I am a wallflower, a misfit, someone out of the ordinary.
Budding from a country where my skin tone was the majority race to being in an atmosphere that praised individuals who spoke and looked nothing like me, was a struggle I didn’t think I could face.
Time and time again, I dreaded high school attendance. It always went like this:
“Mark.” “Here.”
“Megan.” “Here.”
“Maddy.” “Here.”
“Ti...t...Tey...Tami...lo...lu...wa.”
That single sheet of attendance ruined the little confidence I had.
I hated that my name caused such a wide disparity and interrupted the flow of “normal” white names.
I kept running away from who I genuinely was because I could not escape the box. I was trapped. The box hovered over my line of vision and prevented me from knowing where I belonged. So I kept running instead.
Shifting between my culture and not embodying the stereotypical black girl, I neither got the references nor slangs that made one “black” or “white.” Why venture out when I could remain in my faithful box? I poked two holes in the box, eager to see the world around me and who I could be one day.
I am like clay, easily groomed as I absorbed more than I could withstand. I observed my surroundings, mirroring what worked, and discarding what didn’t. I took, and took until I realized I couldn’t do anything else but take. Thus, I soaked up the perfect American accent, what clothes would bring attention to me, and how my hair should look. I believed it was wrong to be me. I thought that people viewed me as incompetent and strange. After all, I looked, spoke, and dressed differently.
Hence why I was trying hard to appear like everyone else. I believed that my heritage and upbringing were like sand compared to the concrete American lifestyle, which consisted of clothes, money, cars, and popularity. People would come up to me and say, “Wow, I love your accent,” and never talk to me again the next day. Immediately, I thought to myself, “Dang it! I failed...” I had been discovered as different yet again.
What held me back?
I am an empty can, and my culture is my sound—my blueprint. People hear that sound before they see me. I am ashamed of that sound because it’s loud and proud. With each step, the slink of the can sends out echoes, welcoming my presence before I even utter a word. I envied those without the sound. Those who maintained their grip on life, and showed what they only wanted to show. For so long, I had idolized these individuals, I wanted to embody who they were fundamentally.
I began to be ashamed of where I came from and who I was. It was the little remarks like, “Did you live in the jungle?” or “Did you see lions every day?” that made me feel like I needed to mask my sound. I needed to cover every inclination of African culture to be noticed by my peers.
The answer was my blackness…
Layer after layer, my sound drowned under the padding. I shortened my name, put on my best American voice, and created a person that I could no longer recognize, but the sound reminded me of its existence. It vibrated through the warmth of the padding and shook my core. I leaned side to side as I walked, unsure of when my armor would rip, and the sound would reveal itself once more. I created a person who took on the souls of those around me and molded the personalities I observed, as my own.
I am like a stray dog, cheerful and potent, but also one that lacks direction and stability. During the day, I am happiest. Barking loudly and licking strangers with glee, but at night I cower in fear.
Consequently, I surrounded myself with shallow friendships, joined organizations where I felt excluded, and overanalyzed how my actions would come across to strangers who didn’t even know how to pronounce my name. Like a stray dog, I longed for the sharp rays of the sun to chase the stillness of the night and my dark thoughts away.
My reserved nature led me to depend on conversations in my head rather than with other people. The little voice in my head, telling me to push my brother in the pool or the intricate ways my mind picked apart love, family, and death.
No matter the persona, I was still me. I may not fit into the ample categories of life, but I am my own subset.
Taking my first ever AP psychology class, my teacher showed me how little I knew about myself and the common characteristics we humans unconsciously express daily. I marveled at how she explained how the body tries to maintain its optimal level of functioning and how that differed in heightened situations. I loved learning new words and phrases and the subtlety in which they had laid dormant in my life until now. Coupling these interests with my love of neuroscience and public health, my AP psychology teacher inspired me to pursue a career in Psychiatry; to help others discover the root of their raging minds and how they can act for and against our bodies under certain conditions.
Not just that, but I want to welcome more black and brown families to the idea of therapy and actively seeking mental improvement. There needs to be more black and brown representation in the mental health and medical field. Thus, I want to break down the walls of the mental health stigma and become a person that another person of color can relate to. I want to teach others, especially young black adults, that they do not need to bend or mold themselves into the perceived price of beauty or that seeking mental help makes you weak or undeserving.
Regardless of one’s name, sexuality, gender, age, disability or race, let us think like we are our own subset.