Of all the challenges, heartaches, and horrors in our world, a middle schooler will somehow focus on the one of least consequence, whether it be their romantic failures, social failures, or failure to find the right outfit. These were all thoughts that once plagued my mind. But as I’ve grown and faced my mental illness I now know how to widen my gaze. In middle school I would lose all my friendships over one argument, that I can’t even completely blame on the other parties involved. Worse yet it was over something as trivial as a party and a misunderstanding on social media, but when you’re twelve it’s easy to be a victim, and just as easy to let that victim mindset consume you. Until two years have passed by in an emotional blur, and you realize that every opportunity for joy and friendship has passed by like a cloud on a windy day. All because I was too focused on the most negative and empty parts of my life. I went from angry at the world, to angry at myself. When you’re so focused on being right or trying to be happy you lose confidence and the drive you once had in school.  I didn’t even realize I was in a self-deprecating loop. It was my parents who were there to tell me that what I was feeling, isn’t how normal human beings are supposed to function. By listening to the perspectives of the people wo loved me, I saw that my sadness ran deeper than just lost friendships. I had spent my whole life leading up to it wanting to make people smile and want me close at any cost. But now that I had lost those friends and my confidence who was I existing for? Sophomore year I was able to finally just let these thoughts and feelings out without burden, and reveal the emotions that had been shoved to the back of my mind. Over time I was able to start focusing on the things that made me happy, not just the things that caused me pain. One day it was a sunset that captured my attention, the next it was the smell of a home-cooked meal. Then the part of me that had been left behind in seventh grade came back. But I was stronger, I still found myself in those low moments, but I had learned how to survive and grow as a person. Friendships could bloom without fear of rejection, I loved openly and not from a distance. I learned that the journey of self love doesn't come from focusing inward, but shifting my eyes to the beauty of the world around me, seeing my own beauty reflected in all the life moving around me. I’ll never regret the time I lost, because I know that it was necessary for my growth as a sister, daughter, and friend. I now have a close group of friends I found through the arts and other activities I find passion for. We have travelled the country together, every day I adore them and love them even more. Through that love I am finding my way back to myself.

My whole life I have been a part of the church. Church school and Sunday lunches have always been an important part of my life, and a time where I’ve been able to connect to my community. But only in the past couple of years when dealing with mental emotional struggles, have I been able to truly connect to the Holy Spirit, and allow it to guide me to a more meaningful future. I have always been a creative mind, and someone with a strong passion for the arts. But besides that, I’m also someone who is very passionate about helping those who are less fortunate than I. Me and my family often volunteer at our local community table, but it often feels that the people who rely on the food are neglected by the rest of the world. In the future, I want to pursue a career in writing, so that I can blend my love for creativity and the arts, with my passion for helping others. Through writing, I would like to do journalism and creative writing that speaks to issues such as homelessness, poverty, social injustice, and worldwide feminist problems. After much praying over the past couple of years, I feel that this is the way God has intended me to make the difference. I don’t know how successful I will be in my career, but I know that by writing about the previously mentioned issues, I will have the chance to reach out and inspire more people to make a real difference for those in need. But that does not mean I will stop volunteering my own time to making the world a better place. Like my parents, I believe it is my responsibility as someone who has grown up with privilege to donate what I have to those in need. This is just another part of our faith, and some the Catholic community has continuously inspired us to do. The world won’t change overnight because of what I donate or what I write, but I know that if I inspire other young people, and other people with the same privileges as me, I can create a ripple, much larger than myself. Those are the aspects of writing, and faith that inspire me every day. The way they impact, and lift up people not just in your life, but those who read and listen to what you have to say. even strangers can hear your words, and be motivated to go forth into the world and make it a little bit of a better place for everybody to live.

I fell in love with the arts when I was eight years old, but it wasn’t after watching an incredible play or hearing a perfect ensemble sing on the radio. I fell in love with the arts after ten minutes of watching the masterpiece that is the 2004 movie rendition of The Phantom of the Opera. The aesthetics, the humor, the struggles, all the strange and talented people behind the curtains, the world of creativity called out to me in a way that I couldn’t help but answer. I was a little kid obsessed with a movie, but even today as I approach adulthood I still feel a sense of coming home when I restart that movie once again. Though later that year I would realize art is not always the spectacle of beauty it is made out to be on camera. I auditioned for my first community theater play, A Christmas Carol, and right away I was terrified. So many adults and other young kids were all trying to be a part of the same show, there was so much talent and respect in that room, but the fear of embarrassment was palpable. Not only was the energy not what I had anticipated, but the environment wasn’t exactly the Palais Garnier. All the auditions and rehearsals were held in a dimly lit basement/studio. Not exactly what I had imagined, but that didn’t change the fact that seeing that cast list with my name on it felt like winning the lottery. I would perform on a real stage, in real costumes, and it was only the beginning. Going forward I would continue to be a part of many fun and character building experiences via theater. In middle school and highschool I was a part of around 15 productions. Relationships I built in rehearsals were kept strong for years, even surviving in a global pandemic, when everyone's morale and mental health in the theater world were at an all time low. Teenage years are awkward and often very confusing, but whenever I was able to be in rehearsal, perform on a large stage, or write my own one act plays, I wasn’t confused, I wasn’t an awkward teen, I was a steady force of nature and my creative space was the only place that existed. It never mattered if I was a lead in a play or a backup singer in an ensemble, it all meant so much to me. But during High school I wanted to seek deeper connection in the world of the arts, particularly the acting and writing side of them so that I could maybe use my words to inspire next generations to be a part of the arts, and also spread ideas and inspiration through the art of creative language. But that’s difficult to do, when high school tends to lead kids towards careers in mathematics and science, which, of course, are very useful and necessary for our society. But as a creative person, it makes it difficult to feel passionate about your education when it doesn’t reflect how you want to impact the world. That is why I am so excited to be attending a liberal arts College that many of my own family members have attended. I will be able to pursue what I love and make a real difference in the arts community without being weighed down by classes that don’t connect with me individually. Then, one day, I will be able to look back at my younger self, and tell her we get to live our dream.