, and many kids take their lives being told they don't matter. I may be one woman, but I will do everything I can to show them they matter. I will become a doctor of psychology, and I will reach out and help as many folk as I can to lessen the death toll suicide has on us. To show them they are loved, and they are not broken, but truly beautiful. And, I won't stop till I save as many lives as possible. Brenna, 2022.

I had my first suicidal thought at age twelve. One minute, I was playing, and the next I wanted to stab my own eye out with sculpting tools. I was scared, and I didn't know why I wanted to hurt myself so badly. The problem was when It only got worse from there. I wanted to slit my wrists, cut my arteries, and jump from the balcony. I was too scared to tell anyone because I knew things would change. My parents told me time and time again how much they loved my joy; how I could find anything good in the world. What would happen if they found out their daughter wanted to kill herself? I was never happy, just getting used to putting on a smile for the people I loved... it continued until I was sixteen. I was sick of it, I wanted something to change, anything! So, I finally told them. I was relieved when they said they knew all along. I was anxious, fearful, and I couldn't hide that side very well. I can't remember exacts, but when i found that my parents suffered from it too, I felt so free. Finally! I couldn't get some help! I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety, and I was given medication. It was the first time I felt strong enough to turn out the light at night, without fear of the monsters under my bed. I could share my beliefs without fear of death, have fun without the belief of harm. I was finally free... but what about others? What about all of the little boys and girls waking up to find their minds trying to kill themselves, who are too scared to take down the mask and say "I need help." What of all the people of the world silently crying behind their doors every single night asking "why me?" What about the people like me? I was always fascinated by complex things, finding every switch and button on a toy since I was one, removing the baby guards on door handles before simply placing them back on, and even stumping my father as I typed the password to his computer as a child. Truth be told even I don't remember how I did that. I love to figure out the complex of the world and find every piece in a puzzle until it all clicked to life. Why couldn't I put it to use? Why couldn't I help those dealing with mental illness and help their brains click into an ally? And so, here I am, working in college to become a psychologist, and learn as much as I can about people and their mind. Working to help them from the demons we carry, and give them a second chance in this life. Hi, my name is Brenna Nowlin, and I will do everything I can to become a doctor in psychology, and help as people with mental illness.

I always try to treat others with kindness, whether that be opening the door for others, to being an ear to hear and listen to their stories or fears. As a young woman living with mental illness, It was hard not knowing what to do or having an outlet to go to when it began. I found I was able to help others when I spoke with them about their worries, offering comfort to them and helping them gain a little bit of peace. That is why I want to pursue psychology, to help others who may be going through the same situations, and perhaps help them grow to enjoy life a little bit more.